i’m fine
my dad is in hospital
things have been intense
it’s not a nightmare as much anymore
he’s getting a teeny bit better
still
i can’t
anyway
blogging has never felt so trivial
i am asleep on my feet i have lost a ton of weight
everything i eat goes right through me immediately
i go for a break have a drink go back to visit and sobers me right up
life is precious
if i have learned anything from this
life is fucking precious
my eyes have been bloodshot since wednesday
everytime i hear a beatles song i bust up
neil young
everytime i think i explode
i’m trying not to be fatalistic in my head
there is only so much pacing you can do
pace off a cliff
not entirely out of the woods yet
it’s critical then it’s stable
i don’t know what to say or do or think i do not have the adequate foundation to deal with stress or hospital stuff
other than crying and shitting
the heart and mind can never be prepared for what the eye delivers
come to think of it i could probably pace forever
