gahahahah this photo is hysterical to me right now and i haven’t even gotten stoned yet. i can’t wait to hang out with skidfanie tomorrow and laugh for five hours at this picture. ready for a (pedantic)(i finally looked up what that word means and i don’t take it as insult anymore so meh) tour of LUXE Tanning Studio? we all know how tanorexic i am so finally a raymi review of something i do constantly anyway. now i just need to review a meth lab. ha ah ha. so totally kidding i’ve never tried meth nor do i plan on it. i’ll be reviewing that weed field on that island in the movie the beach next. here’s hoping.

this was my first time poking around liberty village on foot. gotta say, the yuppie fetish boner in me was kinda diggin’ the scene. i love old and rustic but i also love fresh and modern. i love it all. i am such a mess of desire.

so naturally, this swanky studio fits right in. i love see-thru furniture.

And fantastic lighting. Warning you now because one guy whined about looking at my blog at work, there is one photo of tits in this post.

that’s jess the owner there. she’s young(er than me) and a business owner. excuse me while i shoot myself. check my luggage i walked straight there from the train. i love having my own go station in my hood.

cozy. if you’re a design elitist nerd needing some uv this is your scene.

i am in the wrong fuckin’ business bro.

coolest bulbs. what are they called? old school in the new school.

THE cadillac of tanning beds. they all have different names but i refer to it as a super bed. you know, shorter duration, higher wattage, quicker tan. jess says it’s actually called HIGH PRESSURE and “More UVA, less likely to get red..more bronze!!! ideal pairing for double dip. That is all :)” i’ve never used a bed that isn’t a full dome before. it is so relaxing and comfortable cos there’s grooves that support pressure points of your body not like the older beds that are just flat.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036772634/in/photostream/

decided to come back the following day (this morning) because i didn’t want to take my makeup off pre-spray tan. i went to the brazen head to get pissed with rob and catch up. we haven’t hung out in months. he’s going to guest blog for me while i’m gone. make a full on mockery of my blog, photos of his outfits and what he eats ahhaha, take complete control of everything. even go out on review missions. won’t that be a treat.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036154323/in/photostream/

doesn’t that remind you of the deep relaxation spa from zoolander. i’m trying to type relaxtion phonetically how milla jovovich says it. cum deep deeeeep re-lack-say-shun.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036154581/in/photostream/

i feel like if i had my own business it would just look like a garbage dump which is why i’m so impressed all the time by other people’s aesthetic. once i have my own space what the hell will i do with it? i feel like i am always waiting out on that. i talked to a guy at beerfest about letting me live for free in his brand new condo building and just pimp the hell out of the place on my blog (guy fucking email me already!) and deck it the hell out, product placement city. start filming a show there.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036773428/in/photostream/

don’t even ask me what this means. it’s more for her to know how many minutes one should have. or the tone level of spray and when your last session was.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036155109/in/photostream/

when we were talking i couldn’t stop looking at these so only took in about fifty per cent of what jess was telling me until i said sorry i have to take a picture of these like, right now. fruit fly attention span.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036155337/in/photostream/

you could always rent this out for a sci-fi flick.

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so cool what is this glow in the dark mini putt? lazer tag anyone? pass the aciiiiiiid.

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fun with black light. my toe polish popped this morning (electric orange).

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yes, i am.

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that plastic pillow (head rest) is movable. thought it was part of the bed. funky.

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spray tan machine! intimidating. every spray tan demo you see on tv, footage of some retarded tv host or girl trying out for something (ew remember that pageant show on tlc?) in these booths they’re all clumsy and awkward well, that’s not acting. you feel like a complete tard ass and scared. hahaha aw. it’s just my nature to be neurotic and ask ten thousand questions. it’s the easiest thing though really no need to be scared.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036775542/in/photostream/

and no jersey shore fear this will not turn you into an oompa loompa.

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a happy customer.

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you don’t have to worry about any of this. all you have to do is press the green button inside the unit and listen to instructions, performing four different standing positions and remembering to close your eyes (and mouth).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036157669/in/photostream/

you do this one egyptian pose to get the parts beneath your arms. i almost fell over cos i had my eyes closed tight (you know and can anticipate the spray so it’s not necessary to have your eyes jammed) during the first standing position transition.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036776662/in/photostream/

ok i’ll be right back.

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and here i am. exfoliated, lotion-free, makeup face free.

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beautiful day out there right now and i couldn’t be happier sitting on my ass here indoors playing catch up loner laptop time in adventurehouse.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036777408/in/photostream/

lookin’ smart. 171 east liberty street unit 147 (right behind the brazen head pub) 416 901 9333 – info@luxetanningstudio.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036777612/in/photostream/

more invisible. i link modernist furniture to intelligence. people who own shit like this seem smarter. also you know it’s not cheap so it’s obviously a status thing too. sort of relevant, rob and i were talking about me and kerouac and he said that’s pedigree baby. i asked what he meant and said if i was a horse he’d buy me cos my grandfather’s cousin was jack kerouac, IF jack kerouac was a fast running horse (good metaphor?) i thought he meant nepotism but anyway, status, intelligence, pedigree, all lead to elitism. yes? can’t wait til i go back to my non-conformist phase it is sooo much more affordable.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036159215/in/photostream/

day time less spooky abyss.

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forgot my goggles. jess gave me some disposables and this amazing lotion that’s conducive for a spray and thus my double dip begins.

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lotion imprint.

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looks like aliens.

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gross. keeping with the sci fi theme hahaha. i barely sweated.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036779580/in/photostream/

i’m going to stop working out for a few weeks and see if i get tinier. backward right? it’s keeping me fat i just know it. it keeps me hungry that’s for sure. the muscle bulk of my thighs is pissing me off and making me feel bigger and my one fave pair of skinny jeans is impossible to hike up. i mean they fit and i wear them still but it’s like the incredible fucking hulk getting them on.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036161129/in/photostream/

rob told me i’m an idiot to stop and that my ass is firmer. so what i’d rather go back to being a waif with less of a badonk. i’ll still go to do weights and abs shit but no more treadmill. ok i’m not actually going to stop working out i’m just going to stop running like a mental case and getting gymnast legs. barf.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036780330/in/photostream/

decided to not go commando. tan lines are working for me why fuck with a good thing.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036780846/in/photostream/

if i was a business owner damn straight i’d wear hot heels everyday.

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damn girl. take it all in cos you are about to see the most unflattering photos i’ve ever shown.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036781952/

ugh such a beast. i don’t really know anyone who doesn’t look disgusting from behind. yes dear i’ll have some more coffee, i look up and think holy shit i just slept with a warlock what the hell is that lurching away from me??

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036163281/in/photostream/

these are the only two i’m posting. i did all the various poses but i just looked too repulsive sorry. not paid enough for that embarrassment next time when i’m more fit maybe.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036163535/in/photostream/

you know what you’re getting into when you hit my blog. tan lines city. i keeps it retro.

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self cleaning. well, fancy that.

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i don’t ever want to have to paint my own toenails ever again.

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look how freakish my right baby toe looks.

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these are the jeans that are impossible to get on now thanks to my olympic work outs.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036783696/in/photostream/

my floating americano from cloud 9 (?) i love that place. they have nutella cookies. i didn’t get one but yeah, please go try one and tell me if it’s worth it.

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up to date mags.

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brazen head patio spying view.

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i looked like shit. i didn’t dress up cos i figured it would all just be photos of me in my underwear or naked plus no makeup. roots job tomorrow (i am obsessed).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036165801/in/photostream/

see, my face has colour so i can go a little while without makeup. yeah right.

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jess is a perfectionist. all business owners ought to be i think.

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jess should be her own model for a blog post like this her body is in far better shape but i guess that’s not the point. they want the raymi, i give the raymi. by the way that is the world’s tightest most unforgiving shirt so don’t judge me too harshly. i told my therapist today about my body issues/starvation diet and he was like, ok this is kinda worse than your drinking. i’ll save that headcase crap for another post.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5036785528/in/photostream/

what a wiener. i wonder if the white layout is to help customers see their tans at their best. always wear white after a day at the beach, or a fake n bake. everyone will look like pale sickly piles of puke beside you. white after labour day foreverrrrr. thanks again fabfind, beginnin’ to be besties we is. you can get a great deal via ff still for luxe, 50% off so $20 for a spray tan you have til 1am to purchase it online. otherwise you just show up and say raymi sent you, jess will give you 10% off and that’s for whenever no time limit. ok bye now time to stare at myself in the mirror for ten minutes xoxox.