your daughter’s a whore, here’s why:
yep, it’s that time again kids!
barbie’s answer to antm, you know i am pretty feelin’ those thigh highs but you also know i am like 25 years old and not 8. ha even though i had thigh highs when i was in grade six.
what the fuck barbie? that hair isn’t even remotely close to being fashionable right now and why is it necessary to have MORE of IT? you are so desperately off your game i am wincing right now.
and now america’s next top model’s answer to america’s next top model, we couldn’t figure out if these were based on actual contestants or just invented non-existent chicks? what’s the point of the fake photo-shopped natural mug shot down there looking absolutely nothing like the actual doll? why bother? oh right, to SELL these things, gotcha.
looks like steph!
meet “madison” and “delancey” ugh, i gather named after the area of nyc each tramps around in. their BUY ME shtick is that they are digital camera pose-ready. a sad common theme throughout is the 2-for-1 packs of these beasts.
tres subtle.
fuck ugly boots check, red carpet cross-over pose check, oh look you and your real life friend can give each other piggy back rides what?
the next obvious move is tattoos of course.
i dug on this cos i remember that the accessories with my barbies were not on the electronic or technological side unless you consider an egg beater tech-savvy or oven mitts. it’s just neat to see and amusing picturing all that useless plastic in the belly of a vacuum.
why?
LETS GO FOR A LESBO BEACH CRUISE K? MMM’K! PUMPED? SO PUMPED! i am going to file this one under realistic. they may as well be driving a cloud.
speaking of reality here we go, pediatrician barbie. you know how they say the top whatever jobs are garbageman, doctor, old people and funeral parlour whatever cos ugh i cannot finish this, basically y’all a bunch of knocked-up ho’s!
see.
see. anne geddies barbie?
FACEBOOK PROFILE BARBIE I DON’T CARE HOW FAT MY ARMS LOOK IN THIS THING I HAVE ARRIVED PEOPLE!
TODD MARRY ME SO I CAN MAKE A FACEBOOK ALBUM AND GET WALL CONGRATS POSTS FOREVS. ugh listen chicks from high school i could barely stand, you are making the internet cringe one picture at a time, it’s not a donkey race to betroth just to impress me cos i can see it in your fiancé’s face, he’s not into you and you aren’t into him, so don’t do it you stupid fucks! what comes after marriage? babies. i think it should be made law that you must learn how to spell if you want to procreate. you were the dumb kids in school STOP MULTIPLYING and i’m not talking math here!
(no i am not harshing on my friends who have recently married, i love you guys, you’re the real deal)
GAH! 2-for-1 make-up busts, how is it supposed to be fun to paint the face of something that is already painted? you just can’t be natural can you barbie, because that would be revolutionary and would sell, for sure. i’m pretty sure every store in the annex would stock au natural tree hugging hemp sweater diva cup barbie dolls.
EWW. so it’s cheaper to manufacture entire feet instead of going the distance and making extra heels?
sickitating AND racist, why are the black feet basketball player shoe-sized?
super duper harsh sigh.
ok if that thing roller-bladed into the living room right now i would barf and shit myself and faint then launch it as hard as possible off the balcony.
WHO BUYS THESE THINGS? they may as well be troll dolls.
what happens next year how do you top this one bratz? a hot air balloon?
see how ugly (and tired) i am in comparison look what you are setting your daughter up for ya fuckin’ geniuses.
whore speakers for web-camminz’!
hahaha that’s what your bangs look like when you wake up in the morning after they are newly cut. this is a head on a vanity for some stupid novelty reason that wears off immediately so save your monies.
and that’s it, i avoided an entire aisle of teeny weeny bratz things cos this got really depressing and boring and tired and fil had to pee.
here are the two other times i did this before, here and here.
