Okay okay blergh blah here’s some life of Raymi now.

Please don’t be offended by this, be offended by other things but not this. We were playing the secret middle finger game and he got a pic of me in action and I was like, I look great under a table! This is dinner in Holland Friday night it was outtasite!

This is my lady Bieber jacket he’s like what? Beaver? Yeah that too. Luckily this sports bra works as a wicked bathing suit top and isn’t see-through wuhoo double layer. Miley wears one in her new video can someone tell her to stop biting her bottom lip “all gangster” please. Now in the category of just saying I did white sports bra first. Life is a contest. Only when you win by accident though, when I lose “I don’t care”.

Sunday. Germany.

And now without the older version of us. Learned that Sunday is not a good day to come here if one is fungry. I didn’t mind at them moments the sun was out it was quite spectacular looking up at the castle but the young family beside us and their precocious toddler girl kept running into the street and the doofus dad was barely watching her, we got stressed.

I didn’t wear makeup or sunglasses and with sun in my face and dumb smile I look like Sam Crenshaw. My Canadian readers love when I say that. It’s cos my eyes get squinty like his and my “aristocratic” nose.

At da club. My arms strike a balance between toned not fat but not toned. Time for more triceps.

This pizza was great I can’t remember what it was called but it had meats on it mushrooms, red onion, and it was super good.

Oysters were fishy. But still good. Fishy bad though, can’t deal. Dealt.

German for Car wash. You learn just so much here don’t you.

Off to castle.


So many crazy downhill lanes, I walked back to the car to grab my coat to sit on and I had to super pay attention to my foot placement between the cobblestones my ankle is already wicked f–ed. But yesterday I forced myself to run, more of a fast stupid looking jog but still progress. I CAN run from zombies. Yes in answer to your internal observation my boobs DO look huge. My face looks like that cos I didn’t want to pose here I wanted the wall with the classic red triangle shutters. All my photo “poses” are candid for the most part cos no one has patience around here.

RRrrrrrowsers. Sitting in the sun on the only sun patio part makes you feel special, chosen. The sun has chosen me. Everyone looks, you feel observed so you have to smile or ignore, two options.

Days before then I can’t remember which one lets say last Monday it was hot so after the beach then the Germany pool we stayed in Germany to have Greek dinner yum. They gave complimentary shots of ouzo at the beginning of the meal, very smart business that. As he was taking his sip after we “proost” (cheersed) I said see you on the other side of our fight and he laugh spat ouzo everywhere, ZING.

Nails look manky here but they match his shorts. BTW the wasterslides at that pool are intense and the kids, omg passive aggressive as hell hogging the slides once they got to the top and just SIT THERE I’m like are you gonna move kid? My English speaking persuasion held no power there WTF!

Move please.

It was sunnier earlier and still very warm. Patio watching is a great past time.

MMMMMMMMMMMMmmmm. Calamari and (Hardest word ever) tzatziki is SO GOOD.

Wow my hair looks so much more red back then I want to dye it every 2 weeks to keep building the colour up the ends are lightening already.

Pool water curly. Today my hair is like super long a ringa ding dong.

Sometimes the “holy shit” handles are actually necessary.

Feets in Germany belly fulla Greek.

Don’t look now a German sunset. Okay look treat yo’self.

To think guys at home get my sunset sloppy seconds six hours later AND FACE. I’ll stop talking like that. Eventually.

I was getting conceited from my Alicia Silverstoner hair flip in the sun.

Bun hair helps make the curl and lake water plus pool plus lets go now right now.

Of course you are called Fritz.

If I didn’t tell you this was on the border of Germany/Holland you’d think it was Wasaga or MTL.

I am really gonna miss this fucking place. Life is a journey. Where to next.

To the German waters. Ducks and birds got all territorial at us and swarmed us but of course we had no food. Had to hold my flip flop up at certain points, I don’t care I’ll slap a duck if I have to. Those beak pecks are vicious. Vroom vroom time to vacuum! OUTTIE.


Just before it started pissing and hollering out yesterday. It was still pretty warm, I like when weather sits on its head like that.

2:30 in the afternoon darkness. A gypsy earring represents.

Here I’m thinking how great an idea flip flops was.

Spooky starts to settle in. You should probs be listening to the Black Keys for this.

TWO THIRTY. Storm’s a comin’.

Driving to Germany. Took an interesting route to the border where there’s no sign and I wouldn’t know we’d crossed over unless he pointed it out. He pointed it out.

Nice fence.

Afternoon high beams.

Storms scare and excite me.

Lost highway.

Can you tell the difference between the unhappy and the happy (he had a ring on she didn’t) couple? I can.

It was guzzling out and so had an inclusive atmosphere about it.

High ceilings in Gatsby style.

And everybody watched everybody else just a little bit.

It was late so it was almost like early dinner I suppose and we ordered as such.

Continue reading


Before I move on with more of my perpetual garbage I have to blog some pics I’ve already uploaded or the neurotic gods will will furrow their uni-brows at me for days until I do. It seems stupid cos I’ve still a batch more of pictures to go through and upload from Amsterdam and this is just a little handful however I’ve also got a bit of Germany pictures to finish off too so combined, we have ourselves something of a post.

That dude is chilling with a beer see? That’s so Raymi. It’s also the doppleganger of a guy from Oakvegas I used to know if I told a couple of bar flys they would laugh their lush asses off so hard at that one.

Sneak attack pictures typically turn out blurry on account of the sneaking and shaking from the treasure you have spotted.

Corner pocket hang out of a hotel.

It says porto fino over there, Italian restaurant. Thanks to Dirty rotten scoundrels that’s one of my favourite things to say and places I want to go. Add that tidbit to your Raymi 101 notage.


Oh you again. Window peeking in Amsterdam is easy cos it’s all eye level, it’s a tall nation so I guess it makes sense. I love watching people most over-said thing by everyone ever BUT what I really love is watching people be normal in their homes, high intrigue factor there. I watched a guy at his computer guying out all normal and shit IT BLEW MY MIND. Then we watched two ladies on their laptop with a bottle of wine watching something on youtube. Then there’s all the basement apartment dwellers, one guy’s stoner cave was epic and he was watching Charlies Angels 2 on big screen with piled garbage on either side of the tv. What’s with me? Is it an I feel like a specimen thing or watching people before they watch you watch out. Omg can you imagine if I saw someone eating Cheerios I’d be blown backwards through tiiiiiiime. End bit.

These ones have Instagram porn all over ‘em no filter omg shut up. I saw a lady whining about “#nofilter” and it was so something her demo would whine about it took a lot to restrain mouthing off about it on twitter. I lasted 2 days (at least) I think.

Reminds me of Lower East Side these downstairs doors. A great band name btw.

Whimsical dusted streets.

Yeah yeah just keep going with it.

It reeked of weed here. It Eurekeda. If jokes just magically appear to you all of the time does that mean you are a wizard of comedy? Yes I definitely have the crazy genes but I’m also crazy smart and crazy funny. I’m not apologizing for this I am owning this.

But guess why it reeked of weed because a college aged Italian tourist was feeding this bird cheese and talking to his buddy hanging out of a window up above in the hotel.

She only eats cheese he said. Sure guy you’re so baked right now I bet you eat shoe laces.

This was hilarious to us but now that I have seen every bird ever and always it’s kind of no big deal now but at the time it was like this bird is so out of place here, she’s the pet that they feed cheese to. Amsterdam is a wacky place.

I don’t know what that means but the speed limit is not fifty in this neighbourhood enclave it’s the age you turn when you get publicly mortified by it. Kinda like my mom forever fifty. Can pass for mid 40’s though for sure. Am I dead for that one? Don’t care I’ve been up since 6am when we got the call.

God can you at least make my dummy look like a unicorn or a hello kitty princess and not something I’d shit my pants to having a clown nightmare about in the middle of the night and not be able not get back to sleep thanks. Props on using the authentic clothes though that’s why it’s so creepy because it is too real. You can use my clothes though because it will be more hilarious but if you make it look old I will trash it. At a traditional Swiss Chalet family dinner we’d take turns drawing each other on the place mats and make one another look haggard, old, they’d always give me bee sting tits (assholes) and dad would have crazy bacon and eggs hair and mom’s hair would be HUGE with cats all around her and Shawn would draw himself all cool and smoking and I’d have troll dolls and other embarrassing teenagery girlish shit.

Fast forward through then we were done with Amsterdam, had Irish coffees and left. I’ll post the rest another time.

On to Germany now. This is about the time it started warming up over here.

Green yeah yeah blah blah gorgeous view.

This feels like a long time ago now.

Go again please, I guess I should actually frame something next time instead of hyper-focusing on getting the heart right.

BF loves my new hair colour. The darker my hair the more power I have. Is what I learned yesterday. It makes him like me more, more likes more power. Kinda like Facebook. Fwaha life imitating internet. God that is so totally a thing.

I guess I own prancercising pants.

I am cry laughing at this right now. And the music too AHAHHAHAHa.

I wanna fly over you Lost Boys style.

So German of you.

Duck Face and Nana Lips are pretty similar looks.

This was our 2 month mark.

Thirsty. Yesterday was sober day and the day before too. I’m kinda over drinking, okay that’s a lie but I don’t freak out if we don’t drink or get moody or die of boredom, so, that’s good.

The service here is awful, can’t fault ‘em cos who is going to stare out the window and check up on the patio every four seconds? Not very superior that though? We saw others arrive sit and wait forever based on the assumption service would come on account of our beverages however we walked our asses in and announced ourselves first cos we’re smart and knew we’d wait 20 minutes and be pissed off which is what another couple did. I wanted to tell them to go in and get served but we didn’t, if it was in Canada I would have but I didn’t want to yell in English on the patio. Besides, do I have to worry about everyone else all the time and be so fucking Canadian? They’re grown-ups right? Why am I racked with Canadian guilt about it still? I feel responsible because of our drinks meanwhile my bf is like screw them hahaha.

What flag is that it’s missing the black stripe if it’s supposed to be Germanic.

The little town we went to on Friday.

She always looks like she’s flipping you off bonus to the sign that makes me think of Blow me when I see it back there.

I like. Assumed bottle imprints sand-washed I think then illuminated in differing colours.

Hey what’re you doing over there now?

Swoon swoon hot air balloon.

They’ve seen you before but close up spotty. After watching the top ten greatest moments of Toddlers & Tiaras the other day I have day dreams of food colour bottle spray decorating horses. I’m pretty sure the consequence isn’t worth it but come on if you sprayed all your sheep and shetland ponies one day you’d creating such a spectacle here I bet it would make the news. Definitely. I would do that and then cool shit might happen. That’s going in the dream journal.

Then we fed a roadside duck.

Alright it’s TLC time.

Watch out fi this!

Internet land hi!

Jay kay guys not yet.

Friday was super duper hot so we split house and headed out for some nature after visiting gma.

One of our favourite parks.

Each plot of flowers has a plaque saying where that flower comes from and name in English and dutch and the country it comes from, not that I ever read them but I like that they are there. It’s kind of like a flower museum.

The short cut field erupted in wild daisies you know what that means someone’s about to get her pose on.

Took more pics here just now in different wardrobe.

Oh ma gad I am gonna dye the hell out of my hair today.

Seriously, flowers heaven. We are old people. We go on walks and hang out with ducks a lot, feed them. It’s nice. Like something an old fart would say but it’s a charming little idyllic lifestyle and simple. We’ll be in the city again soon enough.

Honey suckles. Sucked on some. That’s what we did at recess in elem school.

What’s over there, more park art? Oh it’s finally ready?

It appears so.

My favourite bitchy duck has babies now.

Our fish are getting bigger. We just went for another walk here and the park is teeming with fogies cos it’s Sunday. I also learned that neon orange in the sun in pictures make me look nude. You’ll see and good to know. My bf has back issues so we have to walk him a lot. Between that and my fucked ankle we are a couple of crips.

Freak in a field.

There were four storks.

Love sunshine country drives around here it’s a total labyrinth.

Time to hit a patio.

I loved this sauvignon. Bad white wine is awful, good white wine is a game changer. Especially sitting in the sun.

Continue reading

Do you want to be my toyfriend?

Hi buddies. Happy hump day. Put my Flinstoner dress on yesterday then hit the road for some fun in the sun. The last and only time I ever wore this thing was Christmas. A girl goth eyed me up and down in it and I told bf this is like a prom dress to a goth for sure definitely, combined with my tattoos she could not stop staring a hole through me to think if I opened my mouth and said something in Canadian I bet she would have asploded into goth poetry. My heart has a bleed-on for summer time goths cos my inner emo kinda is one. If I could have given her this dress I would have kinda thing and I wasn’t even drunk, just thirsty. Sometimes I think I am like so nice like look out everyone NICE JUST ARRIVED floor it!

Amsterdam picture of the day. I’m going to do a dedicated Amsterdam post yet don’t worry (worry) instead of just farting them out hither and yon instagrammish. This street and there are many is a little Champs Elysees.

An upcoming set (within this post) of me trying to climb a sand dune hill. Wow, imposs. Lots more healing to do. :(

Those are Wisteria flowers. Gorgeous. This photo is being spread around tumblr yay original content for once.

Happy a kid’s swing set can support me no problem.

Before walking through the forest to the watering hole, an actual watering hole not a bar euphemism for once, had to take some field shots. This is in Holland. Needs to be said I feel cos we go to Germany so often. Kinda makes me think of Inglorious Basterds a little. Shosanna! Love her.

Minus the running for my life.

He wanted to line my head up with the windmills but it didn’t work out. I mooned the camera in one photo but it has been so long since I posted a nude I don’t think I could handle the backlash and nasty remarks from angry mean people anymore, I mean I can handle it but it’s super annoying like really? From all the nudity and saucy stuff on the web you have to hyper focus on me still? Thank you for ruining good times always.

One of our regular places to go for a stroll when we get stir cray. There’s a path all along the swamp whatever. Bit of a land locked country, where we are at least so not much water for the Dutch to enjoy which makes me chuckle cos in Canada we are spoiled by bodies of water.

Not only was the water brown it was cold not that I walked all the way down to it f that. Wish I knew we were going here I’d have brought a bikini.

It’s pretty steep. Not the wisest place for a stroll. I had numerous visions of rolling down the hill and falling in. Uneven sandy terrain and my ankle don’t mix but I’m not going to not try.

Glad it was pretty deserted otherwise lots of crack for one and all to see. Pretty sure a man and his dog peeped my butt when I was sitting down in the sand on bf’s shirt with my dress hiked up so as not to get it sandy. Free candy!

He was laughing at my plight then started capturing my slow mo ascent for you guys. Aw my crab, my monkey. Monkey is my nickname btw cos we climb each other like monkies.

Yesterday I learned that limping uphill is hard shit.

And that I haven’t a clue how to do it gracefully.

Shut up I hate you no fair.

At least my hair is getting cuter.

Omg this sucks look I have three fingers.

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guhh.

Lefty is the bad foot. Guess I’m takin’ a T-O here?

Continue reading

blog whisperer

Hey Monday Mondaze, ready for a Germania high-speed Ferrari chase? Lets do lunch first.

No not this. This was a hangover choice (the most best of all) plus there is definitely not this kind of stupidity at home. I am a life sampler and this sample needs to get in my life. It neither tastes like chicken nor reggae nor spice, so anor-ing. Maybe I’ll feed the rest to the fish.

I don’t think you ever kick candy. That’s a kid thing. Ingrained. When your bf is a diabetic-in-training and addiction is custards and puddings and pastries with custards and puddings IN them, you gotta throw down your own sweet tooth credentials, nah man you’re doing it wrong. I just endured ten cavities and a couple roots on my right side seem to be exposed. I let my mouth get disgusting over the last 5 years.

I was pretty pissed off about this. We scored 2 beers off Worst (yes that is his name, I don’t know why cos he’s the best) when we left but yeah one of them obviously didn’t make it through the night.

Beer funeral is served. I bet half my skeezer readers would let this melt in a cup then drink it later on. I know cos I wanted to but “someone” was like no, glass are you crazy? I’ll drink around the glass! I protested. Like the time I said I will outrun the mosquitos in Thunder Bay when we climbed up the mountain.


Well at least they are romantic. I had a bite of one, then had two more. So good. I also became buzzed off one of his tira misu’s. Awesome.

Another award-winning outfit Lauren. This country is colder than I thought. Mom we were wrong. SO many things you nixed from my wardrobe or talked me out of packing (Smythe blazer hello!) I should have packed. He said Spring/Summer I heard ARUBA. Anyway these are AA pants and looking pretty thin haha.

I like my “new look” though. It just overtly screams COUCH and LAZY and YOU GO TO WORK DRESSED LIKE THAT ON A WEEK DAY? Bahah. No, on “work” days I wear jogging pants bro. j/k I put a nice shirt on last week to skype with Dom. COUNTS. This shirt says St. Moritz which is a rich ski person’s destination in Switzerland. Okay if I’m gonna look like a douchebag it’s gonna be a rich douchebag.

Raining again. It rains off and on a lot here so you better check an App before bike riding or taking your motorcycle. When we got to our destination it was sunny and clear. WTF Europe?

People watching boner time.

This is our regular Italian joint. His friend wasn’t working today. Too bad. They f–ed up a lot of our order ahah.

Well at least they like jazz music.

I like the interior shape of the roof.

And that place.

Even this view.

This “prosecco” was disgusting. Meh. Booze is booze.


Continue reading

Don’t try. Be.

After a while there were too many “not surprised” moments to even count. Too bad Hobbit was snoresville. I gave it two tries, passed out during both times. In the theatre with my brother to be fair we were pretty inebriated and the 3D glasses were tripping me out hard like a chilled out Bilbo before Gandalf shows up.

Now his haircut looks like this.

And a little of that.

The barber said it was high fashion. Next time I am going with. It was expensive too and not “a barber” and there were pictures of it in a reputable mag so I suppose it’s a prospective hair trend forecast. The guy said there’s a bar in Amsterdam where lots of bad asses go and drink, they all have this haircut combined with long beards. Sounds Queen west to me. Sons of Anarchy style. I think on beard growth scruff days it’ll look hot.

It’s grown on me now though. We are so in love he could be covered in dog shit and I would be like “That looks incredible honey!”

That’s what’s up player haters. Damn you look good.

Did I ever look like my Nana though, that little Manchester meatball holy sensible sweater and shoes I look like their endless vacation photos, posing by a greek fountain on a cruise trip blaha. I was one of the best and most fabulously (slutty) dressed. I am a rock star everywhere we go, even when dressed like a slob. Anyone you know with a Toronto-sized ego needs to come experience it, intoxicating. Thrilling when you get a bar star hater too. Our waitress yesterday stared RIGHT AT ME every time she walked/panned the room we were like wtf? And the more she did it the more snappy things I had to say about every one of her looks once she was safely out of ear shot. Half of it is my fault because I poured on the drippy George Clooney voice once it was my turn to speak as she asked me what I wanted to drink. I was every fucker at The Thompson, “do you speak english?” in an of course you do you’ve waited for this moment for many years tone of voice. Not many people speak english here. Nothing is in english in the papes or tabloids but they have a Hollywood curiosity, adore celebs too and that washes off on you when you speak like an American.

Representing Playboy Energy drank abroad makes me feel like a porn star and burn a little crimson under the skin. Get ready for the added attention, prepare thyselves fellow divas. Toronto’s snobby street ignoring contest culture dies over the water and you’re gonna like shit a lot more. Jules said when she left tdot she noticed how much of a bubble it truly is. Toronto does think it’s the center of the universe. People are actually nicer in New York I find. And they say New Yorkers are assholes. True they are, you will get bitch slapped ten times easier in NY than Toronto but I think people in Toronto are just sick of each other and all stacked on top of one another and at the same few bars the same crowd go to, you have to keep seeing all the same faces. I just like breaks from it is all I have done everything like I am about to repeat absolutely the same things I did last summer in Toronto? Cool, island, yeah here’s the hipster beach zzz.

Aruba spoiled me. But he wants to see Toronto and what better girl to host that by. It will be fun I know, and at least it isn’t fall. My schedule is already starting to fill we just need to find a place for a few months.

The dog owner was a young chick. A goth emo hipster. What are those called now?

I guess that’s her bf carrying her purse. Daps on that. It is the eternal life challenge to con guys in to carrying your shit for you.

Guys were like F T and that’s when purses were invented and then we had to figure out how to get you guys to carry those too.

I was getting stared at like crazy standing here plus by the guy with the ewok bagpipes (you can see it in the screen shot!) and I’m like GET HERE WITH THE BEER NOW communicating telepathically then I’m stunned it’s cherry beer even though I just asked for cherry beer. I think sitting in the sun checking out don’ts on that bench fried my brains a little and how!

Loved their tunes though. Um I kind of want to be the main Maiden of all this world just saying. I so totally look like Arwen don’t even try to deny it. I have 300 photos as proof. Not that I can find them right now I just wasted 20 minutes. Okay I found one.

Bad ass.

Hey Tyler this is the night we met and I made the ballsiest move ever and introduced myself.

Oh look me and K-OS. Long story. Not really. Lols.

Me n Brucey. Being starstruck by people who are back at you, makes your heart go mad.

Time to get ill.

Looking kinda Mortal Kombat now. I saw the tent where all that guy’s stuff is, I took a picture of this armour. Then I saw it in action.

And now he is definitely staring at me click and see

And now he is fucking killing everyone!! Bahahaa. This guy went all Shanghai. I had no idea what I was staring at when this was all going down. The sun, the, lack of attention span, beer. It was all trippy though.

On to the next thing.

People watching from up here is good. It’s like Dawn of the dead? The smart ass from modern family pointing out zombie Burt Reynolds and so on but for me it was like oh look there’s that family from earlier. Dad looks tired. We saw German Ozzy Osbourne too, rolling a smoke. Is there a German Ozzy impersonator though? Def a Zombie Ozzy. I have pictures of him. I didn’t actually upload the second half of my fair photos yet this is just left over from part I jeez Louise.

Biggest dog ever. More like horse. It was just a baby too. It looks like the keeper at the gates of Hell, I have never seen a bigger breed of dog. It’s a Dutch something I’ll source for you later on when I post the rest of it. This guy who just stepped out of Jack and the beanstalk had to protect me from him when I got closer. Do you have a permit for that dinosaur bro?


Thanks lady. No really, I think it adds. I’m not being sarcastic. For once.

Gotta go. Homework to hand in. Auf Wiedersehen!

ps. some people have said there’s been probs with my contact form (intermittently) plus they can’t add me on FB cos I am too amazing I have to add you sooo here’s my e-addy just in case – – write to me for any reason under the sun. Put a dollar sign in the subject though if it’s about the good stuff lols. Or if you’re lonely and want a pen pal, listen lady or you have insomnia as I’m 6 hours ahead of you and usually awake or have your email prepared for my morning because I have 6 hour of extra time to get shit done seen! pps. picking up my new bike today.