ASK RAYMI
Hi Raymi,
I just discovered your web site today. I was wondering what you thought about my little problem.
I am almost 22 and my boyfriend is 23. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months. He has a lot of great qualities: he’s handsome, generally he has a positive attitude, he makes me laugh, he wants to spend time with me, we have loads of fun when we go out, his family and friends all adore me. In fact I have never been with a guy who’s family and friends have accepted me the way these people do.
It has been along time since I have felt this much for another person. He has told me that I broke down all the walls he had built up around his heart and that he loves me and cares about me very much. He has said that he wants to be with me for the rest of our lives so we can make each other happy and have fun and stay young. He said I am the only girl he has ever been with that he can see himself growing old with.
But I have a few problems with him though…..
I know that he is insecure with certain aspects of himself (who doesn’t right?) So to compensate for this he is over confident and ends up driving
me away…. it can be a big turn off.
Secondly, he has this talent for saying the worst possible thing and the worst possible time. He is Sarcastic and rude. For example, Last night we went out to dinner with my 17 year old cousin (we’re pretty close). This was the first time that he was to meet her. We were eating appetizers and my cousin started talking about her sex life. To make a long story short, my boyfriend says, point blank, that he is “way better in bed” than I am.
It just crushed me. He has a sarcastic sense of humor, I know this, but sometimes he takes it so far that it would hurt less if he just punched me in the face. Most times when we go out he will say at least one thing that really cuts me down. The worst part is he does it in front of his friends, and now my family. After we took her home he wanted to go back to his house, but I refused. I told him how he makes me feel when he says things that cut me down. He told me that he was sorry and that he was new at “all of this” (relationships) and that he loves me and cares about me.
But this isn’t the first time that we have fought about this. I know i deserve to be treated better. I deserve a straight answer to my questions: Why do you think it’s funny to put me down? Why don’t you stand up for me? why do you let your friends talk down to me? If I hear anyone saying something to cut him down, I stand up for him. But he won’t stand up for me. It’s not that I don’t mind standing up for myself, i always have, but every other boyfriend I have had would punch out another guy who was putting me down. What the heck do I do?
Is this relationship worth saving? Should I just cut my losses now? Please help RAYMI!!!! Thanks for reading my email. I hope to get an answer soon!
Keep up the great work and best wishes for the future!
~ Sleepless in Canada
Hi Sleepless, wow that was really long, you could’ve just got to the point and said my boyfriend is an insecure fucking asshole who uses me as his whipping boy to look better in front of his piece of shit friends.
this relationship is NOT worth saving, your boyfriend thinks his behavior is acceptible. he refuses to stop and it’s so bad even his friends are doing it.
if you really want to save it the only way would be to mock him publicly and do everything he does to you but worse. however, that doesn’t sound like a healthy and happy relationship to me or anyone.
he seems to be one of those i want you to treat me like shit type guys and he’s pushing and pushing you to return the treatment, it’s the only way he can be satiated that yes, he is worthless and lacks confidence, whatever, he’s a fucker. move on. he is emotionally unstable and 23 for crying out loud! date someone older who treats you better.
ps. he said the i see us growing old together line which is only a ploy to get you to stick around longer and all bitches fall for it.
good luck
