Hi “everyone”. Here is a “blog post” wrapping up the last couple weeks of my life because why not. I promised the second sexier half of The Darling Mansion feature buuuut my brain needs a break. A me break. A totally, totally ME blog post in-between first mmmkay. I do a lot. I don’t break it down enough. It piles up then consumes me whole goddamn you social media.

Here’s a wee sampler. It still kills me I lost so many photos from my old phone… you’d be surprised how quickly you fill up the card of a new one.

Okay so last week I went to the Drake two nights in a row which is a major social suicide faux pas but my client really likes this place and we had a totally ridiculous fun time so why not. I am getting an age complex so I am starting to feel like a ghost haunting all these haunts I’ve always haunted but now I guess I’m the same age as those I used to hang with when I was younger soooo shut up Lauren it’s okay. I’m not the only Toronto personality out there still givin’er a go so here is to the lot of us.

What the hell (oh I just remembered lol) did I do the night before that resulted in my sleeping all day then waking up and hitting The Drake it was like I was dreaming still thank god my mental alarm clock got me up. I wore two similar black dresses with heels and black tights both nights in a row I was chuffed by the stupidity of myself in doing that Those whom also work in the industry are afflicted by this vampire lifestyle. BTW I’m at Swan Dive this Monday (tomorrow 9-close) come see me and my ballet skills I’ll be picking up beforehand at a fancy pants lesson I’m saying YES to.

The soosh at Drake is always drool-worthy. Kind of why went back again. Plus that damn cocktail menu too. The Rum Diary is my drink of choice fyi.

Dinner drinks one of the eve. Foodie barfly blob I love it here @thedrakehotel. pic.twitter.com/ZMjsDBBoEg

— Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) January 27, 2016

Drake dress one. Turning into a bit of a shift on me. Yeah yeah, sure sure.

Dress two. That was Friday I believe. My boots need to be shined and I need an insert cos they’re not level and I have no clue what happened other than probably Theater Bizarre walking around in them.

Pre-selfie to make sure I looked legit enough for my client supper. Dress up when you feel like hell and people can barely (never) tell they’re like wow you look so good all dressed up. Party girl tip. Except I have made more effort to dress up on a regular basis to maintain “a look” and overall peer acceptance. There’s a lot of fabulous looking and well dressed people in Toronto the stakes are mega-high you must always be fly.

I just remembered at least 4 other way more important blog posts I should be doing for Raymi Toronto right now instead of this ughhh hahha. Well at least I am blogging instead of Super Bowling. I have my phone lit up for different things I could be at today right now and I am doing a decent enough job at keeping the FOMO at bay.

Then squad goals showed up and I took them to every awful place I could (I’m so sorry!) okay we went to a lot of wins and we also went to a lot of don’ts too. I think I will use one bier markt situation in future stand-up for sure. I am building a set. Forever building a set I get crippling creative paralysis at times when the balance is tilted in the favour of doing practically everything else or other. I watched a fuck ton of movies yesterday that’s for sure.

We went for food at Rock Lobster for hot mess Sunday. I want to invent a hotel that’s check out hours are like 9PM come on bro baby needs to sleep this off.

Note the third (and new!) jar of cherries. That photoshoot takes place at the end of the week somewhere neat ;).

What’s the deal with American Cheese… well I wrote a whole bit around it but everyone said I talked about myself too much. It’s just really bad and really good bad. Good in the bad way. Possibly some irony too. Sometimes I’m just very, very basic. Because I am actually a total fruit loop. Not really Macaulay Culkin bizarre but pretty close.

Total win was at Gusto 101 pure delish. We had a blast catching up and shared a bottle of red which helped with absolute cold asf saunter back to hotel Germain. Snotty little bitches bruv tgif can’t believe was just a week ago boy the time goes.

IG caption: Did you bring enough makeup Lizzy? She’s like OH I just noticed that [how much makeup there was] LOL. I think Hotel Germain retweeted this photo they def called us gorgeous ladies – one and the same haha. They gave me good soshe media surrounding our stay there that’s a niiice.

Just your average cave girl @HotelGermain pic.twitter.com/uUHEIywwv4

— Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) February 3, 2016

Woah embedding tweets is funtacular.

Donair meat egg cheese breakfast thing on a bun. mmmm. Lizzy had lobster turns out that place IS a legit seafood restaurant and it’s not just an ironic name lol. Whagwan Darryl.

Another “on fleek” look at Swan Dive maybe. I am in the business of complimenting and being complimented.

Tony took this. Rebecca and her pot and my rake and then we made up a dance and I banged the pot like a drum and we are very immature at Swan Dive it is the best time it’s my job to have fun and bang the gong.

Bought three dresses at wieners around the holidays FOR the holidays and I wear them all the time on rotate it’s fun to make looks for Swan Dive you’re like a moving piece of art I almost wore my red gothic riding hood jacket with the red lace dress on Friday but felt it was crazy overload. Rob encouraged it. Which made me hella suspicious.

The 9th floor is where you get ice and they neglected to tell us that which we found to be funny as fcuk.

Love exploring hotels right? Eloise and The Shining complex for life. We went up to the roof for a lookeroonie this is the hotel where the ding dongs stayed when we first met and hung out #memories.

This is my friend Heather and I. More on that later!

Me on Friday. Also taken by Tony I love our in-house Swan Dive photographer. We are blessed. He helped build the bar too. Swan Dive has quickly become a go-to. I work there 9PM on Mondays til close and I open on Fridays as well til 9PM (except for this Friday and NEXT Monday I’ll be in on the Tuesday though instead etc I will keep you in the loop).

Stayed in (a coma) all week then by Thursday was restless plus we knew of this party that we had to go to (should go to) and were happy too then danced ass off at Two Cats with Shanny afterward you’ll see further down this post. It was a big two weeks for sure. And this is only the shit I am showing you not those “lost parts” that go in the vault and didn’t happen what who is talking?

Bunny love. You can see my Fryes and John Lennon bag in the background. The thing started to hump my leg and I was like NOPE BYE.

Some of this food we took to go and I forgot about the part of the night when we were at Weslodge as we made our way back to the hotel. Quite an indulgent weekend and life here for a good time bro.

I had to wear this hat cos my hair was super ratchet when times get tough the tough get creative. By tough I mean too lazy to shower and didn’t plan to go out til like an hour before we went it was go time! I am going to bring so much clothes to Swan Dive for the clothing swap/sale Abra puts together I will also let you know so if you have been eyeing some of my stuff I’ll post what I am parting with. I might have to wear this tomorrow at balleeeeeeeet.

Love this photo of Tanya and I <3. The D Mansion is the tits.

Legendary night I met Courtney I can’t even remember how I got into that rooftop night club on Queen. It’s all in my archives.

Oh Shanny. When we were dancing at Two Cats a guy commented that we were like the two MAD Spy vs. Spy characters in our black and white outfits. VERY astute observation there King west guy. That place is fun. Gong show vortex. We SAW THINGS too politically incorrect to mention heehh.

Thank God for this.

Cirque du soleil is my new outfit inspiration. Suitesoleil was my first hotmail address. Fact. That was during my I am french phase. I was 14?

Woah relax selfie.

Well here we go.

Two cats is on our way home so, why not.

My night vision blows thank goodness for this flashlight I am considering a headlamp. I bet you some joker will bring me one now.

I quite enjoy all my new friends, custies, and regulars. I am social plus booze makes for good talking and times and people with beards and toques that sort of thing. Lots of laugh out loud moments.

We walked to Motel from Swan Dive. I had no hat or pants so to keep warm we loudly talked the whole way there hahaa. Claire and I are the ame age-ish.

When I lived on Dowling I used to go to Motel a lot. I love theme bars. I got stories guy. Maybe now that I am reliving a prior Bukowski phase I can write about that time period again. Interesting.

Reminds me of my Stephen King book consumption phase, derelict scary ghost towns where weird shit goes down wow what a creative mind.

More booze more selfies. Love my ratchet nails kinda works.

That bunny art though.

Had to put him in the friend zone. With all the rest. Heheh.

Great style all around.

Heather and I went to kind of an awful apartment and had the most hilarious experience EVER ever ahahahha. This was on the wall. Our cab driver goes, this building? Oh yes! Bed bugs! What? Bahah.

I dig the stairway to nowhere though and the water fountain and music jamming away ???

Then we walked to Parkdale for a bite.

Never ever a dull moment anywhere in Parkdale. Could not run away fast enough lol.

Then she drank a bottle of red by herself (none for me sober day dude way too necessary) and hoofed it home to do her stuff and things and that’s that for today my friends check you on the flip side! I am the only person not watching the superbowl I think.

Thurs @cocolezzone Steve's bday bash thanks @ShannyintheCity good times. More pics on my blog on way. pic.twitter.com/A3M0TDvB2e

— Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) February 7, 2016

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Hey sports fans!

God. Sometimes I wish I was sponsored by Heineken. Whenever I crack one I immediately start to blogging. I always bought Heineken to work to, a 6 pack of green bottle goodness like I’m somewhere further away than where I am. Heineken. The stuff of dreams. I should go back into ad copy. Anyway moving along. How’s your Saturday? Good, good. I just got up from a nap, I got my hair did today, I ate noodles. I’ll show you all about it right now in fact plus some other Raymi world stuff.

Earlier in the week and by that I mean late last week I ventured out to blow off some steam in the hood of the new bar I tend at and it was a crazy night, the end. lol.

Been putting in some late nights lately. It makes it so the days in between you’re kinda like -_- and do nothing, climb the walls a little then wait til you are there doing a late night again. You seeee, my friends opened a bar and new businesses need lots of love. So come by and be sure to love us. Not to sound desperate but I make it a point to keep my look on fleek while at work to practise being a lady and to over-compensate for all my short-comings. So far so good.

My highschool prom date was across the way at the bar here and recognized my aura as I was taking these selfies. He (rightly so!) put it together that I would be the only one taking pictures of themself in the light of a red lamp on Dundas st in Toronto. I’m going to let that sink in and guage how much of a loser I should be feeling like right now about that. Whatever! A zebra can’t change their stripes brah. Prom fact: I unexpectedly got an award for MOST HUMOUROUS PERSON! I got a certificate and everything and had to shuffle across the dance floor under the disco ball in nervous shock in front of everybody. The reason I won was cos the two chicks on prom commitee sat behind me in business class and were within perfect earshot of all the stupid crap that came out of my mouth everyday and turns out, it was some funny shit well I’ll be! So like one part laziness, one part all me.

Last night at work.

Perez Hilton used to meanly call Jennifer Love Hewitt “Jennier Love Desperate” and I think about that and laugh at myself when I see pictures like this. I know a lot of useless things they need to go somewhere.

We keep the bar pretty dark it’s a nice and flattering swan dive like that so here I’m just taking advantage of all the lit spots I can. We have free pool and wifi.

Wifi and thigh highs.

And baby heads.

Maybe some babes too.

Baked goods we get daily.

Free sass too. I’m working Monday night next fyi. 1631 Dundas St W.

Here’s part of my day. Lamest singapore noodles ever. I ate the entire thing (later on at home) thinking it would eventually get good. Nope. Did not occur. No change. They have always been bad. I guess their specialty is pho and it is only a headache to make this for me. I’m like, with shredded pork too and she goes you want pork instead? I’m like no it’s supposed to already be in it. I am very particular with my singapore vermicelli if you have been reading this stupid blog for years then you know this. I eat it when I’m sleep deprived (hung) it’s basically like polysporin.

Having a killer hair day on the day of your salon visit is like what are you even going for haha. I had roots that needed attending is what. Been dying to see Donna Dolphy Yorkville Salon since before the holidays. Timing salon visits is a science.

Purple sky tonight loved it.

And this morning. It was a really cold day. Didn’t realize how cold up in the sun here. My knuckles bled, that cold and dry when I walked from Yorkville to Spadina noodle town without gloves.

Hello hello.

Best hair ever. I love how she cut it this time, to a point, to give me a bit of a tail and length. She knows how much I whine about not cutting it but it always looks healthy when she does so I abide. You have to relinquish control sometimes.

I love the I dream of Genie blow-out she gave me. That’s from her non-kiss blowdry technique. I turn heads when I leave her salon. Oh yeah my cousin Kristi had an appt with Donna’s sister today too, bonus for Raymi!

Oh I see your smirk there babe lol.

Pretty flowers for a pretty salon. Thanks Donna love you! Okay goodnight guys.

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