issa Raymbo vibe

Hey y’all hope you’re a superfan or can stomach a fuck ton of selfies. Both!

This is my David Bowie look. I posted a selfie years ago and an internet buddy responded in kind with a picture of David Bowie doing a dramatic looking off into the distance pose so every time since it comes to mind. Creative collaborators should always be looking over the fence at what the other guy is doing and taking some of that magic back with them.

I bought a new outfit and then we didn’t even go out. We made it downstairs to the bar then the mood passed. Whatever. No hangovers this weekend for it. I really like the green bomber coat I bought too, you’ll have to wait to see that didn’t take any pics of the whole ensemble.

I wish I got the skirt in a smaller size. Oh well. I got the small, I figured an xs would be ostentatious.

Feeling the black and white look.

Brown boots and black do not go I know the rule. I smash it but also I had these black heeled booties beneath my desk at work for a month, suede? I haven’t sprayed them I’m protective of them so they only made it down the road. I’m glad people didn’t dance all over them for sure they’d be toasted.

Someone bought a scale so now I know my number. I am pretty chill about my body these days as in I am fine with being juicy which is a nice and sassy way of saying I am kind of a sexy blob. Curves and all that are acceptably hot now thanks KardASSians. No really. Thank you. But I do miss my bike body and the endorphin rush that it brings and money saving cycle psycho insanity I receive. Last season I didn’t start riding my bike to work until mid-July so only got about that in shape which was pretty good but this season I’m taking my bike out way earlier than that. Let’s meet back here in September and see how much of a turbo-babe I am cool thanks.

It’s a bit big I am hoping once I start wearing it and shrink it mayhaps the sideboob will mellow yellow out. It fits fine as fuck everywhere else tho baleeee that. I got another cute one-piece to round out my collection. The Michael Kors (navy blue) one I got I don’t want it to get destroyed from over-usage and chlorine, kk.

Sometimes life is ruff.

I really like the rainbow filter. I come by the selfie honestly as I kind of started it. Facts. Anyway, filters did not exist back then and just cos I am egocentric doesn’t mean every selfie posted over the years has been stellar so now it’s a new toy to play with. Just cos women age doesn’t mean they age ugly or look ugly every day as an “aged” person. I have been told so many times what am I gonna do when I’m ugly, or lose my looks (I have one colleague/friend who has NO FILTER WHATSOFUCKINGEVER) and I’m like, “will still take selfies”. I picture myself like a quirky Yoko Ono Tori Amos weirdo sort, it’s not just about the beauty, the aged beauty but about the moment and feeling evoked therein, the outfit, the fashion… and as ugly as I may (soon to be/am now) there’s always plenty way more ugly than me. AND. Filters. As previously mentioned.

With the right attitude you really can wear whatever you want. Don’t worry. I get roasted on occasion when necessary. Luckily I am a caricature of a human, “a brand” if you will and I live in Toronto where anyone still playing this late in the game wrought with Peter Pan syndrome really can drag it out as long as they fucking want. Long story short, rock jeans like a ball gown and a ball gown like jeans and you can get away with it. Like the time I wore a bathing suit and daisy dukes at the casino. We went to check on the car where it was parked in the beaches, got in, and just drove. Won a lot of money too. Life is wild…

…basically this is to say that I slept over and all I had was the work shirt from the day before so I needed a shirt to wear lol. It was cold this day and rainy I didn’t have a cardigan or hoodie but I had the Christmas blanket hoarded at my desk which I wore like a wizard cape for a bit. It looked Raymazing.

Had a great time in a fabulous home in Oakchill last weekend with my mom. Thanks Tray! Love you love you love youuuu!

I tweeted everything while there. Marie goes, is that a bowl of diamonds? Yes. It is exactly that.

Julie said this was like looking into my future, this pic of mom and I. Well good. I’ll be a lucky woman if I get to age like me ma’am.

Next time I will make more effort in the clothing I pack. I can make it work but it’s always this thrown together garbage that if I wasn’t so fucking cool would be like who is this idiot? I am glad I bought that pink toque, it stops people in the street and they talk to me. One guy was like PINNNNNNNNNNNNNNK and I just went, “yes” then everyone around us laughed. Shit like that. There are comedians all around us. Embrace them.

Oakville is a special place to me. 1. I was born there. 2. I have hung out everywhere, know so much town gossip and history generations over it’s a nostalgic punch in the face everywhere I go. Like for instance, this used to be the Bearded Collie and when I was little I was practicing my dance moves in here with Sarah and I knocked a waitress’ tray as she went by me. It was a disaster. Then years later it was our watering hole for awhile and many, many, many other embarrassing things happened here okay not many just one that I am too embarrassed to recount for you now for some reason but trust me it was LEGENDARY. The worst. HAHAHAHAa.

swoon.

A very magical place.

It was cold af.

The champers was flowing.

Gosh this super post just keeps going.

The service was slow, they were slammed so I get it. My order was messed up too. I was chill but enjoyed my table mates complaints about it all. When she walked away after taking our complex order I said wow there is no way she going to remember that? After 3 things my brain shuts off and I have to write it all down.

I said no hash browns. I got em anyway. They are so delicious I had to eat them. We saved some for the birds. I got cold slices of tomatoes later on which I didn’t eat. I said don’t you grill these? She said no as if I was insane. Yes. Because grilled tomatoes as substitute would be impossible…if you only…had…a grill back there.

It’s so easy to fatten up on weekends. Too easy.

Fed the shit hawks and ducks.

Mom wore my cat hat. Also by the way if you need your house painted, let us know.

Whoops.

When I christened myself as Raymi I knew then what I know now that it is the BEST CUTEST NAME IN EXISTENCE AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE CALLED RAYMI.

My mom has mad fashion style.

Gotta have my pinks

Mom said we look snapped here. Snapped. Nice slang mom.

I didn’t have a bawth here. Should I have?

Corporate whimsy look.

Someone tried to say these cat filters are ugly. Um. This same person is full of shit. Cats are adorable. Illogic really irks me.

Proving a point.

David Bowie emo look. Yes I do work at work this is at the end of the day lol.

Water baby forever.

It’s the bandeau, relax.

Well, thanks for stopping by! Have an excellent Sunday.

elaborate stupid things

Adding the title of this blog post to the resume of my life as I have dedicated much of it to exactly that and I am still standing bruh. Now here’s some things from said life. Hold on tight y’allready made it through the cold open. Don’t get me started on comedy. Every sentence that comes out of my mouth is either a punchline or preamble to something (I find) hilarious. I am getting better. The key is to remember your material.

Mom stayed with us for a week and we all survived. Hey man I ain’t saying I am innocent either just saying is all. This is from Canada Day. We went to Woodbine beach after for the free concert and shenanigans in the beer garden with our roommate plus mom oh it was a time. Living in the beaches is ridonkulous. I will look back on this summer and cry whistfully into the wind. As much as I dig moving forward if I look back at all the amazing shit I have done in my life too much stacked together without enjoying those moments. When I look at skyporn cloud pictures from kew beach over winter I will explode. I will just explode.

Sushi/sashimi the other night. They forgot a roll we were like yes we want it. We ordered pizza later on at night cos we were still fung lol.

Canada Day. What’s in the baaaaag man.

Did your head explode? Good. This is Fella. We are bonding now. The little fart has my heart.

Taking him to the vet was a trip. A sweaty, eating my hair while my shorts were falling down and walking in the wrong direction of where the vet is -trip.

My face has been breaking out because I am aging backward in time. You have to have popeye’s at least once in your lifetime right. With gravy and biscuits, dirty rice and macaroni ahh gad the shame the delicious shame.

Starting the ol diet off with a bang. No more deep fried foods diet lol.

We walk as much as I try and force us to. We are living in paradise FOMO BRO. Thank God we don’t Pokemon Go. Not to be a hater but we have enough things in our life.

This guy had this house built on kew gardens property for his homegirl when they got married to keep her close and happy. Lucky chick. I read the plaque while drunken lawnbowler preps sauntered by me, rejected from the steamwhistle short bus (it was full). Could tell they were embarrassed because it happened right in front of me. One calls out, “claaaaassic” both in ivy league sweaters tied around their shoulders. I fucking love the beach for reasons exactly like this. So I sped up to walk ahead and let them bro it out alone up to Queen and a patio to continue getting blasticated but then they caught up to me reading this plaque. I must have read that plaque 4 times before I was able to retain any of the information written on it. Then another prep threesome walked by I could feel their eyes all over me. So much awkward loud silence like, I should have been HEY LEMME READ THIS TO Y’ALL AS YOU WALK UP THE STREET NOW. My problem is I size people up too quickly and then, I hate them. I had seen the gf ignoring the bf while on her phone and snapchatting her drunken mother riding around in circles on their bicycle. The bf had seen me note ALL of this. So in my head we had this, again, awkward knowing secret together. I bumped into them one more time as they headed into a bar when I noticed they were all wearing identical khaki pants and white buttoned shirts. Themewear for the lawn bowling club’s rager. Aren’t you glad I share things?

I really do love it here. It’s calm. Fabulously. I read alone on the beach. Not for long. I am too hyper and ADD but the whole process of packing a backpack, hitting some shops then reading til it’s dark while I get eaten to death by mosquitos forces me to slow down. It clears my head. I get lonely but I like it. To a point.

Julian Bachlow has been getting a lot of acting gigs lately it’s impressive. Some days are long shoots so we don’t see each other as much. Gives me time to reflect and to miss him.

Love this little nook we happened upon one day. It changes too. New things appear or leave.

Very The Friendly Giant.

Went to Fat Bastard burrito Saturday night. Everywhere we go it’s like performance art lol.

I know why it’s called fat bastard burrito though. Get a small. It’s gigantic. I ate it again on Sunday.

I had the butter chicken. Phenom. With noodles. It blew my mind.

Before we hit the road selfie.

Feeling this Beck jam big rn btw.

What should we call our variety show?

We watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High the other night. It is still amazebaaaalls. Sorry to bring amazeballs back. It’s crazy the cameos in it.

Super beached out af like it’s raining desperate.

My nails are naked rn about to paint them after this post or keep them natch. We will see.

What happened in Nice today…I feel like a dick writing this post. I began this post earlier then we went out in our “super ultra safe neighbourhood” and came home to the news. I kept running out to the porch to tell everyone because I am a disaster junky like that but also I have been desperate to write a blog post for days and keep getting sidetracked and this is like putting my foot down I AM DOING THIS and I am writing this fuck sake. It just feels like it’s raining bad shit all around us so I like to appreciate what I have and those I love. Cut the shit and get on with it.

I made him this bacon bagel sandwich with lettuce from the garden and tomato. It was out of control excellent.

Little pug pug made it to the big times. Everyone died when they saw him at the vet now I know why dog people like being dog people because they get to feel like the popular girl ALL the time it was like Jesus ENOUGH jk we love it I have stories of dog beach adventures man let me tell you life is good sometimes.

Have to get into my fancier gear once in awhile to remember that I still do that sometimes.

Someone is babysitting him for a few days this picture just tore my heart to shreds.

If this bridge could talk. Took Julian on a tour of my old hood. It feels like you know my life because everything that has ever happened to me in this park comes flooding back.. but how could you know. Anyway it was a trip. It was like I was just there yesterday. We off-roaded it into the jungle and my legs are all scratched up for it. Julian loved it… mom not so much. It has overgrown a lot in a decade and then some haha.

It was a tour of Lauren. I brought them to a cemetery in Streetsville. A friend of mine is buried here. We made friends with this cat who fell in love with us and followed us out of the cemetery and then my heart broke some more. I had a doctor’s appt in ‘sauga is why we were all there togeths.

I can’t wait to find my belt.

I can tell you a lot of stories about the Credit River. Involving me and/or others, the police, bush parties, fires, river walking, setting shit on fire, sneaking out at night. Forest sex. Crazy bananas things. What is this our Texas? Well, for a time maybe so, maybe so.

Falconer Drive is totes diffskies now. Shit of legend. Curfews at night lol.

Kay back to Toronto now. La la land. I see things you would not believe there is even a beaches mascot now, a dog, a guy in a dog mascot costume. Brilliant.

And this!

Losing steam here now people. Yeah it’s snack time.

All about dat neon tho.

I made a new friend one afternoon. We laughed and shared the best stories, totally vibed and took each other on a social adventure I could feel Don’s happiness as he told me about his grandmother, who championed him when he smiled on the inside and outside as he spoke. He blew my mind with some real talk perhaps too controversial for my blog but when he left he said he really enjoyed talking to me. I wished Julian was there to meet him.

Hahah what’s with all the emo pictures I will try to switch it up guys swear.

Your life is a piece of work and yes it’s work but it’s a piece of artwork so design it how you like share it how you want tell it how you feel make it magic make it real.

If you venture into this dog park you can pretend you are on another planet if you wanted to a little Jurrasic park here and The Martian there, nah bruh?

I watched the storm roll in wondering if it was a storm. Rolling in. Baha. Then I ran home in the lightning scared out of my mind. Lightning storms um nope. All the rain storms lately are cool it’s SO HOT the planet is like “time to explode into rain mawfuck burst inna rain son!”

I look like a bohemian slob most days so the one or two days I make effort I do the selfie thing so these are my faux apologies.

Sleeping on our new mattress on the floor has been FUN/NY. Okay I will tell ONE embarrassing story. Not really embarrassing at all but like, we were drunkies after sushi and needed more food so ordered pizza but we were rolling around on this frigging thing and like basically already on the floor..and drunk with the giggles. We laugh at our bullshit a lot at least. Wow cool story, nice and short.

Beginning of the mural. Maybe I will tackle it tomorrow.

Doing starry night has made me keen on researching Van Gogh. Quite the guy.

Oh look. MORE pictures of me. LOL.

Tash and I hit up Brass Vixens last week as well. Going for another class real soon. Love it.

Went to the Drive-in. A summer bucket list must! okay guys time to irl so ttyl xo rlw!

Ps. enjoy our soulful rap hook btw!

you dont like it it dont like you

Please ignore my blog titles. Sometimes I think I’m being dark and witty then I save these sayings that come to me and by the time I get around to blog-using one it’s like, cool relevant?

I love to be obtuse. When I’m not busy being acute, that is.

Whatever. I’m funnier than you are.

I try not to get lost too much in the stupid things I profess. This post is only supposed to be about the handful of selfies I uploaded and nothing more today, but now I AM lost in explaining the method to the radness which an artist should never do, except I always do – can’t stop now.

Winter is very much feeling like a jail sentence. I have been watching a lot of this show called Banshee, do you know it? It’s that show where the sheriff is a guy who just blew into town out of jail, conning the town and it involves sexy Amish people (there’s this one chick you just gotta see, oh man) and more interesting back story going on in the show. A lot of nudity and violence.

I’ve also completed watching the first season of The Affair. So juicy that one, gets a bit dark and draggy but you’re sucked into the story and characters. It makes you think about relationships a lot, cheating, passion. What’s more important, your lust or keeping family together. I think an age-old conundrum and people get agitated about this subject because nobody wants to know if they’re being cheated on.

Went for a very needed tan with mom. Time to get that body ready.

Definitely have to do some cardio today. Boylord is getting together with Dave Love our drummer today! Something came up.

How I look w/o instagram filters not bad for an old lady

That bloaty paunch is gone now too. Well, reduced.

So yeah I guess I switched boyfriend teams… the other one has already been married before (twice) and not interested in doing it again and seeing as I am of a delicate age right now it’s time to sail on down the river hahaha. I am bummed I liked him. We had great sexual chemistry. Sayonara!

I’m not making a relationship the focal point of my life right now anyway, some changes are (a change is gonna come!) about to occur to keep me occupied and build my brand/career some more/there’s always more peen down the road. BUT, juicy gossip bomb, as it turns out you might recognize some of the surroundings I’ve been posting my selfie settings in.

Watching the affair, having one…

I will admit the vindication feeling is superb when someone breaks your heart, realizes they lost someone incred then fights to get you back for months and months and months. Now that I am back from the dead it’s different now humongously.

There is a distance now that must be earned back. I’m getting over the other guy. I feel sick all the time and have no appetite. I never tell this shit to you guys but whatever. I bleed like you do too I am not any better.

I will have to continue this conversation later though because we have a viewing this afternoon and I have some errands to do and hair dye to buy.

Yesterday my tits were famous a little bit. They got more fav’s and retweets than this by the time the russsssssh ended lol. I love bragging about my one secret famous friend who gives me advice every time I am about to do something stupid (and slutty) and he always says to go for it. So I went for it and #freethenipple rewarded me.

I cannot handle booze anymore. This was yesterday. See how I need to dye my hair real bad. Gonna get this superhero kinda red.

Face obsession done, fungrily yours,

RLW.

Just tryna be a heartthrob here

Everyone knows I love Shia LaBeouf, Shia La french word for egg. I also really enjoy the word Beouf. See, we make jokes and kid around that is how advanced our one-sided love is at this point.

And I also love Sia too, so much so that I made a weirdo platinum blond hair video to Sia before Sia did, maybe she even copied me who knows God I miss those shorts left them in a cab on Pride a couple years ago haha giver!

beat and the pulse from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

I also liked her back when I looked like this.

And that.

Okay happy TBT I think these are all the Sia videos I have. More crazy news coming soon always.

Muse of the stars.

Hey guys, didja take yer joke pills today hopefully jesus -uck am I ever in a crabby mood. PMessy nahmean. And I super want a drink. I am at the point like why am I doing this. This sucks. Is boring. And so on. Plus Christmas is basically here which means Drinkmas.

It’s Day 13 of no drinking and I want a dark and stormy right fckn meow.

But then I looked in the mirror and was like hubba hubba. Just jay-kaying guys. How will I ever become friends with Gwyneth Paltrow if I drink. Bet she never lets her hair down or allows herself to be out of control like ever. Stringent chicks are so fascinating. Speaking of typecast people, Gwyn is one of those skinny broads in loose-fitting black lingerie proudly on gawky display in several of her flicks and you can only do that when you’re a beanbole and to be a beanpole you have to be majorly uptight. We have to make do with the bodies God gave us and if you’re flat then to pass as sexy you have to be coatrack thin. Or that’s what the sickness beauty perception states.

Smiling makes you look younger too. Fortunately more than half my bloggy life was devoted to neve smiling so I don’t have massive crow’s feet and laugh lines. All my lines are on my orehead from fucking around with my eyebrows and applying mascara EVERY DAY I am 100% going to get botox one day and have a forehead like a balloon.

I had a gap in my teeth as a kid and then one day it just closed, maybe when I was about twenty, but because of the gap when I smiled (when I was forced to) I never smiled with my teeth showing I hated my Madonna gap. Now I know the power of my teeth and flashing ‘em but you have to be careful and not overdo it because you can look like a game show host which I have on many occassions. Smiling smiling smiling, inside dying.

If I wrote a book like how I write these blog posts I’d have no recollection of what my book was about because I have absolutely no attention span and whatever I cared about last week is like ancient history in internet time.

Made this.

Sorry if you’re grossed out. Or tempted.

Reminds me of Fubar 2.

So glam.

Yep I still dress like Peter Pan.

This was yesterday. God I miss running. it’s just too cold and too much hassle.

Pumped about getting so much laundry done yesterday.

Still eating candy like crazy I think is turning us into monsters.

Keeping food as interesting as poss.

I have every intention to run again soon though, this headwrap is part of the plan. Today woulda been good too it’s kinda mild.

That’s enough for now. Have a great one.