http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102483156/in/photostream/

dying alone, dining alone. bring it on.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101875349/in/photostream/

i’m so melanie griffith in working girl here. all i need are white reeboks and puffy socks.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102469924/in/photostream/

and a lisp.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101876495/in/photostream/

i went to globe bistro last nite to wine dine and 69 myself. how annoying would it be if i said “it’s a living” in that shitty way? what’s the stupid blog movie about cooking? did it flop? my blog movie would be me in restaurants being snarky. snoozefest. actually i bet you could make an epic stoner foodie movie, or eating show for stoners. it doesn’t matter what you see on tv that gets you going cos whatever’s in your kitchen is all you got to work with and i highly doubt you’ve got smoked elk marinating. nice try though.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101876775/in/photostream/

this place is gorgeous and expansive. it actually used to be a bowling alley and has the longest length dining footprint on the danforth. they are winning.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101877041/in/photostream/

they are also awarded most looks like a jellyfish lamp in the city. second place is mitzi’s.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102471448/in/photostream/

reminds me of that scene from the shining when jack nicholson sits at the bar and talks to the imaginary tender. haunted in a good way.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101877781/in/photostream/

more jellyfish theme.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101878353/in/photostream/

i am a sorceress.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101878637/in/photostream/

think global. eat local. see that?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101878911/in/photostream/

i looked up and said wow they have money.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101879395/in/photostream/

upon closer inspection, thick plastic chains. i like that even better. they might be glass but i doubt it. i should have asked, or stood on my table.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102469062/

a delicious surprise amuse bouche of elk tartar. it was amusing. some of its jokes fell flat though. i really enjoy pompous little treats. stick a bunch of warm meat on a potato chip, can’t really muck that up can you?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102473442/in/photostream/

i chose the terrine for my appetizer. it’s like that scene in dirty rotten scoundrels when steve martin orders everything and two beers. i never eat foie gras or other obnoxious shit in the real world so i make up for that, feel guilted, then i choose fish for my main.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102473964/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102474194/in/photostream/

super mature.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101880591/in/photostream/

sparkling rosé.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102474626/in/photostream/

kind of like how i sparkle.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102474938/in/photostream/

i am practicing for my courtney love halloween costume. ugh hair. getting roots did the second i hit publish. came straight from burlington to the restaurant. sorry i have city engagements i have to go eat dinner. what a prat, eh? hahahha righteous.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101881619/in/photostream/

so delicious. massive tease. they sure know what they’re doing with those little amuse bouches. i think it’s amusing because i picture the cook with stacks of dirty pots and mixing bowls and a completely mental cooking vortex all for this tiny little thing. SO much pressure it cannot be a failure. it must be perfect. you get one chance ONE CHANCE only. maybe a little stressful. yeah i know they taste everything and sample it all first but still i like to pretend all that work and effort just for me and my little potato chip and i feel like a giant.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102475700/in/photostream/

the oldest man in the world was sitting over there. when i’m that old i hope to still be flossing it in linen service fashion instead of swiss chalet fashion.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102476000/in/photostream/

foie gras terrine i should stop ordering this. i am trying a no dairy gluten free diet because i am an idiot and always need to be doing something so the choices on the menu for what i could eat were like lard stuffed in lard or gluten everything.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102476742/in/photostream/

was talked into trying one of the stuffed tortellini (Pork Brawn Tortellini – $11.00 – Black radish, radish sprouts, fennel pollen broth, Monteforte Toscano) and then my stomach began to cramp so i think i have an allergy to pasta or whatever that is, melodie was just telling me about it. does it happen that immediately? i’m so used to stomach issues though so who really knows. it was worth it though, delicious cramping.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101883083/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101883259/in/photostream/

food can look grotesque, fascinating, and delicious, all at once. a look is important for sure but nothing beats taste. you can pile up arugula and compote bullshit all you want cheffy but if it tastes crap your modern cuisine design monthly subscription, uh, can’t finish joke.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101883535/in/photostream/

i’ve had a lot of foie gras lately. my warranted expert opinion on the stuff is, well, it’s pretty rich, and if you think about it too much you kind of get sicked out and then you score low on the ethics portion of your eating tour BUT at least the guy was local so i canceled the evil out.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102477642/in/photostream/

so being facetious. no, carbon footprint reduction does not condone animal suffering. BUT, it’s an ancient tradition, this method of cuisine. i should probably research it more before piping up. however, because it’s so cultured and fancy, “rich people do it so it’s ok” justification, i dunno. basically all i’m saying is i like it and i hate that i like it and i hate that i don’t even like it that much but then i go and have it five times in the last couple months like an insane person.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102478190/in/photostream/

that plate is meant to be shared too, you spread it on bread. it was like eating butter, that’s the rich consistency and texture of it, creamy pâté. i did a shooter of it once at another ballin’ restaurant. it was really really gross and really really good at the same time. that concludes my opinion on foie gras. takes bow.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101883977/in/photostream/

and bizarre. that’s where i come in and the reason why i pretty much do anything in life. is it weird? yes. sign me up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102478704/in/photostream/

like, is it weird that i am dining practically alone all the time, super high end shit and tastemaking trend forecast broadcasting to the world from my soapbox? yes.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101884973/in/photostream/

pork and pear on the house. i died.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101885377/in/photostream/

no don’t do ittttttttt.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102479590/in/photostream/

suffering fool.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102479818/in/photostream/

they heard me hemming and hawing over the beet salad so they made me one. so sweet.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101886379/in/photostream/

i was floored by that syrup. meaty syrup. have your ever had meaty syrup before? ridiculous.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102480744/in/photostream/

so beautiful. i didn’t eat the goat cheese. i am really into beets. what are their beneficial properties? (note to self ask melodie).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102481660/in/photostream/

this place is massive trust me guy. if it’s photographing this big then you know it. multi-level dining area, so many great vantage points. the front room is darker, cozier if you want that. i wanted better lighting for photos back here.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101887719/in/photostream/

psyche guys i’m actually on a cruise ship!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102482184/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101888277/in/photostream/

how mysterious.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101888727/in/photostream/

up top.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101889265/in/photostream/

hahahaha that’s my napkin on my head.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102483660/in/photostream/

le elk. Second Wind Farms Elk – $29.00 – Seared loin, braised leg, acorn squash, pearl barley, shitakes mushroom, lovage jus lovely lovely.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102483922/in/photostream/

look how cute this is took a bunch of jokey photos pretending to pick it up like a brownie. it is West Coast Sablefish – $29.00 – House chorizo, Cookstown dinosaur kale, organic navy beans, local saffron “mojo” sauce

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101889933/in/photostream/

i look crazy here cos my bun is cut off. i explicitly said this photo needs to be jewier, show. the. bun. GOD. nail polish colour photogs well.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101890135/in/photostream/

amazing. you can tell they have fun plating stuff here. they’re ever good at it. i try plating stuff at home but i don’t really cook anymore so it’s like kashi cereal with just right kellogs sprinkled on top and light soy milk. sigh. the bachelorette.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102484516/in/photostream/

it speaks to me as it looks like lasagna.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101890543/in/photostream/

there we go, jewy to the max. it’s not offensive if it’s something you’re striving for yeah? no? who cares my online personae said it i didn’t.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102485014/in/photostream/

dessert. check the booze desserts. i really wanted the smore dessert. guess what we went with. of course i ordered a booze drink.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102485544/in/photostream/

i love this tree.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102485816/in/photostream/

elk interlude.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102486050/in/photostream/

sigh. ginger chocolate homemade ice cream. two different types of iced ice? it wasn’t gelato. the cookies made in-house too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102486250/in/photostream/

i can never date any sort of chef. i will never be able to wear skinny jeans ever again if so. that would be a hilarious premise for a cooking show. raymi’s top chef. do it trashy tila tequila styles and have girls up in there too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102486506/in/photostream/

BUT, i love you! as i axe one off every week.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102486734/in/photostream/

tears streaming down her face as i slurp on her delicious, but not good enough, lobster bisque, pieces of some garnish herb sticking in my teeth. what is this, fennel? shoulda gone with swiss chard.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102486934/in/photostream/

then i say the show’s catch phrase like, you’re fired.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102487210/in/photostream/

i got like, so many ideas man.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5101893055/in/photostream/

spanish coffee sans whip cream. it was delicious. as booze is wont to be.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102487674/in/photostream/

ELKAHOLISM.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102487882/in/photostream/

look my little drink is wearing a little shirt. to the nines.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102488340/in/photostream/

that’s my casual business demeanour. believable? works at cheese boutique. well, some of the time any way.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102488574/in/photostream/

yikes look at that one piece on the left of the right tray all folded over weird like that what happened dude?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5102489352/in/photostream/

i love the danforth. i don’t hang around there enough. going to the danforth is a nice little adventure, something different from whatever dumb thing i was last doing. i’d go to globe again for sure and also earth. thanks for dining with me.

FOOD P0RN STAR OUTTTTTTT.