blogging on broken glass

Hello Friday Mcnasties! Do you like how bloggers all try to put this amenable, approachable bullcrap on you like the second you load their blogs oh, you’re doing quirky voice today eh we’ve got a funny guy on the loose here. Well, it’s raining today so wtf else are we going to do here? I’ve uploaded a ton of pics so just be quiet and listen for once please thanks!

I don’t think I had washed my hair for a few days before hitting up our Brass Vixens shoot last Sunday and getting across town during the waterfront marathon was absolute HELL ON EARTH. Why do you have city marathons interrupting city people tryna do their city shit for!? Seriously, please go run in more acceptable places like RUNNING PATHS or FORESTS, MOUNTAINS, SHORELINES, SIDEWALKS… OMFG you cause so many domestic disputes and accidents, road rage, delays, trouble etc for everyone else when you do your stupid selfish charity runs. Just donate the money and call it a day cos donors believe y’all when you say you’ll run for the cure or whatever it is. Running doesn’t cure cancer it causes cancer. There I said it.

This was taken on Thanksgiving weekend and a Little Raymi jazzed it up for me.

This is called Lyra. It’s a combo of aerial and hoop. Circus stuff. Lyra is the hottest craze of all the alternative dance exercise on the market right now and it’s actually sort of easy if you were a monkey on the jungle gym growing up. It’s great for poses and beautiful photos. You should see how the other Vixens do it, they move like fairies made of bendy magic it blows my mind.

Will be doing more of this for sure!

Hey down in front.

Yes alright fine I like birds okay lets not make a big deal about it.

Birds and sunsets if that’s fine by you. I have a colleague who is a (raging nerd) “birder” and every time I so much as post or like anything bird-related he razzes the shit out of me for it. God forbid I like a beautiful video of swans landing in slow motion this bro will immediately invite me to go bird-watching with him and shit hahaha. It’s been 6 years. When we reach 10 I will consider it. I love nature and animals as much as the next person but I don’t exactly feel inclined to grab binoculars and sit in the cold watching something with a beak flap around. Birds are pretty straightforward in my opinion. They have wings, they fly and can crap on you. The end. Oh, I have been dive-bombed by a couple of birds before too which is terrifying lol.

Okay we get it.

We were cast in a thing together over the weekend don’t know if it’s a tv show or a movie but if you think really hard about it you could probably figure out what the production is. A classic. I’ll get sued if I say anything else.

I’ve seen a few plays here. The Elgin and Winter Garden Theatre is an historical, beautiful theatre it’s nice to go there for absolutely free and snoop around its exquisiteness.

A gas leak was afoot down the block from it so felt a little PTSD.

I love Vaudeville. *Googles what vaudeville is*.

I posted some bathroom selfies to be more covert about our location. I’ve seen other cast full-on putting location on blast on other shoots I’m talking IG stories to snapchats and major selfies. It’s harder to police that these days. On another production I did we were going to snitch on a girl as a matter of fact cos we heard she was instagramming fight scenes and integral plot points like WHAT!??! But then we saw she had like 11k followers and it was a private account we didn’t have access to. You get bored and start to go crazy on a seventeen hour shoot. That was the one where my phone went in the pool. Instant karma I guess. Shit like this always happens to me lets be honest so whatever.

In the movie business shockingly, you will meet a ton of awful (and awesome) people. Selfish divas who never made it. Actra people get treated like the sun shines out of their assholes. You recognize some of the same people the more things you do and there’s a few stand-outs I enjoy studying from afar. Like the one guy who ALWAYS LOSES HIS TEMPER and blows up at the room, yelling at us for some answer we don’t have nor are obliged to say and so no one answers him. He lost his cool at lunch time once and then later on tried to be nice to me I was like, nahh.

Another time a lady full on smashed my foot with her heel and I noticed a nice nickel-sized bruise on the top of my foot the other day from that. No one is ever paying attention either, they’re always talking over the directors or AD’s and I do not hesitate to shush the fuck out of them because it keeps us all there longer.

Acting is all about working as a team with so many weaker links. Even though I am a n00b I do not take any shit for example, a chick tried not to let us have the empty chair beside her the other day and guess how well that went over for her? When people think they can get away with rudeness ahh helllll no *removes hoop earrings*.

It’s a competitive industry too as you can imagine so you have to place yourself in a spot you anticipate they will be filming once they call action. I luck out most times by how I look and being tall and just dominating as much space as I can without being desperate. You will definitely see me (and Julian) in like 95% of the stuff we have filmed. There is only one thing I did where I didn’t care as much and happily fell back a little. Earlier shoots are like that. Sleep deprivation kills me above all else.

Whimsical! Click to enlarge.

We hung out on the beach the night before. It was chilly so we didn’t stay there long but I try to make us do it any time I can win.

A woman asked me if my glasses were real in the bathroom at one point. Yes. These are REAL glasses. She meant prescription. I said YEP. Then I had to say YES 3 more times and say they were reading glasses (but I do have perfect vision, they help me) and then put them on her face so she could tell. Another woman walked in and mean-girl dissed me by saying those glasses look GREAT on you. The first lady became embarrassed and took them off, passing them back to me I pointedly said thank you, they are $400 Christian Dior glasses and they look great on anyone. BURN. The lady was gobsmacked.

I know what she thought. I was just some poor hipster poser rocking fake frames then I came at her with KNOWLEDGE. They’re from Oakville from a client of mine called Next Optical. Bye. We were all in our black tie wear. See how competitive people are for no reason? Especially older women. It happens all the time. I am a threat I know it. Deal with it or leave. I took it as rudeness because she approached me with arms out as if she was going to take my glasses off my face from the get-go and pop them on hers just to see if she looked pretty in my glasses which she assumed were just costume accessories. Yeah, no, back off.

Please pray for my cousin. She’s not sick she just look like a Lego.

ha.

Our local variety store. These chicks love Julian cos he buys their smokes gamble tickets and coconut juice ad nauseaum.

Went to The Mandarin with his folks last week. It’s their thing. We drove all over town afterward with them hitting agencies collecting checks during rush hour traffic. It was bonkers and we can all laugh about it now.

A side-by-side of my new niece and I.

Twerk class a couple weeks ago. I gave this very shirt off my back to Tash in class cos she was dying in her 3/4 length sweater why did she wear that I dunno but I miss my shirt now oh well I have a purple one still. I prefer to be generous instead of greedy if I can help it.

My hair was ten times rattier after class. I love twerking. It’s scandalous. Isolated movements in dance are hot.

Loving my new phone and its gaudy case. The camera is better than the one on my last phone.

Working our way through Kitchen Confidential. Anthony Bourdain is the man. He has the best life and I am going to learn how to do the same by studying his book.

I already know a lot about the food industry, the booze industry and man I’ve got stories and no I ain’t saying I’m an angel. Which reminds me I have made a breakthrough with another publishing house! IT’S MY YEAR BITCH.

How many silly goals in life have you set for yourself? One of mine (or several) is to be acknowledged by my idols. Anthony Bourdain is one of them. Maybe my SEO skills will bring that ol bastard my way. Another way is to get mega-famous, yourself.

Went for sushi the other night and we had the best time we’ve ever had there. We are becoming Beaches locals now, recognized and adored. There I said it. We met a sake sommelier here too.

My second meeting with a new agency went pretty good! As in they’re sending me a contract. Everytime I try to work in fields that aren’t my true calling (like the service industry) it doesn’t pan out for very long. I am a genius lets be honest and my talents get wasted slinging cocktails lets be honest. It’s like Bill Gates working at Mconald’s like please stop. So I am glad I get to be a freak of nature in an office setting again and use my godgiven social media talents. It is personally rewarding to work as a professional in your very own field of BLOGGING that you have lived and breathed since you were seventeen. Pride comes before a fall so I will shut up now.

Big fam jam parties all Thanksgiving weekend long I am glad I can get back to periodically starving myself again and slimming out okay that’s all for now bye bye!

INDUSTRiAL VOGUE

CAN’T DECIDE WHICH ONE I LIKE BEST! This is the smartest thing (idea) I have seen in a long time and the only thing I care about right now. I will never achieve anything better so I may as well quit. I like that they filmed this by some churchy cathedral pillar ahaha can’t stop laughing loving.

This reminds me of velvet Underground and savage garden so bad oh yes! thanks Angelo for sending it and for some other unknown unrelated reason I feel like watching Heavenly Creatures. Odd, that.

molson meme

lifted this from ryan’s but the idea is all mine, well not really, just the idea that a ton of canadians would and could respond to these like he did and then it’ll just spread like a rash, smart guy sometimes that rye. you’ve likely seen the molson canadian spots currently in-rotation, they’ve always had consistently clever ads i thought. anyway, here’s the spiel broken down sentence-by-sentence and i will respond to each one as it does or doesn’t apply to me. at the bottom of this post i’ll have it again blank so you can just straight copy/paste it into your own blongs. (blong is the new word of the day ps. and non-canucks can play along, i mean ablong too if you’re feelin’ left oot)

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve left your coat on some pile, and knew it wouldn’t get stolen. this reads like pile of snow but i imagine they meant pile of coats cos who the hell would leave their coat on a pile of snow also, it brings to mind rich oakvillian/manhattan beach kids who just ditch their expensive bikes wherever the fuck and how smug it comes off to me though i think the world should be able to just leave their shit anywhere they like w/o having to worry about it being stolen. but yeah i’ve only ever left my coat in places i know it won’t get ripped off ie. people’s houses i know or the local pub where if anyone so much as considered taking my purse or coat there’d be some serious hell to pay where people are just waiting for a chance to defend your honour. ok this one gets a checkmark yes.

You’ve never made a move on your buddies girlfriend. uuuuuuhm…errrr no comment.

You know that on a road trip the strongest bladder determines the pit stops. meaning the guy who has to piss the least gets to call the shots? fuck that. however, for some reason you acquire an ability to hold it a little longer when you know you’ll be at the lake in just an hour.

You’ve kept all your hockey trophies. never had any to keep, a measly soccer trophy though.

You’ve replaced someones pint if you’ve knocked theirs over. i don’t recall being that much of a drunken retard though it’s happened to me plenty and i’ve let it slide many times but yeah canadians love to show off our generosity and our most favourite way to do it is with beer.

If your buddy’s in trouble, you’ve got his back. brosz7kowski i’m lookin’ at you and the fox n fiddle last summer.

You’ve clapped for a dancer even though she shouldn’t be a dancer. HELL YEAH THOSE ARE MY FAVES!

You’ve used a blow torch to curve your stick. no i haven’t.

You’ve used your arm as an ice-scraper yes but i like watchin’ dudes do it more.

and, you’ve grown a beard in the post season can’t say i have but if i were a guy i would.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian. according to ryan it’s american-owned now so no it’s actually not but i’ll drink it when nothing better is on tap which is rarely and again independently of ryan i’ve been on the OV wagon for awhile so close enough.

next commercial

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You have a hockey scar somewhere. do liver scars count?

You’ve gone on a road trip with a car that had no business going on a road trip. not really but kinda sorta? bit of a princess over here suffice it to say.

You’re proud to know a girl who got jiggy with a pro hockey player. knew her, not proud maybe just jealous purely out of egotistical reasons. these are dude questions tell me she blasted Robert Downey Jr then i’ll give her a standing-O.

You feel kinda bad reclining your seat in an airplane. yes but only temporarily though and then i keep it reclined anyway during take-off and landing you can get away with it if it’s just slightly set back the attendant never catches it but everyone in your vicinity does and the air all around you gets really tense. how annoying the person behind me seems quantifies the level of guilt i feel over my seat being reclined.

You’ve used a cheesy pick-up line because your buddy dared you. only after the fact when it was pointless just to be annoying.

You fill your friends pint before your own. OF COURSE. we love doing this it’s almost as satisfying as picking up something that fell out of a stranger’s pocket you’re like the superhero nobody asked for. we are serious about our manners here.

You think hockey tape can fix anything. after duct tape yes but only because it’s typically the only tape left in the house. nothing says i love you like a gift wrapped with hockey tape. how much did the NHL pay molson for these spots enough with the hockey already we do do other things you know.

You’ve gotten kicked out of somewhere can’t say i personally have but my friends have so by association yes, again this is more dude-oriented. i have been secretly asked to help escort so-and-so out of the bar then gone back in after they were sent in a cab.

and, you’ve turned down a booty call in the post-season. this one makes absolutely no sense to me.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian. more like this WAS our beer brand and it used to mean something to us.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve driven an hour for 19 minutes of ice time. fuck no as if.

You’ve been to a bar that starts with Mc or ends in Annigan’s. yeah like a million billion times.

You appreciate a woman who’s into sports. more like retardedly annoyed by one especially when it comes off as phony, boring get-a-long gang type or a puck slut. don’t think all those photos of me at games were specifically out of interest for the sport, check what’s in my hand.

You’ll call anyone with goalie equipment a friend. yeah yeah zzzz maybe if said friend’s lady has like a minibar and wifi and a room like kelly ripa’s in hope & faith.

You know what a J-stroke is. only because i saw this commercial i learned what that canoe stroke was called, before that i just knew how to paddle (shittily so according to fil)

And sometimes, figure skating is worth watching. SO SO SO IS!

You know the sippy cup lid isn’t as dumb as it sounds. you have to go to the ACC to learn this.

You’ve worn a canoe as a hat. fil wouldn’t let me come for the portage trip cos i’m a wimpy girl, what a dick eh. i liked ryan’s answer how the soberest takes the lead or you walk into trees hahaha.

You’ve assembled a barbeque thank you home hardware. also lawn mowers, seed spreaders and other miscellaneous ridiculous outdoor/lawn/furniture things.

and, they’re not dents, they’re goals. cutest part of the commercial you have to see it to care and yes.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian. ok fine.

*******AGAIN here it is blank******** be sure to link back to me you ingrates.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve left your coat on some pile, and knew it wouldn’t get stolen.

You’ve never made a move on your buddies girlfriend.

You know that on a road trip the strongest bladder determines the pit stops.

You’ve kept all your hockey trophies.

You’ve replaced someones pint if you’ve knocked theirs over.

If your buddy’s in trouble, you’ve got his back.

You’ve clapped for a dancer even though she shouldn’t be a dancer.

You’ve used a blow torch to curve your stick.

You’ve used your arm as an ice-scraper

and, you’ve grown a beard in the post season

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are;You have a hockey scar somewhere.

You’ve gone on a road trip with a car that had no business going on a road trip.

You’re proud to know a girl who got jiggy with a pro hockey player.

You feel kinda bad reclining your seat in an airplane.

You’ve used a cheesy pick-up line because your buddy dared you.

You fill your friends pint before your own.

You think hockey tape can fix anything.

You’ve gotten kicked out of somewhere,

and, you’ve turned down a booty call in the post-season.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve driven an hour for 19 minutes of ice time.

You’ve been to a bar that starts with Mc or ends in Annigan’s.

You appreciate a woman who’s into sports.

You’ll call anyone with goalie equipment a friend.

You know what a J-stroke is.

And sometimes, figure skating is worth watching.

You know the sippy cup lid isn’t as dumb as it sounds.

You’ve worn a canoe as a hat.

You’ve assembled a barbeque,

and, they’re not dents, they’re goals.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.