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Bum Bum Lauren! I don’t think I have one cool family nickname, does anybody?

2 secs for me to jump in the shot. We’re pretty bush league.

I don’t see anything old here, sorry, nothing but hot taught in their prime fresh Chrismas chicks. I bet I am in better shape than whoever left that comment.

Heehehh you can see that I am not wearing pasties here.

Clem burst in to the back and said RAYMES GET ME MORE SPRINKLES. I created a monster, I threw sparkles on everyone, constantly, dumping them down sweaters, coats, scarves, shirts, while embracing, leaving behind piles of the shit it was hilarious and pissed off a lot of people. I had words with the cleaner at the end of the night, tipped him a twenty whilst basically saying now talk to the hand I’ve had enough tonight brah. I paid the girls out and took no cut, didn’t charge for their costumes either, a very Minxy Christmas to you Elfettes thanks for everythang! I am wearing Allison’s braclet in this picture she has a new (doing very well) jewelry business now awesome. Gave away a thong too and fishnets, thank you Ohhh Canada!

Behind the scenes panic room.

One day, I am fat, the next (today apparently) I am too old, naw son, I ain’t too old for shit, maybe you are. The sooner you are to slowing down the closer you are to dying. Hating on someone who is living their dream will not bring you any closer to yours.

Have you ever wanted to tap dance to punk rock with one of those old timey film darlings?

Pastel’s new fan. He came with 5 look-alikes all towering over me and asks Teacher how he puts up with or handles my burlesque. Lots of drinking.

Pastel raisin’ hell.

Quite the tickle trunk back there, Paddy had all her shit in my area and was never around for me to say hey move your crap so I kept having to do that which wasn’t fun. Your stuff HAS to be organized, number for number, otherwise it’s a frenzy of search and destroy until find.

Did that bow ever come off? I was in a bit of a vortex at points.

Bechnique, you should have put a costume on.

Sprinkle fairy! Clem referring to sparkles as sprinkles made me have a giggle fit for five minutes. I don’t know why but I just prefer retarded people in life. I am so glad he came in santa suit, gives you permish to be a jerk all night long and get away with it.

This guy’s friends threw his scarf on the ground and like a good little Elfette I picked it up and twirled it around for him and he was very happy, it washed away his going to scream at friends moment. We keep it Jersey Shore and dance where and whenever the hell we please. Oh my god I miss Jersey Shore in Italy I can’t believe I am saying that.

No elves left behind.

Good score off Red Zeppelin that red thing thanks girl! Very retro Miss Claus.

That’s Red unwrapping herself. I was very impressed by her performances. Yes her name has changed, she’s been getting weirdos ever since this burlesque thing started uh oh, how exciting!

Would you tell this girl she’s too old to dance? She’s a pro and smokin’ hot, we are the same age. A gaggle of my boys were like, Raymi, WHAT IS HER NAME!? It was a really good time Sunday night. Leaving me loser comments about your opinions and feeling sorry for me is hysterical for one and all in the real world who were there. You say so much about yourself when you hate on girls for taking their clothes off for a show in real life and then share it with you on their blog that has been number one since the year 2000 like I am supposed to feel like an idiot now? Oh no I have been exposed thanks to your detective skills and your opinion has REALLY MADE ME THINK ABOUT MY LIFE. I don’t care if you think I can’t dance. This isn’t the so I think I can dance show, it’s the I know I look smokin’ in teeny g-strings and love Christmas music lets make a cabaret and great material out of it show. Everything I do turns to gold and after everything I do someone feels like a grinch at the reflection of the art I made then blogged and like clockwork, chimes in. I’m sorry you couldn’t get 3 people to show up at your turn at the pole.

Rhonda and her blasted husband George we had them over at the end of this with Brosz7 and it was fun all that etc but should have been in bed. They’re all the way in from Ireland so that requires a good gong show. I’ve been pretty good this holiday season so far I think and deserved a little letting loose. There aren’t many breaks in RaymiLand.

Merry Christmas and go f*ck yourself would be this xmas card caption.

And this one too haha. Elfettes have sparkly claws, insert claus pun.

And now we get loose. Tonight I gotta cut loose, Foot loose.

Kick off your Sunday shoes. Please, Louise, pull me off a my knees.

Jack, get back, c’mon before we crack. Lose your blues everybody cut footloose!

And now we are talking shop about the incident while Amy is in my Raymi la la land kevin bacon vortex which was actually probably the spice girls or something hahaa. Meanwhile, Paul on the left there is totally stoked Kim Jong Il died and owns my painting of him (from 2006!) and he was with us the night we met the kid who threw the thing through the window, I think Clem was too it was a very special thing he did for us lol.

The canes were excellent.

Should I show up to Teacher’s family’s Christmas dinner like this? So, we’re all reading my blog now I guess, hi all meet the REAL ME. Your hot tub better be on lol. I will probably show up dressed like a Ski Bunny.

People just collapse right in to me I am so loveable I don’t know what you are all crying for, I’m more enjoyable than your own best friends!

Amy is awesome. We met and fell in love at the LCBO in LibVille, she was sampling and we were drunk, it was a Saturday bender, summer I think, I was dressed like Malibu Hello Kitty and who the fuck even knows what we talked about.

End of the night, me and Sarah are always yammering about girl stuff basically like, I like you, NO it is I who LIKES YOU! She posted this photo of us on FB and someone said… “holy crap i think my friend’s band wrote a song about her”.

Raymous the famous!

Um where were you two dopes during dance recruitment?

The after dance costume party is when I sneak out stuff from my tickle trunk and put it on drunk hot girls and then get pictures for my blog.

Hey we’re the Chippettes and again I’d like to point out how hot and young looking I am just in case the trolls missed it.

I found something.

Something way better than sprinkles.

How do these get here? Staff after hours ploughing? Hey babe can I keep those I want to hang them up here to reminisce and so I can remember that I had sex here last night.

Excuse me I have to interrupt your ever fascinating irish drunken tale in order to dangle this skanky thong on your face you don’t mind do you?

She didn’t know and it was too late to stop her, luckily crotch didn’t touch lips. Well not in this photo anyway.

TBH it looked brand new.

#bovineproblems

Hot mess Christmas choo choo train.

Kept busting in on their dance circle in loud coloured outfits and loud coloured mouthing off, it was a gas, then we split two cabs back to the gingerbread house and continued getting polluted and that’s why I slept all day yesterday. I don’t power drink like I used to. That’s basically how Winehouse bit the dust eh. I say you should always drink a little less the older you get.

Red had a date in attendance this night who turns out knew me from something to do with the Globe and Mail days I forget but I am sure this date’s activity solidified things for that dude and Red Zeppelin haha. “So like my burlesque troupe is having a show tonight (and they are totally fucking insane sexy shit shows) do you wanna come?”

Ok I am adding the rest of colleague’s and Tom’s and Little Raymi (erica’s) now. These were all Mystery camera for the most part, did you have a nice lunch?

Brb I have to damage control shit with Mrs. Claus. It was a May Pang kinda thing the Elfettes, you know, but now she’s a bit cranky. Google John Lennon/lost weekend if you don’t know what I am talking about.

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Chuck Berry is a Christmas groupie, who knew? Teacher didn’t tell me my tag was sticking out. Thanks.

This gets sexy sunbeam white rugbunny good at the 56 second mark fyi ;). Then I roll my thigh highs off!

Understudy Frida Kahlo.

Ridiculous and perfect.

This is not an outfit don’t worry hahaha.

Barking together hehehehheh she loves me.

Yes I look crap. I went to the salon since this so, don’t judge meh. Lawd knows I get enough. Just killing time til SNL here. Who is coming out tomorrow? It is not to be missed. For se’ers.

We have an understudy just in case heheheh.

Nice tan line haha I forgot to take my underwear off.

Oh by gosh by golly, it’s time for mistletoe and holly!

Did you ever hear the Christmas story about the Elfettes that got away from the North Pole? No? Well my my, you sure are in for a treat this Sunday nights it’s going to tickle the dickens right out of you my pets. (said in fluttery genteel society speak of the utmost class, debutante affair mmhmm) And a very Southern Pole Christmas to ya gents, winkity wank.

I’m going to need to get green thigh highs for my mr. grinch number.

Never get invited to weddings? Me either. You have 8 chances of catching an Elfette christmas garter belt (sell that shit on ebay son! I might fling my thong into the crowd for keepers, that’s what our lingerie smut peddling sponsor has suggested so i’m do it!!!)

Kay dancey time excellent!

Got my hair did, roots be gone! See you tomowoah.

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