a pair of winter tights i was planning my outfit around for tonite are too small i am psychotically pissed off a little bit miffed and now i have to come up with some other stupid outfit to feel insecure in. they don’t go up high enough in the crotch, note to self YOUR LEGS ARE TOO LONG FOR A SIZE MEDIUM NO MATTER HOW SKINNY THEY ARE YOU ARE NOT A MEDIUM STOP BUYING MEDIUMS. steph your christmas present from me this year is a pair of black subtly argyle printed tights with some cat hair from cid, ho ho ho.

i have oprah on right now it’s the repeat of the sex and the city cast episode how fucking fascinating. still haven’t seen this totally predictable piece of cinematic drivel but i plan to just so i have more material to complain about. maybe i will “live” “blog” it from sass‘ couch.

guess what there’s more laundry nemesis ONLY FRIEND breakthrough news! i asked if she went to the christmas party and she said no she doesn’t live here (finally got it out of her) and that she wasn’t invited to which i made a frowny-face and said oh we didn’t go either then she said she went to a BETTER party at casino niagara and won five-hundred dollars and everything was paid for it was her birthday (i think whoever she works for in this building paid for her to go) and i reacted very enthusiastically and wished her happy birthday a couple times and said good for you! before all this she said i looked very summery. guys i think i am this close to hugging her please stop me. i wonder if she thinks about me. hahhahahahaha. or looks forward to the one day a week i do laundry.

i have decided to part my bangs pre-sarah palin days and they are so driving me bananananas!

ok dr. phil is on, you are kind of a big heel if you watch this shit and i cannot like you, at all, big deal breaker sorry. there are way too many reasons to list why dr. phil should dr. fuck himself (ps. I personally coin-phrased that term when i was manic) but i will give you one for now – his marriage failed and he gives advice to married couples and they keep going on the show for more of this marriage advice. ok one more reason why he can lick my bag (before the marriage failed) is he yells and points at people when he is delivering this “advice” as if it is law. like yeah great you’re profiting from the exploitation of stupid people and stupid people require advice to be yelled at them but still, YOU’RE ANNOYING ME DR. PHIL! and why do you come on before AND after oprah? ONCE IS ENOUGH! and why do you sit in those high chairs do you know how uncomfortable that makes me, i am nervous for your life when i see you in that high chair and i hate you don’t make me feel feelings for you! those chairs belong in bars only, like the keg where douche yuppies drink stupid drinks until their spirits break GOD!

and now i will plan something stupid to wear thank you for wasting my time.

ok wait i am too annoyed and involved in the saga what is this couple’s marriage to go away yet. wife (female) dresses in drag for fun and goes out. square husband does not jive with this, he just said he does not like gay things, gay culture (ugh). here is my marriage advice that dr. phil is not saying but should: GET A DIVORCE. he says it “hurts” him and is disgusted by it (someone punch his face off) she won’t stop (and why should she?)(her outfits are totally tame too!) so why are you even together in the first place. i swear, stupid people, stupid show if you are watching it right now you are dead to me.

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here look at this thing, it is an extremely big deal at my nana and papa’s house, i’m pretty sure i stole it from some place as a kid, someone’s tree maybe? shut up i was 4. this little mouse comes out every year and lives in the christmas umbrella stand’s branches and i search all over til i find it and sometimes if i don’t see it immediately i scream out EXCUSE ME NANA WHERE IS THE MOUSE I GAVE YOU!? like i created jingle bells then nana scurries over and makes a big deal of searching for it with me. on our way there today my mom told me about how the mouse was brought out and i was like GOO-OOOD! in my not another teen movie attitude voice.

like sorry i burdened you with this cutest most retarded thing ever gift when i was a little kid but you’re just going to have to deal ok!

oh and i made this original piece of shit when i was a kid too, it also lives with the mouse I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT MOUSE EVER GETS LOST I AM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND.

oh and remember this story? well i found the heart shaped tooth fairy pillow in my nana’s basement hanging off an old shelf of mine.

can you believe i shoved twenties in that teeny pocket and hung it up from the dry cleaner’s coat hanger in the car?

i’m so rain man right now.

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i have to go back and write some more bio cards up for each one, many had F words on them, family place right? i get the walls for two months, wicked. once the crazy of xmas is finished i’ll have a party, and add more paintings. i love you grapefruit moon!

fuck, i was hungry.

so there now you know where it is, 968 bathurst and this street. i wrote about GM before here their food will blow your brains out. (haven’t figured how to quick search old posts in wordpress yet that’s why i linked to blogspot, whatevs.)

then off to switch contemporary to drop off a painting for zeesy‘s fundraiser this wednesday dec 10 (you MUST go see she will be making a live appearance all the way from japan! and you can bid on some amazing art)

obama claus!

so cute.

yuula amazes me.

check ya later.

rush home to get ready for fil’s work party where i pretty much did the complete opposite of all my rules, I DANCED MY HEAD OFF!

this sweater swallowed me up too much in this dress, so i did not wear it after all. i wore my beige cardi for like one second, that place was balls hot.

dropped hat, yo nikes i know you want it if you could just look under there you’d see the hidden treasure beneath.

so frustrating.

banquet food is hit or miss, this was miss.

somewhere in there would be turkey.

liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiianne! her sister works with fil omfg quelle surprise! liane is back from shanghai, she was my favourite buddy from my england exchange and now she’s all grown up. i’ve been trying to dig up nerdy pictures of us from back then but can’t remember any search terms i used in the original post. here’s one for now.

then it was snl couch time, i didn’t even drink when we got home cos i obvs got blasted enough on wine at the work party. SMART. don’t worry i wasn’t the only one.

what a day.

then i woke up at 5am in an upset stomach panic remembering every stupid thing i said and did at the work party, refrained from taking a chill pill, an ultra strength tums sufficed. the only thing fil is concerned about me sharing with his coworkers was how cid nuzzles his ear and paws at him like a baby everyday. phew. good thing he didn’t overhear all the other shit i said.

ps. do not fall asleep with a band-aid on you would barf if you saw what my finger looks like right now.

Raymi Getting Ready from Phil Ogynist on Vimeo.

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the brown journal

the postcards taped to the left pages were a big deal at the time, england used them for advertising before canada, and everywhere we went we tiefed loads of them and could not believe they were free.

my dorm was right beside harrod’s.

my writer’s craft classes were at imperial college.

oh what a whimsical turd i was.

i think i added that part in after my teacher finished reading my journal and graded me. anyway, i was paralyzed for two whole minutes (terrifying, felt like forever) and fucked up my knees on that harsh british carpet, from ketamine + 30 thousand drinks the nite before.

i think this is an irish joke that i changed to canadian, basically if you are about to get in a bar fight say this line and raise your fist. my teacher told it to us and look he corrected me by crossing out the of, haha.

the guy who gave me K and tried to give me his apt. key too, i met him the next day for a big mac and then he stalked me until we left london, he even got into our dorm, luckily i was out that day.

i went out by myself to eat and get loaded and then sat with this guy from america for dinner and got him to pay my tab. lonely people are easy, myself included.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA! gear! madonna, remember what i said.

i want to punch the word whilst in the fucking head even though i still use it.

oh what an insight, friggin’ rocket scientist.

everytime i hear while my guitar gently weeps i think of this day, the mental picture hits me hard.

little kids are cuter in england.

was either hung or drunk or both when i wrote that.

that’s liane.

sound advice.

burn!

haha i am hugh grant.

oh good on comes the emo, i’m back in canada.

ew.

when you feel ordinary, the easiest way to change that is to colour yourself with issues until they come true.

the root of my problems are i cannot be alone, i always need a muse.

oh i am in brooklyn now.

i exiled myself for a little while.

french hamburger.

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