I published this a few weeks back before my blog party then I chickened out but now I’m blocking out the haters for YOU so happy holidays from all us here at Raymi the Minx enterprises, y’all make this blog thing pretty fantastic. In any event, this juicy ass is from my date weight phase. I fear it is shrinking by the day so it’s important to make butt time capsules. I hope Nicki Minaj makes one of these. Or one of you Little Raymis does. Come on lets make a Raymeme.

Merry ChrisMUST!

The post Merry ChristmASS appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

I realize I might be depressed. Ha. I was trying to figure out what I use to do to feel better, or instead of going out, and it was blog (talk about myself). I derived enough friendly satisfaction from it that carved out more online social intake. But when you blog less, people interact less. When you blog you end up hearing from all of these long losts, out from the woodwork.

Or maybe it’s spring and I do not possess special powers. Whatever the fuck it is I’m running with it. Waking up with options on a Saturday and then kinda being into none of it, shows me I am bumming right now and the only way to get out of it is to get out from under it. Blog session begin.

Where to even start Doctor, hmm.

Well, I know we’re not in it alone and everyone I seem to know is borderline glum right now. We are all sick of the weather and the last week in weather was, ballistic. Abysmal. At least my vocabulary is expanding.

I think I am addicted to weird and when I’m not doing weird I am blue. I think loneliness drives you crazy too. And love.

When I took this picture a bro (southern man) said I should buy it. I looked at the price tag. $300. Yeah sure I said, I totally need this. It was the dumbest exchange, and there was a bit more to it, but it was something none the less.

This was after the greasiest brunch on the sweatiest sunny afternoon. Oh it was good.

An outright fantasy compared to the shitty weather here. I wonder how my mom is doing, she just got back from a cruise with my Nana yesterday. The first thing she mentioned was weather. Oh please, you don’t even know lady.

I can’t even think of little stories to tell you when all day all night long I am constantly thinking and climbing through delightful little dramas but, when I sit down to do this I clam up. I think because there is so much more to always say, and you can’t so you try and tell stories around it instead.

The party don’t stop no it won’t stop.

I am considering going on tinder out of sheer boredom. That is probably a turrible idea. AT least Ellie Goulding is next weekend with Tegan and Sara.

It’s been a big week for someone though. Look at me looking at my mom AHHAha. Rob Ford personally invited me to City Hall. FACT. I didn’t go because I knew it was for some kind of up to no good kinda thing. Cray knows cray. However I did not know that was the kinda darkness. I feel bad for addicts. That is all.

AT least I have the lake in my face everyday.

And I live close to town. Which I never go to. Because the weather. We have bikes we plan to take all the way to Hamilton along the beach, barrangas, it’s gonna be a great summer.

And I started running again. Jokes I haven’t but I will. Along the mansions of Lakeshore while composing my next story about 6 months in Mansions, from the time I was 20. It was amazing. Lindsay Lohan was on my street and we locked eyes. She was filming portrait of a Teenage Drama Queen. I exploded loudly out of my house slamming the screen with my longboard while she was on her bicycle and I ruined the scene because she looked at me. It was awesome. I just came back from Los Angeles for a month and here was Disney, all over the place.

Busy work week with more busy on the way. Busy busy busy :). I love where I work and who I work with. We had a beer yesterday and watched motivational youtube ads and shot the shit. I am starting to dream more and more about work too it’s interesting. Haha. It takes me awhile to feel accepted or not feel hated at all times but I like where life is going and I am very happy about the work I get to do for the clients that I have and sometimes I have to pinch myself. I have work friends too and they are hysterical. We have so many crazy ways of blowing off steam together, we are a great unit support system blabbity blah worrrrrrrrk. Lol.

It’s probably definitely why I don’t have a life anymore because I am so fulfilled there, intellectually, stimulatingly (not a real word) and so I don’t feel the need to go out anywhere after work. Tan, groceries, lcbo, home, internet, occasional travel, global crushes, sleep, rinse repeat.

Writers are known to be monastic in a sense anyway. That’s what Natalie Portman said about ballerinas when she was training for Black Swan. You’re welcome. I just don’t want to die a spinster so there’s an underlying present anxiety at all times churning beneath my surface and I fancy myself a catch, the laziest fucking catch so I’m doing it to myself really.

I noticed my white skin was making me look like the crypt keeper so I did something about it. When you’re so wasp white your dark undereye circles become more pronounced so tan it up bitches.

My desk is a little PeeWee’s Playhouse. What of it bro.

Uh, guys.

Do not get me started on Metro.

There will always be the arts. Writing is infinite. Not to be a goon but I guess I am dating writing. And buzzfeed. Sometimes Jezebel those annoying fucking feminists!!! Haha. And my pen pals. I started watching Mad men too and it is mind blowing to be a copywriter watching that shit. I love it. I love life. I am just a morose entity and need a full time babysitter boyfriend. Though I need a lot of distance too. I need local friends who aren’t stupid young boys only. HAha. This blog post should have been called I NEED.

I need to hit publish and edit all the things I just said now.

I might upload some videos. Have a great Saturday!

The post the lover isn’t listening. appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

Bonjour mes amis. I’m chilling at the library because I sent my laptop out yesterday, day from hell but at least I’m not Rob Ford kinda yesterday. I was just going to bite the bullet and buy a shitty laptop but what’s the point when mine can be repaired and has a faster processor yada yada AND this new job I’m in the running for I won’t need my laptop they’ll have one and like I’ll have time to dick around on mine anyway when I’ll be working. But the timing isn’t optimal, I was able to send a few writing samples out and a collection/assortment of links blabbity blah all before the thing went to toast forever. Anyway when it Raymes it pours.

Also anyway, the exciting thing about this library thing is that some guy just barfed and they’re all freaking out, called the ambulance so it’s nice entertainment, well not nice but just asshole nice you know not like he has a tumour and this is the moment they realize he’s dying like crazy but who knew librarians were secret doctors (joking they aren’t) cos one is asking him all these medical questions. I kind of just want to go over there and be all, what the hell is going on just tell me hurry quick I’m busy, thank you. I, like many others, feel self entitled to all information. Period.

This is what I look like really tired and squinting. Just shine a light in your face and it masks the deep bags under your eyes. BTW you can’t tell here but my unibrow is looking killer. I hope no one ever makes me wax it. I live in fear of that. I should dye my hair today, soon at least.

Dutch bathroom downstairs. BF and I speak 20 times a day I think we’re like tracking each other, I still feel connected to him he’s here but he’s not but it’s okay blah blah I’m just being an emotional island recluse and drinking through it secretly. Cat’s out now. Everyone in the writing industry drinks, you drink to write, to deal with pressure and you drink and write yourself to death pretty much right? That’s my plan anyway haha.

Everyone is acting extremely busy and flustered just because a guy barfed a little bit on a table. I think he is really digging the attention and going with it. They just pushed the stretcher out without him on it see told you. He does seem like a hot mess though I bet he partied last night.

Focus focus. These are just a few pictures I uploaded during a me-time computer blitz, I think all my blitzes take a toll on the machine I think the motherboard needs to be replaced. We’ll see.

This was my first day in Holland. We drove around just a little bit, I was exhausted and it was later in the day we had nap and reunion time first.

I worked out for the first time in months with the trainer and my mom/lois and the pain I feel from that session has changed gradually moving from chest to arms well yeah mostly all around there like under arm chest muscles lifting your arms in the shower wtf-ery. That’s bad. I used to lift free weights everyday but out of sight out of mind. I want toned arms again I think that’s my eternal lifetime want and desire, toned arms.

This was crazy funny because the quality of the video was bad (youtube) which proves the animal kingdom instinct and recognition thereof by Rocky versus some tampon commercial passively staring but not connecting with the visuals shows that he’s not as stupid as we thought. He watched this antelope (elk? OX? Big thing?) get taken down by an alligator in some mud and we didn’t even want to watch that clip he ran to the tv and sat there for the whole 6 minutes, it was the best.

Okay I go now back to werk.

Happy Friday, sweet November.

Oh gee.

The post she resonates i relate appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

Stella took me for a walk cos she was going cuckoo over all this judgment from the cats and it was making her stir crazy and like, they don’t know her man! If she wants to laze around all goddamn day and talk about herself then that’s her choice and every right. So, we hit the road. Also mommy was out of coffee.

Prepare for battle.

Stella sensed this was going to be a longer walk than just the typical sprint around the park, which it was going to be initially til I got outside and realized how humid it was. I brought my umbrella and it only started down-pouring once we were on the last sidewalk stretch home.

I saw her butt pucker and knew it was time for the magic to happen.

Haha yuppies, I didn’t clean up after her cos I noticed a HUGE GIANT PILE beside her so out of spite I left it be. She went again on Queen street and I picked it up cos there were witnesses. A lot of dog people do not pick up after their dogs I think it is kind of like picking your nose ahaha I dunno, I don’t care and if you have a problem with it, bleh. I pick her shit up more than I don’t it’s just once in awhile who cares, winter is here.

At least I admitted it. Oooh those nails. Fierce.

See how I can’t walk in a straight line to the Gladstoner? when we are degenerates late for brunch we have to drag and walk each other over like total babies in gale force winds that swoop this street, walk in the opposite direction of the gladstone and then back again. It’s not long but when you like shortcuts and can see it RIGHT THERE and you are starving your balls off and totally hung and yeah, lazy sloth problems. It makes that breakfast english muffin that much more delicious though. Oh and half my friends can never remember how to get to where we live cos they usually come over pisswasted at 2 in the morning by trolley car cab drunk vortex who even knows and when they leave are like, where am I?

Condos sprouting up all around us. I like this one it’s so sleek and green and empty-looking. People who live in condos are usually not standing in the windows of them for some reason. Out working, paying off those mortgages or something.

I looked stupid and I could barely see and I got stared at a lot cos of the camera around my neck or because I looked like I was incogneato. Did you like my pun? I thought that up when I was under the Duff bridge.

I have to kind of drag her at this point because she does not like to leave the yuppie bubble. Peopl with dogs get stared at extra because you are two moving somethings coming down the street and I’m normally a stared-at object anyway because, just because okay, and then Stella sprints off terrified and neurotic cos I am the only one who walks her (on these longer excursions) and I have no idea how to even take care of myself and am not a dog person so we are a walking spectacle of stupid. It is a nice life.

Sometimes I have to pretend to be blind to get out of trouble with her. I always force walk ourselves in to places we shouldn’t be and she cannot relax. This corner of Dufferin and Queen is in particuar, hell. There is no room on the sidewalk, and if I am coming back from that side of Parkdale oh you can for-fuckinget anyone giving a shit about me and my poor dog on the sidewalk. It can get scary. No one moves out of my way if I am walking up that hill because they are at the front of the bus line and HATING LIFE. The Sufferin bus is called that for a reason. So I have to walk on to the road and dodge possible bikes and cars swerving to and fro because civilians will not move for me. Should I write a letter to the Mayor? Hi Rob, remember me? You did tell me to drop by City Hall at some point/ anytime.

Ha.

We keep our cool and let them see us for a bit, then we go fuck this and part our way through politely.

Some people are afraid of dogs, I think we look pretty friendly.

Stella is more afraid of them. Out of that clustery intersection she gets a bit better.

But mostly not really, she speeds up and we walk at a good marchy clip. Lots of people smile at her, we clothesline them, they still smile. Everybody just wants to interact in the isolating city I think and a dog is a connector, a pipeline to making that happen and I see that people appreciate it, even when we strangle them with her leash and shit in their storefront plant beds. Stella & Raymi 2011 FTW! Do you think this would make his ex-wife insane?

Someone has to walk her and give her love. Someone said that I was selfish. Pfft. Dogwalkers get paid. I pick up her shit for free. That is love. If teacher is with me I do not pick it up. I stand there and make funny commentary while he does.

Almost there. Today we are walking to Starbucks at Dovercourt because we didn’t feel like going to Liberty Village. We talked it over and decided it would be simpler to just walk to Dovercourt. We also have to remind ourselves to write to Tassimo and suck up for more inserts so that we don’t have to go on another coffee dog walk again for a few weeks.

What?

My Durex ad was filmed in/up there, third floor left window, it looks out to the bridge and the Go train going by and car alarms messed with filming, well, temporarily paused it. That ad is still playing all over the webs.

Those are the funniest unsafest looking cars ever. No thanks. Maybe once to film it and make fun of it and get baked and be like woah a bubble that is moving but then it would go horribly instantly awry cos I’d have an anxiety attack from the enclosed space and scared from the teeniness. Don’t you agree?

Ok lets get through these it’s dark now and I am hungry.

What is the name of this bar?

I like their decorative junk.

There were lipstick lesbos in the window so then I sang that out loud lesbeeeee-ins, in tha win-doe! Well on my way home I did cos they were still there. I had a skip in my step cos the fresh air did me some good brain mojo. The dog was soaked and muddy.

And hating absolutely all of this. She’s gotten chubbier ever since Jenny told me she was too skinny and I stopped running with her to the park so that’s double bad. I don’t care if you hate this lazy ass you are a dog and dogs walk and if the dog whisperer were here he’d whisper all kinds of crazy.

Nice work.

Stella is too cool for the Beac.

Oh the stories out of this place. Every loveable degenerate louse friend of mine has a funny anecdote about The Beaconsfield I think it will be a holiday tradition at least at one point to get trashed here as friends I don’t want to know my name anymore that’s how trashed. Effective signage Beacsters.

Too cool for here too but I have trained Stella to slow her roll when we jog by to check and be checked out by smooth patio criminals when it’s patio season.

Interesting and good to know.

Sometimes she is a little reindeer, cow coloured reindeer. She gets spottier in the winter Teacher said. Ok sure whatever.

Not today Stella I can’t tie you up without it being a big deal, we are going out for coffee and that only. I have done ZERO Christmas shopping. Teach is late so I bet he is buying me a present right now.

She went again. I picked it up this time.

Everything is cool Stella. She made my umbrella knock my coffee all over the place as I untied her and I am pretty sure the starbucks nerds were making fun of me. Once again my many public displays of humiliation courtesy of Stella.

Ahh everything is normal again. A dude I have seen twice out the window doing his laundry passed me in front of 69 vintage and we smiled at each other. I have a street crush on him. He was walking with a crazy person though so it didn’t seem like a good time to talk not that I would. He looked like a hipster in the scene that I am not a part of and his pants are too high, and then I wrote a tweet inspired by his flood pants, which I think are perfect. I also spelt problems wrong in that hashtag and I left it so that my haters can be delighted.

I wished I could capture my reflection better because this conceited walk is half about me too, it’s not the Stella show all the time.

I’ve never drunk in this bar. I went on a date with the guy who does or did their karaoke though. I can’t handle moustaches that aren’t attached to beards, he looked like a hipster John Leguizamo devil. We were equally disinterested in one another.

LOVE pastel rainbow colours. I spelt that Raymbo by mistake.

Creepy, dirty, dusty, uninspired.

I will be the judge of that. I think that’s Nunu’s sister who runs this ethiopian joint.

I looked like an Amish billy goat gruff wizard ahh cool. I like being a reject.

Almost home dude. That handful of dog food I give you will taste extra delicious.

The new Duff bridge is very european and a major RIDE trap. The skate park pipes beside it is pretty neat and nice of the city to do that.

I don’t want to know what goes on in there.

Someone got towelled off and the fire flipped on who’s a goofy stooge. I hope she doesn’t barf this year everyone overfeeds her cos she does stupid eyes on them and my nana could not stop giving her food and I know that I sure as hell will be binge eating my face off. Merry Christmas everyone I am going to be violently ill now. Avoid turkey skin, which, I can’t.

I had eyebag potion on beneath my glasses the whole time and no you can’t see it.

I better write a christmas list. Or figure out the ultimate store to get everyone gift certificates from and soon.

And vacuum that glitter up. Bechnique wants to hang tonight.

Which means tomorrow will be a write off. It’s ok a lot of stuff is popping up and it’s good to chill when I can. Not that I do. My blog will be revamped soon I am excited for that! Talked to Bryan about it today on the phone.

Ok princess dirtbag time now bye bye!

The post The Stella and Raymi show go on the road appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

What’s up girl! Sometimes we manage to always be matching, intuitive, freaky, classy, good ladylike style right?

Yo meet my moms! She crazy and fearless as shit!

She’s also a spectacular nurturing Nana, so young too. The Cruel to be kind peanut gallery can say what they like but you can’t argue facts, when it is known that my mom has been there for every single person in my family in a major way at certain points of various crises in their lives, like a martyr, she’s our Mother Theresa and the one you call when shit goes down. She is a professional basket case dealer and thriver? She has earned her party lifestyle as far as I am concerned and I love seeing her live and love her life and I am uber proud of her in many ways.

We fight like mental but we know when to give it a rest. You don’t fight in Paradise. I only gave her neck a squeeze once we got to the airport and Lois just looked away, after 9 days in Miami/Ft. Lauderdale we had each other on perma-desensitized. How I wish I could tell you the juicy reason why I semi-strangled her, haha one day maybe.

Mom I was going to get you one of these yesterday then remembered you had one from this ridiculous photo-set you blogged years ago (I know lol I can’t beat her may as well join her) so I got you leopard print instead.

Was this the day I snapped at the alpha Bay street bulldog woman at Jack Astors? She deserved it. Mom gets trashed on unnecessarily by people in her scene, and crew out of jealousy and this mistreatment makes me want to punch their lights out (and it will happen one day don’t worry) so she encouraged my take down of this annoying bossy woman who felt threatened upon our bar arrival (one last drink and my mom was going home holy christ leave us alone!) and so I let her have it.

Though, my mom is kind of masterful at the passive aggressive pot stirring, winding you up innocently I think this is why we are an entertaining force on the internet cos I am mentally challenged defensive and naive and she needs a lot of attention and will incessantly bother me all day long.

Haha this “tribute” is turning in to a slaying and getting me totally irritated. Ok back to pleasantries and accolades.

Even animals love my mom and she takes photos obsessively, I paved the way for that but she is really incredible at it. I invite her to events cos I know she will do all the work for me plus old men will flirt with her and she will entertain me all night long and with Lois we are unstoppable. It’s her birthday too this week! We are partying this week. Pray for Raymeh.

Young dudes love my mom too.

She goes on nature walks like Rainman and is adventurous, creative, healthy, very healthy.

Awww. She is Kelly Preston hot.

She is an engager and social butterfly and brings a smile to people’s faces, captures moments, gives (unsolicited) advice blabbity blah that cardigan Hailey is wearing was mine.

Her gifts are always thoughtful and unique, stylish, classic and come with a story or explanation ahhaa.

She almost got a photo of Dennis Rodman this night we went out to Blue Martini in Ft. Lauderdale but I stopped her and she should have just done it but maybe her camera is why he bounced, plus the band announced him but we were dancing with him for a bit first.

We had a blast this night, great partier in crime my mom is.

Ew I am fat here.

Even Dan Aykroyd was smitten. Go Tracey!

Her granddaughter is her muse. Their bond is so touching to have witnessed over the years, Hailey tells my mom the most private and “real” things and adores my mom and mom is toughening her up. GAY!

I love that every annoying thing she does to me in life she gets back at her in form of her mom, Eileen.

The way my mom and Sylvia became friends is true to Tracey form too. Syl was one of the bird’s of a dude in the crew which inevitably ended but mom loved her so much said, be OUR friend girl stick around and now Sylvia is in the crew.

I steered them here last Thursday in lieu of the Keg and I think everyone enjoyed that hahaha.

My mom said that gizzard was pinching her. Exact words AHhaahahahhaahahaha! ROFL.

EVERY TIME I show up to meet the girls at the Keg my mom is holding court with at least 5 white collar dudes wrapped around her finger, drunk and photographing her.

Yup.

Even Larry King. Tracey vs. the World in High Def, Tivo it!

I said mom, these are the famous people in attendance at this gala I have the exclusive on tonight, do your thing, and that, she did.

I don’t even know what this is from but I am sure it was a nice time.

Happy Birthday to Lois too! You are the point to our babe-triad. Lets make up a secret handshake to perform when we cheers. Hhahaha. I’m drinking mimosas at my dad’s house right now. Oooh Brutiful!

Thanks to this woman, if I play my cards right, I will be hot until I am fifty. P-E-D-I-G-R-E-E. My friend Rob told me if I was a horse, he’d buy me, when he found out I was a Kerouac. Merci maman je t’aime. Oh my god Speakng of francophone, when Justin Trudeau said I love you papa (je t’aime papa) en francaise at the service for Pierre, I died. So did my mom. We are sensitive nerds.

MILF.

You have competition though. How did I miss this picture. Cool right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE OUT LIKE A GAY SUNSET! xoxox

The post Happy Birthday Mum! appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

RIP Rob Ford. You invited me to City Hall and I never took you up on it. Just before your scandal hit home. I’ve always wondered what would’ve happened if I took you up on that invite.

Lucky number slevin. Ready for seven minutes in heaven with your pal, Raymbo? Knowing the power of your post before you post it, how to not let that change the creative process? Is it possible? no. It’s not. But you carry on like it doesn’t. Luckily, the subject matter and content ratio for this post isn’t de rigueur so maybe I can hide the stupid somewhere in-between. (Puncturing these snaps with some of my moms. good luck readers).

Benny and I and Dan Aykroyd’s crystal head vodka shot glasses. Benny is the eldest performer in the company and has been with the Famous People Players since the very beginning.

Colleague, what did I tell you about flash?

‘Cos then everyone could better see mom going in for the Chris Woods kill.

I spy Afrim and Chris Woods. Can you spy the ones who have crushes on me? haha.

Founder Diane Dupuy chattin’ with City, no biggie.

Diane’s daughter Jeannine holding the fpp‘s playbill.

Else said grace while Dan Aykroyd was holding my mom’s hand, great timing mom (the moment she will NOT STOP RECOUNTING I swear by this point they are going steady) and he was so touched and that’s likely why he wouldn’t let go of her hand, I was standing right there, it was a very surreal moment, with his other hand he put it across his heart and I stood there with EVERYONE’s eyes on us oh so awkwardly crucifying my mom in my head ughh haha.

The man behind the delicious food prepping it, I love these moments before the storm, dude keeps it cool.

Hi Lois!

Hey Chris why don’t you take me along to your night catering for the fords, I know it’s what they really wanted most of all, speaking of, how close am i to auctioning dinner with raymi off? lulz raymi@raymitheminx.com (WHAT!? i love to eat!)

Kitchens excite me. They remind me of Goodfellas.

Just legit bangin’ ‘em out. fantastic. Here are the actual components:

Roast Organic Heirloom Beet Salad
Watermelon Radish and Pea Tender Slaw
Citrus Jerjus Vinaigrette, Chive Oil

Charlene gets to do the coarse salt (assumedly of the sea) . At this precise moment in time I am pouring champagne all over our table. I kept thinking the bottle was just about empty. It wasn’t.

The big moment. Le big kahuna arrives. My mom and I lost it. We are canadiana fanatics. She spent the day researching Dan Ayrkroyd ahahah (I have seen the great outdoors 300 times fyi).

I am fatal attractioning him right out. LOOK AT ME. I should have worn fluorescent and then jumped onto the stage during an act pretending to be a butterfly. I’ve done stupider.

I love it when celebrities make celebrity jokes, like, “we use our celebrity to help raise awareness…” in a truly humble, honest, self-aware way. Dan did that and too bad for him because it made me 30% more intent on stalking my prey all night long. Why do you think I dressed like an ice skating olympiad?

While stalking your prey you study and take note of its gentle, kind nature.

Oh boy!

Heart-melting. Proud parent of performer, said performer and Dan. Omg am I going to doodle Dan Aykroyd hearts on my trapper keeper next?

Mom fought her way and stood her ground once I dared her to, but I couldn’t look strangled my linen and covered my eyes with it instead until the precise moment when mom’s embarrassing hold-out paid off to the me and my daughter window of photo-posing opportunity arrived. These seconds last lifetimes, notice?

Oh my.

Then your hero wedged right on in.

Look how happy he is. I think he smelled my hair.

I don’t know what i am trying to pull here but i think it worked whatever it was. by the way, my earrings are glass cubes, they’re dope.

No one can seem to figure out what the medal means.

We had the best placed table, I could see every vantage point and the mayor’s puppet was right behind me, obviously everyone would look over to it and by proxy me all night long and some of these people are Very Importants.

For example, the guy beside my mom said a table of blokes thought she was a tv personality, news of some sort. I encouraged him to to encourage that notion. Watch out susan hay, tracey‘s comin’ for ya.

And cos I was a blabberholic All night long I ate the slowest and couldn’t finish one course and therefore a twig the next day. Yay!

Ready for more, buddy?

This is in the front foyer. the puppets and props are phenomenally-made, uber-detailed, and so totally ridiculous, trippy, wild and fun. Nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

The crystal head makes the rounds. The ford family I think took it all home, they were very generous to the fpp. Everyone is bowled over by the success of the charity auction celebrity gala. We made history baby!

Look how smooth I am, that’s my card in his hand. Haha.

Benny does it all. These guys serve, train, and then perform. Brilliant.

Then the ford picnic began.

This is like watching battle on the plains of abraham somewhat. I just came back from quebec. What do you want from me?

Didn’t take me very long did it now? Champagne helps.

Babes.

I think everyone went a little nutzo. The energy was fantastic.

I should have worn a big minnie mouse bow. Takes my hair a few hours to relax once I wash blow-dry and flat iron it why is that the loser caption to this photo? Unbelievable.

We are all special. Here, I am stuffing my hair into my nose. It’s how I relax.

See my earrings? I am going to wear them today. they make my ears read from the clamp but whatever. angelo gave me an amazing pair from his galerie store, they’re copper danglers, one says OUI one says NON. Don’t you love it?

Wow what a moment. Chris is like here Rob, I drew you a picture of a dragon.

Didn’t notice this until saw the photo. My dad has my brother’s ghostmobile, what was it called? But ugh how I wish I’d have thought of this.

Awesome.

Where’s Raymbot?

I’m a performer too. No seriously. It might happen now. First ever front of house performer they hire lol. Here’s a Ghostbusters reference/joke, Raymi, if someone asks if you’re a performer (blogger) you say yes. Actual ghostbusters quote, “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a God, you say YES!” ahahahha.

Fran stole our set-up.

Aaand here’s our moment. Got me on love lockdown.

Mom and I are so shy and fighting it. That’s why we have to get plastered.

Smooth criminal strikes back, he’s looking at my card, I’m laying on the I AM AMAZING super hard, he is politely taking it in whilst mom expertly dina lohans and lois, I have no idea what she is doing, hiding?

Chris‘ wife. I wonder if I can share the colourful things I learned about Dorothy’s glory days. I love secret freaks.

Uh oh am I starting to look like one of the Pristines?

To be a fly on this wall. We wore equally slutty dresses. I think she was thinking what I was thinking. VEGAS! Plus with Lois right over there.

Reality tv show: ALPHA MADAMES. Starring zero men. Gonna be hot. This is a still.

So it’s like, watching a mime act except thrown through a cyclone of lazer floyd, and a mushroom from alice. My colleague has told me about this production for months, which to self-involved me half-listening while tweeting and gossiping, is hard to make sense of, what? Black jumpsuits, puppets? What are you getting me into this time Scooby? The one thing that resonated, intrigued and piqued my curiosity most of all though, was the players. He told me you wouldn’t know that any of these performers might be special, cos it’s all black, you see nothing but the props. Of course my critical person had to be on board and see for myself these savants and exceptional creatives. Prepare for nothing short of amazement.

Our table didn’t get one of these.

Trouble? A-noooo.

I had to pull my shirt dress down so many times I stretched the strap right out. It’s by Le Chateau. I love it thank you Steph.

It’s like a SNL wall of fame in there, or Second City, which Dan also made mention of. SWOON.

Look how tiny am. Yay. Don’t worry I’m a cow again after my booze holiday and I haven’t worked out in ages :(.

The show begins. It’s Disco fever. SO FUN. Dan is in the front row in the white shirt. I have no idea what the show was about cos I was staring at him the entire time ahhaa. No kidding I watched both.

My mom is telling me that the buzzard behind her jammed her long fingernail into her shoulder while snapping at her to move. I was repulsed. I see women treat my mom like garbage all the time cos she’s pretty, charming and bubbly. You have to be mean to other women sometimes because they force you to. Sickening. We get enough crap from men we should be nurturing and supporting one another ladies. Tsk tsk.

My reaction. Mum also loves to stir up the dramz and knows I’ll flip my lid.

Such cheeky performers too, very clever. Someone must have studied the art of comedy, dragging out a joke, understated movements to garner laughs, it all worked. Superbly and we all know how much of a critic I am.

You can get away with some lewdiness (it was an adult audience TBH) because they’re props, puppets yeah? God I loved this.

Oh yes this reminds me, sunday of the long weekend I’ll be doing a burlesque show at the bovine. End of summer bash. Do come.

Lois was in another part of the audience (bawling and cheering), why no pics of her yet hey? I know my colleague got some but they’re not til the end.

They got Dan up.

There was some freaky sh-.

Blues Brothers homage. The guy who played John it was his birthday this night, one of the singers sang to him accappella and everyone bawled their eyes out, because he stood there with his hat to his chest with Dan beaming at him omg I am tearing up right now i know Lois was a friggin’ waterfall. I think crying makes my mom uncomfortable when she’s being hyper so she just laughed at me. This is what we call a classic raymi mom & godmom SH- SHOW night. Which should be the name of my show.

Can you even see anything?

I went Welsh face.

Oh my god. So emotional. She belted it too it was like relax dude this isn’t the SkyDome.

Story time. More cheering and crying.

Sponsor a performer. Nice.

Then it was our turn.

Good thing we wore black.

When you can confuse those who confuse, I think you are on to something. I will show you eccentric.

That’s dan’s wine. Notice the background props moving.

Hey mom which sex and the city character are you? Gahahaha.

This was fun. Did I say that enough yet?

No problem!

I felt it was an abuse of social media power being in the same room as the mayor during this event, knowing exactly where these photos were going to go, the double entendres, the not even having to say anything cos the hordes of readers will. I just don’t think it’s proper etiquette to drag politics into that of special needs, is all and i tend to shy away from being political period here, as that is not what this blog is about (entertainment, food, culture, celebrity, city gossip, lifestyle, travel, art, fashion, a distraction from reality not toxic negativity) so, what i was saying was, I bit my tongue and gathered all my material.

Engaged in performance art.

“Train” “wrecked”. Like any hero would.

Gave it my all.

Nope, now, just right there.

Mom extracted ancient wisdoms. This is Diane’s mom, she is 95 and folds napkins for the dining hall. She wore a ball gown. FABULOUS. She told my mom she gained her independence when her husband left and all this other brave shit. Excuse me, does anyone have Oprah on speed dial?

Then I reverted back to a ten year old while my mom moved in on Dorothy’s husband. MOM I AM WORKING HERE!

Then Chris was like oh don’t worry raymi I love you too. Ew are my mom and I going to star in a movie like Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love hewitt? NICE!

Haha the flying money.

Paul Rudd? Holy crap he is in every movie you forgot about right? We just saw him in Quebec City (in a movie not irl) in a bad Reese Witherspoon flick. Ugh so depressing, also on a rainy day too. Anway thus ends my heartbreaker segue joke.

Ron James came in to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, Chris, we’re through now. I get very jealous. It’s true. Like the good kind of psycho, don’t worry!

Omg I am so tanked. Celebrities make me lose my sh-.

That’s Rob’s mom behind me. I think his brothers wanted to buy me ahahaa. I was done networking by then and knew had pushed my luck in the scandalization department so I didn’t jump on his back. Was tempting. You can get away with anything when you dress like a nordic ice dancer.

Busted by Rob Ford’s mom. Mom talked our way out of it. His brother used it as an opportunity to chat me up. I panicked.

Leggy Lois finally appears. You’ll see more of her in mom’s and Paula’s pics (I am content overload).

How about a private vineyard stroll in the fall, Dan? Oh what’s this? The mail is here and it’s a, restraining order? what?? Cannot be. Okay I can’t tell if this is even funny anymore I am brain-fried from vacay.

In summation, Amazing performance theatre plus celebrities, gourmet cuisine, VIPS and raymitheminx equals a good time. you know who to call! (ghostbusters).

Lolz. ok here’s my mom’s I got tired of trying to insert them within the post.

One of the performers/staff walked in and took this, my mom and I were squabbling and she was stunned, and mother ever the opportunist greedy attention pot stirrer, pretends to cry and plays victim which of course makes me choke her out and thus the self-fulfilling pity prophecy comes full circle right into her hand. Works every time. I am then scolded by the performer, this tiny adorable little woman. But then she zinged us on the way out too bahaha.

Love your shoes mom.

EVERYONE loves Lois.

Twinning.

Once you’re drunk and spazzy everything makes you cackle and laugh and GAAAHH every corner you turn one of these acid trips is staring DOWN AT YOUUUUU! Kinda chucky cheese with the psychadelia cranked up.

See how quickly we Kerouac’s convert?

Nice one mom. Rob Ford, Diane Dupuy, Afrim Pristine, Dan Aykroyd and in the foreground some guy ahaha.

I need to get invited to more of these things. Hello Playboy mansion I am looking at you.

Hot girl comedians. Come on. No brainer. Cause we got no brainz.

My mom is super into these cheesy shots. Steph, before this she goes ok lauren, NOW, “With LOVE” that is the theme of this portrait. benny posed with her. Second time tonight I got ditched for that broad. I’m a Boston her.

Brat pack.

I can fit into any space perfectly and with ease.

See? Colleague says this is why my blog went gangbusters yesterday, this hog belongs to newstalk 1010 jerry agar. Also might I remind you that I am wearing a SHIRT and none of it touched seat if you know what I mean. Blushing.

Cute an creepy, love old plush things, retro. Then we discovered the puppeteer sticks and went ballistic with the lion’s legs hahaha.

milf!

Why Mother, how presidential of you. can easily be glimpsed for Clinton and Lewinsky AHhahahaha.

Blonde, red and black. Rawr.

These two servers? Adorable. He was so Rainman, just precise and so intelligent, total savant. Made sure our water was full. i said mom look, I love that one. Ask for some water. Shoulda seen what happened when i ordered more flutes and a second bottle of champagne. More performing in the dining hall for sure. Interacting with the cast was so cool.

Winding them up too. Blonde hair has saved my ass so many times. Phewf. People believe (and all people in general not the ones we take advantage of which actually, is all people too, no one is spared) that what they are seeing is what they are supposed to be seeing when they encounter my mom and I stuffing our faces in the trunk of an elephant’s snout, we hypnotize them with our bullshit, colleague or Lois captures the magic and voila: CRAP-O-BLOG-FANTASTICA!

Best night ever!

That’s Eileen. She’s an old gal, we told her my Nana (my mom’s mum) is named Eileen, they’re BOTH 81 and BOTH from Manchester, or near the same town as each other. Can ya baleeve it? I was blasted when we discovered this an bubbly nearly shot out-ma nose, ach it did. did’nt it mum.

The one I choked my mom in front of. She got over it quick.

I’m the sparkly thing that draws them in and my mom’s the Scorpion who goes in for the kill ahaha, what’s that called a Black Widow?

Need to do a redux to the guide to sneaking into things. Step 4: Ambush.

Oh. Is this thing yours?

How much airbrushing did you do to this photo mom?

Hahah awesome.

They did not stand a chance.

Yes, I do have a bright future Mr. Mayor. I do a lot of good for the city. Fact.

Team Girls swooping in.

OH MY Gawd. It seems a lot more scandalous this way. I just thanked Jerry over twitter for the ride.

Isn’t Etobicoke the Jersey Shore of Toronto too?

CUTE!

Fabulous!

See? No one can resist my mother.

Hahaha this just keeps going omg. No wait it’s done. YES!

The post Out of the Woods and into my basket appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

What do you think i am thinking here? best caption wins something. Look at my shit eating grin for one thing, my mom looks overwhelmed. She was probs eyeballing Dan Aykroyd. TAG TEAM.

hahahahha ahhh yes. if you’re greedy for more teasers from this night voila click for my post buried from a few days ago i blog too much. don’t stop til you’ve blogged enough sha-moan! psst. in the “if anybody cares” file here we have my twitter @raymitheminx follow me and lets talk shit all day long together.

this post is far too long to do on vacation so i look forward to rehashing the evening’s events first thing tomorrow moanin’ as by the time we get back today i’ll have scrambled brains from the carbage voyage.

the bobbsey twins are a great team.

mom your arms are so toned!

see you soon onterrible! missed ya.

older white dudes and harleys, like peanut butter and jelly.

oh it was brought.

and then there are my mom’s photos to blog as well. oh man. actual work.

and don’t forget our food(ie) crush on monsieur chris woods. i might have to drink a bottle of champagne to get through this one and remember precisely everything that went down. also, i like bubbles.

dan! call me!

The post Ray-mi-eet Rob Ford. RAYMI ATE ROB FORD? appeared first on Raymi the Minx.