BOYLORD NYE live

Tom Green was at the party. Missed him cos after the mosh pit and beer all over me I had had enough. Then I destroyed some 7-11 nachos and cheese and taquitos WOOHOO! It’s hard not to drink when you have a free booze vip bracelet on.

UPDATE! Jenny Lewis quietly approves of Boylord!

Happy New year blah blah.

Thanks Tim! Tragedy is uploading now.

I’d apologize but I wouldn’t mean it

Hiya. Take in the last newd of 2014.

Winter stir crazy rural Ontario (yes Hamilton and Burlington are rural to me) has begun to take its chilly toll so we went to bowlerama and ate a bag of polish sour candy. Winter and not drinking makes you get creative. Come spring, I’ll have loomed an area rug, made some candles, illustrated and published a colouring book for the gifted, starred in a small town theatre production (I have no idea what you call this shit I just make it up as I go along) and learned the kazoo. Goals, am I right!

No but seriously I’m going to be doing a talk in the Kawartha Lakes area about blogging/social media to the arts council there. That’s going to be a time! It’s in February, they had spring slots but I took winter cos I am insane like that. There is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than driving in the northern snow with a travel budget to talk about yourself. Maybe it will be like the sequel to Misery. But it will be like a buddy black comedy picture, Misery loves company. There is probably already a movie called that anyway.

You win some you lose some.

I am the Prince Caspian of bowling.

Was trying to ge a lipstick shot.

Bowling alleys are time machines and that guy is intense.

I wanted that bear bad.

Omg I hate winter so much it should be called whiner.

I don’t think I can handle how very white snake this look is. Will also accept Vietnam war.

Can handle how cartoonish these look.

Polish Santa and his swinging lamp.

When all else fails go stoic. It comes naturally. This is my bitch resting face ha burn it’s just a Mona Lisa. Back then that was a smile.

Pardon me if I walk around like Mick Jagger all day I am practising my rock persona. I have mapped out my outfit in my head. Not telling. Jared and I are rehearsing immediately after I hit enter. I have the tingles. What’s that feeling. Excitement? AKA pumped? Yeah. That. Already been chatting it up with some other acts on the bill I am 1000% starstruck in advance. Butterflies. flutterflies. That is the vibe. Drink-free day 4 and it’s New Year’s Eve this is a recipe for Raymdisaster.

BTW I don’t always only wear one shirt here. This is one shirt twice and someone obsessively does laundry so it’s pretty chill. I dress horribly in stoney creek because I am a jerk. I wore my thermal pants which are essentially long johns aka underwear for every errand including bowling yesterday. We see Lindsay dinner jackets often. You know what those are? Those plaid thermal work coats men wear. THIS close to wearing/getting one. It’s like a burlier version of a Canadian Tuxedo. Don’t knock it til ya try it.

I enjoyed that candy cane.

Part of my outfit tonight. Man the chick who helped me was so frosty. Eastern European women have asbergers, not one fucking little laugh or smile out of them. I bought this full price lipstick because she was so super mean! Wouldn’t even give me a deal. At least I had a gigantic box of tampons in my hand at the time you stupid bitch (this is stand-up style mateial delivery don’t be offended) hello can’t you see I am on my period here BE NICE TO MEEEEE! God it was awkward and then bf comes over and I’m like here can you hold this please and pass him the box. This lady did not pick up on any of the humour in this situation, it really irritated me.

Good but gross after awhile.

I don’t even know what I am looking at.

Have a chill NYE everyone! See you tonight. Boylord goes on at 11pm in the basement then our best friend Buck 65 is after us!!!

The party will be on the 6pm CBC news!

Raymi you’re a firewerk

I have many of these clips, each ranging/varying from extreme scary to mildly. I was hit by something that exploded while I was running to duck for cover in someone’s front porch. It is legal to set fireworks off from 10am to 2am on NYE plus all week long, it sounded like war for over a week. Cool but insane.

Good morning.

It’s not like this back home cos we are “over” fireworks but in Europe they just really enjoy blowing shit up.

Intermingled between the legal fireworks every so often would be an atomic blast, an “illegal” one and it was not for the faint of heart. Feel bad for the all the house pets out there.

One of these frigging things flew at me. Before NYE, 40 eye injuries and 23 fingers blasted off in all of Holland. Those numbers were certainly increased exponentially after new year’s eve night. Crazy euros.

More more more later, got tings to do. xo raymbo

I’m sorry you came here.

Should I do one of those year end posts? Do I even have anything to say to you guys (always) anyway? Did I learn anything worthwhile this year to warrant one of these things? Who even am I anymore and what’s next? There’s lots of pressure on bloggers to deliver, to have all these grand wisdoms (bordering on delusions) about life and lessons and I know I have my Little Raymis who look to me for guidance but when I clam up it’s like eeeeh now what? This year has truly been transitional for me. I’ve learned that people only want to know the dirty gossip, the deets. They like to see heroes fall and they love to talk shit. I’ve learned that I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life as a sort of performance artist and I put myself last way too fucking much. I am a pleaser at heart and I will go the distance for people who don’t deserve it just to see it through if anything comes back to me. It doesn’t. Well, maybe. I made my mark over-sharing and now I am afraid to. Funny that. I find that I am good at it, unraveling my Craymi stories behind the scenes delights my friends, frights them. I had a stressful month, couple, several of them. Lots of bad luck it has been hard keeping my head above water to be honest. Someone almost died and keeping that a secret has been toxic if I said who they’d lose their mind but I hope that was a wake up call. Someone lost their job and that affected everybody, everyone is crabby and in each other’s way drinking a lot to deal what I have learned is when it’s bad, it gets worse and keeping a brave face for the internet throughout has been trying. I feel like everyone goes through some shit it’s just a part of life but when you can’t see the end of the tunnel it does get pretty suffocating and for it all to go down in the winter, ultra challenging. Being stressed out of my mind made my period wicked late. I took three tests, all negz results obvi but yet the paranoia cycle frenzy that goes on in a woman’s head is unstoppable. Plus I’ve been eating like crazy. I figured it was just stress and lots of sadness but each day that passed it was like what’s wrong with me bro? Then I’m all, what had happened was I probably drank away my fertility for sure, for certain. Or I changed women circle cycles, chalked it up to cosmic witchery. The amount of times I cupped my breasts to decipher if they were a) fat girl breasts b) pregnant girl breasts or c) premenstrual breasts is uncountable. Being bloated forever when I am vain as fuck hasn’t been fun either and is at root the control board for all of my moods if I am body unhappy then you best believe I am upset. Plus no one even blasted in me TMI sorry but I’m saying whatever I want from now on this thing so deal anyone who is related to me. I’m tired of being afraid of speaking my mind, very tired. No matter how many bitches (and trust me there’s lots) talk shit about me on Christmas night in a bar I haven’t walked in to in over a year thus successfully destroying a would-be relationship for me. Friends, what I have learned this year is that people want to see your ruination. They love it. And after the year that I’ve had it’s like how dare they. I’m sure I have just as much dirt on these horrid women too but moving on I got my period today so I’m back baby. Kim Kardashian gets knocked up by Kanye, Raymi gets her period. Best day ever.

So, I put my wants and needy needs on the back burner the last little while. Not selflessly, just more so in a resigned fashion and going with the flow. Life is short but you shouldn’t rush things or flee all the time. You should face your demons and this is the difficult part. Acceptance. Accepting that you’ve been doing it wrong and it’s time to stop. The infuriating thing for me is the talk. I actually lead a pretty boring simple life these days IMO so making up lies about me is super hurtful. I don’t do that to people. I forget my own infamy sometimes I see myself as some quiet old man feeding ducks from a bench with Christopher Walken pants hiked up to my tits. I am not that guy. I am Raymi the Minx with an illustrious past and reputation and Toronto is a small-ass town and people like having me out of it. People going out of their way to sabotage me is a bitter pill I’d like not to ever have swallow again. But I will, and that’s that.

If you guys are going to learn anything this year, please for me make it that you drop the ‘s’ from anyway because anyways is not a fucking word. I hate hearing you say it and secretly suffer your stupidity. It’s all I ask for now, 2013 lets do this.

May the new year bring me lots of riches and bitches in stitches

Lauren and I could have a nice show together, Loren and Luhren (and for the ten billionth fucking time that is how you say my name and why I invented Raymi and it is confusing to be around Laurens cos I think they’re calling my name because some REFUSE to pronounce my name properly, it’s been my name since playschool birth get it right or get a spear through the face!) I’ll scan this for you kay. You have the other one which is ten times worse than this right hahah.

Photobooth at the Drake is better now.

Even though she’s the retarded friend, we accept Lauren Onizz. I like goofy girls. Cos when I do stupid shit they’re the first to nod their heads and go I understand. When we all went to wakestock together do you know how many times we’d leave something on the top of Lauren’s car and then drive away, I win for doing that the most, my purse, a pop, a salad, haha.

I was going to wear a sparkle dress but everyone told me not to so now I will never be able to wear it unless I get hired for a Caesar’s palace housewife shoot. I didn’t want to copy Casie or get stared at all night or make up in my head that I was being stared at all night which is dumb because I live to be stared at.

Me and Kate and Casie knows who she is, her cousin? Raymi stoo-pid forgetful and I don’t listen either. All good things!

Opened the middle one first for ourselves cos it’s least posh, wanted to show off with the cava, which we opened and can’t remember if anyone else saw or cared and then by the third who knows the fuck what was going on HAPPY NEW YEAR DONE RIGHT!

Thank you Kate for hooking us up with the cheapo tix. I’m glad we went out, I can’t party with myself and the tree in the living room and call it a party when I do it everyday.

All the boyfriends fell in love with each other man and we got to hear HEY MAN I LOVE THIS GUY ten thousand times yes you’re welcome we know thank god and we can tell the bromance is blossoming.

Felt a lot of pressure to turn out a hot outfit. Didn’t. I was feeling too much party stressed.

WTF is this beauty and the beast? I want to watch cartoons all day long I wonder if I could turn that in to some sort of job.

It’s hard to get group portraits with everyone but we seemed to have managed to do it, and some of us have zero recollection of this even being taken.

Teach doesn’t remember any of these, where is this he asked? The Drake. Who’s hotel room? Oh some guy with vampire sunglasses on. Lauren and I stole his girlfriend for a cruise of the Sky yard for a bit leaving the boys up to play in the room.

Every hotel room needs stolen balloons.

I think she made it herself?

I was shy at this point so I couldn’t get a picture with the dragons, I went all disney in my head like politely waiting for my turn instead of the hipster cluster mob encircling them. One day I will ride a dragon.

Amazing dress this amazon was wearing. I wore flats so no I am not a midget. I wanted to be able to have control of my feet all night so I kept it safe and Sally Jessie Raphael.

That girl is just asking for a melon squeeze. All girls will be lesbians one day and that will be the time of Raymi!

I’m so special.

Teacher is in a black out here.

And here.

Here too.

I should have known by how we were squabbling and I couldn’t get through to him. Meh. No one was hurt. I was just super fucking annoyed. I need to lighten up and worry about myself more, new resolution is I am going to stop caring about everyone around me (impossible). Also, Teacher’s iphone is broken, won’t turn on, probably happened in his black out probably rested it in a pile of water at the drake maybe. Poor baby.

Lauren O has the longest fingers here. We should buy her an award. A finger.

Should have worn my white fur jacket with the bow but again I was in the mood for casual. Not that I am competitive or anything.

Dim Sum party was fun, we got the VIPLEASE treatment from the Mansion boys and our boyfriends had to stay on the other side of the rope for awhile hahaha. Thanks be to blog and know your place. Mansion (Conrad?) was like those three blonds let them in, no wristbands necessary, remember this face. So self-entitled. Earned.

We are good at taking selfie pics but when there is three of us too many arms in the way and shadows. Need to hire more blog slaves.

A lot of these are Lauren’s cos she was the most operating functioning sober person and dragons were dancing around us aaaaah.

Two people in there? Or one guy with really long arms or sticks I dunno.

Bottle and cans of beer service in our area, we brought the dudes drinks and then when all the vultures were let in the booze was drank. People dancing on tables and all talking nonsense and getting along, very nice. I am not afraid of Toronto anymore, well I never was but you know, people don’t go out to clubs cos they’re insecure or nervous, you just gotta do it and see that the majority is out to have fun and hug and scream in to stranger’s faces I LOVE YOU MANS. Being around young people helps keep you look and dressing young, oh I see this is what they’re doing, short skirts? Groovy.

My nose is so big it captured all of the red light. Lauren’s outfit was awesome. I was almost going to wear my new black corset too but I chickened out.

I dressed up to go to the supermarket, it’s all about the face though I feel and everyone said I looked pretty and that’s all that counts. This dress of hers is very Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface. Bony cat. C’ept she has bigger bewbs. Score.

Wheee. First time seeing what the Drake hotel rooms look like. You get extra permission to trainwreck through the building with a hotel key.

We met this girl’s friend who was a bit wasted downstairs and hung out by the fire, bumped into Carly’s sister Kristin and everything was running smoothly on the sky yard typical drake shenans.

I made a new friend. He bought me a drink and said I do not buy drinks for women who aren’t going to fuck me but for you I will make an exception because I had made such an impression. I think I weaselled a shot out of him for Lauren I can’t remember. I don’t know his name he was nice but there are a lot of man cougar rocker eccentric types at the drake for you single cats out there.

We were so close to making it out of there with our blankets, Lauren made it out further didn’t try very hard to obscure them, the security guy was like I’m gonna need my blankets back and I gave puppy dog, no, puss in boots eyes and it ALMOST worked.

On our way back to Santa’s village.

Sparkle stars everywhere.

I figured a way to beat the competition.

Why do I pose like I’m on a soap opera? Gaydorable and the restless. Lauren always looks good and Lauren does too lol.

Back to more stupidity another time. Did you guys lose your minds that I didn’t blog yesterday? Don’t answer all at once now. We ended up at our place and I came downstairs with a boulder-sized bundle of tickle trunk costumes and dresses and we had a drag queen party and took 400 mystery blackmail camera photos I will have to see what I can and can’t post, if it were up to me, EVERYTHANG. Will have to ask Casie and Sarah what they feel comfortable being exploited with and how far, the dudes I could care less what their feelings are. GIRLS RULE LE BLOG.Sarahwho we all have a crush on now btw, has been reading my blog for years and knows everything about me, super specific shit I have long forgotten, it was mind-blowing to be blown by her infinite Raymi wisdom one day there’ll be a quiz game on Raymi the Minx to test the knowledge and memory of all Little Raymis out there, questions like WHAT YEAR DID RAYMI FIRST TRY PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS? How many boyfriends has Raymi had? When did Raymi’s mother start commenting on rtm.com, What is Raymi’s middle name? (It’s Krista).

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back to my burger king stacker I hope it goes right to my tits.

Happy New Year. Payce!

Tell me what you did last night I mean two nights ago we missed a day over here haha.

(Casie I need your pics)(Still from both times haha).

2009, big whup/big whup 2009

that’s my new saying but i can’t decide how i want to say it yet though, i guess it depends on how funny i am feeling and the circumstance of the situation at hand. i will keep you posted.

how was your nite?

matt gave us a jug of vodka for christmas and i gave him a painting i’m sick of that he’s been after for awhile.

my resolutions are to drink less, get more tanned, swear less, slur less, and feed more squirrels. oh and be more professional and write better/more and be less of a dick more of a prick. i think i can do this.

‘scuse us white people dancing, much like deer crossing ‘cept way less graceful but with just as much DANGER possibility. we tend to point a lot, and kick, and sway and fall into plants and sharp objects and shove and close our eyes while doing this.

looks like Busta Move just showed up.

i blew mine off before midnight and justified it by the fact that i would be BUSY taking everyone’s picture at the stroke (ew)(haha)(no ew) of midnight.

all i see is a floating drink she is completely camouflaged and this is so vegas-looking i love it who wants to go on a gamble adventure with me?

OOOOooooh someone went all out. what i meant it! did YOU bring a disco light?

so cute.

ugh that one picture ruining fallen-out curl strand in my face!

an insecure moment in time captured immediately after, i do not know how to work “curlishy” hair or my face OR MY LIFE.

TAKE OUR PICTURE LIKE WE ARE ACTUALLY TALKING.

we call this the fleet…

wood.

i see someone i recognize.

nice ring.

steph skanked someone when rancid came on, as in kicked a girl or stomped on her foot. AHAHAHAh ah aw. then we dissected her (skanked chick) reaction with Madeleine until it turned out that steph was actually the victim.

native necklace representin’ and i am enjoying that non-chalant pose in the background, pretty slick.

TAKE MY PICTURE SO I CAN SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE WITH THIS FEATHER MASK ON MY HEAD LIKE IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

my premature celebration. i tried to pop it over these guy’s heads (and i did) as they were posing for a picture and it was almost timed perfectly for them oh what a nice picture that would have made.

NICE RING. oh yeah at one point i was sitting in this high chair (a bar chair, retard) and steph was dancing around me so i asked if it felt like she was dancing with someone in a wheelchair and she said yes it did then before we were even finished laughing at our own comedy we both out of breath recounted the story for other people. if you’ve never met me before that is pretty much the only thing you’re missing out on, i say something and if i think it’s funny, i then say what i said to someone else and then to someone else until i run out of people.

i was doing a little dance for fil, he had already removed the top from his popper so it would blast better come midnite, i got self conscious, asked if i should stop my mating dance and as he gestured with his hand to keep going, which was holding the popper, it spooged all over his stomach. slowly too. EWWW ha.

he had two green line stains on his forehead when we got home.

wheee midnight, we lasted.

2009 grabby. oh yeah no more crabby in 2009 lets see how quickly that one breaks.

harmonica horn blowing is actually feasible.

white people dancing on that shit was extra dangerous especially with sloshed beer all over it.

ok that’s all folks.