the shitty life of a blogger, to be linked on other shitty blogs and referenced for years to come – by raymi the minx

1. no one really updates on saturdays and even if they do, saturday posts are typically dull and vapid and snore city. except for mine of course.

2. once i finish all my blogrounds on the internet i sign onto msn and discuss blogs with other bloggers and eventually am known to say, “i wish there were more blogs like mine on the internet.” i am not lying.

3. articles about millionaire bloggers are a waste of ink, non-millionaire bloggers do not care about millionaire bloggers but once i am a millionaire blogger you are allowed to care about millionaire bloggers.

4. all bloggers shit-talk each other no matter how much they appear to be friends online every relationship made is backed by ulterior motives of coolness by association, how will i benefit from this friendship? etc etc.

5. blog gossip is never-ending and FUN

6. so many blog bitches are in love with my boyfriend and i want to set them on fire but it’s ok because i am prettier than they are and i invented fil anyway so i am pretty much like gandalf

7. i have a very short fuse and i fly off the handle very easy and sometimes i write mean stuff in people’s comments and then take it back less than two seconds later.

8. sometimes you have to pretend agree with people cos they are scary and stalker-like and they know your real name so you let them think you are stupid and fall for their shit so they don’t stab you.

9. i’ve pretty much been cool all of my life.

10. i still can’t get over how much props i got for shitting my pants and then writing about it!

11. i pretend to have a really big ego to annoy people and say things like I AM VERY GOOD LOOKING cos sarcasm doesn’t translate well and if need be i can always take it back right.

12. i don’t know why there aren’t any blogs as good as mine out there yet.

13. people fall all over themselves to get insulted by me and then they are like SCORE RAYMI DISSED ME.

14. i have a list of about 20 people so far who will potentially kill me one day.

15. what happened to my little pony?

16. one day i will be very wealthy and more famous than hell and i will leave everybody in the dust and i envision your heads as stepping stones in a filthy river and i am stepping across the river walking on your heads and on the other side of the river are A-List celebrities and they are cheering me on.

17. HAahahahaha i am very funny.

18. when people say hey raymi have you heard of bla bla bla and i haven’t but still want to seem cool i will say WELL HAS BLA BLA EVER HEARD ABOUT ME!?

19. people are like oh you are popular cos of your tits i am like whatever fat-ass.

20. ok bye.

Wild Pack Of Family Dogs

A wild pack of family dogs came runnin’ through the yard one day

My father got his gun, shot it up, they ran away ok

A wild pack of family dogs came runnin’ through the yard

And as my own dog ran away with them, I didn’t say much of anything at all

A wild pack of family dogs came runnin’ through the yard

As my little sister played, the dogs took her away

And I guess she was eaten up ok, yeah she was eaten up ok

My mother’s cryin’ blood dust now

My dad he quit his job today, well I guess he was fired but that’s ok

And I’m sittin’ outside my mudlake, waiting for the pack to take me away

And right after I die the dogs start floating up towards the glowing sky

Now they’ll receive their rewards, now they will receive their rewards

i would eat that burger. i am getting hungry thinking about eating that burger. i would throw the lettuce on the floor and cram that shit in my mouth! click on burgers to see this thing being created.

fun time raymi

german coastguard

fil wrote a bunch of nice haikus for me.

raymi says:

maybe i wont have kids so i can buy myself more stuff

raymi says:

i am very greedy

raymi says:

but also very generous

raymi says:

i will buy my daughter crap that i really want then demand that she cant take it out of the box so i can put it on a shelf and then when she is a drug addict she will steal it all back and sell it on ebay for meth

noel, it’s me says:

dont raise a drug addict

raymi says:

i am SO kidding

noel, it’s me says:

also, what meth head has the patience to sell shit on ebay

raymi says:

wow who are you my mom

raymi says:

are you crying now

porkn says:

do you beleive in god?

raymi says:

no

porkn says:

what do you think happens when we die

raymi says:

you stop existing

porkn says:

does phil believe?

raymi says:

nope

raymi says:

what do you think happens when we die

porkn says:

dunno

porkn says:

i’m really having trouble with belief in a higher power these days

porkn says:

i’d like to think there is more and that we’re here for a reason, but it beats the hell out of me why

raymi says:

yeah well this potentially could be a really long debate

porkn says:

i doubt it, we seem to agree

raymi says:

i think people who believe in god are pretty much the same as racist people

porkn says:

explain

raymi says:

theyre usually not very bright

porkn says:

perhaps naive is more like it

raymi says:

what makes more sense religion or science

raymi says:

naivety = stupid

porkn says:

science

porkn says:

i think people who pray thinking thst any possible god is roactive are silly

raymi says:

you may as well believe in the tooth fairy if you believe in life after death

porkn says:

I don’t believe in the devil, hell, ghosts or shit like that

yesterday i was in a super bad mood i’m glad it’s fucking over.

i bought this bear unicorn thing for my buddy but decided i will explode if i don’t keep it for myself.

i went to the pub and played megatouch and drank a bunch of red wine and the barmistress called me sweetie a lot but she called everyone sweetie and i hoped that got her good tips.

i like the little kids in the park, screaming and yelling and playing, they’re like 2.75 foot tall fluorescent drunks, at least 40 of them.