ok so yah, i’m back from new york, i just don’t know how to put into words what i did, really, that’s why i haven’t said anything. do you ever get that way? well, anyway, we’re talking about me, and yes, i get that way all the time. i’m here everyday, looking at this fucking computer, but i just can’t get it together enough to make any sense. all i can talk about is martinis and china town and buses and rain. in the meantime, you can look at this. ARGUEMENT WITH RAYMI’S MOM i had put up this little picture/link of jeffrey dahmer and my mum got real pissed about it. read on to find out.

what day is it? thursday? sheeeit. i’m a little out of it.

alright so i’m finally adding some testosterone to this site. Here’s a guy I found a few years back during the height of partying oldskool. He’s a boy version of raymi, kinda. he likes to complain about random things and does a funny job of it. so be nice to him, or i’ll hurt you. read: Anti Says…

I�m noticing more and more, each day, how much of a kleptomaniac I am. I see something that appeals to me and immediately a little voice in my head says, ooh, you should take that. And then I map out possible ways of taking whatever it is. I don�t always do it, I usually just fantasize about having the said object and then I leave it alone. But sometimes I can�t help myself and I pocket the thing. Do I feel guilty about it? No, not really. I panic more than anything, expecting the cops to show up at my house or the storeowner to punch me in the face. Last nite, for example, it was a tiny little saltshaker that was sitting on my table at this Thai restaurant. It was just so cute, I really wanted it � of course I needed it in the least, but still, the voice said I should steal it. For the record, I didn�t take it. And good for me. The silly part is that I even said out loud we should steal it. The second that sentence left my mouth I realized how absurd it would be to steal a tiny fucking saltshaker when I�d just throw it in the cupboard and forget I even had it, and thus, taking it would be futile in every sense of the word.

me bowling in northampton and also locked-up in a real live prison. it’s true. click to enlarge

I hate paying for things too. I am such a miser with my money. There�s another reason why I always want to take things. It saves money. I love saving money. But I�m horrible at it. Just, horrible. I can do it for a couple weeks and then one day it�s like, oh, I have all this money, why do I have all this money? I should spend it. And then I do and then I get real angry with myself and I begin the whole process of saving money all over again. I�ll eat like two-dollar sandwiches and other cheap crap everyday, and then cook myself those noodles that cost like 28 cents a package and I�ll feel really great about myself for not spending any money. I�ll do this for weeks on end until my stomach wants to eat itself from the inside and I am weak from malnutrition. My whole philosophy would be it�s ok to starve because I have money to buy clothes and look good. I�d rather have something to show for my money than something I eat and disappears immediately.

i’m going to NYC for a l’il bit. i’ll let you know how it goes…..

Everyone knows a guy who appears to be real calm all the time and low key. He probably wears sandals and baggy jeans and has messy hair and drapes himself casually on the sofa. You know this guy? He�s suppose to be the epitome of tranquility except for one day, out of the blue, something goes wrong and he completely flips out. His true character is exposed. Then we realize his whole, �nothing can bother me� philosophy was crap all along. What a dink. You can only pretend for so long.

i always laugh when i see these dudes flip out. it’s just so, rewarding.

oh yeh, i met Zoe yesterday, that lady from survivor – she’s from maine. she even gave me her calendar and signed it. she wouldn’t let me interview her because she’s under CBS contract ’til may and suppose to be still on the island.

i am writing a book. That’s why I’ve been quiet. also, the internet is giving me a headache and cuts into my drinking time. i got everything that was purchased for me from my wishlist. you guys are the best. well some of you, anyway. the mailman hates me for getting all these new deliveries ’cause he actually has to knock on my door and give me the box and then we have to pretend we are being nice to each other and I am always hungover and grouchy but then get excited and gay over my delivery.

click if u want ‘em bigger

So I have this new hobby. Drinking. Yep. I�ve decided to make it the primary focus in my life for the time being. No more cheap 6 packs for me. I�m gonna do it right. I�m moving on to saketinis, gin&tonics�Canadian Clubs n� coke�.anything that looks fancy basically, goes down the hatch. None of that cheap vodka for me. We�re talkin� about high-rollin� Stolichnaya. That�s right. If it tastes like gasoline � bring it �round. That�s my motto.

And the best part about drinking is smoking. A lot. Smoking of course, causes that bullshit cancer thing, but, whatever. Worry about that when you�re older and resigned to a life of old people activities. For now, you�re going to drink until your liver turns maroon and you cough up some tar. Cause everyone knows how boring nonsmokers can be. And annoying. Fuck. You have to accommodate for nonsmokers too with their separate rooms in restaurants and hotel rooms. Why don�t you all just turn on fire and burn like a witch. We hate you.

Anyhow, I�ve decided to drink because there�s not much else for me to do in this town. That�s really the gist of it. I have all the time in the world. Why not spend it getting soused?

The second best part about drinking is eating. But, you�ve got to be careful with this. You may only eat just enough to satisfy your palate. Otherwise you have a date with Ralph. You know what I mean. Right, so eating is great. Chips, pizza, peanuts – sweet lord. And then you can all agree to cook something like noodles or steak and the whole time you�re like man, I can�t wait to put all this shit in my stomach. Damn. And then after you do you get to have another smoke.

Dude, if that�s not heaven then I don�t know what is.

oh my god. being a bitch actually works, eh? now i’m gunna get more fun things in the mail. thanks guys.

on another note, i learned a valuable lesson last nite – don’t make your own martinis, eat lobster, have a few beers and a bloody mary, salmon cheese spread and a whole bunch of olives. You’ll barf your head off. I sure as hell did. fuck. I hate barfing so much. it’s quite traumatic for me. I cry and wobble around like an old lady and i scream. it’s truly horrible. you can’t talk to me either when i’m waiting to barf and you can’t pat me on the back. What sucks most about barfing is when you think the nausea is going away so you stand up and then it comes at you so fuckin’ fast and you’re like, wooooah and sit down again. At one point i’m like fuck this i am going to barf and i don’t fuckin care but then i start to wuss out and cry all over again.

anyway, i’m better now. i just haven’t eaten anything yet and i don’t plan to.

i was emailed this picture. it’s from nerve.com this girl looks like me. it is astounding. I’m actually going over in my mind if i’ve ever been wearing whatever it is this broad’s wearing or was so plastered i don’t remember having my picture taken. anyway – see for yourself.

RAYMI Look-alike