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im pissed off the gary busey show isnt on til 7 30. guh. oh well. the wb shitty singers show is on and i love it love it. i coulda been one right? right. i hope tonite isnt boring. i hope my tan evens out. i hope my room gets magically clean on its own.


if i were a day of the week i’d be wednesday.


if i were a bird i’d be a hawk.


if i were a member of the cat family i’d be a cheeta. no puma. no panther. whichever one is the sexiest and moves in the slowest of motion.


if i were a band i’d be lush.


if i were a color i would be red.


if i were a toy i’d be a play-doh fun factory – this one i use to have as a kid that made play-doh ice creams and sundaes and wavy french fries and hamburgers and i remember my mum sitting on the livingroom floor with me, showing how to mix brown and white into flesh tone color for pretend hamburger buns.


if i were a dog i would be a miniature doberman pinscher.


if i were a book i’d be generation x, by douglas coupland.


if i were a country i’d be england.


if i were cake i’d be caramel crunch. it costs 20 dollars and my friend ward almost sat on one i bought for this tropical drink blending party of steve’s and i almost died of rage at him.


if i were clothing i’d be a scarf that is orange.


if i were a condiment i’d be ketchup. tho that’s pretty boring. maybe i’d be sauerkraut (sp?). but only this time not frozen with icicles outside of systems and gross bacon bits.




if i were a movie i’d be casino. fuck. man that opening scene with sharon stone where she throws up the guy’s chips in that glitzy white dress of hers and hair is up valley of the dolls style and deniro sees her, falls in love immediately even tho she is stirring up shit in his casino. also similar to the scene in trainspotting where renton falls in love with diane upon seeing her rudely drink both drinks of dude’s across the way by the bar.


if i were a gun i’d be a silencer pp7 that sexy sexy bitch. though the automatic weapons in goldeneye 007 for n64 are better. for example, the RCpm?90? whatever it’s called that shoots fat-ass lasers, super-ass fast at yer opponent’s head like mental and comes out the other side. the best is shooting the crap out of ‘em when they are already dead. the shotgun is pretty boss too.




if i were a song i’d be all of them. but especially that kanye west all falls down one. where’s that cd jonafran?


happy friday gang.


ms bojangles.

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