dying in heaven is this

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cheese boutique history spat out scattered like by me. my mind was blown all afternoon, so much information, so surreal and pleasing and ahhh dyyyying, good dying. brain is still processing it all. have a few more vids just need to edit out a part or two first.

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hit the vault. it’s like a cheese bank. you can collect and hoard cheese like wine, age it. sell it. eat it. trade it. maybe one day we’ll go back to buying stuff with cheese and gold and livestock. you feel it could be possible when standing in the vault.

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it took twenty people to carry this in, don’t ask me what it is. it’s hard to pay attention when you’re vogueing and thinking and writing down the last thing told to you when they’re on to the next thing. anyway there are only two in the world and this is one of them, i remembered that at least.

there are in fact more than 2 in the world Provolone’s at that weight—however it’s not often done and specially commissioned…CB just happens to have 2 of them in-house and they are 1 year old….although, it sounds better to say that we have the only 2.

pretty much any and every thing in the boutique (i’m gonna start calling it that for short) is exclusive and elite. high-end for days.

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i am bursting with insider info right now also bursting with prosciutto and pate cheese (of course) olives fig and and and.

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afrim is the number one chevalier IN THE WORLD. france rolled in, did the sword anointment thing all that declared ya this guy knows his shit. have you ever been the best at anything ever? like tying your shoe? jesus. he’s so down to earth easy breezy too. as if you wouldn’t be pompous just a little bit if france had your back?

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willy wonka rainbow striped pasta in little italy pasta room. if you’re going to carbs cheat may as well make it worth it. i guess this is why so many rich people are fat.

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stop being mad at me i’ve had a busy week return my call please hahah.

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i took notes because i am an adult professional type person now. funny sidenote story, my uncle was the secretary (like a male nurse?) for this big wheel in parliament some years back, he’s retired now but anyway there was this photo pamphlet on my grandparent’s fridge of these players doing their political thing thang and in one photo my uncle is looking down at his papers with a pen in his hand and all my family would ever do is rip into him like what were you actually pretending to write while this photo was being taken, your grocery list? something about golf? meanwhile how many of us are political secretary big deals? zero. i exclusively think about this whenever i see anyone taking notes. don’t you just love my stories?

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yesterday the beast and i met for sangria and i looked amazing. he said he looked like he came from the garbage hahahah. i mention this because i have the stamp from last nite on my inner wrist. PAID. thanks tattoo. today it made me feel like i looked like i came from the garbage. what kind of ink do you use??

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to say my ass wasn’t kissed just a little bit, oh no. the big guy, father, owner, patriarch kept commenting on how beautiful i was. or was it pretty? who cares keep it coming! afrim prepared me the best lunch. lets start the raymi fat tracker right now.

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hedonistic. down right. that little shop of horrors looking plant is a fig. sorry for being the last one on earth to try one.

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just imagine what it tastes like. i bet you wish you were my boyfriend now eh.

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i have a fear of venus flytraps. anything that looks like a plant monster. so it was sort of therapeutic eating this fig. mangling it.

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fat watch. i’m angry for eating smoke’s at 3am but happy cos i probably woulda been way more hung today.

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coffee time excellent. everyone at cheese boutique made fun of my coffee. what? how do you even know what’s in here? i could tell that i’m going to have to actually show that i DO know some things about food if i’m going to hang with the big boys. i was like this is organic free trade. from home. in a hipster to go cup that i reused. i am the only one saving the planet now ya heard?

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flash pumps up everyone’s tan.

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i am too distracted by how cute i look to come up with an appropriate caption. don’t worry the conceited window will inevitably come to a close pretty soon. there’s always some sort of downer around the corner, right?

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shared my vouvray with the gang last nite. um i drank a lot yesterday. summer time in the city there is like 4 things going on daily and once thursday hits it’s a full on freak show. thursday should just change its name to friday and friday should just be saturday part one while saturday is called friday’s second chance. don’t fuck it up guys you know these things.

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shiny pink bo-peep and a cheesecake shooter. raymi’s diet got shot down yesterday. i wolfed every fuckin’ thing that went by on a plate or in a cup. baby it’s free mama says fill up. i have an odd version of self-entitlement when at these events. like, i specifically deserve to be there because i hustled my ass off to earn my place whereas these ass clowns did fuck all and still act entitled. are entitled. except, not? it’s all a bit of a joke to me so i kind of go dickhead cos i know they’re making fun of me anyway. the only difference is i got in free and i know the value of things and therefore appreciate them. i take nothing for granted in life which is why i chase wine with 50 tiny pretentious catered bullshit snacks. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR JETSETTERS!

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we played a drinking game. three things you did today, one of which is a lie. i stumped meredith. see if you can guess which one of these is a lie:

-i jerked off.

-smoked a j with my hairstylist.

-picked up dog crap off a patio when the dog wasn’t supposed to be on it.

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i need to do a partying seminar. all these people wanna party yet don’t know how and as if they give a care about the cause they just want to get gussied up and feel like freaks for a nite then stand around in unitards dishing out cut eye. mer and i danced like idiots until we got bored. ok ok sorry for hating all the time i can’t help it i’m very defensive and nervous and jealous.

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oh ha this picture is the worst and the best.

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i reel ‘em in with my insanity then they fall in love with meredith because she’s super honest about how poor and lazy she is and it appeals to their aging boomer white collar i can save youness. perfs.

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vip space couch.

as usual, stick me anywhere and it’s fun. gift bags were nice didn’t i already brag about how mary magdalene i was about giving mine away? the cn tower was pink afterall i hope you remembered to look at it.

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pink lady.

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another terry shot. i think maybe only 5 people give a crap about this. steph he touched your pillow.

um ok bye now.