trapped in Raymidise

Hey dreamboats ready for all the stupid crap that’s gonna come out of my mouth lets go.

Everyday I shrink. I shrink or maintain. Next week is the big reveal of all this body insanity so any time that I feel like succumbing to eating a pile of sour keys I remember that everyone is going to see me full frontal soon and how much nasty judgmental body garbage do I feel like taking on really so I avoid and I avoid but sometimes I cheat (with cheese or whatever) and it doesn’t affect me. Like when I was really skinny at 26 I could eat big macs and cheese pizzas at 2 am and still was a rail somehow.

I do not understand this sudden turn of skinny that occurs at times in one’s life but I’m certainly not going to fuck with it.

I am embracing my Kylie Minogue comeback years I guess. I have let myself go a few times or sometimes it just happens? But anyway I really don’t care what anybody says about me (yes I do have feelings) because I have honestly been through it all. People are SO FUCKING MEAN to me. About me. So I’m done. I’m so done. I think you turn cuckoo when you age you step off a leaf on the beanstalk and you start being extreme you!

The voice of Raymi the Minx began as a heroine to the underdog because that is who I am.

I was bullied in grade 6 and I overcame it. I achieved. Became the Valedictorian of my class. I will become the scholar of my league now. This lane. Yours. I am ready to be a champion again.

God I just checked my stats and saw all this stupid shit in there. Every time I start to feel right about myself and my life, in come the haters. Without fail. A sign you know shit’s getting good. Not saying it’s perfect but fuck am I ever sick of the toxic reaction I engender when all I am essentially doing is bettering myself (trying) and blogging my simple fucking life experience. People sicken me. I do not see their good when all they show is bad.

I do not consider myself arrogant but I do know I am a quick study and I am awesome. That’s a threat. Now throw in all this sexuality crap which is blatantly exactly WHO I unabashedly am and so many take issue with it. I mean I get it man but I take pride in my human experience, the stories I tell and the entertainment I provide to those around me. Yes I can see how some might find it obnoxious but why are these some continuously coming back and back and back and back for more if they find it so obnoxious?

You know why? Because they are scared because it doesn’t end but they want it so desperately to. They can’t just exist knowing you exist and you thrive. They want you to feel very, very, very, very badly.

It really is sick. I have bare witness to so many sanctimonious, terrible, spiteful, nasty people online. They don’t seem to do anything else than feed off negativity. They do not change, they do not learn. They do not let be.

As much as people despise facebook I love it because it connects us all. I have formed a lot of bonds with strangers over the years and love to see their lives. I would NEVER throw rocks (glass houses) I would never, you know? I would never point blank harass and abuse someone every day it’s just that simple. Trolls are mentally ill. End of story.

When I started blogging I did it to lure men (for readers) because I thought only men would be interested in a girl’s bullshit. Then women came along and outnumbered that so I catered to you guys too. My entire brand is co-opted from Nerve.com breeding with VICE magazine tell it like it is style. When I mention Nerve I mean the boudoir sexy style of tease. I am a tease, a minx, a provocateur. I am a melancholy woman artist who seeks validation for my looks. Look at everyone on instagram, I am not the only one. I guess I am just saying to my haters is just please understand what this fucking is. It’s not an act it’s not an anything. I’ve been doing it so long I’m at the point where even I don’t know what’s next or wtf is going on and that’s the beauty of it and life but all things are gonna go the way they’re supposed to I am a firm believer and I am pretty sure if you spend your life trying to stand in the way of someone else’s dream, their lifestyle, life, you’re a fucking louse. You’re a piece of utter shit. Don’t you think perhaps some people have had enough ever? You know it’s illegal now and you go to jail for trolling. Do you want to be infamous and made an example of? Will I be the first Canadian blogger to send someone to jail? Or get you fired? Like honestly the abuse I’ve suffered warrants it when you think about it. I’ve actually blanked out huge chunks of time periods when I was under a lot of haterade but it all comes back eventually. You never forget hate.

But you overcome it and move on. It’s a means to distract you from your work too. I am too gullible for this every time. Gosh gee troll attention over meow. Just all know that if given the chance I would beat the ever loving shit out of you, or watch others do it. I’d enjoy a glass of wine while watching in fact. I don’t understand or tolerate people who hurt others so I am beyond logic or reason at this point and I’m done with words. I will go FULL Mississauga on your ass. LOL.

On to more important shit like Rocky. I had a nightmare about him last night. I finally caught him and held him like a human straightjacket. I need to see him asap haha. He’s such a special little guy. Something about his breed. So docile and lovely and purry and fluffy explosion into googoogaga land.

I uploaded these to blog Friday but my blog went down and my colleague ripped the guys a new asshole. Seriously if it was down today I would have sent the most psychotic text to him. It would be like if Winston Churchill could text Hitler during WWII level beautiful. okay I have to tweet that last sentence brb. LOL he JUST replied pretendsies your blog is down cos he wants to see what kind of text I’d send bleheheh.

I have to work on being long-winded though. Kerouac trait! Humble brag fuck yourself! You troll me I troll you with making every sentence more braggarty than the last, assholes!

I really wanted one of the sheep. It’s his bday soon (before mine!) so I should have wtf idiot Lauren. I was like I have to stop buying things with big eyes, I am not four. You need to get people things of value and use not chotchkis depicting my big pupils. Jeez.

Nice.

Intended for this post to be ten times more fun but I blew it oh well try again tomorrow. I am on stew duty anyway. Back to the vortex of bf xo. I had a really good juicy story. Blame the haters they seriously ruin everything. Goodnight. ps. these pants are huge on me now as are all others. Squeals with joy.