Hi “friends”.

Super proud of my chicken leg marination turn out. Now I’ve got yellow curry basil coconut cream lime pepper breasts marinating. Booyakasha. Kitchen gangster. Ooh speaking of did you see the thing on Yakuza on National Geographic last night? Kinda want shoulder chest tattooos now.

Mr. Jacobs designer pop.

I really don’t smoke that much I just like the manipulative artsiness and photo opp novelty. When you date a smoker as a non-smoker it turns in to monkey see monkey do. Not in Canada though I hate Canadian smoke, in Europe it’s far more Serge Gainsbourg fabulous in fact bf kinda looks like him too. Hot. I still make lots of bitchy remarks about smoke smell though, airing out the house, opening windows and such.

One of my rotating house outfits. Housefits. This is from Friday I think? I’m 5’8 1/2 if anybody wants to know, people ask sometimes. At my physical the nurse measured me as 6’2 she was not the best at cm conversion. I said that’s very nice of you but there is no way I’m six two then she’s like okay you’re 5’6 and I was like NO WAY LADY never mind and don’t even bother telling me how much I weigh either ahha.

I have discovered the miracle of crap attackz and it is smoothies. First drink a glass of water, then have a n’espresso, then have a smoothie which is heavier and pushes the water, espresso and last night’s dinner out your bum before you’re done your smoothie! I’m becoming OCD about this routine. Water coffee smoothie. Then around noon we have lunch or whenever hunger strikes. Normally I starve myself all day long and have a bodum of coffee and no water.

The teeny stairs I climb up and down multi-times daily, easier for someone sans foot injury. I do a 360 degree rotation and walk sideways like a crab. Foot is getting better the doctor said we just came back from fisio. Hurts like hell when he presses on the ligament and manipulates it then he rubs it for 5 minutes with the ultrasound thing. Then he asks questions about us/me and wtf it is I’m doing here haha. He’s like what did you do this weekend and I’m like I have no idea actually. I can’t tell if people think I’m funny or totally insane and I also do not care. Being an adult rules.

ps. my nails are almost at Rihanna length now. pps.. why do people think Beyonce is queen cos she ain’ts! Riri’s music is on every station and she kills it just saying.

BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A TREAT.

Yes Shannon it’s a stocking peel ahahhaha. #burlesque (miss you).

For today’s session I didn’t do anything sexy at all well maybe I did I just can’t help it I is so sexy. Haha.

I hope he likes me so much he throws the bill away. Maybe if I shave my leg next time ughh so embarrassing to have teeny black hairs sprouting out of your ankle in front of two dudes right?

Curvy little monkey now.

Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll do some sit-ups sometime zzzz.

Aghhhhhh.

Met the sister, she’s awesome and an incredible painter/artist. We have the same hair colour and she is a shit disturber like me/us. Perfect. Insta-family.

Plus she says I’m pretty all the time and that I have nice teeth. Gave her my blog url I better not regret it! She said she’ll comment and say that everything I say is a lie hehehhe.

What the hell is he looking at?

Oh.

I bet these look great at night.

SO CUTE. There’s more hanging off the building but you get the point come to Holland to see for yourself.

Cigarettes make me a cheaper drunk. Also he said that diet coke and vodka makes booze stronger, any diet drink does I’ll have to look in to that.

So bad. So good. Had a salad too which was boringsville in comparison. This is where a girl (they knew) asked me where I was from on account of my accent and my ego exploded when she said cool. CANADA <3.

My right hook punch scab is slowly healing hope I don’t have a scar left over I need vitamin e cream omg I love that stuff. I punched the visor in the car because the week of planning to come here was stressful to the max and full of doctor appointment mayhem with mom. Hi mom love you miss you xoxoxo.

Queen’s night is tomorrow. We’re going to a rave or something. The crown pass over happens early in the morning I will probably be asleep and it happens in Amsterdam.

Super bummed someone took my boots from The Sheraton and I hate myself for how long it took me to notice. Not that I can wear heels right now anyhow. Wore my Toms to a night club on Saturday, didn’t know we would end up there. Spontaneous slob outfits in fancy settings gets you a lot of attention cos your I don’t care factor is off the charts on top of just standing out as a Canadian period but people in clubs are out on the prowl anyhow so who knows really. One cougar in particular got under my skin I’ll tell you about it later cos you love that shit. I hope when I’m older I don’t scowl at younger prettier girls. In fact I know I won’t.

These guys whistled something in Dutch I don’t know what.

Then I met my two new best friends Whiskey and Peggy, mom and son chihuahuas.

They are so cuddly and affectionate too. What’s the point of having a prick for a pet?

This guy’s place is very nicely done I asked if a chick did it, nope. Girls he’s single.

Smirnoff ice here is 4% so they can sell it in supermarkets. They say it’s like lemonade, for kids AHAhah like seriously what’s the point I’d have to drink a billion to cop a buzz.

Girls are not as good as guys at the lighter bottle cap thing. This took us awhile.

So annoying.

Finally minxed Whiskey over my way.

I want one! It’s not that I’m not a dog person I’m just irresponsible. No. I just move around a lot and that’s not fair to little dog people. One day I’ll have my own we’ll see.

Floor score!

Brand new shirt in a bag on street we kicked across square. Was €10. Raymi 1, #Holland 0.

Foot doctor’s office #art. May as well blog the rest of my instagrams. Follow me on there too I want to have lots of followers! NOW!

In the backyard. Way cuter than the mass-produced ones at Canadian Tire or Garden Centers.

Photo bomb. We kind of look related right? This is in Germany.

For schnitzel my nitzel. #germany #rheine #foodie not #foodporn but we inhaled in seconds nonetheless.

In the downstairs bathroom. Oh those quirky Dutch. I love it.

See my headband?

Housewife #foodie #porn egg a la Raymi. #brunch.

I’ve been to #Mars. #Aruba. Okay bye for now off to buy flowers.

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