FRIDAY THOUGHTS:

new mascara is AMAZING. dear: new mascara, can i buy you a cellphone so i can call you when i go to the bathroom at the movies? i will program a special ring for when i call and everything maybe i can get you on the same plan as me or something? yeah? dear: old mascara, uh, peace!

do you guys think i could be a stand-up comedian and my schtick would solely consist of saying DEAR: BICYCLE, blablahblah DEAR: VOLLEYBALL NET, blahhhhblablabluhbluh DEAR: NAPKIN RINGS, blausfekfdegfll bla bla bla?

whatever half of you think i am plagued with mental problems anyway.

fil tells me i need to work harder on getting famous and i was like uh when was it decided that I was the one who had to get famous? basically joke emailing triple-A celebrities is not how you get famous. i should’ve known. i emailed pauly shore in 2002 AND DID HE WRITE BACK NO! i was all dreamy and romantic about it saying he could share my futon and we could go bikeriding wasted and i could score him drugs in hindsight i guess it came off creepy but no wait, pauly shore fucking BLEW IT!

i only emailed him cos i found his website and read every page on it for his email.

more stories of how i try and manipulate celebrities into being my friend to come!

hmm i wonder how i could get paris hilton to be my friend? ideas?

raymi: that’s uh?

paris: hot raymi, that’s hot

raymi: OH PARIS YOU ARE SO SMART AND AN INNOVATOR

fdoihrhureo ungh i can’t do it, this person told me once that they thought paris hilton was actually a genius and all this other crap that i pretended to agree with yeah more on that later.