are you a PALAISer or a pawn

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hey sports fans are you ready to see me stuff my face again? every wednesday at palais royale for fifteen dollars (goes to charity!) you can hit the buffet created by grand master chef Steffan Howard. if you’ve not had food by palais royale then you are a nobody in this city as they cater so many parties and events i’ve been to, namely gibson and a little thing called NXNE and their kick-off party, well they did when the party was at palais before it went to mill street, dunno if they would do it there seems like a bit of a conflict of interest but what do i know? clearly nothing.

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charity proof you just chuck your money in there i guess. not sure as i arrived late and then i didn’t even have to pay, no i’m not that cheap just allergic to charity. no just kidding. i was “working”.

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normally they have everything set up out on the back terrace overlooking the water but the rain messed it all up so they had the buffet set up in the kitchen instead which is cool by me as i am fascinated by behind the scenes anything. my favourite scene from goodfellas is when ray liotta walks in to the club through the basement and then the kitchen with his new girl and slips everyone money like a magnificent high roller, so glamorous, and she’s like uhh what do you actually do? i’m in construction. bahahah.

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not the most glamorous lighting i look like i’m in a jail kitchen. not a kitchen diss.

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multiple healthy salads to choose from. i was worried cos i have a massive day of eating ahead of me today. i’m going to buy stocks in ponchos cos that’s all i’m going to be able to wear pretty soon. fuck.

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i love how the yellow brings out the yellow in my yellow. totally jaundiced.

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eye bag city. whatever. they let me take home some food for my roommates and gave me an insider tip about staff lunches i can mooch in on. fuckin right! it’s so close to me i can just bike over the bridge as if i were going to budapest park good thing i didn’t know about this over the summer.

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i ate three mini desserts on the spot couldn’t help it they told me to. their pastry chef is fresh outta langdon hall THE place of all places of cuisine. when i’m finished charm school i will be eating that place inside and out. i didn’t try one of the green shooters but i did the brown one over there, mocha mousse. SOOO GOOD. i made a point not to take ANY desserts with me. sugar makes lucas crazy also i would have eaten everything before melucas got home like it never even happened and passed out on the couch with a chocolate mustache like a cute video on AFV of a kid getting busted eating something and the evidence is all over the kitchen their face and hands and they fiercely lie about it.

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tenderloin city.

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another shot of my friends. MY ONLY ONES.

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rotating menu obviously. i hoovered this while steffan chatted away left came back with my plate of desserts hoovered that silently listening mhhm mmmmhmmm mmmm yes yes etc etc left again one more round of dessert and a coffee and left it at that. i tried not to treat it like the mandarin after eating there i want to fucking diiiiiiiie.

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I’M GOING TO EAT THE HELL OUT OF YOUUUUU!

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this should be my dating site profile picture. i think it gets the point across succinctly. what point that is you be the judge.

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just kidding. i’m pretty in an ugly kind of way. i have my moments.

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setting up for something. i would shoot myself if i was a wedding planner or any sort of planner i’m already totally freaking out over my party. melodie is going to take control for me so i don’t go kookoo bananas so much. all these tables had in caps lock bold font screaming at you PLEASE DON’T SIT HERE.

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interesting to be here with the absence of toronto’s music industry crowd. that guy asked me who i was there for, a magazine? newspaper? as i was taking a picture of his cups. the devil in me wanted to say something retarded but i said cheese boutique instead, and then my blog and to answer the question you were about to not ask is, steffan howard will be at cheese boutique this saturday 12-4 cooking up lunch for you. remember how i went with melodie last saturday? ok so now you can go there this saturday and eat your face off yourself. say raymi sent you and maybe you will get a high five or something.

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it was perfect until i took a cup for myself. i had a dementia moment of uhhh how do i get one out of this infinity circle helppppp.

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so fascinated by it. i admire effort and style and tricks. it’s clever is what it is.

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very cozy.

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i just hallucinated boozy melty cheese fondue drizzled all over these buns.

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wonder what these will be turned into. stew?

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aw i forgot to try the soup.

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apple bread pudding yessssss fantastic and if i could i’d eat it for an entire day along with a crazy red wine chambord spice drink i invented myself by a fire in a sweater looking out my huge cabin window at snow and deer. ps. i told a tender at the ossington last nite i was an ex tender (apologizing for my ridiculous drink order) and he kinda smirked at me when he served my drink (chambord/vodka soda) i asked if there was something funny he said no he was just like omg she’s an ex-bartender what do i garnish this drink with. i said if it’s a ridiculous drink like this, garnish with nothing though a lime would be the right way to go albeit its want to confuse the patron into thinking it’s a cran vodka. god my head is full of so many opinions and knowledge it is suffocating all from a picture of cinnamon apples too wonder what’s next?

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guessing pistachio flavoured based on my eye spy of pistachios atop those shooters.

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my every move was being charted by the curious kitchen staff (there were a lot of them you have an army in there, quite impressive) so i didn’t want to look like a pig therefore passed on this. i am trying very very hard enacting my portion control self-mandate.

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ten thumbs up. this is on a side plate no i am not that much of a pig. i really love plating food. it is an art. i was proud of myself for creating this art. i grade myself a B.

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steffan himself!

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adorable. not mine. i made fun of the one tiny piece of watermelon. don’t gorge now there good thing you stopped yourself at ONE, don’t go craaaaazy now.

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aaaand then the sun comes out.

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gorgeous.

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i’ve been completely annihilated here. oh man. glad those days are over.

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summer is kicking me in the heart right now.

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my to go containers over there on the left. that was one of the guys in the kitchen. he seemed like he was important in there. you never know people’s rank, cos there’s those who are humble and unassuming and then there are the braggart bottom rungers who chuff themselves up at you in life and you’re like uhhh who the hell are you? not talking about this guy at all by the way, just a few recent encounters i’ve had which amuse me like everything else since the beginning of time forever and ever amen. i forgot how squirly blogging makes me now that i’m doing more of it.

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palais royale cool insider info history lesson: squatters were found living all over this place when they bought it and a couple had a tent set up nearby or on the property that palais let stay there in exchange for security, which worked for a little bit until i guess it didn’t anymore. this is why they do the charity donation buffet, they have a heart and i guess are so stinking rich can afford it. as i was hauling dumpfuls of food into my to-go containers i asked one kitchen guy what they did with the leftovers, charity? then i felt bad and greedy despite feeling like mother theresa cos i was feeding my roommates but anyway, he goes no, the staff eat it. then i thought shit am i taking all their lunch? surely they must eat while everyone else eats too? one more lesson see how those brown doors are arched like that? it’s because the palais was built for housing boats, must be easier to fit them through an arched doorway. how very water gypsy.

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oh yes.

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you are beautiful too.

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downstairs where the bathrooms are is also very beautiful there’s couches and lounge chairs perfect pick-up spot for men and women hittin’ the head. you can get away with creeping around by looking important sitting in a chair on your phone making a pretend call.

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unattractive phewf moment almost busted my ankle and fell down the stairs taking a photo of myself with the ceiling light. so many close calls in a day.

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autographs in the lobby, good day.