Yo amigos how you been? Oh me? Bored as shit whatevs heheh. This weather, something I incessantly complain about is legit killing my buzz. I’ve been working on my book. Going in a slightly different direction with it too que sera sera. I kinda wish I could tell you guys about it, but I will in time. You know when you do the things you love to do you just get all jazzed and wanna scream it from a megaphone and by megaphone I mean twitter. Pah. I’ll just chill then. I’m just going for it though I wanted you to know. The funnier things that I say and write tend to be more explicit in nature and people just can’t take it so I may as well stack ‘em all into one huge anthology telephone sized phonebook atrocity…
And like, the reason for writing this right now even and why I am gonna cut it short then hit pause and regroup later on with it. Why can’t I just Sarah Jessica Parker it what is wrong with my daily headfuck regarding my own constitution?
It’s two days later now. Your hero lost a day there to red wine and many expressive heartfelt apologies regarding that.
My foot is feeling better. Also the last couple days I’ve been in pain and haven’t really spoken about it, seems to be lifting now. If you don’t have your health you do not have anything. I felt like I was dying and my shitty horrible life flashed before my eyes. I’m gonna go see my family doc it’s due time.
Ass. See how I ran out of nail polish remover yesterday halfway through. Ratchet. A bro is dropping me off a bottle right now haha I win that victory at least.
My hair is kinda getting bananas in a good way. Like a lion. I might add blond streaks to it like a major lionness. No? Speak now.
I love red wine. I do not love red wine hangovers. Hmm. Pickle, that.
Wasted yesterday but today I did not and tomorrow just might be hot too. Here is hoping.
Spicy lobster mac.
Spicy Canadian Geese.
OMG am I cross eyed? Omg do not care.
Ribfest weekend sure was a bender if there ever was one. Being captain of a small town makes every little fair a gong show I guess huh.
Carpaccio. I am predictible.
On my run it occurred to me that I probably eat chicken wings at least 4 times a week.
Hello y’all. Girl with crazy life with no life is writing to you on a Friday night. It’s boring and I like it! Oh and that pineapple was full of booze. Delicious. Not ours but I imbibed. If you bring a to-go pineapple, we can be friends.
We drove up and down looking for thai, which was closed.
She’s the Wizard of Emerald City. I could pull those boots off maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to her?
This pic is so Tim Burton.
I love this love love love it.
I ate this entire brie appetizer, not the chutney though. Hangover walk of fame meal and I actually lost weight this trip.
My birthday is soon. Usually around St. Pat’s I start to get all, ooh birthday ooh don’t care but kind of care. I think it’s mostly anticipation excitement cos normally nothing’s really going on.
Ireland Emerald city rules.
Pre-gamed here. After the night prior’s festivities it took a bit of gentle easing back into the saddle a bit, a lot of a bit. We hogged up the jukebox and I got to feel what a fresh stack of new American 1’s feel like before unsheathed. Like fake money out of Hollywood.
This became juice. Amazing.
Probably about the most painful place to be before catching a plane, but also awesome.
This is my new desktop bg.
Never a dull moment.
I am hella glad Leslie insisted I wear this dress because the singer of this band we saw was wearing a cute little green dress while they were performing at Chicki Wah Wah and I would have jumped out of a window of jealousy if I wasn’t in a dress. Moral of the story: always wear a dress.
This pineapple belonged to the people who sent us drinks over. How cordial. It was a sloppy night. I think I am embracing my bohemian side. Maybe it is spring. Canadians have it rough, you forget this shit about yourself until you get a good dose of Vitamin D.
I hope they are still alive and thriving nicely.
Can’t finish? No problem. This pitcher was cheaper than a pint. $2 for a pitcher. I love America.
Rice beans by band versus..
These ones. And by the way, I get the whole rice and beans thing now. My dad loves beans and for my entire life I have made beans (British) jokes about it. Like, an entire plate of baked brown beans? Ew. This way I get.
Have you been noticing the Kurt Cobain case floating around the wires out there. It’s saddening all over again.
I am so happy it is sunny right now. The lake looks beautiful, sparkling, my arms are hot from its rays. Come on spring!!
And then it was over. I was pumped to have this seat. I got long legs.
Airport desolation, beautiful, art.
They’ve taken a lot of heat lately too, the missing flight, another one crashed before it left the ground. You can’t live your life being scared of everything all the time or what-ifs but let me tell you, lots of scary thoughts definitely went through my head during my travels. Oh, namely being false-brave suicidal, “I am ready to die”-like. Because what can you do? Nothing. But then you land and you survive and life goes on. We had a lot of turbulence flying from Dallas, straight off the bat it was choppy and the sky was a gorgeous retro fade sunset and we were dipping and on our side going through bumps. The lady beside me got out her prayer beads and I was like I don’t think that’s gonna help but you’re adorable for trying. Then I filled out her customs form, which you know about already. But anyway here I am now writing this.
And part of my last meal in Texas. I lost my appetite at the country club then I was like, I am having a steak when I land and it’s going to be glorious, cozy, everything for every feeling that there is! I had the Tenderloin tamales instead.
Which by all accounts were amazing. But I still haven’t nabbed my steak hankering so there’s a 100% chance that I will be eating a steak sometime this week.
BTW me Friday. Right after I hit publish this hair will be going Little Mermaid Ariel red.
Damara came over yesterday. I didn’t want to go to Toronto. Yeah, exactly, you get your ass out here instead dammit! We had a great dinner and lazy Saturday indulgences. I peeked at the bday gift she brought me too… wow.
I practiced singing the one song I am most obsessed with right now quite a bit this weekend. I want to make people cry (in a good way) when I sing. Damara listened on and said it was good. Work bestie heard my recording of it and was also floored so, I am excited to embark on my next new thing which is being a jazz singer bahahah. I wrote that on a plantation postcard I bought from the airport (I bought a whole pack) for Damara. What are you supposed to write on postcards, no matter what it all sounds pretentious. Hi, this is the weather, I ate that, we are going there and, see you soon etc. People should write the most insane things possible on postcards. I know I do.
This is from the scrapbook I made in Maine when I lived there for three months. I am thinking more and more that my story, or my book, is far richer than even I can possibly imagine and it shouldn’t be some shoe-horn buzzwordy try-hard social media snapshot of what I think people want to hear but should actually be of what people want to hear. I’m not going to over think it (yes I am) I’m just going to do it.
I promise I will never pose like this again. Promise not guaranteed.
I love lunch time because it’s a manner in which one can express themselves and then you instagram it and for days you get to consider your decision and then everyone weighs in on it like it’s a thing and I am sorry but, everyone eats.
We need trees like these.
I was re-booked on a flight to Chicago because my Dallas connection was delayed and I would not have made the Nola one. I was paged for a half hour then given attitude by the flight attendant. It’s pretty much guaranteed that I get attitude when I travel. You learn a lot about all sorts of people when moving about.
We just came back from a walk. I saw my ducklings as adults that we fed in the spring. Whimsical MUCH!!? Pictures at the end of the post.
Ate this last night, we made it. Actually I got all the stuff out of the fridge and was mental support, as in, dragged him off the couch. People just need a bit of motivation and you still get half the credit. We don’t drink much (snore) but we eat like cray. I am having a Saturday beer right now though. When you get up to have coffee I am already beering it. NICE.
Front yard, jungle English YOLO garden. When we went to the movie bf said that Mitty was a Yolo movie. Bahaha TRUE.
A blue sky in the winter is like, oh right, that’s nice.
Replete with sky porn.
I have pictures of this stretch of road blanketed in spooky mist during a sunset, very neat.
Shut up you slot. “Loot locked out” according to google translate. Aka don’t leave valuables behind. I’ll keep you posted once confirmed.
If blind, you will also be allowed to enjoy this park despite not being able to see anything, you can feel the leaves of various things growing and then read about them cos there’s brail all over the park. How nice.
Handi-captains forevs. There but for the grace of God go I. Wandelpad for honorary mention. (footpath).
Plants get so much rain water here it’s like a g-damn jungle. No complaints yo.
I’m like a sasquatch, all blurry and I blend in. I had those oxblood wrecking ball doc’s #FIRST #Miley BTW. I’m flattered, really.
So we meet again necklace tree. I am obsessed with you. No shame, all fame.
Trying to get the flash to go off. This bitch needs backlight not below light. Frig.
We’ll def do this again though.
I told you it was windy! Some trees could not deal tho.
I waited for forever for a photo of how camouflaged I was amongst nature. It didn’t ever really happen. Cool joke bro!
Christmas man was the best though. Time to cash out to some tv I’ll make a blerg post for ya tomorrow all about the all abouts kay, thanks, bye my babies are here :). Gonna watch the Bling Ring. I watched it a few days ago already but it’s one of those watch again type of things.
Hey guys spent the weekend realizing my dream of being a hotel mall rat it was awesome. Splurged on the fam-damily too since I’m stuck around them all the time anyway. Plus my bro never really lives it up like Tray Cray and I. We had my niece let ‘em live a little and it’s my birthday month, beginning of March break for the Hailster before we know it she’s going to be too cool for us. We stayed at the Sheraton and had a rockstar blast. I’ve stayed there many times before I have a lot of history with the big S haha and I breathed a sigh of relief when a ton of shit was forgotten off our bill at check-out.
We had girl’s night mom and I at Milestoners yesterday the first non-hotel meal I think? 4 Bellinis and 4 apps for 40 pretty deece and some personal water bottle vodky may or may not have made its way in to our glasses mom was like nobody cares don’t worry. It’s interesting hanging out with her because we constantly fight but we understand each other, are resigned to the lack of patience but just deal anyway I appreciate her more than she knows or will let her.
I love the underground PATH of Toronto. How you can avoid being cold can catch glimpses of the city’s underbelly these mini fast food places, this photo makes me happy because it is sad. It confirms the sadness I feel afflicted with day in and out. A hobo was sleeping off to the left I didn’t at first notice. I don’t think people should sweep homelessness under the rug ever. I appreciate everything in life that I have and I accept my shitty short comings. My mom’s compassion for the down-trodden is a huge inspiration to me. At first I felt it exploitative but now I see it as kind and honest.
It’s an eccentricity linked-to thing, I’ve inherited it too. Colourful people and life is what my decade-plus blog’s foundation is built upon. I believe in self-improvement and the nostalgia-effect of a hotel staged as backdrop to certain periods of my life is sentimental. Everyone has a favoured hotel with sentimental attachment. It can be a home away from home when away from home and the constant flow of strangers, travelers, each as intriguing as the last perhaps, always an exciting tale around every hallway corner or lobby shadow throw in a pool and let the games begin.
The bonus excitement of it being St. Pat’s weekend was palpable. It’s no mystery I adore escapism so this struck each glory nerve. I am super under-socialized, like always I feel no matter what the hell is going on in my life so it’s like going in to the belly of the attention beast trap. I dunno, people at fashion week for example in the phoney world of that might be accustom to forced socialized pressures of “an event” in a different way than one might at say a hotel lobby where people of all walks are being real, for real. I prefer real. It’s been said of me in photos at events that it’s strained and the look on my face is obvious, it doesn’t mean I don’t like being there I just don’t like certain people who act funky to me there like they know me, I prefer the anonymous kindness of strangers to the pretense of Oh, so you’re here faces.
My birthday falls on Easter this year. Whaddup JC.
I made it to the liqbo before it closed on Sunday at five through throngs of drunks cutting through the mall on their pub thrush breathers. I missioned it through the mall I wasn’t sure what our night plans were going to be but I wanted champers and vodky on standby just in case to avoid ordering room $ervice. Some rummies eyed my precious bag of booze and had me worried I’d have to throw down.
Secret side door smoking section.
View zoom in.
H & S stayed for Saturday night only this was saying bye while waiting for valet.
Can’t believe how long she lasted up there.
Fads are fleeting so I’d pass on these pinks but if I was platinum I’d consider them.
I should have bought that scarf hat thing
So gorgeous. I passed this display a hundred times.
So many still lifes. A lot of photos are still sending I gave up have to get ready for gym soon anyway. I’ll try again tomorrow.
The Irish bar smelled like barf so we decided to have a pool/hot tub girl party instead waaaaaaaay better idea.
Marnie was wearing this shirt on Girls last night Shannon pointed out to me which means I am clairvoyant because I bought it Saturday. Hers is likely the designer version of it but anyway it’s gone now cos there was a tear in the sleeve and although it’s really flattering the colour it’s a bit of a one-trick pony so I exchanged it for a cardigan and some jewelry. I didn’t buy it for St. Patrick’s Day either I just love this colour plus according to Sephora emerald is the colour of the year aka anything green which compliments my hair tone like cray. We stayed here long enough for mom to film the Irish dancing girls, didn’t bother ordering a drink and bounced.
Shannon’s scarf is famous guess why.
See how my shirt is static clinging itself to my body lol.
Pretty mom. I’ll blawg her pics later.
Someone made a wise choice and left this behind. OR it was the last one ahha.
Outfit win. They were sweethearts.
His purse matched mine haha. We didn’t want to engage so kept it at that.
I wanted to see Oz but mom doesn’t like fantasy movies WTF!!!!! We saw The Impossible and bawled our eyes out infinity times instead yeah cool story Tracey. Great flick though. Gripping.
I have been deaf in my left ear for what three days now? I’m like basically in a made for tv movie about myself or perhaps watching Ray made me go deaf (cos he goes blind get it?) Oh shut up. Allow me to tell you about my charming little life now. I rise at five to plough the fields. Just kidding. Ya can’t plough fields in the winter ya maroon! I sleep in til whenever my last cycle of super awesome dreams ends open my eyes look at my phone try and remember what day it is, decide whether I should sleep in some more or not. Usually I’ll get up one minute later out of remorse stress. Think about what deadline I have or appointments, what boyfriends I don’t have with no texts from whence they came. It is interesting being an island. Someone told me that I push people away. I have done this before. It will eventually pass, this phase. I go through a bodum of coffee while I write or several tassimos. When I work on my drafts for Playboy, my ideas, sources, you know that writerly thing you fantasize about when you’re reading magazines as a teen and then it happens to you and you’re doing helicopter twirls in the living room and it hits you. I am a writer.
I work on my book a lot now too. I didn’t do that before and happily in the time that I generally stopped working on it as much my writing got a fuck of a lot better, more confident. I just put it on the shelf and I think myself and the die-hards, casual fans, missed it so now it’s back it’s a little more precious. To me at least because I know what it is like when it’s not there.
Like, capital like, it would be uhhmazing if I just had the nards to write what I reeeeeeally wanted to say. No one does that anymore. I feel. I feel caged and I don’t feel like I am allowed to write what I really want to write it isn’t right.
I saw two old/dear friends of mine in New York and both times I exploded in to tears greedily in front of them. I really hate the word purging but I thought it was cool or no wait it wasn’t but it was healthy because I have pent up loser to expunge supposedly.
I have the rest of my year mapped out more or less (kind of, shrug) so that instills some self confidence from borderline competence I know I’ve never gone the route of the average bear and I really have no right to be so hard on myself despite what my one lunatic psycho stalker troll insists.
One thing messing with my happy place is this diet I’ve been on for 6 days now. I’ve done it before and lost 20lbs on it. This time I am a little dubious because I didn’t know I was doing the ketogenic diet before and I also certainly wasn’t mowing down chocolate bars back then either. When I’m single I gain weight and the suburban thing probably you drive everywhere and I’m a homebody now and thanks to the internet who needs friends or to go out. Plus winter. Winter blahhs you betcha.
Anyway do you think stabbing myself too hard in the ear about the time I went all cloggy caused this? Or the flight back from New York, my mom had this before after Aruba. I wish we had the patience to wait to see a doctor yesterday at the clinic about it but Trace decided to do a diva and waltz out after giving them the business – long boring never a dull moment story that I don’t have the care to repeat. My ear felt better today and I felt less deaf this morning like all cleared out so I was like lets pass on the clinic but it’s back again so it’s pretty much obvious I need antibiotics to clear it up. I am pretty stubborn about doctors and shit like that I put it in a box and store it away for 2 years if I can I do not like “dealing” “with” “things” you know? I think you do.
I haven’t had carbs in 7 days.
I figure I should spend the next month doing everything I hate which is catching up on everything I have put off since forever. Like my physical. Two years overdue for that. Dentist? Yep. Shrink. Should def ring-a-ding that guy up. Lets start there, those three goals. Now, if you’re like me “the average whiner” you’ll see glowing orbs of anger and frustration encircling those three tasks. Shrink is easy, he’s downtown I’ll just have to look up the # again cos I lost everything when I switched phones. Obvi I’m not a back-up kinda person I like to use things to dust then let them collect dust even though there’s tons of photos on my bberry including one I am considering for the cover of one of my books. Grandiose yes yep. If I said poetry you’d all make fun of me so haha. Anyway, the physical will be alright cos my mom is due for hers too and we can just get it over with at the same time together. The dentist one will be the most grueling as I wouldn’t be surprised if he finds 8 cavities in there. I don’t smoke. I just drink coffee and have cavity-prone teeth and now that I eat more sweets of late I’m sure it’s a fricking wonderland up in thurr. Am I afraid of the dentist well maybe only about as much as you are afraid of Candyman.
Okay time for positives now. I went to yoga tonight and it was amazing and before that I ran on the treadmill and the day before that I slaughtered an hour on the elliptical and treadmill plus had a tan I’m doing work on my body again it’s been very very much so letting myself go this winter I haven’t been this out of shape in five years it is kinda interesting and super easy to hide it with today’s fashions. The interesting thing about being chubby now is my face is kind of younger and cuter looking and dudes are still checking me out and stuff I don’t exactly want to kill myself just yet but I have discovered it is harder to lose weight this time because I am a geezer now or it’s the booze or it’s both boozey geezerness. I’m just being straight up with you guys cos I want you to know that I will rise from the ashes again.
So every other post I write goes in to a word document. The word document ones are the crazier ones. The funnier. I think yoga did me some good, shook some cobwebs out and actually is when I started going deaf again in my left ear. The instructor is this awesome German woman with a very relaxing voice. I took her class when I was 21 and sat in the very same spot and it was like time stood still super trippy far out and the stretching was great I must continue doing this because it was a struggle to get limber and I did not like that I can’t tolerate defeat it makes me crazy. I bet anal people have way longer lists of things that make them crazy. Basically everything.
Hi I got tired and went to bed (last night) to think about this post some more before posting it, I picked out all my dumb pictures and emailed them to myself before passing out. I feel like Prozac Nation right now kind of if you were actually wondering what was going on with me read that book. Not as non-functioning as she was though. I only say that because at night in bed when I am really alone doing nothing I am alone with my mind and I get to think of shit and when people tell you how brainy you are your entire life and you’re a writer always writing or reading, consuming information when you lie down you are confronted with that blackness, no a blankness. I am sure I am not alone here pretty much everyone on the internet is plagued with over-thinking, especially the psychos.
I think about all kinds of things. I envision Aruba, plan my outfits, how many days I have to get trim. Finally starting to lose pounds. I don’t think about anything ever that stresses me out that’s the key to mental calmness bliss if you have nothing else in life you can at least have that. OMG am I being a Bhudda right now?
I don’t think about the few things that I have to get done this week, none of your business kinda things not really a secret just, whatever you’ll hear it when you hear it, but yeah I coast through the clouds on a magic carpet thinking about the reward on the other side of the rainbow. Raymbo. There I had to sorry.
I’m planning a way to get to TBay for June and in shape for that, well I guess I’ll be in shape thanks to Aruba (fingers crossed) and what to wear and ooh summer thank god for that. I’m supposed to go to D-World in April too. Being single you can mingle it will make for more interesting writing or none at all.
I regret not writing down in my moleskin (thanks D!) last night the jokes I made about myself. That’s another giant thing I think about, my murterial for the grand stand-up. It’s hilarious. But I find I am just so exhausted once I hit the bed there is no getting up out of it no matter how wild my thoughts are and awake and there goes 50 jokes down the tube. Some of it is filler-banter shit like “grasshoppers in the wild are amazing!” I think some of Jennifer Lawrence rubbed off on me watching all this Oscars-stuff on her then I was like yeah mean frig yeah my shtick will be JLaw, Chelsea Lately with a little bit of Lena Dunham. ALL REAL CHICKS Fuck YEAH! Then I got super pscyhed and more awake and depressed for myself because I couldn’t get the energy to get up and out of bed and write this golden material down but there you go I just remembered some of it. I read half of Interview magazine’s interview of L-Duns by Miranda July (uber hipster alert) and I’m sorry it got a little pretentious so moms and I had to bail and go get secret short ribs at B-Pizza lol. I can’t believe I can have that according to my diet (Nicky said Bacon, bacon, bacon, squats, salad whaaat??) but you can’t have sugar so I had dry rub there is def mad sugar in the sticky rub.
I am really sore from yoga did I complain about that yet? It’s an amazing feeling to feel feelings in my body again though. I know I can turn it around. Luckily most of my weight has gone to my tits and ass (holla whup-whup) but (BUTT) none of my jeans fit and everything I have been wearing for the past 5 years is size small or smaller so wearing clothes lately has been un-fun I am fantasizing about mumus way too fucking much and thankfully blankets are in this season wearing tons of Lenny Kravitz-approved layers but I know come spring I am capital-fucked. Luckily dudes my age and older not all of them give a care about that as much as women so I’m not horribly overlooked yes thank god men are disgusting pigs thank god godogdogodgvodogd LOL! Vodka break!
Why did 29 people like this on instagram? See what the internet does to the average narcissist? Dangerous. As I find myself retreating from all of this e-attention (it’s temporary don’t you worry) it’s neat to have the shoe on the other foot. To spectate and observe.
SO being spoofed on SNL this weekend crystal ball says! I love her so much. Totally need to see the lists whatever movie asap. I feel like she is a magical hilarious stoner who is always being bamboozled in the media and I fully relate lol. She hangs with BC and is one of the guys, she is going far duuude. Tripping up the stairs? That would happen to ALL OF YOU don’t lie.
Okay back to meeeeeeeeee now. I made it through a night without eating chocolate, I mean a day and night, 24 hours. That’s like a crackhead getting through a day without crack. (I haven’t tried crack btw I think that’s, yeah no judging!!) Anyway what else do you want to talk about?
Fine more life chronicles. On Saturday we missed the gym so we did a mall walk instead my mother brother and I. Then we bought a bottle of hazelnut baileys and killed it while playing scrabble, big time cheating on the diet for me cos I can’t have sugar. I was completely deaf by this point. I forgot to mention the kismet of watching another movie revolving around the loss of senses called Perfect Sense (low-budj but entertaining enough, features the REAL JLaw) anyway being deafish watching deaf movies listening to music right now I feel like I am hearing life underwater I have been taking Dristan to unclog so this is a photo of scrabble, she won it was close blabbity blah in the night I awoke in total agony I haven’t experienced pain that horrendous in years so while I waited for the advil sinus pain relieving pill to kick in I thought about brain tumours and other delightful things that could possibly be inside my head attacking my brain and the pain was also in my throat because that’s what happens from an infection it overtakes and spreads to your throat. Gradually every day I have been getting better. Sorry for the buzz kill. This has been an unlucky winter it is comical to me at this point like what stupid fucking thing is next? Don’t tempt fate. Which reminds me my Nana said don’t speak ill of the dead when we were talking about Michael Jackson yesterday. We were NOT slamming him but it was nice to spend time with her and hear all her Nana-isms and then I got creamed in Scrabble by her and Wynn and it was a lovely visit and I think I was called fat only about ten times or so. Then I hung out with my mom who made more comments. Then I was like I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WITH THE COMMENTS THANKS GUYS THANK YOU.
Oscars treat. Speed freezing trick works like a charm every time!
I take it you enjoy kettles?
Instant coffee morning I was humoured by the place mat and what a drunk might be like, natch, someone incredibly hungover then I sealed my fate by sticking around and the bank called me about international funds being transferred successfully and it became one of those being paid for doing nothing playing hooky days you know after sending an invoice blabbity blah. So what I am doing here is a job it is virtual and I can do it from anyplace and it is nice to go places. It’s a Nana thing! Over and out.
Toldja I’d do this! How I’ve wasted more of my Sunday. My arm is burning from colouring this and you can see how impatient I am. Look I have Louboutins and I added my nipple for the super fans. Hope you’re enjoying your Sunday Fundays it’s your turn to colour now (and do better). Also here’s one of few reasons why I love PC’s: Paint! If you find funny or dirty (or both) colouring book pictures to colour in send them to me or link in the vomments. LOVE YOU LONG TIME!