Hey guysbians. On Sunday we didn’t go to that freshtival I wanted to go to so instead we drove to Amsterdam and blabbity blah took a lot of photos, saw lots of stuff and things and things and more stuff, towns, cows, tulips, tourists yadda yadda here is the first installment.

I brought a couple costume changes. My surf maxi dress is versatile in that it is beachwear and a snuggie at the same time and people’s faces look like question marks here when they see me in it. YOLO EUROs.

It was supposed to be a sunny day. It wasn’t. There’s lots of windmills here. Both retro and modern. I have some trippy videos of them set to trance music or whatever it is the crap that we listen to.

I held my peepee for as long as I could then it got painful, we stopped off at a place where a nice lady let me use her cafe’s facility. She didn’t speak english. Obviously I’m not asking for a danish yo. Bathroom? Can I use your bathroom? Luckily no matter what nationality they are, the word toilet is understood. It’s gotten to the point where I just say TOILET even though I am perfectly capable of saying toiletten cos then they think I am American and know not to f around. I took the above picture after I wizzed, coulda just said that and moved on but nope sorry. Not sorry.

This town is like the Venice of this town. It’s the coldest May ever. Next time I am packing properly.

See how the flag of The Netherlands looks like France? France’s stripes are vertical.

Car pervs everywhere. I bet they all watched us through the windows of that restaurant with binoculars.

You can rent these boats and have a boat picnic and stare at everyone like you have staring problems.

South path.

Three girls, one guy, a ton of food.

Whimsical.

Which one do you like most?

There’s a lot of Mr. Bean cars here too. Bf says they’re nice looking but break down a lot. Also they’re way too small, so unsafe. I prefer a tank thanks.

That one’s got a Batmobile-looking flare about it.

These are for my dad so just scroll if your eyes start to get heavy.

Think I like the blue one most.

Don’t worry lots of pics of me coming up. This is getting boring though I need to crack a beer to make the funny flow.

So sweet.

Then it was sunny for three minutes. Everything looks better bathed in sun. It looks awesome to begin with cos it’s Europe but the sun reeeeeeeally brings out the amaze.

I changed in the car after this. Walking in a bed sheet with my messed up ankle on grass is too dangerous and when people check me out I’m too shy for it I don’t want to walk into a sign like Kanye.

No idea.

Okay lets check out over here now.

I like how speedy and impatient we both are. We see things in like four minutes then take off to be bored instantly somewhere else next. This is why it’s hard to hang out with grandparents cos they move so slow and have to inspect everything and have conversations about it like they’re studying it for an exam. I love my Nana and Papa though obvi and look forward to seeing them when I get back and they’ll ask me about Holland and I’ll be like I have no idea what I did. I saw a lot of forests, like, eight million trees. Cool?

Monkeys see monkeys. Hi!

How can you safely operate that truck on water while talking into a microphone? Guess you get good at it. I don’t know about you but everything in my hands is directly steered by my brain and mouth and each thought would come right out of my face hole in to that microphone as I crashed the boat so maybe get one person to steer and one person to play tour guide unless we are filming a Three Stooges sequel.

Dumpy farms look posh in Europe.

Tot Ziens.

Hi. SO awkward if there’s like two people on your boat only but you still gotta talk to them over the mic. That’s a goat. That’s a duck. That’s a bush. That’s a baby crying. I’d just make up a bunch of junk. This house was erected at the turn of some century or other and is known to be Hitler’s favored home away from holocaust. WAKE UP GRANDPA I’m speaking!

What tone should I dye my hair next?

Watch your fietsers! Learned my lesson.

I’m a chic sheik. Yes I am. No you’re not.

Dis gun be good. Tour boat cruising by loved it. Nothing like hearing 20 pervs chuckling. You’re welcome for enhancing this moment don’t thank me all at once now. ps. Rachel Marsden said I look like the girl from the Ring here.

All good ideas copyright Lauren White.

Got this over with quick time, those slats were kinda rickety.

This of course was exactly when the boat motored up alongside. Great timing. Eye roll.

Baha check that dude’s face.

Requisite tourist couple shot.

Perfs adorabs family.

Of course we left the bread in the car.

What did you just call me?

ET moment.

It’s funny being like TAKE MY PICTURE then this is what you do. At least it’s not twerking.

A bunch of mud and dirt and wet petals hit me in the mouth ahaha ew. Having a brother for a sibling makes you impervious to disgusting. It’s a better way to be in general. Chicks who freak out over little bugs and spiders and whatever are ridiculous.

The quick trick to these pictures is striking the pose before you start strangling the tree branch so that you don’t have infinity triple chins from having the most fake fun in the world by the flowers raining down on your stupid face.

Here’s a closer look for your dream journal.

You can open your mouth when you do this but make sure they’re not coming down directly on to your head.

Did I do that? Urkel voice. Um no. Mother Nature did, then I copied her.

Sweet.

After awhile it’s all okay I get it. I try not to be that way though because I know I’ll miss them.

Them too.

Then we went to Urk, speaking of Urkel. A very religious steeped in tradition little fishing town. The peeps look Amish. I’ll share that in part II though.

We had beer and schnitzel.

Driving alongside this high grassy hill bf knew water was on the other side so we pulled over. Yep, right again.

My makeup looks super orange contrasted by the overcast day. In Urk I looked like a goddamn Oompa Loompa, JWoww woulda been proud.

Kids are so cute here they’re like little toy dolls. Look at her butterfly eye patch. Impressive. Okay that’s all for now folkereenos. If you’re thirsty for more I have some things on Instagram in between posts plus I’m always tweeting weirdness. Have a nice Tuesday. Enjoy your nice weather for me and I’ll be sure to enjoy Europe for you. X-Oh Raymbo.

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