Hey peeps. I wrote this in April for Playboy, we then decided to take a V SPOT direction but I still had this kick ass advice feature and just as I’m about to embark on another life journey adventure plus am in the throes of packing travel anxiety at the mo, why not share it with you now? Not that you need my advice but it couldn’t hurt. As a writer, not everything makes it or is used I’m sure plenty of you writers out there know that too. Enjoy!

People go away to meet new people because they’re sick of where they’re from and everyone there.

Have you seen 1997’s Addicted to Love? In it, Tchéky Karyo’s character Anton is a French restauranteur from Paris with a swanky eatery in NYC that’s flourishing because he’s from somewhere else – a key component in many a successful venture as there are many French guys to go around in Paris. You must leave and spread your seed elsewhere for people to appreciate it. Less competition in other words, you stand out more. You must go away, in some instances, to get play.

On vacation people get to be the best versions of themself. Your mood is like a pheromone drifting on the salty ocean breeze, you don’t even know the power of your allure. One must tread cautiously on vacay because there are love bugs at every juncture if you’re that kind of romantic, crazy sort. If you’ve been single for awhile, or abstaining, and lacking of affection for many months. Warning: your guard WILL be down. (and also up) You will fall in love! You might fall in a hole too. I did! Seriously it was something like 50 first dates and I lisp like Barrymore after a few drinks too.

The harder to get you are, the more they wanna get you. If a typically monogamous gal when out with the gals and being respectful of whatever bloke you’re with it’s like a halo of fuck off to trouble in the shadows, those lurking devils. They study you. People are so revealing without even knowing it. Your eyes, a subtle flick invite on the world. The heart wants what it wants and on vacation it’s like spring fever times a trillion. I spent all winter long pouring vodka on my dormant libido. A milestone birthday on the horizon, a plan to travel elsewhere after Aruba that plan now dashed to pieces because of my Caribbean holiday. The way to fall in love is to not fall in love. To be selfish and greedy. To say yes.

It’s super easy to hook up while abroad but the quality levels vary. Upon entering any club, do the inaugural gauntlet walkthrough and I promise you’ll have at least one super fan or two by the time you finish. Before heading out be sure to say a prayer to the beer goggles gods because they are never as good looking as you think which really doesn’t matter until you see the digi-pics of shame later on which is always fucking hilarious but again it depends what you want out of this fling or flight. The fantasy smashed illusion of post-vacation mini-flings are the worst so be careful about falling for your vacationing beer guzzling Lothario, “an unscrupulous seducer of women”.

When you meet in real life by chance it makes things ultra spicy in that this window is closing fashion, and I don’t have to care about you or where this is going because we know it’s going to end but what if it doesn’t? It’s a free world more or less and you could move anywhere you can weigh the options. You feel like you will never meet someone like this ever again because you know now what unique is and how come this stranger likes all the things you hate about yourself? Why do people take you for granted back home but love you abroad? Are we deceiving strangers, playing an I’m sexy role? Whatever it is, I say own it and when you get home be like that’s right, maybe y’all shoulda been nicer to me.

On vacation you let your hair down and all the unattractive things about you vanish, specifically stress. It makes you ugly. You wear less makeup, your skin shines, your hair is crazy insane from the heat, you adopt a don’t give a fuck constitution and it brings all the boys to the yard who are already there pissing in it.

I am a realist who keeps it real. I do stupid sh!t in the name of love. I am a f- up artist and men love it. Many men tell me I am smarter than they are. It’s not just me who can minx abroad though, you all have it in you. Think about how many times at home you say “no”. Do you want to be a no person forever? Also at home there are less opportunities it seems to even say yes so I’m not exactly advising rash stupidity I’m “just saying” do a personal experience overhaul and be the fun girl for once. I know it’s hard to turn off your brain and pointless Canadian self-guilt sensors in the mix of it but YOU GOT TO.

Do go off with a stranger, but keep it in the safer touristy areas where there’s lots of witnesses and if this guy (or gal) are as stand-up as they are proclaiming to be make them take you out sightseeing the next day first so they can earn it and you can have a clearer head about the whole idea. But if you just wanna f-ck ‘n chuck then make sure they can at least stand up cos their lil captain later on in the room/behind a palm tree, will not. Ask them a billion times where they’re staying (I have memory problems) and if they say they came with a crew of dudes they become less sexier and that helps you realise you do not actually want to do this guy. Seriously you think you’re the first girl he’s had this are we gonna bone chat with? Do you know how gross four dudes to a hotel room is? Ultra.

It’s not always about sex even though that’s the end result and probably partial meaning to life other than love. Plus money. The question is what do you value most? Pensioners who wait until they are retired to start vacationing, what’s the point when you can’t f-ing walk or party anymore? Seize the day. Do things while you’re young before set in your ways, see the world and fall in love once in a while. If it ends in disaster you can do it again. Take a chance. Give yourself that courtesy and never be afraid of yourself or capabilities and for god sake be street smart.

From travel you learn that globally, people are all after the same thing and you can hit it with any one of them but first you just gotta meet. Pickins’ ain’t slim out there either so don’t bring sand to the beach bro, your opposite sex bestie is going to cramp your style in no time or worse, pick up before you and you’ll be bitter. To know who we are we must leave where we’re from and I now know I’m a treasure built for pleasure, so why not go with it.

By the way, most of these guidelines are for if you meet another fellow traveler. If you meet a local of your destination you are definitely going to break their heart and that power can be intoxicating so go easy and don’t string them along too much. Don’t beat yourself up too much about it if they get out of line though because sun seekers like you arrive via turnstile and there is always another you. Being trapped in paradise is an actual thing. These smooth criminals know what to say to sell us on all things Caribbean so know at which junctures to turn on and off your brain, and heart. Enjoy the ride and remember no glove no love lol xoxo Raymi Bunny.

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Well mes amis, the family camera has been retrieved and now we may peep the evidence of last week’s bender known as NXNE. I feel like I barely did anything (aside from the parties) and yet this camera shows otherwise. Time and distance heals all. I completely forgot about this third-world toilet down in Tim‘s basement that the smart (or stupid) party people discovered and queued up for during the epic annual 159 Manning booze, bands, and bbq party Tim throws. Lets start at the beginning shall we then?

The smell of hot corn blanketed the kitchen and your body as you passed through it. The second we arrived I was compliment-attacked standing right beside one of the bubbling broiling pots about my dress and how pretty I looked. AW god bless hippie drunk hipster chicks! Had I not started drinking loads earlier I would have had better-equipped social skills to defend my it-girl shyness honour. Sometimes Torontonians are not social, they just aren’t, right? Also guys who fancy themselves big deals I find clam up a little bit.

Now Tim’s got a home to photograph and if The Selby is still at it then ding dong, we’re here.

Any guy with collectibles who throws a rager for stranger hipsters with so much fucking trust and honour or whatever is a nice guy. I bet he hid his best taxidermied posed squirrels though, he’s not stupid.

He’s also on my business card only because he just happened to be standing beside me during my gorgeous d-ball throw. I said yeah I can’t really throw these things and he goes yeah me either lol. I just liked that Strombo asked why Tim was wearing jeans when I tweeted it.

I gave him a stack for his collection of Timisms. By request!

It was a makeup melter that’s for sure though these last few heatwave days make that seem like a cakewalk now. Easy peasy.

Jam time with ShellShag and ps. Here is an actual rock review of all the bands and acts that played. I’m more of an EXPERIENCE reviewer of the personal kind. Ooh I smell a good blog title.

It makes me happy to see the CN Tower at a party in my line of sight it makes me feel on top of the world or more connected to my roots, my planet. It makes me feel more human than human. Shut up!

I was “too cool” to go up to Chris “the sloan guy” but I liked that he checked me out in my dress. I tell ya girls, white clothing makes people associate you as a delicate little princess flower if you can manage to not drink red wine or be a slob for a night it is worth all the attention you’re gonna get. Raymi Tip!

Oh hello risky business buddy. Bech & Teach wear the exact same glasses. I think it’s cute.

Sweet ampage.

They’re from BK.

I was gonna give the chick a doob as we were leaving cos they’re from out of town (was my logic) but I didn’t want to get stuck in a conversation so I didn’t and now I wish that I did. Meh.

Having a breastie you can communicate together telepathically with at parties so as not to show who you are making fun of or raising eyebrows at and freezing your face so they know to look over there is awesome. Don’t give me grief either because everybody does it and it’s not mean making fun of it’s just party shenans spectating. How many people do you think made fun of me that day for wearing that dress? It happens.

If you can’t laugh at yourself for shit like this then you’re taking yourself way too seriously. Instrument pyramids are an end-of-set rule to be made in to law if you’re going to be playing outdoors.

But if you’re a kazoo player I guess you’re SOL.

CUTE.

Hi Onizzler! Great givin’er with ya.

JULES! So bummed for you kid that someone ripped your iphone right out of your freaking hand. They’ll have bad shit befall them no doubt for living like a jerk-ass like that. Crime doesn’t pay!

I was pissed at myself for wearing my mary jane wedges and I blame Lauzzie cos she was going to wear wedges and Betty&Veronia Laurens™ have to be the same height at all times.

AHaha.

Now time for some Buck 65.

Time for pig.

The guy can rippity rap and beatbox, lyricist genius for sure.

Party packed but moveable.

Hey who’s your friend. Also note that guy’s epic accusatory storytelling face ahaha.

Vamp it up.

Where Lady Garbage is now RIP Kitten baby darling. Sigh.

That’s two Brendan nights in a row for your hero.

So close and yet so far. Look at that girl’s face haha.

Okay that’s the one.

Rebeccablahblah too please. See how I had a costume change.

The party was shuttin’ down so we milked it for as long as we could.

Waitin’ on that video thumbnail to change jajaja.

I just LOL at Rebecca. WITH REBECCA.

Serious face. Seriously serious.

It was a disgusting cigarette plume of smoke buffet out there where they quarantined the rest of the party revelers. Everybody knows how much I love to complain about smokers.

Who wants to have a picnic on me? I have had this shirt a long time. It used to have a bow. Adorable buttons go up the back and…

WTF IS GOING ON HERE NOW. F these smokers. Protest!

FTS lets go to the Horseshoe for Andre Williams.

Blink blink Rebecca. Casie grab that chick.

Legendary dude, legendary tavern.

I see you Casie.

It’s easy to walk through the crowd when you have MyLittlePonyTails and a smile.

Woah he looks tired.

Cabbage patch kids.

MMMHMMMM!

Too bad this one is blurry.

And this.

Wahh lol.

Okay in a cab now.

Some cabbies get crabby if you get in to the front seat I say MOVE YOUR SHIT. But then we get into a conversation and everyone is yelling in the backseat and I find they drive extra faster to get you to your destination to get on with their lives.

I’ve stopped aging, have you? JUST KEEDING!

Oh, did you need these?

Third outfit change! It was that kinda night and I made my own vodka tumbler drink (also that kind of night) to-go to Lauren’s place. I passed it back through the wandering crew parade of degenerates and no one was busted, and who knew where that glass ended up but I grin at the guy who discovered it, funny.

This one makes me laugh don’t ask why, many reasons. My high torso waist, crappy posture, drink, whatever, it all works and so thoroughly doesn’t at the same time.

Huh?

And then the camera was left at Lauren’s and now we know why (bech forgot it) what a week! Love you all.

This is from two Sundays ago. It’s me being emo in advance about the cat. Off to collect my new toys for review. Oh dear.

The post Experience reviewer of the personal kind appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

Lol.

Mini Christmas for Hello Kitty TOO!

Lol.

This is a child’s tutu btw. Slips right around ma teensers waist.

Did you notice my earrings?

Hi Kat!

Thanks for the outfits Kat!

Thanks for making today fun everyone!

Sumptuous rug!

How sexy is your recycling?

Excited to see what Katrina extracts from her video footage!!

How cute is our dance going to be?

And now I am Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacay lol you know which scene? It’s my mom’s favourite.

Ordering this online with Bunny yesterday felt too much like an exam lol.

Hot purse them Nella Bellas are.

What a life Kat must lead. Dig this girl.

Just two more sleeps til Sunday. If you catch an Elfette garter in the crowd you will be handsomely rewarded with mistletoe kisses. There are 8 garters in total.

Dudes it’s gonna be awesome!

Oh yeah there’s more of these but they don’t really fit so I’ll hold off.

Ok maybe just one more.

Gah I can’t stop myself! ha, Elf, can’t stop myselfette.

Pastel!

Red Zeppelin and I have hilar stage chemistry together. We may have some side punk rock burlesque biz for jokes on the side in the future lol.

Back to Christmas now!

Ha psyche. Ok now!

Look at the big bag of glitter confetti! The Elfettes will be sprinkling it everywhere while we walk around and dance and get up to elf mischief.

The day I wore two pairs of pants at the same time oooh!

Leftover pics I have previously uploaded and forgot about.

See? Look at her eyes, opposite directions. The coasters came with the house I moved in to.

No, My Friend, over here.

Aw I want to blow a fart on your tummy.

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