fil and i were about to head into the magician on sunday nite i was finishing a smoke and this guy a foot shorter than i wearing a total douchebag outfit looks up at me and goes whuuuzaa uhhh huuuh i say pardon me? he goes what’s that thing pointing at his lip and mine simultaneously, clearly he is waaaaysted i say it is a lip piercing he says why? fil goes it’s like an ear piercing you know except on your lip and the dude is still confused and all of a sudden learns how to speak again says WELL IT ISN’T VERY ATTRACTIVE. i just look at fil and then back at the guy and shrug, why bother, the dude is basically a troll, can’t even figure out how to open a door and he is wearing a fluorescent blue fleece piece of shit jacket in the lower east side, how audacious. here are the things i SHOULD have said:

WELL AT LEAST I AM NOT SHORT

WELL NEITHER IS YOUR FACE

those are my two wicked unused burns.

oh wait here is the one JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE IN NEW YORK CITY DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD EXPRESS YOUR OPINIONS ALLOUD EVERYTIME THEY COME TO YOUR FUCKING MIND

and then later on this old hag was hating on fil and i for visitting new york cos apparently we are just like starbuck’s? um sorry new york isn’t one crack den street after another anymore like in the good old 80s or would you perhaps be satisfied with a new jack city vibe, maybe? i tried to tell her that actually i use to live in brooklyn but she kept going on about everything being different now yeah it’s called PROGRESS.

the following is a pictorial representation of the emotions i experienced upon learning that my hello kitty charm fell off was stolen off my purse:

i will spare you from having to see the rest it got a bit messy.