this is how you get people to tell you super secret stuff at parties when you meet them for the very first time and then later on you talk to their friends who they’ve known for years and are like joe blow told me this this and this and their friend is all WHAT I HAVE KNOWN JOE FOR TEN YEARS, HE NEVER TOLD ME THAT – YOU MET HIM FIVE MINUTES AGO AND HE TOLD YOU THAT!?!??!
1. get wasted
2. get joe blow wasted
3. divulge a bunch of personal information about yourself that you’ve told to various other people before in the past, bonus points for watery-eyes.
4. eye contact
5. touch their shoulder and smile a lot, nod your head
6. make them feel like they are the only person at the party and they have your undivided attention. ask the right questions, stick to the same subject, it will lead you to the juicy shit.
7. tell them a hilarious gossip bomb about someone you know
8. by now they should be telling you a bunch of secrets
9. memorize everything they say
10. act like it’s no big deal that you know this shit
11. tell their friend about it the following day
12. forget about all of it
