My static blog was keeeeeling me. Plus, I have a couple things to do that I “can’t” from winding down after work so one hand blames the other. I feel like if I personal blog, me-blog, like “I’m in trubs” because I did something but not the priority things. But maybe I need to personal blog to open up the creative flood gates and make way for the to do. Which I can’t quit whining about. I think after jet lag then confronting post vacay blues, emo acceptance and thrust into moving stress as well as back to work getting into the groove of (which am happy to report: all is good there) I needed to just, do those things. Period.

I uploaded 500 photos from abroad like a mad man and it’s starting to give me Obsessive Compulsive Disorder anxiety and worry “I will forget” #neverforget.

So here are photos from my last night, in Germany, the night before I left. My last supper. At a Deutschland potato place. Don’t get me started on the food. It’s really good, I will just leave it at that. BORINGLY that. Hee.

Imagine Yogurt with a J. It is real. Jogurt. It’s cute.

Hispanic prawn what? This is english provided menu, thank god. Reading German is like reading a made-up cartoon language on the care bears. I dunno. I know that’s really ignorant, but words are just SO LONG.

I had Fanta vodka. YOLO

Those are good signs for British people.

You’re kidding me. Love it.

The tables were covered in papers, so many menus, we were sitting in wooden church pew-like booths and everything had that old classic look and feel to it. Authentasia.

The outside. We ran around lost for a long time getting colder and colder and finally I made us ask someone and then we found this place. It’s like finding a giganticer Yorkville, Distillery, Old Mtl, etc. BUT real deal Germania.

And you don’t understand a thing.

A yuppie told us to go here. His kinda place. Okaaay. linen service place. I guess it’s a compliment. It had more of a work drinks vibe to it.

Cuckoo clock shit like this everywhere. My favourite.

A lone man smoking here, I doubled back and took a photo of the lemons, the moment.

That’s the man there. Each tiny place was cookie cutter Paddington bear set in nature.

Like seriously.

Took quite a bit to settle/decide on where to eat. This was a cafe that boasted, like, Timothys, but was really a restaurant, a proper one. I’m not a picky eater anymore, just selector. Because I hate being settled then realizing you’re in a hole or their menu is ridiculous. Food snob all the way forever more and nothing but. Deal with it.

Forgot to bring smokes, bf had to buy some here. They have cigarette machines everywhere here in abundance like the 70’s. 80’s. Super time warp.

Sure. A spot light behind a terra cotta Jesus’ biblical times water vase, cliche whatever have fun.

Okay that is good. It’s so nice there.

Lots of Gothic black roofs. It’s their thing. You can tell by the stripe in their flag.

Moving over to Holland, I discovered this particular favoured way of marketing this particular feature film. #interesting. and #goodluckwiththat does it work?

Speaking of Germany, had just gotten back from there this evening.

I left this coat for sister. She doesn’t know that yet.

What I had for Linner in Germany. I thought I ordered something more mexican but received gyro Greek. Okay then. I still love this place.

Huge burgers if Big Macs were flat and round like massive saucers.

Catching up on my local fashion cultures.

This was before NYE, we were like hmm what to do/want to do that but we are old. Still it was fun and exciting. I’m a big fan of “before” anticipation. I’m sure you love a pre-game too.

Classic retro repro posters hang everywhere, mirrors so you can spy on everything and person. We came in during a Vanilla sky sunset. Can’t forget the magic of Christmas ornaments donning everything everywhere.

That’s a festival bracelet. Tiny bolts are on the other side, stacked.

He explained this one to me but I forget. Go for it.

Dick Tracy lights.

Sith Lord what.

Jesus. Ballin’. I always do a good 2 avocados a week from the couch. Rock salt and lime guy.

My last Friday in Holland, went for a Fridate bender and that’s my beloved tree in the back yard and it was misting. Then my hat fell in a puddle. Hehaha.

Baha don’t ask. Bottom left is what gingerale looks like over there and it’s hard to find but has since been easier or they order more at our grocery store finally.

This is back in Holland now.

Yep I look stupid it is not just your imagination but maybe no game is my game.

I love this part of Holland.

I am tired now/need to move along. To be continued. Oh, I’m up for a travel category blog award now as well as life time achievement and life. ZZzz bye!

The post this speaks to my heart appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

People wee on this thing bf says so I’ve never sat on it but trust me I so want to, think of the photo opps.

Hair is fabulously red now I must remember to dye it more frequently. One last little shopping excursion, got cougar short shorts and some other shirts. Had a 3 hour shop-a-thon with Mummsy today, man that chick can find the goods :). Now I just have to decide who gets what.

Something for sis.

We went for a bike ride and saw a wild pheasant which I think was actually a female peacock or that’s the same thing, we followed it along this little stream then went through a corn field. Gaddamn I’ma miss this place. We went on a teeter totter too. The kid’s parks here are ridonkulously designed.

This shirt would get way too much attention, passed on it. There was another goofy one that said F-CK SWAG. except not bleeped out. You’ll see the rest of my scores as I wear them.

I lit a smoke with a cat lighter too, just too much haha. It was sister’s and had one of those bbq lighter style extensions you steal from the garage wtf.

BOOOOOOOOOBOOOOOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG loved him. Flicked carpaccio (finger nail sized so like nothing) at him but he didn’t notice wahh sad face. The lesbo (or sisters)(or sisters who are also lesbians? trust me I know lesbians) owners were like, these people are making us look bad for loving our dog so much. BTW BF says booboodoodoo now too anytime an animal is on the scene except he can’t say it right but still the tone is correct.

Okay I gotta go now I’m tired couch time blah blah miss this place already.

Ps my latest v-spot is up. Here’s one of the videos I chose.

TRIGGER WARNING (You’re supposed to say that on the internet when the following information is a doozy and may literally hit home) In this domestic violence PSA, Keira Knightley yells cut which is hard to discern if it’s real or not on account of her shitty acting but the point is IRL you can’t say CUT to get your psycho boyfriend to stop hitting you. We had a tense sinking stomach feeling when watching this clip cos we’ve had some shite bf’s in our day not to mention every man on the face of the planet is a moody sonofabitch (you are don’t lie) far too many women have to walk on eggshells around. If you’re in an abusive relationship, or know someone who may be, there is help: Call: 800-799-SAFE or visit National Domestic Violence Hotline Or call me I’ll sort it out for you!

NOW GO READ/WATCH THE REST.

The post Neverland Netherlands appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

Hiya internet. Hope you like monkeys and sensible zoo outfits plus my party hat nip-ons (the shade is brrrrr) cos yesterday we went to a zoo that was actually a “park” dedicated to every single monkey species you can think of and the little ones, HUNDREDS of them, walk all over you. Great idea for a hangover right?

Let me get rid of these first. The day before we had drinks and dinner with bf’s friend in the city, fun times. I wore my new wedges and I didn’t fall once I just walked really slow.

This annoying couple turned up our last day in Aruba at the pool so no more hot tub blasting for us though bf did a cannon ball to announce our presence. The old guy sat on his laptop for a couple hours under the umbrella, cool vacation bro! I smiled at the lady when we passed each other doing pool laps but she was not feeling us until an hour later when she realized her husband was gonna be hardcore ignoring her for hours.

Aruba is a magical place.

See! We went through all the pics on my phone and videos the other night we haven’t even looked at and were catapulted right back into our honeymooning blissdom. Pictures are addictive, a healthy addiction IMO but totally can be overdone if you’re OCD snapping at everything and missing out on the IRL experience.

Me and my jumpsuit I was wearing the night we met. It’s from H&M.

Irish writer dudes in Amsterdam. We had Irish coffees here then split town.

Totally wanna see #hangoverIII here. #Tuschinski #cinema #amsterdam made in 1921 so old, rats will run over your feet during a #film.

On with de show now. These are all taken with his other camera, the camera I used has all the videos and close-ups on it. Just too much but lots of goodies. It’s hard to narrow it down from 1000 photos. I don’t have the attention span nor patience to discern which picture of a monkey is better than the others, aside from facial expressions and funny things they’re doing but if you get one posing nicely on a flower tree you tend to take 40 pictures of that moment and then when you sit down to go through them it’s like wtf is wrong with me?

Quickly realized I wore the wrong bra, I had to use bf as a shield a lot. Had a few Grandpa groupies at various junctures, women eyeing me up and down pissed off too oh whatever if I could go back in time and wear something with more padding I would have.

Love the design here.

We got in for the price of one cos an old guy came up to us before the entrance with internet print-out tickets, his wife can’t walk anymore. Being avid watchers of scam city I was a little worried but the man had an honest face and the tickets were legit wuhoo savings!!!!!!

If you want to borrow these zipper bags for the day you can, some monkeys are a little grabby. If they were gypsy monkeys we would be ripped off for sure.

I feel bad for turkeys, they’re so fugly with that shit hanging off their beaks like God made a mistake and put ball sack on their nose instead whoops too late.

Wearing flips flops on long walks is a risk. By the end of the afternoon I was beat.

At this point it dawned on me that if I was going to speak baby talk to the animals they’re not going to understand English cos they’re all Dutch animals ah duhhhhhhhh. Saying hello in a cooing voice works internationally also having animal aura which I possess, most morons do. It’s like a come to me competitive wizardry.

Don’t interrupt while I’m minxing yo.

It is overwhelming in the cutest way to enter this area, they’re just everywhere playing about and interacting with people it’s the best therapy ever.

Having “monkey” as my nickname at a place literally crawling with monkeys was funny too, good thing no one speaks English. The zoo staff did though and found our running commentary quite hilarious and how nervous and skittish I was around the monkeys. They bite and when you’re spooked easy your overactive imagination gets the better of you. Have you seen the movie Outbreak?

Branches obscuring me, hot look.

Baby monkey brain asplosion awwwwwww.

Their little faces blew me through a wall aghhhhhh. They climbed all over my bf it was adorablah, bit his camera and hands god it was so amazing.

They’re so human looking, the ape I captured on film later on was spectacularly human I could watch all day.

Curious little guy.

I didn’t have the balls to hold one, I didn’t want to be bitten.

We went back at the end of the day to steal one but were too late lol.

I’m making the weirdest noises while going through these right meow.

You are my favourite littlest people ever.

Blaha.

Hahaha. This is the guy that climbed on top of the camera.

Once you get one little guy all his brothers show up for a monkey pile.

Photobomb. They loved the clicking sound of the shots.

See how tiny they are, no one would notice if one went missing although your house would definitely get trashed. The Ikea monkey was sitting on his throne elsewhere btw.

Duuuude I relate. Check ya later.

He’s checking me out. These guys were way more intense and goofy with sharper looking fingers and teeth so there was no damn way I was touching one. They were hilarious to watch, clumsy and dopey.

What are they do you know? Everything was written in Dutch and like I’m going to remember that. Update: They are ring-tailed lemurs!

Isn’t it fantastic how there’s no cages and they’re allowed to roam freely and they trust the zoo guests?

Like if I wanted to pat him I could have. I’m not that stupid though.

Pardon me what?

I have a video of some humping around in here.

Watching them walk around like people and get fed is fascinating.

See! Raw endives though, ughhhh.

It was a fun jungle day, fungle jungle.

The desks in there were very old school, LITERALLY.

I have a friend like you in Toronto.

Oh hi. I go to that party every year. Hey Luc.

My hair doesn’t look so bad for not washing it, I did the day before obviously and that was a good hair day and it carried over to the next day that is all.

Busted.

I like the wizard one.

These guys were going mental.

They had a food puzzle and were all going ape shit.

Love their funny screamy faces ahahhaa.

They act paranoid like humans too, suspicious.

Where’s the food seriously give it to me.

Meanwhile this moron’s like go ahead look, I’m clean.

Keep searching fool.

I am so out of here.

God I am sooooo hung what happened last night.

I lost my keys. Did you see my keys? Where are my keys.

It’s a really great place I’m glad we went. Maybe a few twist and turns too long but other than that very awesome. My ankle was throbbing by the end.

Other than monkeys there’s some weirdo tropical birds. I want one.

That chick really likes animals.

Aww.

Turtle us.

I love that face.

My hair is looking longer and longer yay. Can’t wait to dye it again.

Ooh yay. They were playing island tunes here.

I didn’t wear any makeup yesterday. The older you get the less you’re supposed to wear. Not bad for thirty hey? Fuck I still can’t believe it.

Which one would you sit on? Part of me would choose the fugliest looking one and the other part of me would choose a butterfly haha. I probs woulda barfed if I went on it though it was not a merry-go-round kinda day.

That means so long, bye bye, sayonara etc.

We snuck into the holding monkeys area for a bit then got escorted out ahaha. Honey did you see the sign? No, I took a short cut (truth) but even if I did I can’t read Dutch anyway so..

Tourist trap store.

Junk. Kinda wanted one but, nah.

I didn’t get a tan line from my wrist hair elastic nor did I use it once. Double sigh.

This camera is awesome.

So much further to walk yet.

Great now we’re going to get attacked by Canadian geese perfs way to end the day.

Nope this is the perfect way.

Cava and a great view of Deventer. There’s prostitutes over the water by the road when you drive over the bridge I was too much of a pussy to take pics again. It’s mind blowing to see them in their little closets, bored on their phones in heels ranging from fug to fugger. Count your blessings world and there but for the grace of God, go I.

Monastery cheese and smoked almonds, had me thinking of Cheese Boutique a lot. It was so good and we were so shocked at how much they gave us.

Croquettes are a major thing here. They’re so good but so bad.

Holy fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhck. I have zero sweet tooth these days thankfully.

Whimsical <3.

Is Belle home? I’ll settle for the Beast.

I love your mirror hippie accoutrement.

So many weirdos here it’s awesome.

Nice one Abe.

Okay that’s all for today, enjoy your Saturday.

The post Monkey Business appeared first on Raymi the Minx.

Hey guysbians. On Sunday we didn’t go to that freshtival I wanted to go to so instead we drove to Amsterdam and blabbity blah took a lot of photos, saw lots of stuff and things and things and more stuff, towns, cows, tulips, tourists yadda yadda here is the first installment.

I brought a couple costume changes. My surf maxi dress is versatile in that it is beachwear and a snuggie at the same time and people’s faces look like question marks here when they see me in it. YOLO EUROs.

It was supposed to be a sunny day. It wasn’t. There’s lots of windmills here. Both retro and modern. I have some trippy videos of them set to trance music or whatever it is the crap that we listen to.

I held my peepee for as long as I could then it got painful, we stopped off at a place where a nice lady let me use her cafe’s facility. She didn’t speak english. Obviously I’m not asking for a danish yo. Bathroom? Can I use your bathroom? Luckily no matter what nationality they are, the word toilet is understood. It’s gotten to the point where I just say TOILET even though I am perfectly capable of saying toiletten cos then they think I am American and know not to f around. I took the above picture after I wizzed, coulda just said that and moved on but nope sorry. Not sorry.

This town is like the Venice of this town. It’s the coldest May ever. Next time I am packing properly.

See how the flag of The Netherlands looks like France? France’s stripes are vertical.

Car pervs everywhere. I bet they all watched us through the windows of that restaurant with binoculars.

You can rent these boats and have a boat picnic and stare at everyone like you have staring problems.

South path.

Three girls, one guy, a ton of food.

Whimsical.

Which one do you like most?

There’s a lot of Mr. Bean cars here too. Bf says they’re nice looking but break down a lot. Also they’re way too small, so unsafe. I prefer a tank thanks.

That one’s got a Batmobile-looking flare about it.

These are for my dad so just scroll if your eyes start to get heavy.

Think I like the blue one most.

Don’t worry lots of pics of me coming up. This is getting boring though I need to crack a beer to make the funny flow.

So sweet.

Then it was sunny for three minutes. Everything looks better bathed in sun. It looks awesome to begin with cos it’s Europe but the sun reeeeeeeally brings out the amaze.

I changed in the car after this. Walking in a bed sheet with my messed up ankle on grass is too dangerous and when people check me out I’m too shy for it I don’t want to walk into a sign like Kanye.

No idea.

Okay lets check out over here now.

I like how speedy and impatient we both are. We see things in like four minutes then take off to be bored instantly somewhere else next. This is why it’s hard to hang out with grandparents cos they move so slow and have to inspect everything and have conversations about it like they’re studying it for an exam. I love my Nana and Papa though obvi and look forward to seeing them when I get back and they’ll ask me about Holland and I’ll be like I have no idea what I did. I saw a lot of forests, like, eight million trees. Cool?

Monkeys see monkeys. Hi!

How can you safely operate that truck on water while talking into a microphone? Guess you get good at it. I don’t know about you but everything in my hands is directly steered by my brain and mouth and each thought would come right out of my face hole in to that microphone as I crashed the boat so maybe get one person to steer and one person to play tour guide unless we are filming a Three Stooges sequel.

Dumpy farms look posh in Europe.

Tot Ziens.

Hi. SO awkward if there’s like two people on your boat only but you still gotta talk to them over the mic. That’s a goat. That’s a duck. That’s a bush. That’s a baby crying. I’d just make up a bunch of junk. This house was erected at the turn of some century or other and is known to be Hitler’s favored home away from holocaust. WAKE UP GRANDPA I’m speaking!

What tone should I dye my hair next?

Watch your fietsers! Learned my lesson.

I’m a chic sheik. Yes I am. No you’re not.

Dis gun be good. Tour boat cruising by loved it. Nothing like hearing 20 pervs chuckling. You’re welcome for enhancing this moment don’t thank me all at once now. ps. Rachel Marsden said I look like the girl from the Ring here.

All good ideas copyright Lauren White.

Got this over with quick time, those slats were kinda rickety.

This of course was exactly when the boat motored up alongside. Great timing. Eye roll.

Baha check that dude’s face.

Requisite tourist couple shot.

Perfs adorabs family.

Of course we left the bread in the car.

What did you just call me?

ET moment.

It’s funny being like TAKE MY PICTURE then this is what you do. At least it’s not twerking.

A bunch of mud and dirt and wet petals hit me in the mouth ahaha ew. Having a brother for a sibling makes you impervious to disgusting. It’s a better way to be in general. Chicks who freak out over little bugs and spiders and whatever are ridiculous.

The quick trick to these pictures is striking the pose before you start strangling the tree branch so that you don’t have infinity triple chins from having the most fake fun in the world by the flowers raining down on your stupid face.

Here’s a closer look for your dream journal.

You can open your mouth when you do this but make sure they’re not coming down directly on to your head.

Did I do that? Urkel voice. Um no. Mother Nature did, then I copied her.

Sweet.

After awhile it’s all okay I get it. I try not to be that way though because I know I’ll miss them.

Them too.

Then we went to Urk, speaking of Urkel. A very religious steeped in tradition little fishing town. The peeps look Amish. I’ll share that in part II though.

We had beer and schnitzel.

Driving alongside this high grassy hill bf knew water was on the other side so we pulled over. Yep, right again.

My makeup looks super orange contrasted by the overcast day. In Urk I looked like a goddamn Oompa Loompa, JWoww woulda been proud.

Kids are so cute here they’re like little toy dolls. Look at her butterfly eye patch. Impressive. Okay that’s all for now folkereenos. If you’re thirsty for more I have some things on Instagram in between posts plus I’m always tweeting weirdness. Have a nice Tuesday. Enjoy your nice weather for me and I’ll be sure to enjoy Europe for you. X-Oh Raymbo.

The post Von Dutch appeared first on Raymi the Minx.