Now here’s my best tweets!

2005. Look at my phone.

2013. Now. Both during my looking like shit life periods IMO. Photo Becca Lemire thanks baby!

Sucking up McDonald’s free wifi thanks Ronald McBlogald. Diet Pepsi coke party.

A little bit Raymdead, can you call in Raymdead? Hi I can’t come in today I am Raymdead. Again.

Now the rain is snow.

Towel jogging pants. All set now life!

I love when my phone tries to tag me in my pictures of food it’s like NO I am not a chicken wing thank you!

Friends calling me on my one word emails – Me: no Him: whoa whoa I didn’t ask for your life story! Slow down! BAHAAHAshut up

Models leads to more models. Should I be the Heidi Fleiss of Model collecting?

I just had a fantasy about buying a pen for the house and delivering speech about it.

Groggy sunny sunshine Sunday.

Longest walk ever.

He revealed his entire charade by reacting emotionally and storming off.

People just cant handle the aftershock of their socks being blown off by how amazing I am.

90’s moratorium.

blue cheese smoked turkey on rye + the hobbit.

And Hobbit the second time around is still boring as shit. I can’t believe it either I know. Sad day. (I didn’t make it the whole way through this time either. Fail. Please Peter Jackson make the next one better.)

Last night was bananers.

AND I took my hair out of the bun and it’s like huge and big Aslan big, and long now for real. Awesome. Now I’m going to watch Girls.

Oh was that throwing sub shade too pfft.

I can’t wait to wear my new shirt what looks like a sloppy Hampton’s house guest coat of armor.

I’d say my shirt is a little more Montague.

Angry like a Russian sky fireball.

Now I’m watching #BBCAN Ep 2. after reading every spoiler and tweet about it last night.

Snowing. Oh it stopped. Lol March.

How much attention you want. > How much attention you get.

Another day in Raymidise.

megatouch omg I’m going to be a barfly again

I hate everything right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This phone flickr everything! those two things!

Sad girls do it worse.

Feenished!

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen or heard about Ford’s wandering hand. Photo via @raymitheminx’s blog. pic.twitter.com/VIK8C3Btv3

I wish I took the four seconds required to learn this.

It’s okay to be a Raymiot.

We couldn’t have done this without me, I’d like to thank my ancestors for their wicked awesome brain genes.

Discovered free sample of fifty shades of grey on my phone last night. Almost at the dirty parts. Then I bet it cuts off haha.

Found out an ex got jilted when she found my blog. Word to the wise do not ever date me! #isurvivedraymi tshirts? Anyone?

This emailing photos to self system is a bust.

Mo Raymi mo problems.

It’s like punk daycare in here. Guess the bar.

I quite like Boston Irish punk music. It’s like when is Matt Damon showing up? When is something going to explode?

What does muy guapa mean.

EFF YOU SEE KAY!!!!!

Working from bed is kinda awesome albeit limiting.

People need to be more strategic, less emotional. #bbcan

Trying to ‘splain right now why flash in public space is a faux pas. No one cares. instagr.am/p/WvYGJgv0BC/

I love when windows of opportunity turn in to shoulda just kept doing that other thing with the extra time surrounding it.

Today is national discount chocolate day.

Toronto is Vegas to Oakville people. #fact. Love it.

Omg someone just sent me the most disgusting “model” pictures ever ahahaha no thank you I will not pose for free to look l like that.

Dad’s like oh look here’s your friend I’m all whose my friend? He shows me The Toronto Sun spread on #RobFord. Nice one Dad!

Grouper, red snapper, scotch bonnet.

How editorial is this nonsense.

Women who possess partial masculine features go far, their looks last a bit longer too.

Chaps. Chaaaaaaaaps. – BEST PLACE ON EARTH. jk

If I were an extremely low flying airplane I’d fly right in to that blue on baby blues. http://instagram.com/p/WhfmgeP0Jb/

GYM TAN WINGS

love hearing about menopause and hysterectomies all the goddamn time too I am living in cocoon except Cocoon SPring BREAK omfg hahahaha

V day is great for cleaning house of all the annoying bros who incessantly pester you every other day of the year then puss out today.

It’s woman’s day. Are men scared or what?

I’m just mad about carob.

“@17_steps: @raymitheminx lard jaysus Stay where ya b I’ll come where ya at ;-P” aye be aye be I’s be dressin like a fisher’s wife I’s be.

Oh great, a psychotically high phone bill arrives.

We all enjoy the madness cos we know we’re gonna fade away.

Ruuuuude and no waymi. why don’t you bring back not pissing me off?

Read the paper, the internet of the wifiless.

Aussie insult of the day: I think they’re a pack of whinges.

More faces than Big Ben.

You hate me when I’m here and miss me when I go.

Watching George Clooney bbq Julia Roberts a burger in his backyard while she interviews him for Oprah. ughhh why isn’t this my life!

Don’t: mix light caesar sriracha and ketchup.

There’s a party in my head and no one is inviiiited @tameimpala
Good thing password typing isn’t driving cos it just took me five thousand times to get mine right just now agahaha.

Uh oh I ate too many mocolates

I just inhaled black pepper seaweed.

Drinking Starbucks in bed. Even my shins are sore.

They call me rippy tights.

hippie supermarket endorphin ruuuush I’m gonna eat everythingggggg

Please don’t be jealous of me because my neighbour across the street looks like a short haired version of Gimli. What’s up #middleearth!

Gossip is the best when you have no clue who the subjects are and can offer useless input.

Raymaoke will be singing hit the road jack tonight.

Funny how you can’t handle Raymi but in actuality couldn’t handle what I handle. Hangin w/20 yr old models I dare your self esteem to try it.

I feel Raymazing.

“There is no chance of anyone in North America/Canada ever finding out,” OH PLEASE.

Late night confessions. Sometimes you feel like no one really gives a shit about you, they just want to read your blog.

And sometimes not even that! lol

Scrabble with 80 year olds.

Why doesn’t this hotel do coffee whyyyy

Adam rules. “AND I’LL BRING COOKIES. I don’t really like cookies that much so don’t get mad at me if I bring the wrong shit.” #Girls #hbo

twitter from my phone won’t let me reply to dm. wtf. It still won’t WTF??? Helplease.

So bootylicious can’t fit in da frame. Raymi Bunny ♥.

It feels like Burning Man just happened in my head.

The one that got a Raymi.

I was carded at the liquor store. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY.

Chicks dig diet talky.

Someone just asked me if I was wearing a cape.

Drake officially more stupid than we initially thought.

I want pancakes.

Wait a minute, can I have pancakes?

Don’t let anyone hold you back. Ever.

RAYMPOCALYPSE

Still kinda deaf. Lost more weight. Have headache. Sick of salads. Sun’s shining. Must plan 3 outfits for the next 2 days. How Raymnoxious.

I yawned two nights ago and could finally hear (a little bit) out of my ear btw. I know you’re happy for me.

Should have offered him some acting lessons and comedic timing instead ziiiing

Playing with fire.

Interesting evening. Hearing disinformation about your past romantic exploits from your ex bf. What a week.

While drinking with him when you shouldn’t be.

Took me forever to fall asleep last night, Rayminsomnia.

What do you get someone who has been reading your blog for 11 years?

No one likes a sore winner.

Now speaking in Manchester accent.

Sugar free polish ice tea.

@raymitheminx ha, we meant your raymazing article on Fucked Up. but this could be fun too.

Your memories aren’t invited. #themaster

Be careful when you mix sriracha and fiery jerk. BE CAREFUL.

Auntie Wynn just put down the word gag.

About to discover what a cup of Tim Horton’s tastes like with a shot of itself in itself. Sounds gross already.

I hope complaining makes ear pain go away.

Love reading my drunk tweets from the night before it’s like yes world, I AM hilarious.

A purple 80’s tricked out sports car unironically speeds by.

When I’m depressed I listen to Judy Garland. Clang clang clang went the trolley and shit!

I love that people in LA are allowed to be insane #RichardSimmons and/or drugged AHAHA. #ChelseaLately

You gotta be somebody’s baby you gotta learn to lose control you gotta go a little crazy release the animal. #gossip

You don’t know who you are until you leave where you’re from.