so they gave me a bag of various jack off creams and a purple floppy dildo/vibe named dicky dolphin. and yes, it looks like a dolphin. on the package there is a cartoon drawing of a tree and a caterpillar dildo climbing up the side of it and the dolphin dildo is flying through the air because it is a magical flying dildo i imagine.

i’m so fucking glad the show is over and done with. i am not exactly sure when it will be airing.

anyhow, the other girls on it were kinda trashy. they brought these spaghetti strappy lacey shirt things to wear so i had to wear this crappy pinky shirt of mine and i chose to wear my pink half sweater on top of it and i had it all buttoned up and they were like um cuuuuut after the first take and made me unbutton it because i looked like a big boring stuffy scared of sex conservative nerd loser.

anyway, the chick host is phony on camera and goes mm hmm mm hmm when the other host guy is talking like she is paying attention to what he is saying but really it’s a tv thing, you know, to keep the conversation flow going.

when we had to eat the cake for this camera close-up, i spilled some crumbs on myself and my stupid teased hair got all in my mouth.

i am fucking amazing.

what else.

ooooh at the end we had to play the orgasm game where we had to throw darts at balloons and act out an orgasm for whatever balloon you got so i had to have an orgasm like an aerobics instructor and it was pretty gay and theatrical and forced and i am going to die of faggotry when the show finally airs.

i wasn’t even allowed to roll my eyes though i screamed out a lot of obnoxious crap when everyone was talking over each other about orgasms so i hope they don’t edit that out. you’ll know it’s me but i don’t think the camera was on me.

i bet they barely even filmed me, i was at the end of the couch for every fucking scene, nodding and smiling when the one whore was saying that she had at least 20 orgasms everytime and then when we were talking about how if your man lover sometimes does not cum the girls were like no, that’s never happened to me before i was like BULLSHIT.

the girl’s loser boyfriend was waiting in the green room the entire time too.

they met via their amateur porn days, which is “in their past”.

right.