ok so here is what i think about the life aquatic with steve zissou

top five words to describe the life aquatic with steve zissou

endearing

bittersweet

funny

jeff goldblum is awesome

i like the part where bill murray flicks that little lizard off his hand when he is trying to convince his wife to give him money

you can basically call this the royal tenenbaums sequel except they are on a boat and sometimes on a tiny island and some of the characters from the royal tenenbaums aren’t even in the life aquatic film which is confusing a little bit but then you are like oh ya this isn’t actually the sequel to the royal tenenbaums.

phew.

wes anderson is the genius behind both films. duh dur duuuuuuuuuuuuuh. so all those cute little attention to detail things you expect to see and then you see them and you are like wow that was cute.

maybe i wasn’t fully paying attention because i was so pissed off at the slowness of our food arriving at east side mario’s before the movie, who knows, but i didn’t notice that cool song that’s in the previews at all.

what. the. fuck.

you know the song where they are all walking slow-motion down the stairs together and everybody is happy and it is very dramatic and beautiful and makes you want to drop everything and go to wherever the hell they are and be walking down the stairs alongside them and have a little kid on top of your shoulders because you are a big showboat?

anyway, the trailer for the life aquatic (as do/does all trailers) crammed in every single clever moment that it could so when you are watching it finally you are like OH THAT’S FROM THE PREVIEWS I REMEMBER THAT PART YES!

regardless it is definitely worth seeing and the only reason people are shit-talking it is because they are ordinary, uncreative, high-standard snobs who are just jealous ‘cos they are not wes anderson and they haven’t put together a blockbuster themselves and so what if he totally ripped-off his previous films, the shit works.

like why don’t you go to the lake and tell it to fuck off while you’re at it.

ahem.

you come away from the life aquatic wanting to go on some big adventure and you realise that everyone with money is an asshole and you hate them and also you roll your eyes imagining next year’s halloween costumes all being skinny boring hipster kids wearing those red toques and cute sweaters with the letter ‘z’ and being pre-angry and annoyed that you can’t make that your costume because everybody is gonna be doing it so instead you’re gonna dress like napoleon dynamite like everybody else ‘cos at least that will be funny.

don’t you hate people who dress sexy on halloween but if you don’t do it then you walk around feeling unsexy and fat and your whole nite just sucks.

what else.

oh and if you are on your period you might cry at the part where they have to leave the three-legged dog with those pirate thieves because everybody wants a three-legged dog because they’re missing a leg but can still run faster than you and people are always amazed and impressed by them and then you can get away with being a giant bore of a person.

the life aquatic might make you feel a little bit lonely but also will make you appreciate your everyday circle of friends and you might wear matching clothes to show everybody else who is not a part of your circle that you and the circle have a great big bond of love.

oh wait people already do that because of the GAP.

right.

and as a sidenote

i think my next job is going to be cart-collector at your local supermarket because then i can wear a big stupid winter jacket all the time even in summer if i want to and i can disappear for hours on end and then my boss will yell at me a lot because some woman will complain to him about neutrogena being way too expensive and i’ll be like dooooooood shave your moustache.

the life aquatic makes you want to be simple and also helps you appreciate/respect simple but you are still jealous of jeff goldblum because he is rich but because he is zany and has scientific high maintenance type one-liners and is part gay you are all allowed to like him.

the end.