ps. I love this new ad spot for Holland.

Hey guysbians. On Sunday we didn’t go to that freshtival I wanted to go to so instead we drove to Amsterdam and blabbity blah took a lot of photos, saw lots of stuff and things and things and more stuff, towns, cows, tulips, tourists yadda yadda here is the first installment.

I brought a couple costume changes. My surf maxi dress is versatile in that it is beachwear and a snuggie at the same time and people’s faces look like question marks here when they see me in it. YOLO EUROs.

It was supposed to be a sunny day. It wasn’t. There’s lots of windmills here. Both retro and modern. I have some trippy videos of them set to trance music or whatever it is the crap that we listen to.

I held my peepee for as long as I could then it got painful, we stopped off at a place where a nice lady let me use her cafe’s facility. She didn’t speak english. Obviously I’m not asking for a danish yo. Bathroom? Can I use your bathroom? Luckily no matter what nationality they are, the word toilet is understood. It’s gotten to the point where I just say TOILET even though I am perfectly capable of saying toiletten cos then they think I am American and know not to f around. I took the above picture after I wizzed, coulda just said that and moved on but nope sorry. Not sorry.

This town is like the Venice of this town. It’s the coldest May ever. Next time I am packing properly.

See how the flag of The Netherlands looks like France? France’s stripes are vertical.

Car pervs everywhere. I bet they all watched us through the windows of that restaurant with binoculars.

You can rent these boats and have a boat picnic and stare at everyone like you have staring problems.

South path.

Three girls, one guy, a ton of food.

Whimsical.

Which one do you like most?

There’s a lot of Mr. Bean cars here too. Bf says they’re nice looking but break down a lot. Also they’re way too small, so unsafe. I prefer a tank thanks.

That one’s got a Batmobile-looking flare about it.

These are for my dad so just scroll if your eyes start to get heavy.

Think I like the blue one most.

Don’t worry lots of pics of me coming up. This is getting boring though I need to crack a beer to make the funny flow. BTW I haven’t smoked pot in a week. RECORD BREAKING. *takes a pretend bow* This is the longest time I’ve been weed free since I first started smoking again in 2009 post-engagement break-up. Yes I deserve a medal. I’m not even bitchier or moodier or anything for it. Maybe a little bored mentally though, but no more depressed. I’m afraid I’ll have an anxiety attack if I start up again so I don’t really have plans to have at’er.

So sweet.

Then it was sunny for three minutes. Everything looks better bathed in sun. It looks awesome to begin with cos it’s Europe but the sun reeeeeeeally brings out the amaze.

I changed in the car after this. Walking in a bed sheet with my messed up ankle on grass is too dangerous and when people check me out I’m too shy for it I don’t want to walk into a sign like Kanye.

No idea.

Okay lets check out over here now.

I like how speedy and impatient we both are. We see things in like four minutes then take off to be bored instantly somewhere else next. This is why it’s hard to hang out with grandparents cos they move so slow and have to inspect everything and have conversations about it like they’re studying it for an exam. I love my Nana and Papa though obvi and look forward to seeing them when I get back and they’ll ask me about Holland and I’ll be like I have no idea what I did. I saw a lot of forests, like, eight million trees. Cool?

Monkeys see monkeys. Hi!

How can you safely operate that truck on water while talking into a microphone? Guess you get good at it. I don’t know about you but everything in my hands is directly steered by my brain and mouth and each thought would come right out of my face hole in to that microphone as I crashed the boat so maybe get one person to steer and one person to play tour guide unless we are filming a Three Stooges sequel.

Dumpy farms look posh in Europe.

Tot Ziens.

Hi. SO awkward if there’s like two people on your boat only but you still gotta talk to them over the mic. That’s a goat. That’s a duck. That’s a bush. That’s a baby crying. I’d just make up a bunch of junk. This house was erected at the turn of some century or other and is known to be Hitler’s favored home away from holocaust. WAKE UP GRANDPA I’m speaking!

What tone should I dye my hair next?

Watch your fietsers! Learned my lesson.

I’m a chic sheik. Yes I am. No you’re not.

Dis gun be good. Tour boat cruising by loved it. Nothing like hearing 20 pervs chuckling. You’re welcome for enhancing this moment don’t thank me all at once now. ps. Rachel Marsden said I look like the girl from the Ring here.

All good ideas copyright Lauren White.

Got this over with quick time, those slats were kinda rickety.

This of course was exactly when the boat motored up alongside. Great timing. Eye roll.

Baha check that dude’s face.

Requisite tourist couple shot.

Perfs adorabs family.

Of course we left the bread in the car.

What did you just call me?

ET moment.

It’s funny being like TAKE MY PICTURE then this is what you do. At least it’s not twerking.

A bunch of mud and dirt and wet petals hit me in the mouth ahaha ew. Having a brother for a sibling makes you impervious to disgusting. It’s a better way to be in general. Chicks who freak out over little bugs and spiders and whatever are ridiculous.

The quick trick to these pictures is striking the pose before you start strangling the tree branch so that you don’t have infinity triple chins from having the most fake fun in the world by the flowers raining down on your stupid face.

Here’s a closer look for your dream journal.

You can open your mouth when you do this but make sure they’re not coming down directly on to your head.

Did I do that? Urkel voice. Um no. Mother Nature did, then I copied her.

Sweet.

After awhile it’s all okay I get it. I try not to be that way though because I know I’ll miss them.

Them too.

Then we went to Urk, speaking of Urkel. A very religious steeped in tradition little fishing town. The peeps look Amish. I’ll share that in part II though.

We had beer and schnitzel.

Driving alongside this high grassy hill bf knew water was on the other side so we pulled over. Yep, right again.

My makeup looks super orange contrasted by the overcast day. In Urk I looked like a goddamn Oompa Loompa, JWoww woulda been proud.

Kids are so cute here they’re like little toy dolls. Look at her butterfly eye patch. Impressive. Okay that’s all for now folkereenos. If you’re thirsty for more I have some things on Instagram in between posts plus I’m always tweeting weirdness. Have a nice Tuesday. Enjoy your nice weather for me and I’ll be sure to enjoy Europe for you. X-Oh Raymbo.

Birds kept dive bombing everyone on this patio. Back-up soon arrived. I love lap cats. Short lived love. Yopi the cat is the boss of this restaurant’s patio. Everyone tried to get her (his?) attention but guess who she liked most? The cat’s hovering was particularly novel because just over yonder were hundreds of drunk people all crowding/partying about and the cat was super chill about it. I like that kinda stuff.

Took a bajillion pics yesterday, went to Amsterdam. On the way there visited a couple lovely places, stay tuned for that. Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Psy and Obama have been to this town called Volendam, we saw their pictures in a photo studio tourist trap store. Going for a walk now. Happy May 2-4 everyone back home don’t blow up your face with fireworks thanks kay bye. Btw it has been the coldest spring on record ever here.

Nacnud, more vintage British car pictures for you coming soon.

All Bunny ears up cos my Playboy Energy Drink Canada UK vs. Dutch Royals article is up. Woah that was a lot of countries listed in a row in one sentence. Whatever forever. Long live Prince Harry and spicy QILF Máxima of the Netherlands, plus the rest of ‘em. Except Camilla. HISS. Love Raymi Bunny Lebowski the First.

Queen’s Day was awesome. Why should I grow up when this art school geezer doesn’t have to? I’d rather be like him than any of you every day of the week. You guys need to check yourself and enjoy life a little more. Me, I’m good. Miss you Canuckleheads.

Hey gal pals and guy pals. My teeny little Toronto complex troll finally blew a gasket yesterday and reappeared (UGH) so you have her to thank for this narcissistic defensive post but whatever I was going to post a bunch of pretty pictures of myself at some point anyway, you don’t get all the credit.

Zero filter face. Can you show us your haggard under eyebags without a filter, lady? Pfft I doubt it. Here is another flawless picture from last week, click to enlarge it. Zero photoshop, I never do that, zero filters too. I don’t think you’ve posted a filter-less photo in three years or one w/o sunglasses.

Here’s just a whatever one. Simple and arty. Can you be calm, present in your own life and own a simple portrait of yourself proudly? Do you have to hate on absolutely everything you see someone else doing that has totally nothing to do with your stupid fucking shallow try hard life?

Wow I look SO HAGGARD. Look at those disgusting teeth and ridiculous fugly face.

Holy shit this is the grossest I have ever looked I better make a zany facial expression to fill in all my crow’s feet and wrinkles to trick you guys in to thinking I am pretty, no wait, no need to cos my face is fantastic as is.

Okay fine, here’s something wacky. Sorry it just made me look cuter from all the f’s I don’t give. As an aside, I might need to buy a bat to fight off all the dudes who want me here fur sure.

This is me exercising. Because drinking Coke zero equals exercising duh. I’m sorry that I am funnier than you, more original too and you can’t come up with jokes like that on your own. Go write about your swaggy swag now, you empty vessel. What’s your obsession with material worth btw? Things don’t make you better, nor your life. You need be happy being simple, having, wanting, and needing less.

Last night before bed I was adorabs then too. Being cute is a never ending job. When I am forty I will still be cute and my eyes will always be minxy.

Here is a picture of not trying. Try it.

Although some effort should be made to maintain physique, omg don’t forget to harp on me for that too you pathetic freak. You’re so goddamn obsessed with me you’ll write an essay about my shoelace. Can’t you find someone else to harass and jerk off to while crying already? I bet you have a hater hit list a mile long.

I made this for my bf this morning before his meetings because I have zero ambitions. That guy loves the shit out of me.

Hot as hell, smart as hell, sweet as hell. Hell he is swell. Can you go back to your more amazing than my life now yet?

Hi guys. What’s up. Okay I don’t care. Sorry I didn’t blog yesterday. I felt like it but then I didn’t, so I didn’t even though I spent like fifty hours on the internet looking at everything. It feels kinda pointless to tweet or blog six hours hyperly-ahead of everything else like throwing coins in to a black hole cos none of y’all are up to read it assuming only people on eastern standard time read me. I think I should shift my statcounter ahead six hours so my blog traffic numbers calculate properly. I’ll just add that to the never-ending list of not crappening. Along with calling Rogers to turn off my phone. It’s been a month and I still haven’t done that yet. I have issues with responsibility big time. Especially when I am in trouble.

Today is day three no booze. There’s an alcoholic in my head throwing a red ball at a wall again and again and again, no biggie. Also, I have decided to kick w–d too so my brain should kick in to overdrive any minute now. I want to prove that I can do it. My only fear is boredom. I’ve gone through life wearing rose-tinted brain glasses to protect myself from feelings and depression and I agree now that at thirty maybe I should cut the crap. I’ve gone through a mania before which happens when you dry out after years of Jack Sparrowing it. Your intelligence comes flooding back, you think you’re a genius all of a sudden and delusions of grandeur surround you like a fog. You get more energy and require little sleep so be careful. I’ll keep you posted on all things my brain throughout this journey.

Back to domestic stuff now. We sleep on a king sized bed and lately I sweat a lot when I sleep. I don’t know what that means but I know I wake up drenched halfway through the night, go take a leak and then go back to bed on the other side of him where it is dry and freezing cold then I sweat the rest of my toxins out on that side and in the morning I look like Brunette Carrot Top. There is no point in even trying to have awesome hair here thanks to sleep sweats as well my Canadian hair straightener either doesn’t work or the adapter (both of them) don’t. I trimmed my ends last week, which are always trying to fade to platinum. I can’t wait til my Craymi mane is long and normal and perfect. Putting it up in a bun or ballerina mess suits me good and fine though and when it’s all big after drying from sweat and curly it looks nice with the volume and such. I have chilled out about my looks a ton over the last year so as much as it seems neurotic to blog every little thing, really I don’t care all that much. You only care when you’re single about these things and only diva dudes with city stress care about them too. It’s best keeping up with the Joneses by holding your own-ness.

Update: my new straightener just arrived in the mail back in biz now baby.

Sometimes being a peacock and too many accessories makes me cringe or feel the insecurity of others. I used to think it was a money thing, a very convenient way to go against the label whore herd by being a non-conformist and wearing an outfit worth less than $20 but still looking super fly. I know that it’s not about money entirely. If I gain weight (and I have) I know that an expensive outfit is not going to make me skinnier, or feel any better. I’d prefer to do the work, lose the weight, and wear a sexy cheap camisole like I’m still twenty. Although as women age we are supposed to dress it up more. All these rules.

I am skinnier than this now. This was after the medieval fair. Walking with my shitty ankle on paths and forest hills is challenging and frustrating but you gotta keep at it if you want improvement.

Yesterday morning at 8am (no judging!) my last day of fysio. He was throwing a ball to me while I balanced. Guys, if you have never torn a ligament or busted an ankle MAKE SURE YOU APPRECIATE YOUR MOBILITY cos once it’s gone it is awful. When I bend my knees, only my right knee can bend all the way. My left knee cannot because the ligament is still strained and tight I’m going to stop typing about it now before I start crying okay too late. I miss running. I would be in way better shape right now if I didn’t run in to that goddamn hole in the ocean in Aruba. I have to practice bending my knees and lunging holy crap is lunging ever impossible. Losing the ability to walk has been my greatest fear my entire life and thankfully I can walk but I can’t jog or skip or dance or run which are the best. If there is danger I can’t run. I just need to give it time and in a few months it’ll be better. Time? Who has time? NOBODY! Every time I get up to walk it’s like the injury resets again, my ankle is always stiff I better not limp forever. Complaining session over for now.

I love them. I don’t love that they are resting in a parking spot. I love their love though it’s like The Notebook and can do anything!

If we go to that festival I will be wearing these. I’m going to put them on today to start working them in. They’re a bit big, the 39s were too small. I figure your feet swell a lot from a day of drinking, walking, dancing, biking, falling and so on. I got a pair of vintage keds in a size bigger than normal one summer and they were the best. Neon is super in again and having bright feet will give me all the attention I so desire if so required. I can’t wear heels so I have to make more effort with flats.

Turkish Sunday dinner, this was baked I totally forget and not that I knew to begin with cos it was written in Turkish Dutch. We didn’t bring the camera cos the card was full. I like us-time dates, you are way more in the moment and if you really need to commemorate it just take a phone pic or two. The waiter asked why we were sitting beside each other instead of across like everyone else and bf said because I want to touch my wife and the waiter swooned how romantic. Then he heard my English and his curiosity clocked in at 100%. This is why I can get away with dressing like a potato all the time, my Canadianness is all the dress I need. We sat by the window on the second floor and watched all the other diners and made summaries for all of them and personal promises not to turn out like that couple or that one, but that one was alright because they left arm-in-arm.

Wine coloured polish. Time to get another shade. This post has no point or direction and no weed to juice it up either haha. I just had a few drags of a smoke out of boredom and a third espresso. I’ll make us lunch in a bit but I can tell neither of us are in eating moods yet. I’m going to go through some pics and plan my next post or add some to this one. Maybe troll a few people j/k. Okay brb not that it matters you’re all still asleep!

Hey Monday Mondaze, ready for a Germania high-speed Ferrari chase? Lets do lunch first.

No not this. This was a hangover choice (the most best of all) plus there is definitely not this kind of stupidity at home. I am a life sampler and this sample needs to get in my life. It neither tastes like chicken nor reggae nor spice, so anor-ing. Maybe I’ll feed the rest to the fish.

I don’t think you ever kick candy. That’s a kid thing. Ingrained. When your bf is a diabetic-in-training and addiction is custards and puddings and pastries with custards and puddings IN them, you gotta throw down your own sweet tooth credentials, nah man you’re doing it wrong. I just endured ten cavities and a couple roots on my right side seem to be exposed. I let my mouth get disgusting over the last 5 years.

I was pretty pissed off about this. We scored 2 beers off Worst (yes that is his name, I don’t know why cos he’s the best) when we left but yeah one of them obviously didn’t make it through the night.

Beer funeral is served. I bet half my skeezer readers would let this melt in a cup then drink it later on. I know cos I wanted to but “someone” was like no, glass are you crazy? I’ll drink around the glass! I protested. Like the time I said I will outrun the mosquitos in Thunder Bay when we climbed up the mountain.

See?

Well at least they are romantic. I had a bite of one, then had two more. So good. I also became buzzed off one of his tira misu’s. Awesome.

Another award-winning outfit Lauren. This country is colder than I thought. Mom we were wrong. SO many things you nixed from my wardrobe or talked me out of packing (Smythe blazer hello!) I should have packed. He said Spring/Summer I heard ARUBA. Anyway these are AA pants and looking pretty thin haha.

I like my “new look” though. It just overtly screams COUCH and LAZY and YOU GO TO WORK DRESSED LIKE THAT ON A WEEK DAY? Bahah. No, on “work” days I wear jogging pants bro. j/k I put a nice shirt on last week to skype with Dom. COUNTS. This shirt says St. Moritz which is a rich ski person’s destination in Switzerland. Okay if I’m gonna look like a douchebag it’s gonna be a rich douchebag.

Raining again. It rains off and on a lot here so you better check an App before bike riding or taking your motorcycle. When we got to our destination it was sunny and clear. WTF Europe?

People watching boner time.

This is our regular Italian joint. His friend wasn’t working today. Too bad. They f–ed up a lot of our order ahah.

Well at least they like jazz music.

I like the interior shape of the roof.

And that place.

Even this view.

This “prosecco” was disgusting. Meh. Booze is booze.

Um I was trying to get the red napkin and candle. He wasn’t actually staring at me he was in a stone cold daze for a minute. I liked him. Ignoring his entire family of younger girls and their dads plus a mom thrown in.

I wonder what German thoughts could be swirling around in that head.

The candles and the napkins are a nice look.

Aw bye.

Cute.

I like the multi-levels.

See it’s sunny out.

One of the dads kept staring at me I kept busting him he probably wanted me in his daughter cult.

I kept thinking I hope this thing can hold the two of us.

I loved that guy with the ponytail he reminded me of two pony tails I know in a past life. 1. The hippie bus driver from St. Joes elem and prob for other schools as well. and 2. Mr. Stern the drama teacher who always wore sandals RIP dude. He sat alone and read some literature on the town and had a wallet with all these papers and cards in it and because he was the last one left in the restaurant, I stared at him. Well there was a family on the other side too I will get to them. I will just get it out of the way now instead. The mom got drool all over her leg from one of her sleeping boys, aw. I saw her camel toe. Aw again. Red pants and red boot heels. Interesting look.

Tastes like…HELL. Btw I’m listening to this as I write this drivel.

Turns out peperoni is German for peppers and not it’s English best friend Pepperoni WTFFFFFF. Luckily I love spicy peppers but no wonder the German chick kept asking if we liked hot [pepperoni] then these green bean looking guys arrive on my pizza THEN I realized no one knew what the hell was going on.

At least everything tastes the same though. Like garlic butter.

I never know what it is we’re ordering like when Shannen Doherty goes to Paris in 90210 with dumb ass Donna and they eat brains? Shark jumping abroad episodes are so desperate. Meanwhile, in Germany… lol.

Why would we order bread? Hi can we have a huge plate of bread, fuck I just love bread so much I wish we could eat an order of it before a large pizza and shit that isn’t enough carbs lets get some pasta and beer too. Idiot. Lol. We ordered pizza bites, with cheese in them. I was like ok maybe they do them different now and the stuff is all on the inside. Negatory. These beasts were empty. We ate our meals, waited an hour, I had some vodkas, then the pizza rolls arrived. The guy kept coming out and looking at us with relief cos we were chill as hell, completely full like whatever I guess they forgot but no, they fucked up and burnt another batch before finally getting the third one correct LOL I love their German honesty so much no chef in Toronto would come out and tell you all of that and then it’s like F that story why is this Canadian here??? Just wait til I tell you guys about Hemelvaart I got the blowing of a century. I love it here.

I wonder what WWII woulda been like here back then. Then a shiver goes down my spine. I totally had a panic attack during the air show on hemelvaart, it was bad but then I got wasted to turn off my brain. No more weed for me! Ha. It’s one of my post 9/11 perma-mental problems. But it’s also a combined personal sensitivity to the world at present too, looking up at planes and thinking about Boston and yeah, anxiety time!

Super Reichy.

About this time Ferraris started whizzing by. LOTS OF THEM. Mostly reds, yellows, silvers and blacks. A variety of makes, models, years. The kid in the front’s mind was blown, it was a special few moments. I didn’t take any pictures until maybe the 200th car (okay fine, 100th) went by and we were like this is nuts we have to follow them. I guess it was a car club. I know my uncle used to do that with his car kin, going for drives in their teeny vintage corgis.

I’m glad this jungle is joining me for lunch. Whatever. Why stop now.

Seriously it was resting on and all over my head ahahhaa. They gave me goblets of vodka water so it was pretty cool sure bring me a bird for my shoulder next please.

Ancient. What am I even looking at?

And then a year later.

I only had one.

Jesus Christ.

Then stuff it with some garlic butter which instantly melts. We were still kinda hung from Hemelvaart. We don’t really drink here or party much believe it or not so I think it’s alright to admit to being two day hung lazy marathon sloth styles yeah? Thanks guys. Plus it was Saturday.

Getting steamy over there.

Here we go put your car porn hats on now. Dudes I shoulda just directed you to this point sorry for making you go through all of that first.

I got whistled at. The first car I got too. I can now classify as FERRARI HOT on top of NIGHTCLUB HOT. (What other hots do you know?) BICYCLE HOT is another good one.

They were at the castle my bf kept saying. Def a club, check the paper on the dash, many had it.

They call me mellow yellow. Actually, what rhymes with high-strung?

Bye.

I like that my regular is beside a castle that’s all just saying heeheh. It was bittersweet to see the park on the other side with all my medieval fair friend’s tents vanished from it. So sad. Everything is so sad. That’s still a running joke in these parts by the way. The cows are so sad because they cannot drive Ferraris.

I stayed at a Hotel Bellevue in Quebec City in grade 8. Our room of six girls was super f–ing loud and got multi citations. We had MusiquePlus cranked.

2 STDs? Um no please.

We waited until a few more went by to make sure they were going in a cluster and not just their separate ways. They were going their separate ways but we tailed a group of three. I bet they hated that as we so totally were not a Ferrari. So what you don’t own the road.

I had a red Ferrari for my barbies so I was in the club too.

Mouth watering.

Lets follow him. And as a bonus they taught us a new route. Bf was like whoever chose this probably got some heat for it cos a lot of it was rough terrain for low-riding Ferraris, dumb in a sense.

Beautiful.

In shadowing them we traveled back and forth over the German/Holland border several times. It was neat. Felt like following Unicorns.

Like we were in a parade and everyone was watching, animals too.

Alright alright.

Then a super old school vintage one appeared behind us.

So we separated from our friends who did not want to be our friends.

We made some new friends. It was cute waving to them and they all waved back, one guy tried to thumb a ride. They were def drinking . Farmers.

Clogs too.

Wonder what they were up to.

Then we went home and watched movies. I have no idea which ones.

Was Kristin Wiig good on SNL? Don’t get it here and if we did it would be broadcast at 5:30AM whoops. KAY BYE HAVE A NICE DAY.

Time for a Mom feature Little Raymis. It has been been awhile plus this w/e it’s all about yo mama! Lets check out what the dream team Tracey the Minx and Lolo got from The Drake General Store for their Mom Wow shopping date. Ten times cooler than sending flowers, these chicks love to do things (spazzes). So a shopping excursion and lunch in the city courtesy of my home away from home homies The Drake/General Store was the dopest idea. I can’t be there to do it myself this year and do the here is a construction paper card with a crappily drawn flower on it DAUGHTER OF THE YEAR custom-made. Hell I bet if I made those I could sell them for $100 each (self inflated egotism at its best). Remind me to assemble a team of interns to make homemade cards and plagiarize my name on them as my next career move project to fizzle out after 6 months.

Hi! On with the showmance lets go.

Oooh I wonder if my tweet made it into shit girls say, they retweeted it and it got retweeted like gangbusters.

Nice stems jeezis. Nice glasses too! I love how they copy and one-up each other constantly, we always copy each other’s “thing” it’s cute, playful, and fun. Monkey see monkey do. Life is a mirror.

I love this store. Ever since it opened. The owners are dreamy too.

I have never eaten so many eggs in my life since living here.

As a writer I have a great affinity for books, journals, note paper, whimsical stationary, collecting meticulously effortlessly designed notebooks. This makes my heart swoon.

I love this photo. Lois is my godmother. Am I a mother collector? I think I am. GAhah. All your moms are belong to us! I think it’s because my mom is like a child and I am a habitual f–up I am a never-ending fix it project based upon my totally aggressively laid back lifestyle. In other news we watched Our Idiot Brother last night fwahaha.

These I love. I want to make a terrarium. I wish I was not so lazy that I would make one. I want to be the kind of person who makes terrariums. Like David Suzuki. I think I would faint if I met him. National Treasure. His daughter seems wicked too.

Why yes. I. am.

I can only imagine how Dom dealt with them on Thursday haha she said they were very charming. I said my mom is worse than me no filter, which is the charming part D said. AWWWW.

Nice. I knew my mom would have a field day photographing in there. Bonus Mother’s Day gift for the obsessive shutterbug.

In their natural habitat, divas.

Okay ok ocray.

Oh my god I want new clothes so bad.

I want that dress. Love this picture. Florida tanned.

Canadian summers are the best though.

I would love to table dress. I like arranging things, decorating, kitschy vintage-modern, post modern eclectic, nostalgic curiosities. I am a “things” kind of person. Things are based on emotions, the need to tap in to them also if you’re a loner you like play things to fill in for people.

As a girl, how does this box of beads make you feel? She either got it as a gift for a girl or for herself and now she’s going to make me a bracelet.

This makes me feel awesome. Plus “I need it”. I need it in a cabin I don’t own yet.

I guess my mom “needed” this too. She has a lot of jewelry. I “need” some of it. Lol.

Nice smirk Tracey wtf.

Omg seriously.

Ahh.

Yes you do!

Mom are you on a red carpet? Love it.

Totally I love eating soap. J/k

Can’t wait for my shopping spree!

So Parisian.

The D. Gen is like opium. Prozac. All that and more.

It’s designed like a retro pharmacy too. How appropriate. In Papiamento they call it Botika. In Dutch, Apotheek. You learn these things in other countries when you have to drive all over town searching for them and they don’t speak English. Apotheek sounds like Apothic, which assuages my inner-goth. You learn so much here don’t you now.

I just love the digs here. Maybe I am homesick? No just being a traveling bohemian minimalist on a budget makes me yearn to shop more. You realize you have everything in life you already need already, you don’t need to buy more — just one more thing for your mom for Mother’s day though because giving her your new no-buying mentality as a gift this year is a little too last minute fellow Buddhist, you can do that next year ahaha.

Lets play who drank what.

Oh mom.

Love post lunch booze walks, everything is surreal and magical and less boring than when sober. Are we walking on a ship right now? Feels like it lol.

So Tracey.

I’m glad you had a wee stroll around Queen west.

It’s colder here I’m jeals of the Toronto temperature.

Oh my god yum.

THIS PICTURE IS PERFECT. Lois always matches to something.

Quirky is the best.

Oooooh that’s the one you “needed” most of all. Happy Mother’s Day you deserve it! I love you.

You too Lolo. xoxo

I got my blue toms from the Drake General Store when I was living at Adventure House when I was 27. They were like 70% off! I like Tray Cray, love a good deal.

Hehahahee. How many visions of the future I see when I look at the billions of photos of my mom there are out there nevermind Dolly Parton from the previous post. Dutch Bf saw what I was going to look like in the future in Aruba and was like alrighty then. He said He found me, I chose him, he take me. yes we speak engrish. Sorry.

There you go Toronto.

I love stuffed animal things most of all. Sometimes if you’re feeling childish enough your stuffed animals start talking and the rudest sh– comes out of them, hmm funny how that is yeah.

Thanks for Wowing our Moms. And for being open on weekends (oibviously) so I can last minute Christmas shop. I bought my dad a mini air hockey game from The Drake General Store one year.

Sunglasses fetish. The trick is to know the shape of your face. We have heart shaped faces so cat’s eyes work. Plus we have cat’s eyes too. Meow!

I had that black backpack as a kid.

They got the hipster space pillows too. Jealous awesome I love it. Do those travel pillows actually work or do people just buy them to look like they’re flying a star trek spaceship? Btw there are always cute girls in the Gen store it gives you nervous boners I mean that’s what I heard and when I say you I totally do not at all mean me.

Ladies who lunch. Gee who’s PR heel is that???

Think ‘em girls did the city well happy you had a lovely afternoon and the sun was shining.

VIPLEASE all-star treatment that’s how we do.

How cute is this loot.

I want that sweater.

Tracey and her tea. Your British roots are showing. Seriously if we’re practically late for something we will still have time to go to Tim Ho’s drive thru somehow to get a tea for Tracey. INFURIATING.

What’s a Tracey post w/o some family secrets in it?

Those pillows!

First I wanted the gold pig, now I want the pink one. NEED. For all my foreign collections of coins.

Your dog is hairy.

Nice clover showcase.

Fungry.

Wise choice.

So Thelma and Loiuse right now. You can both be Geena Davis.

My top favourite photo of the post.

Punchable faces.

Just give me everything.

Look it’s NDP you two.

How many brunchangover pictures do I have of myself on this patio heh. That was rhetorical. I want an ALT NOW.

Those candles are a classic Tracey present. If you get a candle from her IT MEANS SOMETHING.

Totally Apothecary. Good one guys.

Darling.

Loot there it is.

And that’s that Happy Mother’s Daymi! XOXO. Now you go spoil your moms now.

Thanks for the sweet genetics.

These are mystery videos because 1. I take many and I don’t know or remember what’s what to begin with and 2. I can’t preview them before uploading so I just pick at random. The files these photos come in are too hugemongous to be read by my elder laptop. They’re .wav files and HUGE in size. If the video is too risky I delete after the fact. Thrillhouse!

I was inspired by the fair and went back to my black metal roots SAAAAAAAAAATAN ARRRRRRRRRRR RAAAAH.

Whoops. Today’s about a fantastic journey to Heaven actually cos it’s Hemelvaart.

This was after swimming. See how awesome I felt?

Have a nice day in the life!