i hate HATE it when people refer to madonna as Madge like they go way back – uh dinkbreath, YOU DON’T KNOW HER, YOU AREN’T FRIENDS, SHE DOESN’T CALL YOU ON THE FONE. on the other hand i do like it cos madonna is old and madge is an old lady name. when i am old you can call me dusty mcfly and i will wear fuscia leotards and high heels and jazz dance in slow motion and watch myself in the mirror and i will bring back music that was cool today, like uh, say feist and then turn it into gospel house music.

this isn’t funny, it was suppose to be.

ok now that comment gwyneth paltrow made about not liking drunk bitches and you have to snort blow off a stripper’s ass crack to be cool these days, uh gwyneth, no one does that. that’s a total waste of cocaine. also why did you say that? i *thought* you were cool and shit, is it because your husband has weird big curly hair with a receeding hairline and you are making babies?

natalie portman doesn’t do drugs or drink and party but she is still interesting i think.

not to harp on gwyn, just sayin’ in general, i want to set people on fire who point their finger at others partaking in shit that they use to do themselves. like hi i remember when you were a prostitute alcoholic crackhead and now you’re sober and you’re telling me i talk loud when i have a few glasses of shiraz? oh wait i have a present for you it’s in my pocket just…hang a sec….STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB!

what else annoys me?

i’ll get back to that.

last nite was good, i made a lot of moohla and i got a ton of free shit and these are the famous people who didn’t talk to me – alanis morisette, that drunk stars singer chick, jesse and seb of dfa 1979, k-os, uh, other people i guess. the stills played and so did morningwood and carlos d of interpol dj’d.

we were selling voss water, that insanely huge glass water that looks like a shampoo bottle. fucking disgusting waste of money, rich people are stupid try-hards, and there were a ton of them last nite. i couldn’t help but think most of them were there just to have their foto taken and put in the magazine. i got a 555 soul jacket for free and miss sixty flip flops and underwear and other crap.

i was a very good bartender and i told this guy working with me that he could take his suggestions and shove them up his ass when he was “suggesting” me how to do my job, then he apologized. i asked him to put ice in the cocktail ice bucket and he said no you get it yourself and then started fighting with me in front of a bunch of people, i cut him off and took the entire bucket and filled it to the top and put it back on the table and made him look super lazy and rude and he apologized again and said he didn’t understand what i was asking for and the only reason i asked him to do it was cos i was in the middle of pouring five drinks, all different and i needed some FUCKING ICE and he was standing there doing NOTHING.

wow if i get an everyday job my blog will be filled with the mistakes of everyone around me from here on.

there was this tall nerdy guy with glasses who was like our bar bitch and he danced a lot all goofy and it made me laugh. i was like you’re awesome and he said if i am so awesome then why aren’t we making out? and i said uh i have a boyfriend and he said that was non-sequitur and i said how the hell is it? and he said oh well i JUST started seeing someone it’s in the beginning stages, like does she like me, does she like me cos i am tall is that why she kisses me? i’m like oh thanks for letting me know that i can’t make out with you now cos i was totally just going to. pfft.