Out of the Woods and into my basket
RIP Rob Ford. You invited me to City Hall and I never took you up on it. Just before your scandal hit home. I’ve always wondered what would’ve happened if I took you up on that invite.
Lucky number slevin. Ready for seven minutes in heaven with your pal, Raymbo? Knowing the power of your post before you post it, how to not let that change the creative process? Is it possible? no. It’s not. But you carry on like it doesn’t. Luckily, the subject matter and content ratio for this post isn’t de rigueur so maybe I can hide the stupid somewhere in-between. (Puncturing these snaps with some of my moms. good luck readers).
Benny and I and Dan Aykroyd’s crystal head vodka shot glasses. Benny is the eldest performer in the company and has been with the Famous People Players since the very beginning.
Colleague, what did I tell you about flash?
‘Cos then everyone could better see mom going in for the Chris Woods kill.
Founder Diane Dupuy chattin’ with City, no biggie.
Diane’s daughter Jeannine holding the fpp‘s playbill.
Else said grace while Dan Aykroyd was holding my mom’s hand, great timing mom (the moment she will NOT STOP RECOUNTING I swear by this point they are going steady) and he was so touched and that’s likely why he wouldn’t let go of her hand, I was standing right there, it was a very surreal moment, with his other hand he put it across his heart and I stood there with EVERYONE’s eyes on us oh so awkwardly crucifying my mom in my head ughh haha.
The man behind the delicious food prepping it, I love these moments before the storm, dude keeps it cool.
Hey Chris why don’t you take me along to your night catering for the fords, I know it’s what they really wanted most of all, speaking of, how close am i to auctioning dinner with raymi off? lulz email@example.com (WHAT!? i love to eat!)
Kitchens excite me. They remind me of Goodfellas.
Just legit bangin’ ‘em out. fantastic. Here are the actual components:
Roast Organic Heirloom Beet Salad
Watermelon Radish and Pea Tender Slaw
Citrus Jerjus Vinaigrette, Chive Oil
Charlene gets to do the coarse salt (assumedly of the sea) . At this precise moment in time I am pouring champagne all over our table. I kept thinking the bottle was just about empty. It wasn’t.
The big moment. Le big kahuna arrives. My mom and I lost it. We are canadiana fanatics. She spent the day researching Dan Ayrkroyd ahahah (I have seen the great outdoors 300 times fyi).
I am fatal attractioning him right out. LOOK AT ME. I should have worn fluorescent and then jumped onto the stage during an act pretending to be a butterfly. I’ve done stupider.
I love it when celebrities make celebrity jokes, like, “we use our celebrity to help raise awareness…” in a truly humble, honest, self-aware way. Dan did that and too bad for him because it made me 30% more intent on stalking my prey all night long. Why do you think I dressed like an ice skating olympiad?
While stalking your prey you study and take note of its gentle, kind nature.
Heart-melting. Proud parent of performer, said performer and Dan. Omg am I going to doodle Dan Aykroyd hearts on my trapper keeper next?
Mom fought her way and stood her ground once I dared her to, but I couldn’t look strangled my linen and covered my eyes with it instead until the precise moment when mom’s embarrassing hold-out paid off to the me and my daughter window of photo-posing opportunity arrived. These seconds last lifetimes, notice?
Then your hero wedged right on in.
Look how happy he is. I think he smelled my hair.
I don’t know what i am trying to pull here but i think it worked whatever it was. by the way, my earrings are glass cubes, they’re dope.
No one can seem to figure out what the medal means.
We had the best placed table, I could see every vantage point and the mayor’s puppet was right behind me, obviously everyone would look over to it and by proxy me all night long and some of these people are Very Importants.
For example, the guy beside my mom said a table of blokes thought she was a tv personality, news of some sort. I encouraged him to to encourage that notion. Watch out susan hay, tracey‘s comin’ for ya.
And cos I was a blabberholic All night long I ate the slowest and couldn’t finish one course and therefore a twig the next day. Yay!
Ready for more, buddy?
This is in the front foyer. the puppets and props are phenomenally-made, uber-detailed, and so totally ridiculous, trippy, wild and fun. Nothing you’ve ever experienced before.
The crystal head makes the rounds. The ford family I think took it all home, they were very generous to the fpp. Everyone is bowled over by the success of the charity auction celebrity gala. We made history baby!
Look how smooth I am, that’s my card in his hand. Haha.
Benny does it all. These guys serve, train, and then perform. Brilliant.
Then the ford picnic began.
This is like watching battle on the plains of abraham somewhat. I just came back from quebec. What do you want from me?
Didn’t take me very long did it now? Champagne helps.
I think everyone went a little nutzo. The energy was fantastic.
I should have worn a big minnie mouse bow. Takes my hair a few hours to relax once I wash blow-dry and flat iron it why is that the loser caption to this photo? Unbelievable.
We are all special. Here, I am stuffing my hair into my nose. It’s how I relax.
See my earrings? I am going to wear them today. they make my ears read from the clamp but whatever. angelo gave me an amazing pair from his galerie store, they’re copper danglers, one says OUI one says NON. Don’t you love it?
Wow what a moment. Chris is like here Rob, I drew you a picture of a dragon.
Didn’t notice this until saw the photo. My dad has my brother’s ghostmobile, what was it called? But ugh how I wish I’d have thought of this.
I’m a performer too. No seriously. It might happen now. First ever front of house performer they hire lol. Here’s a Ghostbusters reference/joke, Raymi, if someone asks if you’re a performer (blogger) you say yes. Actual ghostbusters quote, “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a God, you say YES!” ahahahha.
Fran stole our set-up.
Aaand here’s our moment. Got me on love lockdown.
Mom and I are so shy and fighting it. That’s why we have to get plastered.
Smooth criminal strikes back, he’s looking at my card, I’m laying on the I AM AMAZING super hard, he is politely taking it in whilst mom expertly dina lohans and lois, I have no idea what she is doing, hiding?
Chris‘ wife. I wonder if I can share the colourful things I learned about Dorothy’s glory days. I love secret freaks.
Uh oh am I starting to look like one of the Pristines?
To be a fly on this wall. We wore equally slutty dresses. I think she was thinking what I was thinking. VEGAS! Plus with Lois right over there.
Reality tv show: ALPHA MADAMES. Starring zero men. Gonna be hot. This is a still.
So it’s like, watching a mime act except thrown through a cyclone of lazer floyd, and a mushroom from alice. My colleague has told me about this production for months, which to self-involved me half-listening while tweeting and gossiping, is hard to make sense of, what? Black jumpsuits, puppets? What are you getting me into this time Scooby? The one thing that resonated, intrigued and piqued my curiosity most of all though, was the players. He told me you wouldn’t know that any of these performers might be special, cos it’s all black, you see nothing but the props. Of course my critical person had to be on board and see for myself these savants and exceptional creatives. Prepare for nothing short of amazement.
Our table didn’t get one of these.
I had to pull my
shirt dress down so many times I stretched the strap right out. It’s by Le Chateau. I love it thank you Steph.
It’s like a SNL wall of fame in there, or Second City, which Dan also made mention of. SWOON.
Look how tiny am. Yay. Don’t worry I’m a cow again after my booze holiday and I haven’t worked out in ages :(.
The show begins. It’s Disco fever. SO FUN. Dan is in the front row in the white shirt. I have no idea what the show was about cos I was staring at him the entire time ahhaa. No kidding I watched both.
My mom is telling me that the buzzard behind her jammed her long fingernail into her shoulder while snapping at her to move. I was repulsed. I see women treat my mom like garbage all the time cos she’s pretty, charming and bubbly. You have to be mean to other women sometimes because they force you to. Sickening. We get enough crap from men we should be nurturing and supporting one another ladies. Tsk tsk.
My reaction. Mum also loves to stir up the dramz and knows I’ll flip my lid.
Such cheeky performers too, very clever. Someone must have studied the art of comedy, dragging out a joke, understated movements to garner laughs, it all worked. Superbly and we all know how much of a critic I am.
You can get away with some lewdiness (it was an adult audience TBH) because they’re props, puppets yeah? God I loved this.
Oh yes this reminds me, sunday of the long weekend I’ll be doing a burlesque show at the bovine. End of summer bash. Do come.
Lois was in another part of the audience (bawling and cheering), why no pics of her yet hey? I know my colleague got some but they’re not til the end.
They got Dan up.
There was some freaky sh-.
Blues Brothers homage. The guy who played John it was his birthday this night, one of the singers sang to him accappella and everyone bawled their eyes out, because he stood there with his hat to his chest with Dan beaming at him omg I am tearing up right now i know Lois was a friggin’ waterfall. I think crying makes my mom uncomfortable when she’s being hyper so she just laughed at me. This is what we call a classic raymi mom & godmom SH- SHOW night. Which should be the name of my show.
Can you even see anything?
I went Welsh face.
Oh my god. So emotional. She belted it too it was like relax dude this isn’t the SkyDome.
Story time. More cheering and crying.
Sponsor a performer. Nice.
Then it was our turn.
Good thing we wore black.
When you can confuse those who confuse, I think you are on to something. I will show you eccentric.
That’s dan’s wine. Notice the background props moving.
Hey mom which sex and the city character are you? Gahahaha.
This was fun. Did I say that enough yet?
I felt it was an abuse of social media power being in the same room as the mayor during this event, knowing exactly where these photos were going to go, the double entendres, the not even having to say anything cos the hordes of readers will. I just don’t think it’s proper etiquette to drag politics into that of special needs, is all and i tend to shy away from being political period here, as that is not what this blog is about (entertainment, food, culture, celebrity, city gossip, lifestyle, travel, art, fashion, a distraction from reality not toxic negativity) so, what i was saying was, I bit my tongue and gathered all my material.
Engaged in performance art.
“Train” “wrecked”. Like any hero would.
Gave it my all.
Nope, now, just right there.
Mom extracted ancient wisdoms. This is Diane’s mom, she is 95 and folds napkins for the dining hall. She wore a ball gown. FABULOUS. She told my mom she gained her independence when her husband left and all this other brave shit. Excuse me, does anyone have Oprah on speed dial?
Then I reverted back to a ten year old while my mom moved in on Dorothy’s husband. MOM I AM WORKING HERE!
Then Chris was like oh don’t worry raymi I love you too. Ew are my mom and I going to star in a movie like Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love hewitt? NICE!
Haha the flying money.
Paul Rudd? Holy crap he is in every movie you forgot about right? We just saw him in Quebec City (in a movie not irl) in a bad Reese Witherspoon flick. Ugh so depressing, also on a rainy day too. Anway thus ends my heartbreaker segue joke.
Ron James came in to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, Chris, we’re through now. I get very jealous. It’s true. Like the good kind of psycho, don’t worry!
Omg I am so tanked. Celebrities make me lose my sh-.
That’s Rob’s mom behind me. I think his brothers wanted to buy me ahahaa. I was done networking by then and knew had pushed my luck in the scandalization department so I didn’t jump on his back. Was tempting. You can get away with anything when you dress like a nordic ice dancer.
Busted by Rob Ford’s mom. Mom talked our way out of it. His brother used it as an opportunity to chat me up. I panicked.
Leggy Lois finally appears. You’ll see more of her in mom’s and Paula’s pics (I am content overload).
How about a private vineyard stroll in the fall, Dan? Oh what’s this? The mail is here and it’s a, restraining order? what?? Cannot be. Okay I can’t tell if this is even funny anymore I am brain-fried from vacay.
In summation, Amazing performance theatre plus celebrities, gourmet cuisine, VIPS and raymitheminx equals a good time. you know who to call! (ghostbusters).
Lolz. ok here’s my mom’s I got tired of trying to insert them within the post.
One of the performers/staff walked in and took this, my mom and I were squabbling and she was stunned, and mother ever the opportunist greedy attention pot stirrer, pretends to cry and plays victim which of course makes me choke her out and thus the self-fulfilling pity prophecy comes full circle right into her hand. Works every time. I am then scolded by the performer, this tiny adorable little woman. But then she zinged us on the way out too bahaha.
Love your shoes mom.
EVERYONE loves Lois.
Once you’re drunk and spazzy everything makes you cackle and laugh and GAAAHH every corner you turn one of these acid trips is staring DOWN AT YOUUUUU! Kinda chucky cheese with the psychadelia cranked up.
See how quickly we Kerouac’s convert?
Nice one mom. Rob Ford, Diane Dupuy, Afrim Pristine, Dan Aykroyd and in the foreground some guy ahaha.
I need to get invited to more of these things. Hello Playboy mansion I am looking at you.
Hot girl comedians. Come on. No brainer. Cause we got no brainz.
My mom is super into these cheesy shots. Steph, before this she goes ok lauren, NOW, “With LOVE” that is the theme of this portrait. benny posed with her. Second time tonight I got ditched for that broad. I’m a Boston her.
I can fit into any space perfectly and with ease.
See? Colleague says this is why my blog went gangbusters yesterday, this hog belongs to newstalk 1010 jerry agar. Also might I remind you that I am wearing a SHIRT and none of it touched seat if you know what I mean. Blushing.
Cute an creepy, love old plush things, retro. Then we discovered the puppeteer sticks and went ballistic with the lion’s legs hahaha.
Why Mother, how presidential of you. can easily be glimpsed for Clinton and Lewinsky AHhahahaha.
Blonde, red and black. Rawr.
These two servers? Adorable. He was so Rainman, just precise and so intelligent, total savant. Made sure our water was full. i said mom look, I love that one. Ask for some water. Shoulda seen what happened when i ordered more flutes and a second bottle of champagne. More performing in the dining hall for sure. Interacting with the cast was so cool.
Winding them up too. Blonde hair has saved my ass so many times. Phewf. People believe (and all people in general not the ones we take advantage of which actually, is all people too, no one is spared) that what they are seeing is what they are supposed to be seeing when they encounter my mom and I stuffing our faces in the trunk of an elephant’s snout, we hypnotize them with our bullshit, colleague or Lois captures the magic and voila: CRAP-O-BLOG-FANTASTICA!
Best night ever!
That’s Eileen. She’s an old gal, we told her my Nana (my mom’s mum) is named Eileen, they’re BOTH 81 and BOTH from Manchester, or near the same town as each other. Can ya baleeve it? I was blasted when we discovered this an bubbly nearly shot out-ma nose, ach it did. did’nt it mum.
The one I choked my mom in front of. She got over it quick.
I’m the sparkly thing that draws them in and my mom’s the Scorpion who goes in for the kill ahaha, what’s that called a Black Widow?
Need to do a redux to the guide to sneaking into things. Step 4: Ambush.
Oh. Is this thing yours?
How much airbrushing did you do to this photo mom?
They did not stand a chance.
Yes, I do have a bright future Mr. Mayor. I do a lot of good for the city. Fact.
Team Girls swooping in.
OH MY Gawd. It seems a lot more scandalous this way. I just thanked Jerry over twitter for the ride.
Isn’t Etobicoke the Jersey Shore of Toronto too?
See? No one can resist my mother.
Hahaha this just keeps going omg. No wait it’s done. YES!