Dear blog

How’s it going?

I am full of beans today I feel f*cking fantastic!

I Napoleon Dynamite’d a sample of cold brew coffee this AM on my bike ride to work and I made awesome time to the office. A starbucks employee had a tray with one drink left on it and an egg sammy (hate people who say that but I had to) I go I’ll take that bro! The kid looked all around til he noticed me on my bike with my hand outstretched. He goes okay, comes over, gives me the song and dance about what kind of coffee it is and I chugged it right down thank god it was a cold drink. I went to eat the egg thing but thought better of it (too much chewing) then peddled off. All the cars waiting at the red light I like to think were like GO SISTER YASS. My thighs are getting stronger and I can tackle steep hills uphill without dying as much or jumping off to walk my bike in failure. I still jump curbs and shit like a prick so enjoy the visual if you have time.

I stayed up late-ish last night and miraculously awoke without a hangover. I feel capital Raymazing. You might even think manic but nope, I am just happy. Happiness is a warm gun and I’m gonna shoot mine at everyone.

I have been wearing this jacket a lot. When you have too many clothes and then favour one thing for days out of protest with nobody. With your wardrobe. I defy thee, Fanciful clothes!

I always bring a backup outfit after biking to work but then I keep my sporty look on because it feels like a power look and adds some pep to my step. When I wear my stuffy office clothes I feel like a frump hiding a gross body. If you wear work-out clothes as real clothes you make slightly healthier choices. The system works.

Oh yes it gets stupider looking. Thanks for the pants mom!

We got a hotel so we could go swimming and felt like summer didn’t just blow on by. We spent one hour only in the pool. They got rid of the hot tub at the Sheraton which is fine because the pool is heated. You know what’s hilarious about looking like a degenerate Baywatch lifeguard swimming to-and-fro like an off the clock Bill Murray? Everything.

Heather and I didn’t see each other all summer long. Crazy busy girls. It was nice to reunite!

I stopped to scratch my head here I had to take off my helmet to get to the source of the itch then looked up and noticed this, what would you call it?

Such whimsy.

See I wore it last night too. It’s cosmetic this colour. Now you know my secrets.

A brief scene from Friday. Another one for the books. A book that will be slammed closed tight in a vault sunken to the bottom of the ocean.

It was cold af Friday. This week is nice though. Got my Indian summer after all yo make the best of this week.

Went to the ball game. We lost. It was lit.

Scotch Fridays are legendary ’round here. Starts the weekend off right.

BTS KFC commercial. I asked if I could take a pic of their sandwich later on in the day and they all gawked at me like I was a total idiot. Film industry people are GIANT ASSHOLES. They run on no sleep, shit hours, they are always behind schedule and they’re all gruff grumpy and treat you like dog shit so I purposely asked to take the picture because I knew it would be met with disdain. Right again my friends! Not like a chicken sandwich is giving away trade secrets.

I bring you guys the hard-hitting news that you love.

What can I say? I’m just totally drawn to show business.

When the Canadian Tux comes out it’s fall y’all.

My donair from last week. I try not to eat these too often so much BUT when I do I get a big ego trip like I think the pub is in love with me for being so endearing eating their cultural culinary thing like this came out super fast and the cook always peeks under the pass to see who ordered the donair they must be badass then he sees me and I pretend I didn’t see that I saw but I did. Yes my life is this pathetic that I think about shit like this.

Another bike outfit. I wonder what my rear looks like when I am burning it down the road the skirt flips do they think I am a tennis player? I hope so.

This is my teeny room. I am moving btw. To a bachelor. No roommates. I am a big girl now. I hope I don’t regret it only because of the location it’s where all the crack addicts chill on Queen east. Hoping to befriend them and they are cool to tenants who can just call the po on them right?

This was a night I power walked home literally couldn’t tell you which one.

Another day another brilliant outfit. If you reckon I am trolling the world through fashion you’re right. Countdown to copycats.

A day I used the TTC it doesn’t happen often so I took a picture.

Sushi after my hair appt last week with Donna.

Too bad so blurry I love this ladies room.

It’s fashion week and Tiff at the same time in Toronto. Yorkville is quite the neighbourhood to take that all in of course.

Do you get FOMO or JOMO when you see this?

Hey there sports fans. Feeling my new locks. I vow to get my hair did more frequently.

Because look. Thanks again Donna Dolphy! Check her out if you want expensive and healthy looking hair too.

I want that backpack.

Yes the outfit is thrown together weirdness but you know me idgaf.

Fierce face.

I hoarded these on my phone for a year because I liked how I looked this night. In a past life.

Donna’s crazy glasses.

Thuper blonde signing off this thuper post good day one and all.

relevant resonant

Being a big mouth while having secrets is mega fuckin hard I’m just gonna come out with that one. Having a full, eccentric life that feels to be bursting at times in every way you finally want it to is absolute insanity but this is the way it is and how I am. I am going to blog like a demon now because that is what has always centered me. My ADD is off the chain and it takes a lot to focus as well there’s always a lot of people to say ttyl to. I am tired of these side converations I think I can navigate while trying to write, to anything. NO MORE. Lauren Write needs to write so let her. Disappearing off the face of the (city) earth and from phone felt so good last week. I am doing that again this weekend while I hopefully sleep for 48 hours that I’ve sorely needed.

Sorry but I am tired of being there for people. I need to do me right now. I need to cut some of you out. Thin the herd. I have virtual check-ins with people, all kinds of handfuls of them everyday all day long and it’s starting to make me insane. The OCD and guilt to reply to every person last week, went away. It’s OKAY if you just ghost. It’s ok if you don’t reply. I am sorry if that stings some of you but I have been putting myself second for too long. I mean I like being there and I like the friendships but trying to mainain them all is driving me bonkers and maybe even made me sick. I am spread around too thinly. When all of my friends are amazing creatives doing great things I love to keep track of all of them and pitch in, take part in all of that too (FOMO) but it’s simply just too much. Don’t you agree? Do you feel like your head is barely above water sometimes managing your life schedule? I must be doing some of the wrong things. I am just tired of saying I am busy to the same select group of people over and over again and them not getting it sorry if that pisses you off but busy isn’t over until it’s over. I am busy as well as sick. I have started a new job and I am in the process of moving as well as managing another background drama do you get the picture yet? I can’t be your party girl all the fucking time. Posting a hot pic isn’t necessarily a thirst trap for you and I do not give second chances, while I am at it. If I made time for you and you bailed on that scheduled hang, I am not hanging with you again. You showed yourself once. I have no time for flakes. If anything I get to be the flake. Not you.

I basically NEED to do this post before I can finish the next one in queue which actually should take importance over this one here but like I said “I need this” ha ha. As a creative. We have our quirks and “rules” our practises and we have our rituals. One day I’d like to let some crazy bastard film my process and then you’ll all be like OMFG idiot. Hahha. I know I am charming and insane and worthwhile. Hey I like me!

Stacy, a hairstylist (top right) and friend of mine from Grateful Head salon on Dundas said some really nice things to me last night at Swan Dive that squeezed some of the bullshit perspective I have about myself out of my brain and I was like YEAH FUCK YEAH and THANK YOU! I was speechless. He thinks I’m a better marketer, seller more than I even know. Invaluable information. I will talk more about him and Grateful Head later on don’t you worry.

When you live a high octane life and you’re busy and you just can’t get out of things AND you are sick it eventually blows up in your face. I just had a sauna and steamed out some toxins and now I am ready to rock right after I pop another Dayquil. WHOOOOO!

Now here’s some fourth wall broken down I just sent everything I wrote above to a creative co-hort and here it is.

thats a real powerful blog post. So real, genuine. People will love it

Thank u
Aww
All the good head cases will come out

Good on you serious

Cos I posed questions
Also telling people to leave me alone

Let em, stirs up things
Yes
Get people talking, interested in what is going to happen to your sense of self. It tells people to take care of themselves too. Reminds them
It is great and inspirational

im tired of posting a selife then getting barraged
just watch the show and leave me the fuck alone
u are not a part of this
but its good for business u need them to love you

Yeah

tired of saying yes i am still busy
busy means busy
and busy doesnt end
(end rant)

The point is just leave me alone for a week. Two weeks. I feel like I am begging here. I mean don’t ignore me no don’t leeeeeeeeeave me. I just mean some of you in the inner circle I have more of a rapport with, stop griefing me for being MIA and not replying I just need to keep my focus. It’s nothing personal I will be back and I will go away again. That’s just who I am. This is me saying I need time and I will probably smash something if I have to repeat it to you again. Yes I have issues with rage, people who try to manipulate me emotionally and try to take advantage of my time. If you want the doctor to be in you have to make it worth her while. Someone wanted to have a business call and I charged for it, he asked why I said because this is what I do. You want me involved, you have to pay me to care. You want my insights and tastemaking, you pay for that too. For me to pause the many things I am always trying to do to stop, drop, and roll for your cause…you pay for it. Time is money. Getting my brain to concentrate requires energy I’d rather direct to things I’m already busy doing and to throw another thing on the plate is fine, but it has to be compensated.

I don’t care how snotty or self-entitled I sound. When is the last time you saw a post here? I am busy I am busy don’t you get it I am busy. When I was a 9-5 copywriter I was busy asf I never spoke of my work I kept my head down as much as I could and I seldom blogged. Go where the money is, go to that. Shut out everybody else and don’t you dare feel any guilt about it. Focus on your shit. Other people are way better at this than I ever was, living for themselves and getting their priorities straight. Me? I collect a bunch of ding dongs to occupy my (waste of) time and I am 33 years old now. I can’t balance it anymore. I love to chat yes I do but I also want to dive into my work and do better work. More work. WERK. I am building something here and I’d like to continue, to finish it. I am my priority right now, you aren’t. I’d like to be there for everybody but I can’t anymore. I don’t want to lose friends either but if you don’t understand any of this you’re not a real friend anyway. Real friends have patience and generally their own shit going on too, they get me whereas everybody else is a needy cling-on and I am not your mommy anymore.

This has been building up inside of me for a long time. Sometimes I just get irked. I can anticipate why people are talking to me, what they’re really after, and it generally doesn’t align with my own intentions or what will ever be feasible between us so stop leching out on me. I post sexy things for my brand and not to get the male gaze or whatever shit my snide detractors claim, or think. I do it for me. To empower myself. There may be a little attention-seeking there too but mostly it’s for the arts and my lifelong passion of showing my fashion, looks, my vibe, and expressing opinions of my experience. We are allowed to do what we want in our lives. I am tired of making excuses for being “a blogger” after 16 years.

I have been sick for a week so sorry for the crabby I will move on to more of the photo and caption straight-forward style approach to blogging now. I had a lovely bday lunch. Was supposed to do one thing but those plans fell through and so was able to hit The Drake with a good bro, yay.

Maybe I am recovering from my birthday still something happened to me on it like in the Santa Claus or Freaky Friday. “I’ve changed” and for the better you’ll see.

Thanks mom for all the sweet gear.

I may be an idiot but I got nice gambs.

It was brutal weather on March 31. We waited out a lightning storm and drank champagne Heather and I did and busted out the selfie stick. Heather got us tickets to Field Trip. What a little scamp I lurve her. So do all the men. HEheh.

I tried to dress it up for this special day. Two outfits. Why not. I am over my birthday now my birthday complex is gone now I’m just like in post bday apocalypse recovery mode LOL haha okay I’m shutting it.

No I am not into the occult but other people are and I want to make money off them. This Wednesday Addams is available FOR SALE make an offer.

Ahhh Fujahtive. They’ll be having their own post. It was a solid show and the crowd was pretty great too! It always is and they always are.

Mom got excellent shots as usual.

Nothing beats a crisp white dress now I’m all set for a P.Diddy white party stay tuned. Thanks Sara Duke!

Dropping mad hints everywhere no? Lol.

What do you do with this life how do you organize it what do you make of it how do you showcase it. Just get on with it I guess.

A lot of great stories from this evening. So much love.

Love it.

So many possibilities found at The Darling Mansion.

Developed a (later on in life) dreamify addiction. Unique endless ways to be creative especially if one already has an artistic eye and access to wicked sets.

Love it. Loon records.

Please hang up and try your call again this is a recording.

Aging like a fiiiine wine. I’ve heard worse and recently too haha.

I just take so many pics of things and surroundings and myself that I make these collages that’s the short of it. I like how it tells the story.

Rural fashions.

I’ve been working for Shannon Brass Vixens queen as her personal assistant this week. Timing in life is everything and so far so good I love her. We go back some years. It all just makes sense.

Looking forward to getting a tan and rocking my new locks. Or at least not being sick anymore or looking Lydia Deetz-tired.

Uncanny.

So I been busy so I gwan slow it down this w/e and kick this cold’s ass. Looking forward to my guitar lesson tomorrow.

Goodbye dark roots. I thought they were kinda cute but your next colour application is always looming.

NO cut this time just a colour. Once I wash it and have it straightened like usual I am keen to see it in all its glory. Hair obsessed. Part of my personal passion project. When I had fug hair no one was nice to me. How you look is important it shouldn’t rule your whole world all the time but it pays off when an effort is made.

I love your loo Grateful Head.

Everyone needs a little birthday sprite like this.

Just don’t touch the merchandise. Okay I think I’ve hit the wall night everybody!

Oh yeah, don’t be pissed at me. I will get back to you when I can. There is a long list of you that’s all.