The Darling Mansion pt. II

Hello hello. Finally the second installment of The Darling Mansion photos from that epic boxing day bash, the ones too racy for Raymi Toronto but not for you minxes here. The rest of the best!

“Welcome to an inside scoop of the ever-successful Air B&B masterpiece The Darling Mansion by proprietress Tanya Grossi located at 224 Dovercourt Road which was also featured on the front page of The Toronto Star’s Entertainment section last Wednesday, January 27: What goes on inside Toronto’s Darling Mansion? All photos in this Raymi Toronto post taken by Tracey White Kirouac aka my mom.”

Darling is synonymous with Tanya. Anytime I hear that word I think of her immediately. That’s how you build an authentic brand. Claim a word. Be a darling.

It’s a beautiful place. A lot to see and feature.

aaaaaaaaaand Tanya is homies with Geoffrey Rush. He goes there. Sigh. I had the Shine movie poster on my wall as a teen. Fact.

Loved her. Body goals.

I thought this was me when I originally went through all these photos hahaha. Tanya has a great collection of mannequin parts.

Giggle collapse in the Madam’s quarters. It happens.

Great details taken by my mother.

End of the night evidence thanks mom. That’s just Clem nbd.

Exterior of the office. IRL on your tiptoes you see a lot more.

By the end of the night everyone is best friends. Best friends for one night only!!

Hi mom. This was taken in the opium den, the master suite.

What’s up Gurpreet.


I was just sitting there and it became a happening. It typically does.

Tanya is pipes goals. Love ya darling.

My instagram “I am a model” phase lol.

Double shooters.

Oh mom. Hi Alastair. This is the downstairs Playboy theme bathroom. It’s very dated. You will love it.

Salvador Dali was a hell of a guy and Tanya’s main squeeze. Inspiration.

Just exquisite. You may find out her name over on Raymi Toronto.

Oh that art. Such a sweet piece.

I’d show it off too baby!


So amazing.


This is my mom’s friend. Well. He wrote the feature on her for The Toronto Star on her rock collection story. Don’t get me started.

It was a fun party indeed.

If everybody does it it’s okay.

A classic print.

What’s with the face ma?

Mom you are hilarious for taking this.

Va-va-voom! Part of Tanya’s brand is her boldness and confidence with nudity. She is very flexible, used to do back arches on her bar. Iconic. Toronto woman legend for damn sure just lurk her Facebook or google her man, no one compares.

You may admire art like this but Tanya admires it by amassing it in full blown print form. Got you beat again gooses.

This is in the pink room. The Wes Anderson room. Well anyway I’m sorry it’s over but as always, more soon. Have a beautiful rest of your Sundaze.

See part I HERE: The Darling Mansion Part I.

do not disturb/disturbed

Ready for some disgusting? I decided to make good on sharing pictures from my camera from that movie I did a couple weeks ago. All life events deserve a second chance, a last dance.

Two things. 1. the “appliance” piece had fat buckles on it 2. I’m thinner meow than I was this day but whatever. Requisite girl insecurity thing to say. I also put catwang on all the nipples to make sure no one gets offended ffs! You will still be offended anyway I bet YOU ALWAYS F(*&%(%ING ARE!

I got to keep my underwear. Sexy. I kept saying it was the scariest part of the movie.

“I was feeling” my thumb ring, hair, shades, self and nails.

When my hair is nice and long I’m going to do all sorts of weird and beautiful artistic portraits. Yeah, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, always I’m gonna.

I look like Animal, that muppet here. Looking fwd to getting more highlights in.

It was an interesting, long, fun, exhausting day.

So gross. So real. Fantastic.

I just had to get mirror shots of our bods together when the hell else will this ever happen to me?

The more you sit around the more the wound changes in appearance. I bet it looked awesome on camera.

The buckle line right where my torso curves on its own is so perfect and vile. It’s hard to take a picture of yourself from this angle.


I was not prepared for the acting part of the job. I had the smirks for the first scene take and was panicking in my head that OH NO now I have to actually act, I forgot about that part LOL. By the end of several takes (it’s a long scene) I got holding my breath for long periods (I’m a trained swimmer) down pat and holding my face still when the sheet is removed off my body on the morgue slab. I wanted to bust out laughing each time oh man what a challenge. I can’t wait to see One Drop.

Actually prefer this one without the catwang but such is blog life.

k peace ttyl.

Does your dream take you far outside?

Hola muchachos!

Boy life has been sinteresting it sure has. Spring is in the air yee haw now bee-oy.

Note to self delete this portion of blog post in the morning (maybe).

Lookit that lil furburger lettin me hold him like that tho.

Here’s a dance club makeover of what I had for dinner tonight. Jerk chicken thai nnntsa nnsta nnnsta #beats #DROP.

In 2008 I was a hella stud yo.

Future self: do not change. Do not go gently into the night. #tbt

(Is that the quote?)

The morning of the movie. I had no sleep the night before I was too amped and I was going to wake up my mom to come with into town to go shopping so I didn’t sleep because I had set my mental alarm which kicked my insomnia into over drive. Anyway I was like fuck this I am just getting up. She ended up bailing arggg.

I’m playing a dead person it’s probably a good idea to look like actual shit. Just wait til you see ALL the goodies I have.


The other dead girl sister to me had her tit photos removed from facebook and she was so mad and I tried to console her all day but it was amazing to see someone pull a Lauren but yet I got and am used to bitches reporting me (and losing every time) but her tits are massive and so like more sexual. I dunno man tits don’t lie. That should be this blog’s title. I am hurting for one.

I went on a Saturdate. It was colder down by the lake than had anticipated so I changed. This was before the date had turned.

Pretty hardcore no yes maybe oh fuck yeah. Now THAT is some prosperity. Everyone I send this to who matters says they are into necrophilia now huahaha ew great cool #flattered. Grey nipples dude! To get this off me was a trip also. Shout outs to my makeup artists! Will link proper in the morning.

My other dead friends what’s up.

#deadselfie. #ducklipsintheafterlife

We had our own special room because of Actra. Holy hell special treatment city. It’s good though I guess some women in the past have had bad experiences during nude scenes. It was so decent and respectful above and beyond piece of cake.

Kind of like the shining twins.

They gave me fat bulge definition from the prosthetic I was not pleased haha. I got to keep it too. it might come in handy for a prank. I might mount and frame it or throw in garbage we will see.

I am going to post the original of this tomowoah tomowoah there’s always tomowoah and I am barely funtioning right now omg it’s so late wtf am I up for!!!? Schedule is out of whack.

They wiped all my makeup off. I refused to show up fug.

Jokes I made regarding my stomach hole: Oh just a flesh wound. “had some crazy mexican last night some explosive tacos” ski accident. Other dumb shit I can’t recall.


This was very early in the morning. Oh boo hoo Lauren shut up hahah.

Oh yeah that was the night before I almost forgot! 4/20 what’s uppp. Thanks Coralreefer420 for sending me those pasties xoxo.

Alrighty then goodnighty then.

One Drop Indie Gogo thing donate please!

One Drop Indiegogo from A Film Monkey Production Inc. on Vimeo.


(blog post title is from this song the lyrics are dope and mysterious yet clear cut).

relate relate retaliate

A friend of mine (a famous friend of mine therefore to be taken as gospel) said this photo was the best I’d ever taken. Interesting. Like magazine worthy. More interesting hmmm. Now is it the spring fever talking or? I feel as though I have done everything already before and everyone is sick and bored of me blah blah etc. people surprise you everyday.

Annoyed could not locate my bunny ears yesterday/all weekend.

A younger guy friend of mine who is strictly a platonic brotherly literary sort of guy who goes yolo sometimes, straight and narrow with demons, but yolo in him don’t forget – we get together and I update him on all the good backstory of my life, the shit I actually get up to. The last time we met he was like and why aren’t you sharing THIS instead? Now he calls for more narrative in this stupid blog SO with that in mind I will try to be more linear (now googling what linear means) with it and be less space cadet all over the place. More direction?

adjective: linear

arranged in or extending along a straight or nearly straight line.
“linear arrangements”
synonyms: straight, direct, undeviating, as straight as an arrow; sequential
“linear motion”
consisting of or predominantly formed using lines or outlines.
“simple linear designs”
involving one dimension only.
“linear elasticity”
able to be represented by a straight line on a graph; involving or exhibiting directly proportional change in two related quantities.
“linear functions”
progressing from one stage to another in a single series of steps; sequential.
“a linear narrative”

Okay that makes sense and is what I thought I meant.

Needing to keep a bit of the mystique though because you just got to but will show nipples again perhaps. Have been blasting on twitter to see how they react and it’s odd that nudity is allowed there, refreshing. I feel like less family types eyes are on me there. But I will always be about the blog, there has to be reason to come here. This is why I am so annoying on all social feeds overposting because really it’s my inner blog screaming out, to blog, like I used to. It’s no longer immediate for me or easy like it used to be so it takes awhile. Writing a book is even harder yet.

In the meanwhile I dabble in sexy jobs. I AM A SEX SYMBOL O_O . just jk but you know, not really? What’s my end game? Jesus don’t ask me that. I am approaching crafting or constructing my sexual image and building it in the ways a porn star might do their online self-promo. I am going to join tinder again for the promo exposure not for the dating. Well if I meet someone awesome by accident then giddy-uppa.

What’s also great is constructive criticism you don’t have the time for. Oh my god good grief. Yeah I get it I look hotter more casual-like in photos. Guy I don’t know how to be casual! Let me see you try this. Sometimes I have to contort to mask the juicy or the tired I may be looking, or my makeup face I slept in the night before and haven’t removed. And it’s always from men too. GRRRR. Minx claws are contracting or whatever claws do.

I am just annoyed because I have to do my hair makeup full all out and take some Raymazing pictures for a postcard to be printed but I am too tired and lazy nahmean? You can never have a day off from destiny if you ever want to realize it.

And I’ve other adult chores to do today but I don’t want to do them either. You ever get like that. Trapped by your lists? I bet Type-A personalities who read my blog are like NO and read my blog solely as if I am a human specimen freak. I am kind of a little like Raymi’s Playhouse no?

I’m gonna be the juicy one on Friday. You’ll see. I have to practise my photo poses. I’ll be doing it again in the fall too. Crazy! Craymazing. Raymtastical. Huzzah! Jubilant! The bee’s knees.

Ok, ok.

I have a troll who bashes my belly button like I GAF (give a fuck!)(Some people have super disgusting torsos yo I think I am doing alright thanks) They have done it for years, went silent then re-appeared once I joined Naked News. Okay bro. You can stop trying to hurt me about my body I am pretty damn body aware and don’t care. It’s also nice to see that you have not gotten a life in years.

Just do it Euro style, or Kate Moss.

Remind me to buy cilantro please.

Rocky loves my roommate more than me. Whatever. He’s into boys. He loves me too don’t worry but at night I give him the cold shoulder so he is conditioned to manipulate someone else.

Once I get all my shit together I’ll show you how many pairs of jeans I have now thanks to my mom and her jeans buying problem.

When my friend’s random text came in about narative I blew up at him and said be lucky I blogged at all today! It was right after I hit publish on the last post I blogged. Which he didn’t read and had nothing to do with his text at all. See how exhausting blogging can be and if you’re in a state when you do it, good luck to you. I see it as a creative dumping ground and the slate is clean when I get all the images up that I have uploaded.

The thing is he was right so I was exploding about that.

Everyone is right! I do need casual pictures. I AM sexier when I am not trying to be sexy. I agree with you all yes yes but shut up okay.

I also blew up at my mom via text when I posted my tanning bed picture because she made a comment to me.

The more things you do, the more comments you get, you have to roll with it and be as mellow yellow as you can. There will always be a dissenter in the crowd, even when they’re on your side. We are just consumed by constant input, we seek it out, bring it on ourselves. When it’s your job essentially to make a lot of noise and get them to notice and it works you only have yourself to blame, or to thank.

I am proud of my eyes in this picture.

Look I’m the guy from Coldplay in the yellow music video. That’s the second time I have said yellow now in this post. I think I said it in my last post too. My world is really big, guys.

I’m annoying? I have no clue of which you speak. What’s annoying is these jeggings and their crotch area holy crap.

Mom is trying to burn me with a duck lips burn except she is the only one frigging making them so burn on mom ilu xox.

The trick to eternal youth is to stay childlike forever. I saw some thing on facebook with an old lady in a tiara who throws weird parties for other geezers and she was like 90 or something, 98? Yeah so provided I live that long I will be still getting up to stupid crap like that. See how I write all juvenile like? It takes a genius to master that.

Love this pic hate those pants. If I put a catwang head there it would just confuse and distract what is the point. It is good that I am drawing attention to this now.

We broke up. We tried to make it work but we just fight too much. I will refrain from saying anything else. It was mutual. Well it was topsy turvy for awhile and took turns having the breakup power but in the end it was a tie, we just fought a lot. I can play the age card maybe but also ultimately we are different people and I require more worship and appreciation. I am extremely needy and demanding. I have standards and of a certain league IMO and I think only a certain amount of people are out there to get, tolerate, and appreciate that. So the hunt continues. Lets be honest, there are certain things I do that guys just can’t handle. I am like a split personality person. I am old fashioned relationship romantical moony type and loyal but I also have a little Jim Morrison strain of trouble that runs through me.

And the story will always revolve around me and it can repulse some, I get it. I can have a cast of key players throughout and a partner in crime for sure, but that partner cannot be a force that is working against me. It needs to bring me up, not down.

Well so much for not really speaking about it.

This is going to be an experience. I need to print 400-600 postcards. That’s a lot of people.

Lol snacks.

I gotta go against my rule of blog now and to be continued this ish. Sorry!

But please though just don’t kale my vibe.

xo Raymkenstein

your heart’s a mess


Hey darlings. I feel like ranting right meow. About what? Nothing in particular except for everything because everything is annoying omg right?

Please tell me you get that this blog is 25% bullshit, 25% satire, 25% Raymi Lauren’s misguided opinions, and 25% REALNESS. I just mean that when I’m being stupid it isn’t real. When I am being mean, I am being funny. Pretty much any time that you disagree with me you are disagreeing with the shadows, with quite frankly – an emotional lunatic, who sits down here and just dumps her brain out for an hour then feels COMPLETELY RAYMAZING for awhile afterward.

Here now in this court of blog, are the bonafide factual reasonsings for the aforementioned hysterics: I am moving. It is my birthday tomorrow (at midnight but who is counting). I AM ON MY PERIOD. I was on Naked News (super exposed).

Kind of normal stuff (reasons) no?

ANYWAY. This is the part of the blog where we turn it all around. When you are going through hell you just keep going. Or, you let something off your chest to feel better. Mis-direct? You just blog. On with the juice!

This weekend I wanted to disappear like usual. I am sitting in my same spot by the lake that I always sit acting like this is not really happening. The last time I might ever write anything worthwhile here and suddenly I really give a shit.

I really need new pants I do look like a hobo. Baggy on ass and hips. People hate people who complain about being skinny. I am liking how my shorts fit on me now though obviously, a bit bigger on you can make you look tinier. Not in the ass though. Ass is big right now. #squats.

Psycho soccer mom face.

I guess I kinda do lead a bit of a Morticia Addams lifestyle no, or the chick Winona Ryder played in Edward Scissorhands. Oh so emo so swoon! I DID do an ice dance for burlesque in tribute fyi btw, so.

ice dance from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

I pour blood all over myself too. And on the crowd and Paddy Jane. #memories.

So anyway. I think I need to figure out what my purpose is in life. I am not money panic stricken, I am not “old” (kind of am) and I have blog gigs on the go. I get to write about myself, my life but I need to fill this life with more I feel. I need to focus like a Jedi on one thing, craft… something. Aside from always working on myself exhaustively in a massively shallow sense, I am thoughtful and generous in other capacities but I think I need to do a next big thing again. I know what it is. Do you? (comedy)+(get hotter) and (write more) = get Raymous.

This is how we run in the spring. In two pairs of pants, three layers beneath a winter coat. Hat mitts and scarf. But once you get going you warm up. It’s great for thinking. Each song I listen to and run speed walk dance to I am like THIS IS IT MAN this is my NEXT DANCE VIDEO SONG then I forget all about it because I am tired of my ipod list my niece wiped out my last one of and put her music on.

When I start recklessly eating I know something is up. We are both in good shape and it’s kind of bad to egg each other on like this. It’s purely from stress. I do a lot of good to counter-act the food cheating though. My body looks good in real life. It’s just camera is a whole different ball game. No one sees the difference because no one actually sees me outside of photos. My youtube videos have me looking realer and lithe I feel. I don’t even know what the hell I am trying to say right now and I don’t care this is just Raymazing girl therapy don’t forget.

Do you guys wanna know what my litmus social media test is?

If I post something and no one reacts but I KNOW I looked hot, babely, it was funny, whatever, etc etc I just blast it on ello and then a bunch of people chime in there. Yeah ello might not ever really happen but I am famous there so… someone called me a 10 in this pic. You just have to score simple stupid victories in the circles you run all over the place online to justify and warrant more postings of selfies and that is why we all do it.

It’s less a litmus test and more an obsessive compulsion, extra thing I feel obliged to do. Some people pinterest. I tumblr and ello. I enjoy the artistic outlet because it makes me feel in charge of my artistic destiny, it is a time killer in between bf time and blogging, eating, plotting, and scheming and sometimes mischief. A lot of times mischief. just jk. Which is an absolute lie because the mischief is the backbone on which blogs exist.

I am done being a headcase now I will suck on a coffee crisp to relax sorry for taking you to some scary places.

On Friday is was like Dancehall Washington though. Life in your early thirties is 25% fun and 75% recovering from the fun and being a whiner because of it and having to be a foodie instagrammer because you have no other energy for anything else oh and watching tv too which you then tweet about.

We dance partied friday, chill Saturday’d, then I did some moving yesterday. Good balance.

I showed up like this.

Somewhat normal.

Hello there craptain I am here for the good times.

I got my monthly which everyone was really happy about.

I know I am getting it when I start eating like a wild animal. We were dancing with a bag of chips. One of us more than the other ha. Not me I mean. ok who cares fuck

I took down my vine art piece. Happy to redo it again this time without buckles in the canvas.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand done. Just reminding you that it’s my birthday again in case you forgot from all that stuff you just experienced. xo bye #movingstressed!

my power is going to your head

Hey guys, now where were we because I have no clue. Never cut a blog post in half if you are a Raymi Lauren because when you get back into it you’ll just be lost. Lots has happened in the four days since I last blogged.

Back to last night and the gang of Scooby Doo. This girl SARAH came as my date. When she arrived and we were all taking turns introducing ourselves I was like OH HEY THAT’S MY DATE like a big proud lesbian Heidi Fleiss. Everyone made fun of (because they were impressed!) me for having a limo driver. Do you know how humiliating it was backing out of a tiny lane in Kensington market in that thing, white yuppie hipster families were eyerolling us and my mom was bobbing around all over the limo with her camera I was mortified because I get Toronto and was like this is the shit that someone films and it goes viral and I was worried the driver would back over a child or something. It was a very Yoko moment I was definitely having a small panic attack haha. Even saw Jesse on the street and called to him but could only reach just my hand out and waved like Beyonce. Fuck. I saw his confused face. He messaged me on FB and asked if I yelled to him from a limo in Kensington market and I said yes and he said it was so out of place ahahah.

They’re like how do you even have a limo driver?

Well, Brian, I went out looking for trouble one night in the fall and I found it in the form of a group of guys who all drive for this limo company that one owns and we gave’r together. I ran into them again Friday night after my dull date, I sat there alone catching up on my phone while the vultures encircled me…limo bros were there. I asked and they delivered. Hey I gotta do this thing on Sunday can you drive me? When opportunity knocks Raymbo answers.

Sorry for being a smug douchebag I really cannot help it at all right now!

Such a liar I obvs love it. It’s better to love myself than hate myself, which I do 80% of the time. I’m good I’m loyal I tried now I yolo and that’s that.

I was still beating myself up about Naked News but then the big boss came back from vacation and said that I looked great “hot shot” and they’re airing my thing on Friday when am I available next week. Which means I carry on! Wayward son! Back to sexercising.

I want a blog assistant. My mom has a crushload of pics en route at some point I am already so overwhelmed with my own crappy ones! On top of the extra attention I am getting lately, the distractions, I die and I have to pack and move. Will I be able to relax after I move is that how it works?

Haha had to.

Don’t worry I will always be in touch with my slob market. Hi Jared. Boylord had a hang yesterday afternoon. He showed up as I was in the middle of being supremely angry at some tool kid using this abuse style tactic of picking me up and it set me right the fuck off hahaha. Jared knocked on my door and I went WHAT!!!? Lol. Sorry.

This feels like a million years ago now and was just yesterday. A million bottles of wine stand in between these moments however so there ya go.

I finally tried on these tights and they were too tiny, my legs are too long I’m a Raymazon. Jared’s lil sis got them as well a shirt he forgot to take last time he was here and she loves them yay win.

Look at the flipping lake. Gonna miss this room hard. My nest on the water.

Deep fried pickles in crushed nachos and batter what! Date food. He used a fork and knife not for me sorry.

Starting to look like a hobo in all my clothes getting loose. None of my just washed clothes were dry enough yet so I had to wear these pants. COOL STORY.

My TBT. When I was a music industry groupie darling I looked like this. Some of those people from back then I know still and they honestly feel like family I am really lucky. Time stands still in the music industry because none of us want to age.

Last tbt for now. See how long I had my fryes for. Kudos to you if you know the story in how I got them.

Ok one more I am really sorry this post has no direction. Can you see how shy I am? I am a shy hard. Term I just invented.

I used to look gross tho! I had no idea about fitness.

But in Maine my hair looked like Dido. A red flamed pagoda.

My ex fiance took this photo you jerks. Yeah I just pee on display. True we were gassed at a party and this is what people did at the time!? No regrets at all!

The key to success and eating meals so boring it inspires suicide.

I saw this skinny moose and I was like I’m jealous of your figure I hate myself and I suck!!!!!!!! AT EVERYTHING! hahaha. Being secretly melodramatic and making jokes about it is a luxury I am adorning myself in. BF is already pleading kind of to get his way back in. BE STRONG RAYMBO.

My walk after audition was a relief though because the tension was finally over and I got to move into another category of hell known as DREAD. It’s normal to suffer a low after a high.

It’s all good now though! It never wasn’t I am just a hypochondriac about the following: everything.

I dig how that is lined up. The tippppp.


Forgot we had to wear a shirt on camera as the teaser part. This is what I wore. haha. Angie told me it doesn’t matter what you wear there because you do it naked and I took that extremely to heart. #neveragain

Should have shown up in this.

Just searching for all the fucks I give that’s all.

Okay lets move forward now. These guys were so good. They’re called The Dead South and you should love them. I almost wore MY hat like that last night can you imagine ahahha. Jared said no.

Jeez I haven’t blogged in awhile eh. I mean I have but I cut it short. Hate having this backlog and answering to no one.

Senorita, mosquito…who’s that giiiiiirl.

The future is now hi Kat #girlpower. Can you believe I interviewed her about cosplay for Playboy and now I am working with her? Full circle yass.

This is how freaked out I look on my way to an audition. IT’S TOTALLY COOL I AM FINE GUYS.

But in the end I will always be a bum bum Lauren and I’m fine. (this is called Monday brain btw).

Watching you watching me.

I felt more myself in these wedges.

Red moon.

And with filters. Caught up with the past now thank hell.


If I’m not talking then I am blogging

It’s like an out of body experience. You think you’re going to say all these things but then end up blanking a lot. I am sure it wasn’t as bad as I am playing over and over again in my head. Kat cheered me right the fuck up yesterday and said her screen test makes her cringe. Thank fucking GOD for that because she is flawless in every capacity and runnin’ tings! Outside the confines of the screen test I pledged that I would be better.

But you know what, so what! So fucking what if the entire world can have screen grabs of me full frontal nude now. I mean it would only be the end of office job career potential what’s to worry? Gahahhaa.

I have already been naked all over the internet anyway I am already royally fucked so why not just keep going.

All these people I see posting carpe diem shit like, I’d rather try everything then to never have tried and I agree but I wonder if they really mean it because I don’t exactly see them taking ballsy moves outside the parameters of agency squeaky clean life cough cough BULLSHIT.

Anyway. Some celebrities get interviewed in the buff on Naked News and I think that is uber rock and roll. The age spectrum is vast. You don’t have to be cookie cutter hot to make it anywhere in the biz. All you need is a face, a personality, charm, charisma.. yes ok all those things and be okay being naked too.

Am I ok being naked? Well I am but everyone around me makes me not okay with it. All the shitty things they say when we all should be standing naked in a field together with our hands on our hips in the sun having coffee like hippies and being cool with one another. That is not reality though. I reject your reality and I choose my own. Raymality.

Before I forget, this is a daily obsession.

Wings are probably not good for you two nights in a row BUT if you catch wing night on both of those nights it’s basically like health food. Savings be healthy!

Screen test scoop: I may or may not have said MEN BE THIRSTY. It’s probably my best soundbyte.

I feel like a caricature of a human sometimes even though this is all very plainly real. Just when I have to “go sexy”.

Just when I am like, you are a sex symbol now. You have always been a sex symbol. Go be that. DO that. BE HOT. Own it.

When I said I wanted to take over the world with my body and my mind. These little things I say and I think and I do and I persist.

And once a committee approves my rate I’m gonna be a gosh durn ring girl! That one pulled me right out of my funk yesterday lol. Kat Curtis gets the first props of course. But this email asking me if I ever considered being a ring girl. Talk about HELL YES. Will keep you posted but no I never considered it. When does it occur to you that you want to be a ring girl that day? Um maybe if I am high on mushrooms because I never thought I could be ring girl hot. I’m gonna be on ESPN and broadcasted internationally in a World Title Fight match, (a la Vegas meets Canada). I’ll walk out on the ring in Round 1 of each match (there’s 12-14) because that’s the sponsor’s round who is hiring me. Everyone will see my MINX tattoo on ESPN. Gonna get custom underwears designed. This is hilarious to me. In my autobio there will now be a chapter beginning with, and that was the period that I became a famous wrestling ring card girl. PFFTTTT!!!! I love this pinch me.

oh and guess how they found me? BURN!

It has been a long winter. It is my birth month. March 31 is like shedding a skin every year of my life. No one has a perfect life. I’ve gone through a lot this last year or two. I feel like I deserve all good things that come to me and am totally fine with tooting my own horn about it. I am super humble too fyi. When things go bad I accept and I understand, tolerate, am patient in knowing that it will pass and things will be better. That’s why it sucks when people flip out when you have something you’re proud of to share because you saw it coming first and know you have to take in their animosity. I have spent many years working on myself and repeating the same mistakes I will admit but the point is I HAVE worked hard and I am not done yet.

I was blessed with talents I pissed away while some I kept at. Nothing was handed to me. Anything I achieved, earned, gained I did so while people ridiculed me (and many built me up!) I went against the grain always. That takes a toll on one. You may never see the end of it in sight and people might never appreciate your efforts but there is a hope within you that should never, ever, ever, be extinguished. Don’t you ever stop.

We rented this car for a few weeks two summers ago, Dutch guy and I. They don’t have them in Holland. We also got one in blue. That year I had a Ford car sponsorship, they gave me 5 cars in total and all totally insanely fun. In between those freebies, Dutchie rented crazy hot rods. That’s why we went through so many cars. He wanted to experience America (in Canada). We met a nice cop one day who drove up to us when we were in the blue Dodge Challenger who just so happened to have a Dutch wife. Month’s later, this chance encounter saved the ass of someone I was in the car with (speeding) it was the same cop. This person should be kissing my ass every day of their life come to think of it. Anyway, that cop never forgot me or Dutch bf lol.

Yesterday’s run was super wet. I didn’t do the whole route I normally do because I ran through a deep mass of puddles and my feet froze instantly I almost called my dad to come get me lololl but eventually my shoes squeegeed out the water and I was fine so I kept going a bit longer but then I missed Lexi at the bar (wing night) and felt like an asshole. We hadn’t confirmed actually meeting IMO is the only reason/excuse. She was cool about it though. I was bummed because I had been so happy that Yasss I DO have people I don’t HAVE to be a loner all the time. My bf jokes “that we both know you don’t have any friends” ahha actually I have plenty of friends and you actually can’t handle it but that’s a fight for another day so… lol.

Moments before I ran through deep ice slush then was cornered.

aww hi.

In the morning bf drops me off I get shots of the lake. I picked him from tinder cos of proximity hahaha. Oh and looks too. I was like look at this (hot) douche lets see if I can get him.

And guess what I don’t need your dating advice. If it ends it ends. I survived it once. The ball is in both our courts. I refuse to change because I do not need to. I am living my truth. I am devoted and a good girlfriend to have and he knows that. Sure we fight but that’s life. We are both hot blooded but also goofy. During Saturday’s showdown I finally broke into laughing it was such a relief. It requires so much more energy to be angry, to be mad, to hold up a tough front which we both totally can do, will do. Ice each other out while the tension builds and builds but why? It’s so dumb. Just tell the other what’s bugging you. However I take it like would you treat ANYONE else this way? Fuck no. Would they take it? Absolutely not so why do you think it’s ok to do it to me, it isn’t at all period. Be in control of your emotions and do not take them out on others. I am sensitive and it takes a lot for me to be chill and when I get chilled I am fine BUT if someone comes in with a mood at me I pray for them. I refuse moodiness in my life I am too old to suffer anymore. That’s my bitchy rule and if you can’t abide by it then we are going to have problems. I want to be surrounded by happiness not moody men and if I have to be a lesbian then that will be fine too. I will never take anything lying down ever again and men respect that. I told him he can’t control me so STOP. I said it with so much vigor he thought I was going to leap over the table and snatch my phone back.

I think my playfulness gets misinterpreted as immaturity which is childish and then I get infantilized when bruh, I’m almost 32. You cannot mould me into an obedient baby girl this bitch is set. I can be agreeable however and I do compromise when the mood strikes.

But yeah I guess I should not have blogged any of this lol. The point is I do not need your advice. I didn’t ask for it. If I asked for it I would not ask you. I’d confide in my friends.

Laundry calls now! Bye bye.

to be continued.