I’m a Sexpert. Dr. Raymi Love. First the NYT (thrice, natch) and now Elle. Next week PLAYBOY. #hustla.
Nice piece Bobby! I’ve been harassing him since May about this one lol. Here’s what it was in full, which I guess I can post because 1. I wrote it and 2. It’s already in print. Kay here we go. I have zero recollection of what you are about to read, yay mystery post! I’m so Hunter S. right meow, no, the rum diary guy whatever guy that was. BURP.
Is confidence key (for men) in a club-like setting?
Yes definitely but not over-bravado, which can easily be mistook for THAT GUY IS SO A PLAYER. But in a club-like setting it doesn’t matter cos you can’t hear what is even going on cos you’re usually wasted or on drugs or probably both (this is coming from a party girl standpoint) so therefore the over-enthusiasm and attention is fully appreciated if the guy isn’t a letch, euro trash sleazy letchy and dry humping your leg. But at a place I’d go to with my classy (then get silly) girls, a place after work hours in the financial district where everyone is dripping with confidence, you must go the distance, cock-block, and buy her and her girls a round of drinks then you can chat them up for a good half hour and see if there is a spark. If you don’t have confidence, you can hide behind online dating and fake it til you make it.
Is there any way for a guy to “score” without being aggressive at a club/bar atmosphere?
Be devastatingly handsome and practise your best smouldering Clive Owen smouldering, brooding looks, stare puzzlingly into your glass, ignore everyone and wait for the prey to come to you. Wait til last call til the married lying bastards clear out and head home on the train. Wear an awesome outfit, have good style, avoid Trailer Park Boys, be GQ. What males in cinema are you drawn to or emulate, be them, but be yourself.
Do you feel obligated to chat with a guy after he’s bought you a drink?
If I didn’t want anything to do with him then I wouldn’t have accepted his offer, I’m not desperate and I have my own money but that’s not to say I haven’t taken advantage of these drunk perverts so you have to have your wits about you to know if you are being taken advantage of. What are you looking for, love or a bone? Women have motives too. Some guys buy you drinks and forgot they did, disappear, it’s bizarre, so we don’t get a chance to feel bought or obligated. The bar/club scene is a wild place. Some mammals buy you drinks, some don’t.
Will you dance (or entertain) somebody you haven’t talked to just because he’s approached you on the dance floor?
Yup. Life is short and I have come out of my shell unlike the shy girl I used to be despite the image of confidence I project. My mother is also very shy, but we are cute, I draw them in and she goes in for the kill like a tag team. Your buddies are your support system too, the more the merrier in a dating crew even mixing the sexes. I let the guy on the dancefloor know when enough is enough though that’s for sure. It can get awkward. Also, if I see a dude in a bar I like there is nothing stopping me from approaching him if I am feeling up to it. But I’m a girl’s girl, if there’s another bird with her talons in him I won’t bother.
Is it common in modern society for women to approach men in a bar setting? If that’s the case, do you (personally) use a more aggressive, or laid-back approach?
Depends on the talent of the room. There’s moments where you lock eyes and everyone else in the room goes away and it doesn’t matter how many trolls chairs or obstacles are in your path, you meet on the same playing level and then see if there’s a spark. I’ve been both laidback and aggressive. I think women are super aggressive these days than they used to be and yes it’s common, for alpha chicks, we are all getting hotter and preening and self pampering, there’s more women on the planet and not enough men to go around so tell all your loser single friends to man up already, we’re waiting now catch up.
(ps. I wrote all of this before I met Steve).
Well? TGI-EFF. Gotta scoot. xo your hero.