Hi “everyone”. Here is a “blog post” wrapping up the last couple weeks of my life because why not. I promised the second sexier half of The Darling Mansion feature buuuut my brain needs a break. A me break. A totally, totally ME blog post in-between first mmmkay. I do a lot. I don’t break it down enough. It piles up then consumes me whole goddamn you social media.

Here’s a wee sampler. It still kills me I lost so many photos from my old phone… you’d be surprised how quickly you fill up the card of a new one.

Okay so last week I went to the Drake two nights in a row which is a major social suicide faux pas but my client really likes this place and we had a totally ridiculous fun time so why not. I am getting an age complex so I am starting to feel like a ghost haunting all these haunts I’ve always haunted but now I guess I’m the same age as those I used to hang with when I was younger soooo shut up Lauren it’s okay. I’m not the only Toronto personality out there still givin’er a go so here is to the lot of us.

What the hell (oh I just remembered lol) did I do the night before that resulted in my sleeping all day then waking up and hitting The Drake it was like I was dreaming still thank god my mental alarm clock got me up. I wore two similar black dresses with heels and black tights both nights in a row I was chuffed by the stupidity of myself in doing that Those whom also work in the industry are afflicted by this vampire lifestyle. BTW I’m at Swan Dive this Monday (tomorrow 9-close) come see me and my ballet skills I’ll be picking up beforehand at a fancy pants lesson I’m saying YES to.

The soosh at Drake is always drool-worthy. Kind of why went back again. Plus that damn cocktail menu too. The Rum Diary is my drink of choice fyi.

Dinner drinks one of the eve. Foodie barfly blob I love it here @thedrakehotel. pic.twitter.com/ZMjsDBBoEg

— Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) January 27, 2016

Drake dress one. Turning into a bit of a shift on me. Yeah yeah, sure sure.

Dress two. That was Friday I believe. My boots need to be shined and I need an insert cos they’re not level and I have no clue what happened other than probably Theater Bizarre walking around in them.

Pre-selfie to make sure I looked legit enough for my client supper. Dress up when you feel like hell and people can barely (never) tell they’re like wow you look so good all dressed up. Party girl tip. Except I have made more effort to dress up on a regular basis to maintain “a look” and overall peer acceptance. There’s a lot of fabulous looking and well dressed people in Toronto the stakes are mega-high you must always be fly.

I just remembered at least 4 other way more important blog posts I should be doing for Raymi Toronto right now instead of this ughhh hahha. Well at least I am blogging instead of Super Bowling. I have my phone lit up for different things I could be at today right now and I am doing a decent enough job at keeping the FOMO at bay.

Then squad goals showed up and I took them to every awful place I could (I’m so sorry!) okay we went to a lot of wins and we also went to a lot of don’ts too. I think I will use one bier markt situation in future stand-up for sure. I am building a set. Forever building a set I get crippling creative paralysis at times when the balance is tilted in the favour of doing practically everything else or other. I watched a fuck ton of movies yesterday that’s for sure.

We went for food at Rock Lobster for hot mess Sunday. I want to invent a hotel that’s check out hours are like 9PM come on bro baby needs to sleep this off.

Note the third (and new!) jar of cherries. That photoshoot takes place at the end of the week somewhere neat ;).

What’s the deal with American Cheese… well I wrote a whole bit around it but everyone said I talked about myself too much. It’s just really bad and really good bad. Good in the bad way. Possibly some irony too. Sometimes I’m just very, very basic. Because I am actually a total fruit loop. Not really Macaulay Culkin bizarre but pretty close.

Total win was at Gusto 101 pure delish. We had a blast catching up and shared a bottle of red which helped with absolute cold asf saunter back to hotel Germain. Snotty little bitches bruv tgif can’t believe was just a week ago boy the time goes.

IG caption: Did you bring enough makeup Lizzy? She’s like OH I just noticed that [how much makeup there was] LOL. I think Hotel Germain retweeted this photo they def called us gorgeous ladies – one and the same haha. They gave me good soshe media surrounding our stay there that’s a niiice.

Just your average cave girl @HotelGermain pic.twitter.com/uUHEIywwv4

— Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) February 3, 2016

Woah embedding tweets is funtacular.

Donair meat egg cheese breakfast thing on a bun. mmmm. Lizzy had lobster turns out that place IS a legit seafood restaurant and it’s not just an ironic name lol. Whagwan Darryl.

Another “on fleek” look at Swan Dive maybe. I am in the business of complimenting and being complimented.

Tony took this. Rebecca and her pot and my rake and then we made up a dance and I banged the pot like a drum and we are very immature at Swan Dive it is the best time it’s my job to have fun and bang the gong.

Bought three dresses at wieners around the holidays FOR the holidays and I wear them all the time on rotate it’s fun to make looks for Swan Dive you’re like a moving piece of art I almost wore my red gothic riding hood jacket with the red lace dress on Friday but felt it was crazy overload. Rob encouraged it. Which made me hella suspicious.

The 9th floor is where you get ice and they neglected to tell us that which we found to be funny as fcuk.

Love exploring hotels right? Eloise and The Shining complex for life. We went up to the roof for a lookeroonie this is the hotel where the ding dongs stayed when we first met and hung out #memories.

This is my friend Heather and I. More on that later!

Me on Friday. Also taken by Tony I love our in-house Swan Dive photographer. We are blessed. He helped build the bar too. Swan Dive has quickly become a go-to. I work there 9PM on Mondays til close and I open on Fridays as well til 9PM (except for this Friday and NEXT Monday I’ll be in on the Tuesday though instead etc I will keep you in the loop).

Stayed in (a coma) all week then by Thursday was restless plus we knew of this party that we had to go to (should go to) and were happy too then danced ass off at Two Cats with Shanny afterward you’ll see further down this post. It was a big two weeks for sure. And this is only the shit I am showing you not those “lost parts” that go in the vault and didn’t happen what who is talking?

Bunny love. You can see my Fryes and John Lennon bag in the background. The thing started to hump my leg and I was like NOPE BYE.

Some of this food we took to go and I forgot about the part of the night when we were at Weslodge as we made our way back to the hotel. Quite an indulgent weekend and life here for a good time bro.

I had to wear this hat cos my hair was super ratchet when times get tough the tough get creative. By tough I mean too lazy to shower and didn’t plan to go out til like an hour before we went it was go time! I am going to bring so much clothes to Swan Dive for the clothing swap/sale Abra puts together I will also let you know so if you have been eyeing some of my stuff I’ll post what I am parting with. I might have to wear this tomorrow at balleeeeeeeet.

Love this photo of Tanya and I <3. The D Mansion is the tits.

Legendary night I met Courtney I can’t even remember how I got into that rooftop night club on Queen. It’s all in my archives.

Oh Shanny. When we were dancing at Two Cats a guy commented that we were like the two MAD Spy vs. Spy characters in our black and white outfits. VERY astute observation there King west guy. That place is fun. Gong show vortex. We SAW THINGS too politically incorrect to mention heehh.

Thank God for this.

Cirque du soleil is my new outfit inspiration. Suitesoleil was my first hotmail address. Fact. That was during my I am french phase. I was 14?

Woah relax selfie.

Well here we go.

Two cats is on our way home so, why not.

My night vision blows thank goodness for this flashlight I am considering a headlamp. I bet you some joker will bring me one now.

I quite enjoy all my new friends, custies, and regulars. I am social plus booze makes for good talking and times and people with beards and toques that sort of thing. Lots of laugh out loud moments.

We walked to Motel from Swan Dive. I had no hat or pants so to keep warm we loudly talked the whole way there hahaa. Claire and I are the ame age-ish.

When I lived on Dowling I used to go to Motel a lot. I love theme bars. I got stories guy. Maybe now that I am reliving a prior Bukowski phase I can write about that time period again. Interesting.

Reminds me of my Stephen King book consumption phase, derelict scary ghost towns where weird shit goes down wow what a creative mind.

More booze more selfies. Love my ratchet nails kinda works.

That bunny art though.

Had to put him in the friend zone. With all the rest. Heheh.

Great style all around.

Heather and I went to kind of an awful apartment and had the most hilarious experience EVER ever ahahahha. This was on the wall. Our cab driver goes, this building? Oh yes! Bed bugs! What? Bahah.

I dig the stairway to nowhere though and the water fountain and music jamming away ???

Then we walked to Parkdale for a bite.

Never ever a dull moment anywhere in Parkdale. Could not run away fast enough lol.

Then she drank a bottle of red by herself (none for me sober day dude way too necessary) and hoofed it home to do her stuff and things and that’s that for today my friends check you on the flip side! I am the only person not watching the superbowl I think.

Thurs @cocolezzone Steve's bday bash thanks @ShannyintheCity good times. More pics on my blog on way. pic.twitter.com/A3M0TDvB2e

— Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) February 7, 2016

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Thought I’d give y’all a break from the New York shit. Here’s some graf/shoe porn Toronto style in trade. Keep’er real.

It takes my breath away to see some of these ones, from the glam leading film lady stars of course, to know that they were truly worn in movies I’ve seen. I also have a Judy Garland thing.

Marilyn too obvs. Both girl’s lives ended in tragedy. Hmm. Liz Taylor didn’t exactly end harmoniously. Don’t speak ill of the dead though.

Shoes are such an intimate thing and yet so, seen. They tell stories about humanity, the time that we spent here on earth who we are and what we did and who we want to be. That’s what I think.

And some got a lotta stories to tell.

Shantell’s work is all over the front of the building of the Bata Shoe Museum right now. Looks tight.

One of the first pairs of sneakers there ever was. Tiny.

Converse galoshes from 1910 talk about diversifying your expertise yeah.

Lanvin. ‘Nough said.

Wild.

What’s up Stewie.

See. Gots to go. Happy Thanksgiving Canada!

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Hey guys! Happy Valentine’s Day! Here is my gift to you, a bunch of hot chicks (plus me!)(once I’m done posting the ones of me I mean) dancing and rude jokes, yay times!

Les Valentine Vamps.

These are Thomas’ photos, he has a filter of some sort on them. Neat. He won the Team Macho book. That pleased me.

Ho hum. This looks like a sad birthday valentine’s party. I am hanging that sign in the living room after this blog post. So at like 4.

Paddy Bewbies. I think this burlesque shit is turning me in to a pervert.

I look like a dragon fly. I am fine with that.

That shit is fun. I have to sew one end of it, the rod came out. I am so going to pride this year, do you want to sponsor me? I’ll put your logo all over my naked painted body. I’m going to be a naked painted model for an artist friend’s art show in june, so we’ll be practicing a lot. Then I can be in caribana and when the gun shots happen don’t worry bitch will be mawfuck’n sprintin’ for sure taking flight too I bet.

It’s not cellophane I swear.

I’d look good with wings tattooed on my back. Probably a bad idea.

I wonder what nudist colony I’ll be settling on in my old age. Playing tennis with some fogey and his balls resting on the wooden net spike ahhhaha nice clear cut visual you are most welcome.

Just one of the guys. Hey lets go for tacos later.

I am the pink scorpion queen don’t get tangled up in my scorpion wings

Oh shit when will this end!!!

I’m thinking is this illegal right now.

Approachable! I am way less nervous making a fool out of myself dancing than standing in front of a sea of people waiting for bids. Someone said seeing me in the social media world it is obvious that I am uncomfortable and guess why, that shit is not natural, it’s a phoney baloney world full of stupid assholes (they all talk shit and backstab) and I can’t wait til the scene dies. I like real life. Despite my blog’s taking a nap yesterday having a real effect on me spiritually (ahha shut up) it’s like real life hit pause and I felt there was no point in doing anything because I already have a backlog of content. Still felt lost though, albeit relieved. I enjoyed being a hungover pile of loser on the couch on Sunday and not blogging, I needed the rest.

Here are Maria Juana and Chow Mein (best names right) doing the Mr. Sandman number. You will have to come out to the next one to see it for yourself, sometimes I’m too generous with the aftermath footage for the lazy bastards, oh Raymi is so good to us we don’t even have to go we can sit on our asses at home and just wait. Also we don’t have a video of this dance either heheh :(.

So cute and cheeky, I love their style, very Harlettes.

Then Mr. Sandman shows up!

Cute cute dance.

Chow has a Harlettes logo tattoo on her thigh.

And I cannot get over her tits.

Oh there’s Maria Juana’s tat too.

Shimmy shimmy shake.

Pastel as always is perfection incarnate.

She does this quick flip spin on the chair, major pro. So much skill and control, grace, poise, ahhh.

No problem Chow Mein!

Seriously. O_O.

More in a sec! had to upgrade WordPress so I am learning that too and the type font is all squinty typewriter I hate it.

Oh look I am actually cleaning something.

Bunny looks like a sexy ninja.

Lucky I was standing right there by the stage with my gloves on. Also someone is missing a glove, I came home with three.

Much more to come blabbity blah blogging is harder than facebook FYI. HAha.

And now, Maria Juana! man I’d like ta get me some of that!

This dance is amazing. One guy exclaimed, SHE REMOVED HER GARTERS WITH HER DRESS STILL ON.

Love the backward panty hose peel. Classic.

I lost my mind at this point it was so fucking good.

SO amazeballs.

And now time for more pastel supernova! She’s danced with Lady Gaga before. Nelly Furtado too. It shows. Boy does it ever.

Aaadorable. We’re the same age too! For some reason that is a victory to me.

She reminds me of the hot girl (Maria) Kuamr is in love with in Harold and Kumar (duh) and now they’re married and having a baby! There will so be a fourth movie, they’re the new cheech and chong. We watched the xmas Harold and Kumar recently. I will have to watch it again soon.

That little nightie baby doll dress looks familiar.

How many people totally need sparkle socks now?

it just occurred to me I can be making my pictures bigger and wider here now that the border is at the bottom of my blog, not that there is any vital information on it haha. We had to remove some plugins, namely my guest counter best friend widget. Maybe it was cranked too high and it blew up the server, ok not blow up but crashed it. I will be moving to my own dedicated server soon. That is some “big deal” type shit!

My first dance.

I look like Godzilla.

Considering how much time I spend sitting on that thing, my ass is pretty alright.

I think I must be singing along. My mouth was open the entire time.

Red Zeppelin was hot this night!!!

Hi Thomas!

I want that nightie.

And that dress too.

We matched outfits later on in the night too, cosmic twins. It’s what Florence would want.

You skinny! That’s what it is. Smokin’.

Okay new post for the next batch of bechnique’s and colleague’s and alyssa’s shots. Have mercy, yesterday’s hiccup have put me behind a little beet.

Happeh Valehntine’s Day you guys’s. Love yew!

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Stella took me for a walk cos she was going cuckoo over all this judgment from the cats and it was making her stir crazy and like, they don’t know her man! If she wants to laze around all goddamn day and talk about herself then that’s her choice and every right. So, we hit the road. Also mommy was out of coffee.

Prepare for battle.

Stella sensed this was going to be a longer walk than just the typical sprint around the park, which it was going to be initially til I got outside and realized how humid it was. I brought my umbrella and it only started down-pouring once we were on the last sidewalk stretch home.

I saw her butt pucker and knew it was time for the magic to happen.

Haha yuppies, I didn’t clean up after her cos I noticed a HUGE GIANT PILE beside her so out of spite I left it be. She went again on Queen street and I picked it up cos there were witnesses. A lot of dog people do not pick up after their dogs I think it is kind of like picking your nose ahaha I dunno, I don’t care and if you have a problem with it, bleh. I pick her shit up more than I don’t it’s just once in awhile who cares, winter is here.

At least I admitted it. Oooh those nails. Fierce.

See how I can’t walk in a straight line to the Gladstoner? when we are degenerates late for brunch we have to drag and walk each other over like total babies in gale force winds that swoop this street, walk in the opposite direction of the gladstone and then back again. It’s not long but when you like shortcuts and can see it RIGHT THERE and you are starving your balls off and totally hung and yeah, lazy sloth problems. It makes that breakfast english muffin that much more delicious though. Oh and half my friends can never remember how to get to where we live cos they usually come over pisswasted at 2 in the morning by trolley car cab drunk vortex who even knows and when they leave are like, where am I?

Condos sprouting up all around us. I like this one it’s so sleek and green and empty-looking. People who live in condos are usually not standing in the windows of them for some reason. Out working, paying off those mortgages or something.

I looked stupid and I could barely see and I got stared at a lot cos of the camera around my neck or because I looked like I was incogneato. Did you like my pun? I thought that up when I was under the Duff bridge.

I have to kind of drag her at this point because she does not like to leave the yuppie bubble. Peopl with dogs get stared at extra because you are two moving somethings coming down the street and I’m normally a stared-at object anyway because, just because okay, and then Stella sprints off terrified and neurotic cos I am the only one who walks her (on these longer excursions) and I have no idea how to even take care of myself and am not a dog person so we are a walking spectacle of stupid. It is a nice life.

Sometimes I have to pretend to be blind to get out of trouble with her. I always force walk ourselves in to places we shouldn’t be and she cannot relax. This corner of Dufferin and Queen is in particuar, hell. There is no room on the sidewalk, and if I am coming back from that side of Parkdale oh you can for-fuckinget anyone giving a shit about me and my poor dog on the sidewalk. It can get scary. No one moves out of my way if I am walking up that hill because they are at the front of the bus line and HATING LIFE. The Sufferin bus is called that for a reason. So I have to walk on to the road and dodge possible bikes and cars swerving to and fro because civilians will not move for me. Should I write a letter to the Mayor? Hi Rob, remember me? You did tell me to drop by City Hall at some point/ anytime.

Ha.

We keep our cool and let them see us for a bit, then we go fuck this and part our way through politely.

Some people are afraid of dogs, I think we look pretty friendly.

Stella is more afraid of them. Out of that clustery intersection she gets a bit better.

But mostly not really, she speeds up and we walk at a good marchy clip. Lots of people smile at her, we clothesline them, they still smile. Everybody just wants to interact in the isolating city I think and a dog is a connector, a pipeline to making that happen and I see that people appreciate it, even when we strangle them with her leash and shit in their storefront plant beds. Stella & Raymi 2011 FTW! Do you think this would make his ex-wife insane?

Someone has to walk her and give her love. Someone said that I was selfish. Pfft. Dogwalkers get paid. I pick up her shit for free. That is love. If teacher is with me I do not pick it up. I stand there and make funny commentary while he does.

Almost there. Today we are walking to Starbucks at Dovercourt because we didn’t feel like going to Liberty Village. We talked it over and decided it would be simpler to just walk to Dovercourt. We also have to remind ourselves to write to Tassimo and suck up for more inserts so that we don’t have to go on another coffee dog walk again for a few weeks.

What?

My Durex ad was filmed in/up there, third floor left window, it looks out to the bridge and the Go train going by and car alarms messed with filming, well, temporarily paused it. That ad is still playing all over the webs.

Those are the funniest unsafest looking cars ever. No thanks. Maybe once to film it and make fun of it and get baked and be like woah a bubble that is moving but then it would go horribly instantly awry cos I’d have an anxiety attack from the enclosed space and scared from the teeniness. Don’t you agree?

Ok lets get through these it’s dark now and I am hungry.

What is the name of this bar?

I like their decorative junk.

There were lipstick lesbos in the window so then I sang that out loud lesbeeeee-ins, in tha win-doe! Well on my way home I did cos they were still there. I had a skip in my step cos the fresh air did me some good brain mojo. The dog was soaked and muddy.

And hating absolutely all of this. She’s gotten chubbier ever since Jenny told me she was too skinny and I stopped running with her to the park so that’s double bad. I don’t care if you hate this lazy ass you are a dog and dogs walk and if the dog whisperer were here he’d whisper all kinds of crazy.

Nice work.

Stella is too cool for the Beac.

Oh the stories out of this place. Every loveable degenerate louse friend of mine has a funny anecdote about The Beaconsfield I think it will be a holiday tradition at least at one point to get trashed here as friends I don’t want to know my name anymore that’s how trashed. Effective signage Beacsters.

Too cool for here too but I have trained Stella to slow her roll when we jog by to check and be checked out by smooth patio criminals when it’s patio season.

Interesting and good to know.

Sometimes she is a little reindeer, cow coloured reindeer. She gets spottier in the winter Teacher said. Ok sure whatever.

Not today Stella I can’t tie you up without it being a big deal, we are going out for coffee and that only. I have done ZERO Christmas shopping. Teach is late so I bet he is buying me a present right now.

She went again. I picked it up this time.

Everything is cool Stella. She made my umbrella knock my coffee all over the place as I untied her and I am pretty sure the starbucks nerds were making fun of me. Once again my many public displays of humiliation courtesy of Stella.

Ahh everything is normal again. A dude I have seen twice out the window doing his laundry passed me in front of 69 vintage and we smiled at each other. I have a street crush on him. He was walking with a crazy person though so it didn’t seem like a good time to talk not that I would. He looked like a hipster in the scene that I am not a part of and his pants are too high, and then I wrote a tweet inspired by his flood pants, which I think are perfect. I also spelt problems wrong in that hashtag and I left it so that my haters can be delighted.

I wished I could capture my reflection better because this conceited walk is half about me too, it’s not the Stella show all the time.

I’ve never drunk in this bar. I went on a date with the guy who does or did their karaoke though. I can’t handle moustaches that aren’t attached to beards, he looked like a hipster John Leguizamo devil. We were equally disinterested in one another.

LOVE pastel rainbow colours. I spelt that Raymbo by mistake.

Creepy, dirty, dusty, uninspired.

I will be the judge of that. I think that’s Nunu’s sister who runs this ethiopian joint.

I looked like an Amish billy goat gruff wizard ahh cool. I like being a reject.

Almost home dude. That handful of dog food I give you will taste extra delicious.

The new Duff bridge is very european and a major RIDE trap. The skate park pipes beside it is pretty neat and nice of the city to do that.

I don’t want to know what goes on in there.

Someone got towelled off and the fire flipped on who’s a goofy stooge. I hope she doesn’t barf this year everyone overfeeds her cos she does stupid eyes on them and my nana could not stop giving her food and I know that I sure as hell will be binge eating my face off. Merry Christmas everyone I am going to be violently ill now. Avoid turkey skin, which, I can’t.

I had eyebag potion on beneath my glasses the whole time and no you can’t see it.

I better write a christmas list. Or figure out the ultimate store to get everyone gift certificates from and soon.

And vacuum that glitter up. Bechnique wants to hang tonight.

Which means tomorrow will be a write off. It’s ok a lot of stuff is popping up and it’s good to chill when I can. Not that I do. My blog will be revamped soon I am excited for that! Talked to Bryan about it today on the phone.

Ok princess dirtbag time now bye bye!

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Hi welcome to RAYMILAND! A very special place. Make sure your shoes are tied!

I get so lazy in the winter, complete opposite of how I am in the summer. Bad girl.

Excessive a little bit. You can’t even make all of the HK gear out in the crystal box pile, oh my.

I never get tired of seeing my blog on the big screen.

Did not exceed expectations. Met them. Bland, but, ok?

Actually think the fam would dig it plus you get to just leave it in its cardboard house platter, would get lost in the kerfuffle this weekend though and then made fun of for life.

Good look. Would sweat out in a club though. Hi I am wearing 3 blankets.

My phone is turning into mystery camera once I start going backwards in time it’s like, when in the hell did that happen?

Anita’s attitude adjuster Teach ordered for me, the booziest drink ever. Totally unnecessary at the time. Bumped into Nathan down Oss on our way out and he was like woah guys wtf. We were a mess.

Painted on pants. swoon.

Got a ridic amount of shots.

No way I could outshine her. Didn’t go like this. Too cold.

This cabbie gave me a lift for free, such a sweetheart. I am big on acts of kindness like that (his debit machine wasn’t connecting) so I have his card and number and he’s going to get a nice little Raymi reward.

Ooh those heels.

Grow hair baby grow!

Grilled caesar from watusi. We were loaded after Lana, needed food bad. Won’t be going back for awhile cos we fought in the back I’m sure it wasn’t that embarrassing but still, ha. You know how it is.

When those spanish heels are on you know I’ve been practising burlesque. Can you guys handle a show Dec 18, a Sunday? the 11th is way too soon I think.

My old blonde bestie is now a mousy (looks great though) brunette. What’s the point now? Lol. I’ll tell you about our FTP failure later, basically it conflicted with Lana’s concert. Lana. Ha. First name basis now.

I had a dirty martini for dinner and samosas and that’s where the trouble began. Sarah had a gin one.

Sam Crenshaw face.

Does Marilyn Dennis sleep here at night like being locked in a department store (my dream fantasy as a kid). I would, her show is at the crack of fuck in the morning.

We killed time here, there is nowhere else to hang. It’s nice and tinted these windows, it was way sunnier than this photo appears but it was COLD so so cold. Bad cold. Bad line-up cold. We got our photo taken in line but it’s not so hot. I’ll post it anyway. I made them retake a few, and said I couldn’t right click to tweet it and they (rogers) were like just tweet from our account, I said no thanks I’d rather do from mine and the guy is like why, how many followers do you have? I said 3000. he moved on but then came back when the info sunk in and went WHAT!???? Yeah I’m a famous blogger and in fact we don’t even know why we are in this line right now haha. Gave him my card.

Cool? Cool. Have a great night and a wonderful weekend.

RLW.

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Now here’s the second part to the Las Vegas style shit show we put together for the Android TO after party. Killed it.

Omg so scary and not even halloween yet!

Oh hey Paul. We are old friends. Once in awhile I bump in to him when we’re both on Nicolas Cage benders and it is funny.

Come come the more the merrier the less the scarier. One of my Raymisms. I have a lot. Michael Holett DM’d me and said, if you made up barflyentele, that is genius.

Ew gross not sexy. I look like a snausage. I bought those when I WAS a snausage actually, years ago. Never wore them. They’re so obvious.

So, once upon a time I had this idea for a burlesque troupe…

And you betcha there were haters but I kept at it and at it and that little division of my Raymi Circus is thrivin’, oh yes. I love all my girls.

I said to one group of boys that their flights had all been cancelled and they were permanently grounded, WITH ME. One licked his lips. Heh. I love being Raymi the Minx.

I wish I knew the thank you for getting high with us slogan as I’d have been saying that all night long. So much was going on I’m lucky I didn’t lose my hat.

I have really long arms.

What’s going on here what’s the big idea hey hey!

Impressive, though I might need a second look.

Not all of us are coming back.

Is that peach underwear?

Got tired of walking.

I wonder what they’re thinking, playing it cool while they feel my entire ass up.

Never fear Batman is here!

Yeah pretty much party stripper party awesome! Proud of it. Takes balls. I have them, do you? Two days later I leaned over the edge of the CN Tower. That’s Little Raymi #1 there.

Minx would look wicked on my arm in this right. Damnit.

I look like one of my childhood best friends when I show my brother and tell him he will die. Laughing. I was so retarded here I couldn’t figure out this was Alkarim.

And why I am saluting Hitler, ehhhh. I am actually waving What a power couple no?

Ha so confusing. Nice one Sean.

The other party room. Hot asian gamer chick.

We had a fake fight.

Pfft yeah.

Doin’ more of the thing.

This way no this way.

Bunny’s face should be on a toothpaste box so perfectly classic pleasantville apple pie right and I didn’t wash my hair what is it doing??? So puffy and stringy.

Aw I love him he always makes me laugh. Whether it be this or playing the keyboard with bubble wrap on his head stuffed in a Knight helmet.

Zaira’s big cans and ANDY MILONAKIS.

Gee I wonder which guys in this picture were on shrooms, the big mascot heads?

Do you think I was playing it cool enough?

Jazmin was their favourite.

I am talking all street here I think he bought it. Sean told him I was crazy though, thank you Sean! Holy smokes you should read some of the email chain between me and Sean over the last month planning this party ha ha.

Oh yeah some shit went down in the social media hood this night. It involves your hero. I don’t think that is what I am talking about here though despite my most amazing of facial expressions.

Thank you Celina for getting the roller lesbian punk babes together for this and fielding all that drama holy crap everywhere there be drama us burlesque misfits had some ourselves. Makes life exciting don’t it?

You know what’s sad and funny is, I actually look older than Andy Milonakis. I am going to go kill myself now kay thanks bye he’s 36!

Those sex costumes make your arms look humongous. And your face like Tara Reid. Enjoy! Some girl added me on FB who is a famous dominatrix and she has the same flight suit, weird right? That’s why she added me I think. I dunno, you never know when you are on the internet right? Scary place.

I am forcing him to kiss me here and he is playing funny guy. I think he thinks I was just trying to use him for his celebrity or something (totally was).

I can tell he liked it. Facebook liked it.

Then he started being nice and telling me stuff about crap that us performer guys talk about involving hotels and all that star treatment and Jazmin’s boobs probably.

OH how nice for me, a zit on game day!

And last one.

Everyone had costume changes it was the greatest thing. Loved curly ginger haired Harry Potter kid. That stage was bouncing and tunes were blasting I was blasted ahhh life.

Party shots! Hi Sean!

Anyone could get up in there and slam dance. Stephen did, that’s when we met I was drunk sitting on my luggage cross legged like a lady and he was piss wasted and some other little raymis were gathered and we fell in partying socialite love. Wicked dude! he goes, and I’m not even attracted to you, you’re not my type hahaha. More perfect. he’s the one I went to Thompson underground with and partied even dirtier with Pauly Shore.

Well wouldn’t ya know it’s all over.

xo

Don’t remember if I blogged these of Erica’s. I feel like I did.

i think so?

Deleted last night’s post. Liked the photos still.

Love Wills Landing. VIPLEASE treatment pleases meh.

Guys tell me why I am interesting please I have to make an audition video one where I’m not david Hasselhoffing and shoving chicken wings in my mouth.

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Mom look it’s a little Lois beside us over there.

Doug rules.

That guy held out a PBR to me haha next time make it something that’s not piss water thanks. But I love that move, it’s classic strip club film starlette cliche and like the dude’s minds being blown and pyrotechnics and axl rose is going yaaaaaaaaah! Ha.

This one ends in blood. Glad I followed through with it. Careful this video gets very very racy. I commit. Go big or go home.

That’s Freddy Mercury. The Nurse put her bandaged face in my bum. I hugged everyone with my bloody body and definitely messed up a ton of outfits. What can I say I put on a great party. This was so so fun and such a success, again again soon! Def a christmas party. That’ll be hot.

People think they are exploiting me but really, I am exploiting them.

She was a babe. It is such an ego trip having babes gush all over you all night long, I am humbled by it.

During the opening some shot glasses were on the speakers so I dramatically kick/brushed them aside against the wall and all the dudes were like O_O. Hahahah so many funny things happened/said/overheard what a dizzy circus. Love it.

So proud of these ladies we did it! Good times and we also do private functions/events: raymiATraymitheminx.com. That’s a drink ticket in my bra.

And the best three piece set, seen here. I’ll be adding more and more to this post over the next hour.

I was a hot mess all day long yesterday. This has been a suicide mission week my brains are obliterated.

I went like this to get all my last minute needs: nipple pasties (with tassels), new fishnet thigh highs, that mesh body suit, the french red three piece. I almost bought a massive feather headpiece but it was too ugly. The customer service where I went was HORRIBLE and am now boycotting them, one girl was nice but the other my lord so no mention of their name. Zero taste-making for you. (no soup for you voice).

And they’re like we don’t do dancer discounts and I was like, honey childs I aint’s no strippuh! I like what I bought though and the three piece was only $56.

Last Halloween one of my costumes was Tracey, I went as a cougar.

I get to use my ticket again to do the other stuff up there and Jenn gave me hers so we’re going!

This is freaking me out again and again it feels like a dream. I don’t even get a moment to reflect on the insane things I do cos I’m already off to the next thing. Sean said the Beatles didn’t get to enjoy what they did for years. Good point, keep the momentum going. Thank god Renita postponed my tattoo to next weekend. Ok nappy time. Mmm I want McDonalds. We had brunch at the Gladstone and were disasters. It was really fun I like brunch! Being amazed by your own life is a nice thing and normal things blowing your mind. Have a wonderful Sunday.

I would kill for this right now it was a mini big mac same dressing but high end I had it all over my face like an animal from doing this.

See the burn mark on my arm that is where I am getting my tattoo. Hahah read what ti says on the screen.

OH SHIT!

I know I posted this already but I love it. Don’t I look like Fear Factor? Window washer?

Gonna upload a video clip. I better call my dad it’s Sunday phonecall time!

I did this yesterday morning, no, Friday morning. Everything feels like it happened yesterday and I haven’t blinked in a week.

I’m volunteering for this camp.

I went with hangover party face and was drunk still I think, definitely sleep-deprived, no food or coffee from nerves I didn’t want to crap myself. But then while up there I was like, mm I am so hungry fantasizing about deep fried junk from Jack Astors and that’s what I did with my new friend Sam. She’s had 13 face surgeries and is a survivor, she conquered her fear up there. I wish I was watching it at my dad’s right now but we are totally bagged I am going to couch surf in three seconds it’s going to be the p0rn0graphy of laziness. I still have blood on my hands and toes this morning Dave (crashed on our floor and James on the couch)(snoring!) goes WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FEET!!? Totally forgot about my blood. Go look on the wall in the dead center of the King St Atlantic bridge I sloshed blood all over the wall like a Jack the Ripper slaying. The motor oil bottle fell out of a bag, we ditched the blody sheet in a construction site too someone is going to be freaked out tomorrow! Forensics! We had to walk from Bovine cos not enough cabs out there it was the NYE of Halloween last night. It was cold but we toughed it, starving too, but for some reason didn’t get any snacks from the gas station?? Bumped in to Snake and had a funny wasted conversation in his mouse ears and nose and he told me to be friends with our old friends and I was like they hate me and he’s like no, do it! Then I told the boys who that was when he walked away and they were like WHAAAAT!!? SNAKE! but he was too far away. Haha.

I also have all of these to put up.

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Sigh.

My hair is ridiculous. When you have platinum hair the texture of the follicle turns delicate, doll-like. Luckily my hair is resilient and can take a lot. My hair is all virgin platinum too, I only do my roots, never double-process and because of my new-found texture it goes wavy like that. My hair was perfectly straight last night and in bed I sweated like a junky withdrawing and now my hair is declaration of Independence wavy, with a little gay ponytail. I need a ruffled shirt to complete the look.

I can’t be arsed to blog proper today. I just spent an hour on the phone with rogers, got my bloody hardware upgrade and a brand new blackberry on the way which is more than half stupid as today internationally every blackberry is taking a dirt nap. I need the keyboard, if iphone had a keyboard I’d get one. They don’t, so I didn’t. I am not a robot and this isn’t the matrix, I blog, I type, you can’t change me.

I like when new trolls discover me, they fall all over themselves starting up dummy twitter accounts to troll me and comparing me to heidi montag. So naive and lazy these reactions to all things RTM.COM it never changes. They’re like this OMG WHAT? Pictures of herself! SO MANY! And her clothes! OOOH ^&%#&$#&! Like seriously people did you just stumble into the internet yesterday? How else do you get people interested in your life if you don’t fucking show it?

When I visit, Rocky only hangs out in two places now, the computer desk or my dad’s room. Stella the dog has something to do with that though she loves and tolerates cats, lives with two.

These kittens sell for $900. My uncle’s cat has popped out its third or second litter now.

Someone said elsewhere on the internet that I am built like Amy Winehouse. I think they meant hip bones. I am fine with that. Raymi Finehouse.

Papa was protecting this one from the rest of the family but I said he was killing it, its arms and legs were wedged in the couch like a fawn. This was the lap-cat of the lot. Mewling in your ears ahhh bless it I am a total kitten groupie.

I was holding back tears in this photo cos I knew I looked like an idiot and this was my first ever portrait (that I was conscious of) and I was totally nervous ps. thanks mom for curling my bangs. NOT.

Gwen Stefani is prettier as a person.

That’s my dad at 17.

Even if I wanted to “blog” I couldn’t cos all my shots are on my blackberry and can no longer email to myself. I was like, to customer support, I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOORE! Do something or I’ll go mental.

Feather earrings may be in but if they look artificial, you can’t wear them. When people jump on trends so quick they don’t always bother to get it right. As for these ones, pretty real. For seagull feathers. Haha they’re not.

Ps. these ads are all over town and if you see one be sure to go up and yank your lingerie from the poster. Too cool, they refill them as well. I’ve decided to go sexier with RTM, back to basics, things I should’ve done years ago but I let stupid bitch whiners get in my ear. CYA! Totally have a case of the Mondays on this Wednesday. I don’t know how I’ve blogged for all these years or forced myself to do so whilst feeling so aggro.

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