i wish i could see in the dark. i couldn’t read any of the words on the dryer dials last nite, just when your eyes begin to focus, things decide to get wavy wiggly wobbly so you pretend you know what you’re doing and press n turn everyfuckingthing you can. i walked thru this puddle of water on schrader’s carpet last nite from the leaky fishtank, only 4 times and especially right after i put my brand new dry socks on. i am SO mexican. people would come by and walk right thru it too be cause we forgot to tell them about it. everyone was sitting with their bare feet all over the place. we were suppose to go to le bar but it did’nae happen.

went over to the boy’s and watched the rest of gummo. i coudn’t get over how sensually disgusting the kid is whilst eating that chocolate bar in the dirty bathwater tub. and his mum is obviously a sketchbag but there’s love in her heart for the ugmo lil guy when she lathers up his hair astroboy-like and shakes the suds off her hands right into his spaghetti and milk. i’m not even going to talk about the piece of bacon taped to the tile wall.

patrick swazey is sexy. i would pay to touch him.

This dog walks into a bar. The bartender says “Look, we don’t serve dogs here.” The dog says “I’m waiting for a genie.” A monkey cozies up to the dog and says “For a twenty I’ll give you a night you’ll never forget.”

So the dog yells “All right! Where’s that girl with the loose tooth?”

i screamed like the hurtingest woman ever on drop zone at canada’s wonderland and i got the worst burn on my shoulders and neck and arms and i got mustard on both the prizes we won like immediately. i hate mustard. i got this eyedropper thing, a liquid lunch it is, the flavor of bbq chips. more like bbq saliva-vomit.

sometimes i just want to throw all my clothes out the goddamn window at the old man next door and make secret fart noises and hide so he will go cucko trying to figure out if there is such thing as a garden what farts.

there was a concert and kristi’s mum invited me to it and there were a lot of people milling about when the stage blew up and knocked the band over and they all died people scattered bodies everywhere i thought i knew who dunnit then i get a call later and it’s kristi and she says she did it so i rat her out and she is crying on the fone they take her away and i made her mum cry when i said yeh thanks for inviting me to this concert i had a great time despite your dotter killing everybody and we are now walking in this underground tunnel and there is noxious gas everywhere and our footprints and handprints are smeared on the walls and floors so they know where we are and then we are on the highway and a van pulls up beside us full of flips and one is rena and she has a machinegun and she blasts the fuck out of our car and then i saw my dead grandpa and said oh i’m sorry i’m dreaming.

when i take my crazy pills at nite my dreams are amazing.

tim we need to fucking talk call me pronto

you know when everyone cheers each other they dont really want to clink glasses they just want to raise ‘em in the air but then one dumb idiot succumbs and clinks their neighbour and then everyone is forced to do the same and you have to lean way way over to hit everyone in the room and if you’re missed during the round of clinking then you are a big loser.

i have done nothing but be a retarded sketchbag today and mumble unintelligible anecdotes over everyone else talking and pouring myself wine and telling stories that don’t go anywhere.

sometimes i feel like i am talking from underneath a pillow.

my grandmum does not know who the fuck i am. she’s like what’s your name uh luh-ren i’m your granddaughter oh you are? yeh i am. that place is fucking depressing. just a sea of old people asleep at the dinner table in a sitting position. and gramma is such a lush. jeez. she thinks she is in england and her husband is still alive but away in france or something and he never calls. if and when i get to be totally demented please push me off a cliff. thanks.

i’m trying to remember whatever the fuck i dreamt about last nite but as i sat on the toilette this morning i forgot everything. i’m still dreaming about crazy vibrators five out of seven times a week. i have relatives in town taking over my room so didn’t feel like rushing home to sleep on a old lady couch. they’re gone for the day so i’ll stop by later, do my thing-thang and leave again.

i’m staying at the ho jo’s on erin mills parkway under missy miu room 113. come say hi.