it’s my New York

Not to sound like a super old white man but boy do I miss the old days sometimes. Its 1:30pm. By now, several years ago I would have had two awesome blog posts up and 4,000 blog views to show for it. By midnight I’d be at 9k. Had I known the internet and my life would turn my brain to swiss cheese like so I might have relaxed a bit on the social media front. I am gently to greatly trying to undo those bad habits. We will begin at technological then gradually coast into chemical. Winkity wink. My phone in short, is driving me crazy. Mass-communications. I’m in a loop.

I am pretty sure my Detroit friends will love and hate my blog title. A lot of people ask me “Why Detroit?” I spend a week each month there. I went for my sixth time and got back yesterday. What’s up with Detroit? -aside, and why do I go there. I mean I see myself as this vagabond type who “sometimes does things”. This day in age, I am completely wrong as stated before about how no one stops and reflects anymore, cos people have always stopped and reflected on me and when it happens in droves it can overwhelm me. When I see those who drive me insane on purpose doing it together from different avenues I fucking explode. Which is happening now to be frank.

It comes with online popularity exposure obsession. You get disgusted with yourself too. I got to a point last night in bed where I was like okay I am going to DO ALL THIS GOOOOOD. Creatives go to the brink and back again. I made this ranty Facebook post yesterday, I did it to myself, although and to be honest I was expecting to be ignored. As usual! I just wanted to say it then run away from it but then “it got all these likes” which means absoloutely nothing other than a personal triumph that people maybe sometimes need. Then the playa haters came out and chimed in. I just want to be an artist and yeah, only get nice feedback. I want to say this is an orange and have people agree that it’s an orange. Just let me share, is that cool? So the chopping block came out and unfriending has begun. Instead of feeling like shit about it I am feeling great. I’m going to go back to sharing my amazing life and trip to Detroit now though.

Before I forget, here is a 16 year rtm anniversary montage RSSR put together for me thx buddy and thx to all fer sticking by me all these years here’s to sixteen more and to flying cars.

Maybe I should have put pants on for this photo and saved myself the headache. I liked how it was the only photo I took where I liked my face, the lighting of it and my hair was pretty blond. I was mid-changing. This is how my life happens and how I document it, I don’t think about it or plan a way to buck the system.

Lizzy planned a surprise bday for her dad so we went to Windsor for the grand affair. We got balloons done up and some party crap for the table and dad to wear. Lizzy ordered and had made an epic cake too. These are Lady Gaga glasses we couldn’t figure out why they were so bloody cool. Then I noticed the decal on the side. Oh. Right. Reminded me of the pink paint I wore for Theatre Bizarre’s night 2.

Ghetto Recorders Studios used to be housed behind me here. Sacred ground. Sometimes you just got to throw down an MJ pose in some steam to give thanks. Thanksgiving week afterall.

Had a super lovely brunch at Townhouse. Detroit is such a holiday experience for me because Lizzy always orders for us. I don’t have to make decisions. I mean sometimes I do yes. I appreciate dining with foodies who make all the right calls.

This was cheese night. Oh we went there. Talkin’ Limburger, a citrus ginger asiago (meh), I forget the others you can look on my FB if you super want to know. I wore my prom dress for the occasion. It looks slinkier on me now than it did when I was 18 it’s basically like wearing a drape that’s a shift you could be pregnant and look amaze in it. We are drinking Malbec if you must know.

Then I destroyed the universe when I walked by this tiny car.

I’m going to amp up my cardio and aerobics. Use the pool. I want to get toned. Goals goals goals.

Raymes Bond.

Detroit Tigers what’s up.

Pizza party night.

Yep I’m that guy.

No trip to the D is complete w/o visiting Doc. Brought him his fav drink too. Squirt and Tequila. Yes it’s true I would not let the word squirt go for a good 5 minutes or so. Squirt is grapefruit-based. Which is kinda pee tastey not that I drink pee but it’s an acquired sharp taste sometimes like blechhhhhhhhhhh enough. Um. Yeah.

Sometimes it feels fruitless to humble brag about shit my audience wont care about or know about. Anyway. I was asked to flash the crowd (camera flash not tits) for the videographer filming Marc Houle’s set. He’s a BIG DEAL in Europe. Straight outta Windsor. This was at TV lounge we went right from the train over the border to Detroit. I changed on the train. All so exciting. Every time I photographed the crowd they all raised their arms for me now I know why dj’s feel like messiahs. Minxed about vip asf up there it was our one big night out.

Detroit has so much amazing WTF. One could classify it as a cold New Orleans. Oooooooooooooooh-wheeeeee they gon’ love this!

A Pure Detroit store is housed in the Guardian Building. Which is an Aztec, art-deco inspired grandiosity of a structure. This is where my Detroit City shirt came from and you get a free coffee when you buy it. The city of Detroit gives love to all fellow vendors and really pumps the economy there this is why the art scene is booming, etc.

Life is all about balance.

TV lounge photoshoot. My first nights in Detroit are always a bit batty, wild, fun, where the heck am I? I meet a lot of Canadians in Detroit.

Gaga glasses.

White Stripes did their first two albums behind me here. Jack White chatted up Lizzy last week at Gold Cash Gold. Nice nice.

LG did an awesome blend that she smeared all over this chicken while in her lingerie. I smashed the sesame seeds for her with that mortar and pestle. I was not in lingerie though I was probably dressed like hot garbage which is lingerie to some.

Spotted in Windsor. Obviously French.

Lots of dope shit in #Detroit like the Heidelberg Project where this artist took an entire neighbourhood and constructed the most insane installations plot by plot and people come from worldwide to see it. This is just one of many constructions I captured for ya.

Yesterday afternoon. Turrah!

The Guardian Building is so opulant. I don’t know how I feel about Christmas this year. It’s going to be a crazy asf month.

I thought these were stolen when we stayed at The Sheraton. They weren’t. My superhero boots. I put them on and pranced around like a clompy giraffe with no actual prancing, are these too much? Yes. Very much so and very much so aren’t coming off.

Sometimes you just got to toast yo damn self.

Eat chicken in bed.

The two L’s.

Brunch was delightful.

Lovely.

Hahha.

Can you tell we have a fun time? Why Detroit? This is why. Because ding dong.

This store doesn’t have the shot glass I’ve been eyeing for Johnny. Ughhhh.

Another Heidelberg Project house. TTYL everyone it’s quittin’ time tootle-ooh to be continued.

To be a Modstylist

If you know me then you know I love my cardigans and sneaky chic layering techniques. Perhaps ModCloth noticed as well, as they’ve selected me (along with other bloggers) to see how I could play modstylist for a day by creating a style board a la fall fashion layering. So without further ado, here is how I a-did.

“Stockings, short shorts and boots have always been my thing. Paired with warm layers up top, you can rock shorts all year long.”

I don’t know what to say other than I will always have Peter Pan syndrome and dress like, well, Peter Pan. I’ve been after a pair of chunky low-cut boots since I was in Holland and there’s something just safe feeling about wearing boots when you’re wearing teeny pin-up shorts. You’ll need a long coat when you wear a long sweater, and once you start to sweat from all those layers a cute top is there for all to enjoy while you cool down in whatever hipster cafe you happen to be at. You don’t always need to wear boring pants to keep warm in the winter, a nice thick knit stocking will do to jazz up your week – I don’t know why, but short shorts and live music were just meant to be for me. Thanks for playing along with my style know-how today. If you want to see all the deets on my fashion selections check my polyvore board out here. Love cardigans too? Check all the ModCloth selections out then! :)

Ps. I want this hat.

Because I can’t wear baseball/equestrain hats 24/7 I mean.

But I will try!

The Adventures of Raymbecca

Hola muchachos! Lets try to figure out what I did last night, I like going through the carnage backwards, like a treasure hunt and almost as scary as Jumanji.

How to dress for a fashion show if you’re nervous about fashion shows (everyone is) and part of the show is the fashion on the floor. Waiting for the show is people watching city. I counter-balance my anxiety by dressing classic and understated, casual, comfortable and I kinda always have to go in sync with Raymbecca who is stubborn as a mule with her shit (always excruciatingly so it makes me go 1. bananas 2. hair loss 3. rage).

Anyway when you go out dressed like the underdog people get wicked intrigued by you quick so when you do something or say something classified as “neat” they are BLOWN AWAY BY YOU like the monkey is now TALKING.

I am so not falling for that one Raymbecca. Hmm, sniff. JUST JOSHING YOU.

Not to brag hag but all the gays loved us, me first. My ego was at an all time high. And you know what we did to make friends? Nothing. I mean, be ourselves (who does that??) This is not our first rodeo (what?) but I’ll give it to my famous hairstylist to grease the wheels for me before arrival by talking about me to everyone first thanks bro. The rest we did ourselves.

I really love this rooftop, it wasn’t as slammed as a couple fashion show nights ago but it was busy enough, with room to enjoy yourself, dig? There is always one requisite cluster of annoying “too good for everyone fashionistas”, Cube never disappoints. Too bad they were trashy and fug. They are rude and they storm you, I wouldn’t move out of the way of one because it was the third time they clothes-lined our crew, such bratty poorly brought up manner-less women beasts trying to gain alpha club status like there is nowhere else to go up here, you are here, stop pacing. No one is better than anybody else up there as far as I’m concerned but it’s fun to watch some try to be.

One of our twenty new gay best friends hahaha.

I don’t think you want to know what I asked about that ring. His friend exploded in to laughter and said, “yes basically!” Lolz. Raymbecca had a blast last night my brain marbles are still blasted out of my head for it.

Danier jackets. Some super amazing ones. I’d love a new jacket for fall and keep my little beater one for when I go to Salvador Darling. Where everyone loses jackets.

Cute. Next time I am going to eat a bag of popcorn and lay on a couch because “I’m media”.

It’s like The Ring.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAh.

Fancy nails. Upped my game and worth just from slicking it on. I want to wear my monokini today lol. I’ll save it for the island. Who saves things? Burn those fancy candles now! Oprah says. I apply that to everything.

Ooh ma nails. Can you have a crush on yourself?

Look it’s the Three Muskecheers. I wonder where le f the Killigrew boys were?

One day Raymbecca will dance on the catwalk after the show and it will be hilarious.

It was nice being told all night long how beautiful I was “like model”. Like, how tanked are you guys? They turned my blahh-zay attitude right around. My understated slob sailor outfit was a success.

I almost wore my ghettofab wedges but I didn’t think that would be safe to bike in who am I the Spice Girls now? (yes) but anyway you know these mary jane wedges have been kickin’ it with me for years now (can you remember how many?) they’re uber comfortable to deal with, albeit borderline geriatric. How many shits I give can also be applied to my dance moves.

Smooth.

I styled the rest of Bech‘s outfit, just popped that necklace on and voila. Sold.

Nice pipes!

Oh summer nights. Quit smoking it’s grosstastic! Looks good in my pictures though.

That is the world’s most intense cigarette drag.

It’s nice and toasty up there it’s like the roof was ripped off to make way for the gotham view. It really puts me in a good mood.

Lets have a nice sit. Can you tell I put gold glimmer everywhere on my eyes?

Too bad my eyes are different colours. I pulled a Bowie. This is essentially just another It’s Pat! outfit.

Then we rode bikes home and massacred a chicken carcass with tipsy jerk sauce all over it and drank my VIP bottle of Absolut Elyx. And that my friends is what we call Tuesday night. Til next time.

Business & Leisure

The title of this post is what my tv show would be called. Or my motto. Or my face! Shut up. No you. Don’t steal my ideas people steal enough of them already Lawdy knows.

So I finally met team Killigrew. The Killibro boys have a clothing line of tees for men and women (they are axeing the women’s line for some stupid reason though) and they also party their brains out like me so we are now breast friends naturally.

I chose the rounded neck tees cos I think they are more hipster appropes however the V shirt looks rather fetching on my frame so now I want one of those too. I didn’t want to be too greedz. Act aloof at first that’s how you get MOAR.

Let the missus neck you. Teehee.

Damn girl look at that rock! If I was desperate I’d hate you! But I’m not so I don’t. I didn’t even put it together that Nicole and Jeff (Bro from above) were an item. These chums are so fun times I felt ten years younger just acting like spring break together for a coupla hours at this pop-up I was invited last minute to by Mijana (smart move girl) which I think came by way of the Menkes video from yesterday. Yesterday was productive for me because I got a lot of blog business shit organized mentally. That’s all it really takes for me to get back on track again. Ideas become things quickly thanks to social media.

Still got it. Killigrew invited me to the pop stand too and I was like bro I am already go-eeng OMFG right. I said that Bech was too tarded to get me the shirt she already got off ‘em from the night I bailed on bottle service at NYOOD. I like that I have a party reporter assisant in a besticle like Becky. We are going to have a goodbye partio hang cos she’s going to Kingston and I’m going to Aruba. This is how prepared I am for Aruba: 0.

I came away with this one. And also in the other colour.

This is how happy Blackberry users are when they meet. Seriously. I think we all know why that’s sad. I like Jeff because he reminds me of an old friend I lost in the divorce.

I am a genius. Spiral staircase shots. I bet we could get 4, or 5, the planet!

Sorry for spillage on your shirt. It was Grey goose so, you know, whatever.

Hole Watch 2012 still going down. A bit more ripped as I was getting ready. The pants are too big on my hips so I hike them up and they’re way too skinny on my thighs comparatively the hole, she grows. I am stubborn and cheap. They’re J Brand and I wiped out wearing them on my longboard and the knee didn’t even rip. No one can tell there’s a hole except for when I make a point to show it to EVERYBODY.

It’s like West Side story meets Easy Rider.

That’s a classic.

Spike bracelet made with love.

No really.

I love this mural.

Mom I don’t need muscle. I hate when people tell you shit about your body that you are already cool with. ps. I have muscle. Just you wait Tracey in Aruba you will all be crying as I do twirls around you in the pool.

I like holding food especially if it is novelty sized large.

Oh darling.

Muchos gracias. I like my new friends @Killigrew Boys very much! I asked where Nicole was at one point and Jeff said oh probably shots with rich old men bahah. Btw Local on the D-forth, dig it. I’m going back in two weeks for a review. It felt like being on vacation yesterday cos I never go there and because of summer and patios everywhere it felt like a whole new place. Look at all these old people eating so late at night. It’s a great neighbourhood how could you not go take a stroll? Also coincidentally the one dude who bailed on me for Jay-Z+Kanye West (lives there at home with his folks who still give him date money he’s greek and I never boned him which is why he keeps trying) texted me last night. He is relentless. I told him to f-off around xmas when he blew it and have maintained a f-k you radio silence since and he still periodically hollas at me his efforts are fascinating and dumbfounding.

I wore this to drop off my bike and then walked home in it. The fabric is like sex. Okay I don’t want to say that but too late. I don’t know much about fashion or care I just want it. You know? The material is 100% Modal and it’s uber soft, I don’t own anything like it. The cut and style is obvy very fashionable I know my mom is going to want one. Steve told me all about the quality of the t-shirt the Killigrews hooked him up with. He’s an up and coming hair stylist is what I said, see, I’m a good publicist too, connector, you name it I’ll friggin’ do it. But it turns out they have all these common interests anyway so everybody gained. I said to the K boys that I dig their work. They’re selling a lifestyle not just a t-shirt. That’s the secret.

Had a coffee before heading in because that’s what lifers gotta do.

Loved your little pop-up party Mijana, anytime, I’m your girl! I took one of your pr print outs to plagiarize at a later date, kudos ;).

See you in the shower.

Raymbecca take the night.

Trying to be as skinny as possible looking here because I am hanging out backstage with the models. Oh hi there didn’t hear you come in lets start at the beginning. Or the end. That sounds more romantic.

Also, must start posing better or period. This not giving a shit thing can only take you so far.

Thank you for being my date Rebeck-uh all the time for all these thing-thangs I do-doo kay? Appreesh! Even though we squabble and it’s your fault I forgive you and I love you. Side shout out to whispers!

My lips were washed out.

Yeah buddy! 2 Broke Girls out on the town again seein’ how the other half live. Rich people are insane and a sight to behold. I love a good study.

Little baby pinky nail did not make it through the night. I suck therefore I am.

Bunhead was my favourite person to look at. Okay I had a top ten list. She is the sister of one of the regular male models that strut their shit down the runway Tuesday nights at Cube (RIP Ultra) and no summer is complete without douching it up on the patio there a coupla times.

I liked her red Louis and told her as such as she pushed it into my back trying to squeeze by me. She replied to me thanks girl like I was her floor scrubbing maid. FUN!

Let the games begin. One girl fell down the stairs afterward, she was okay, but that was one of the highlights for me. They got to sashay the catwalk several times which I liked because then I got to fantasize over what I would do with a full minute of attention up there. It would be awesome and then I would fall down the stairs at the end exactly like the one model did. Cool.

We had a really fun time as a matter of fact. If we play our cards right maybe our own bottle service booth. A bottle of Smirnoff is $150. Such a bargain lol.

Right? I love it. Mom, you and Lois could fit in here there are a lot of rich drunken cougars and it’s teeming with men. Trace bring your A-game.

My Kate Spade bag is quite durable. Stew got it for me from her Film Fest party at The Harbord Room last summer. I miss my Stewy.

Continue reading

Prepare to get schooled

Good afternoon class, welcome to Social Media Business Studies: THE NECESSARY EVIL. Now watch me as I live tweet and make fun of several people/brands/pop culture things. This is what we call “working” and this class is scheduled during a very vital key tweeting timeframe haha kidding I didn’t tweet, or say this either.

Wow love what you’ve done with the Business Department office. I love patios! I think it makes the students lazier though always coming to mooch around on their spare/lunch instead of walking up town to get high and eat pizza. Just kidding, no bad kids in sight, our generation has been grandfathered out. Speaking of, I told Mr. Bates about the falconer reunion party we had and said everyone is loving and like gangster’s paradise, one big happy family unit still. And yes everyone we are all very well versed on the hilarious offering what is Tom’s surname, Mr. Mastur- LOL. just had to get it out of the way cos it was very educationally important to address. The element of humour is a crucial raymi the minx component.

Statement purse of the century, Fall is definitely the season for a bright bag. This girl asked if it was some designer, whats her face and I was like “?” and then told them all about Nella Bella. She flips designer purses on Kijiji. Oh what a world we live in today.

Colleague and I were given leather-bound SSS insignia post-it holders. VIPLEASE treatment! Mr. Bates was funny and pointed out the 2010 dated year haha, and before he opened them up for us we were like Ooooh, and he goes yeah sorry (cos it could have been anything inside there right, good build-up to a great let-down) haha. I will let it proudly gather dust on a desk at some point, Tom.

See Tarek, everyone adores your work. Ps. do you think Mr. Bates is a sleeper gay? Lol.

No cell phones in class. Pfft. there isn’t wifi though cos of the (paranoia) brain waves, seriously. I said that’s fine, I didn’t have wifi so they should cope without.

I remember Mr. D he’s the shop/auto teacher, he always had grease rats loitering around, car groupies? Nerds who wanted to be manly and this one slutty girl whom I used to hang out with who was irritating as hell. She hung around Ward and I aka used him for rides, sorry gal, Ward is my chauffeur. He taught me to drive standard and I invented Life happens to Raymi at his house one night in the year 2000.

Woop woop! Partay!

And then this cute blushing ginger guy showed up and we shyly said hi to one another.

And then I was blown away by my English Media teacher showing up and screamed out OH MY GOD YOU INSPIRED ME SO MUCH! (Had no idea he was still teaching) And then everyone laughed at him gahaha.

He had hair when he taught me. Mr. Bates was like I didn’t know he taught you, I still think of him as the new guy. I chuckled as I set up my crap and said that’s funny you don’t get the respect you’ve earned and time you put in until you retire here. I hope you get a nice watch.

Off to chat to one of his students. Teachers use guests as student avoiding forcefields and just being an adult period in a school-setting makes everything you do look super important and you, very busy. Teachers have it made.

Ha I see event planner down there and how does a teacher even know what that means or how to teach it? I guess just watch wedding planning shows and you will figure it out? Brand manager? See, lucky kids, none of this shit was taught to me, which is what I told them so you better take notes.

We started in this room, then moved to the computer lab, which works on a first come first serve/scheduled basis? I introduced myself and then we all had to shuffle rooms. Gave me a breather to calm my nerves a little.

HOT FOR TEACHER!

Aaand here is my rack No wifi? Lets get out of here. Didn’t use the laptop at all during my talk. They could just tune real me out and scroll away.

Much better. Wow, it’s not blocked? Amazing. oh my god that girl’s hair, gorgeous.

Ok so, I have been doing this for eleven years this November blabbity blah.. One girl said ok so when did you first start getting paid, I said three years in or so, wait a minute, you did this for years and no money? UH I had a real job and I was building my brand and preparing for wealth and working in a non-existent field. I paved the way for what is happening today. I started blogvertorials. Today if you were smart enough, thanks to me, you could start a blog and make money from it pretty much straight away but there is still a lot of work required of you. A lot of planning goes in to it, from your brand (name) to your design, content, appeal, angle, niche. Over the decade I have made many contacts and connections which over time those bonds get stronger and trust is built and then eventually you advertise for every single person you know because you are an expert in your taste-making field, whether your brand is appropriate for that client or not (many seem to think that mine isn’t, wrong, your customers read my blog) you eventually become a household name with daily relevant coveted traffic. I get 3000 UNIQUE visitors daily and advertising with me will raise your website’s rank. For example, I’ve brought a brand’s rank of over 4 million to under a million after working on a 3 month long campaign with them. Does the blog you advertise with raise your rank at all?

If you’ll note, along my sidebar, I have over 10 FIRST PLACE various blog awards that I have won through weeks of solid hardcore intense and skillful campaigning. I do not settle for second place, First is where it’s at. I even beat Dooce in 2006 for Best Diarist, and by now she’s on par with Oprah and Katie Couric.

And last night I did my first film advertisement for a brand that I am sure I’ll get more work out of, knock on wood. I said here’s one of my trade secret tip sayings, YOU’RE ONLY AS BIG AS YOUR NEXT BIG THING so even though I am coming off something “big” that I did last night, I have to move on to the next thing, which is you guys here. Then I motioned to colleague with camera. You are my next blog post. I think they got it but I felt a little amway-ish at times with my zippy liners, I’d stop halfway through a maniac spiel and go uh, I guess no one knows what I am talking about and then I had to explain what spin-doctoring was (which Mr. Bates said OOh good one and is putting on his test!)

Couldn’t find my bag of newspaper tricks from last time I spoke at SSS so I only brought my tiny blurb in The Grid about Rob Ford, my mother, Dan Aykroyd and I to pass around. I prepared a fun bag of visuals too, boutique hotel room card keys I saved, my photo of the WTC burning that I took, conference badges, ticket stubs, a stuffed doll of myself someone made. I think it was a very enjoyable presentation if I do say so myself.

Hey blond girl you were in the last class I spoke to.

Lucky to get Mr. Bates two years in a row.

We watched Bad Teacher on the weekend so this was very timely for me, as is everything because I am always ahead of the curve. #dustingshouldersoff

Ok so like after I graduated from high school and took off to NYC I had to change my game plan because this major terrorist disaster event happened and the party was over and my big plan of making it in that scene kind of died so I moved to Maine for a few months and had a radio show there instead called There’s Something about Raymi. One kid is like, what was your radio show about? I said, stupid crap, like my blog. I read weird stuff on air from the internet and talked about Canada a lot cos they’re stupid idiots and don’t know anything about us. I read the Molson Canadian beer commercial (that had just come out) that debunks every canadian stereotype, or re-inforces it, the My name is Joe and I am canadian blabbity blah. Big hit! You can blog from anywhere in the world, any scene, life is what you make it and it extends to blogging so, no excuses. Every new experience is a new opportunity in blog life to reach a new market demographic/audience.

My first book at 22. Even hate mail is valuable. (measure it in inches, -Warhol) We’ll be rolling out a Dear Raymi vol. II no doubt at some point, so watch your grammar! raymi@raymitheminx.com

I caught her laughing along with some of my jokes. Good stand-up practise too. When I passed around The Grid copy I said now, this paper didn’t have to mention my mother and I at this function but I had the exclusive on it and the saucy addition of raymi the minx and the mayor is media gold and that is somewhat linked to spin doctoring in the sense that, I knew a photo with the mayor would pay off for my blog and that it did that’s why I invited Tracey the Minx and my fairy Godmother Lois. We’ll be out on the loose tonight and tomorrow oh my. I was very insidery with these kids cos I wanted it to all make sense to them someday when they learn that blogging is a very good means of success if done right, quite a practical hands-on learning which is what I meant when I asked how a teacher could possibly teach about event planning because there is more to it than simply guest lists (I told them to kiss PR girl ass like a motherf-er) and simple black outfits, you have to spin doctor and get VIPs in there, media, you have to orchestrate a magical successful circus, it can be a nightmare. Planning my ten year ann. gig was hell and there is still a frosty scowly face bee in this industry hive toward me for some alleged rudeness besought upon her from me (which I had no intention nor recollection of), you cannot please everyone and WILL NOT. So toughen up.

This is the cookie dealer. He makes cookies at home, wraps them in cling film, and price tag stickers, sells them at school which by Mr. Bates’ confession, is illegal. Mr. Bates is one of his cookie customers. LOL! I said that’s great but what are you going to do when you graduate? Get on twitter and/or blast on FB what batch of cookies you’ll be making for tomorrow. It’s his dream to make an indoor skatepark.

Hey kids what can I say, I did it my way.

Cookies have been banned from cafeterias, all junk and unhealthy foods, but Mr. Bates said (uber-sarcastically) yeah “apparently” because they’re evil, yes. I’m taste-testing one, not bad, not overly sweet or buttery. Smart guy. Also, wouldn’t your sexist old-fashioned mentality picture the bubbly phoney popular girl to be behind this evil cookie selling?

$1 liquidated to 25 cents hey I learned about double-stickering in biz class too kid, you’re lucky I didn’t pay for this.

Ha ha how adventures in babysitting of me. A lesson in swag bags. Also on the test! No one knew what they were, Mr B was shocked. Only Toronto kids know what they are, interesting.

????? So glad I am not in high school anymore o_O?

One of my sponsorships. That blew my little fan girl raymi away. I have 7 Nella Bellas?

Interesting hair day from behind.

That kid fired up Yogurty’s website and I’m like, excuse me, is he even in this class? I gave him a card too tried to get him to pose in our group photo Ahaha. He was really funny (good work you are working very hard lol I said) and I used him (and others) at certain junctures for comedic purposes. Good group of kids these lot, it was a fun lesson session.

I played with this three hole punch A LOT even partially dismantling it at one point.

Ok lets get the hell outta here and beat the after school rush. But do we have time for a library heist first and group photos? Duh!

Success is going back to your high school and teaching them about your weird life. You can work in a box factory and be a millionaire (though unlikely) ok scrap the box factory thing, what I mean is, I am one who thinks I am always right and I need to public/motivational speak at least every other month or so to stay sharp so thanks for having me Mr. Bates! Get those kids on tumblr.com or twitter. Probably both. And funnel all that crap to Facebook while you’re at it. (especially the cookie dealing kid I got high hopes for him and the Kijiji girl too).

Good work, I am giving you all A’s. Now get that swag bag out of here we do not advertise for free.

I only dressed a little bit slutty. Guy on the left looks exactly like a friend/classmate of mine from SSS who died of Meningitis while backpacking in Spain, in a hostel (be careful when you travel, and if it’s a cold, it could be worse!)(not to make you travel paro or anything) I didn’t mention it at the time but every time I looked at his face, it hurt. He died in his sleep, was peaceful. #emo. He was 21 I think. I got one last summer party in with him that I am forever grateful for, we all went til the sun came up and I never partied like that before all the high school cast were there. Maybe I will write about it some day. Way to go Scott Monk for that rip roarin’ blast! #thosewerethedays. I lived in Oakville at the time. Actually I will write about it and stick it in Six Months in Mansions which’ll be a juicy seller.

Mr. Bates is into harajuku culture or he likes to copy how I pose in photos.

How cute. Ahh high school memories. So fun.

And now for more fun. Book heist.

Mr. Bates gave me a copy of On the Road (a little raymi that pays attention) and I was like, can we steal the copy I used from the library for my essay that’s all underlined and marked up like a crazy emotional teenager? Ok sure, class, stay here til the bell rings we “have to go”. HAhaa. I said just locked them in!

Blond girl was on our tracks, then Mr. Bates dropped out of teacher role (which is hilarious to see a teacher being real and like, when Bob Saget swears, I am so naive it’s adorable) and said some funny stuff and I go, Mr. Bates! There’s a student RIGHT THERE behind us and he goes, oh yeah, she’s great. Then made her hold his clip board while he tied his shoe and said, there should be someone here to do this for me. HAHAH! Dying. Then some of his students slip out and he’s like, they’re escaping. School is jokes, or a joke if you’re a genius like me. My brother let a neighbourhood cat in the school a couple times. That school is so chill man compared to the scary maximum security prison what was my Catholic School I transferred from.

The lockers are painted differently now.

Very teachery shoes of me, clacky. I brought other heels to change into but didn’t see the point.

Haha look dad he chose a picture of me and your mustang for his clipboard notes.

This library was a good place to duck in to if you were avoiding teachers, or brothers.

I used to write in the Vice forums in this library, until the website was blocked, and then my blog too. Yahoo chat wasn’t, I’d plan my night’s mischief at SSS before going to my part time job, where I had phone access for 4-5 hours before closing time. Pre-cellphone world smarts. I bought a Motorola brick phone to make sneaking around easier too. That’ll go in another autobiography.

Should have looked up the last time it was taken out. Probably me.

How to not steal: If paparazis are present, they may photograph your crime. Ps. I don’t steal. Once in awhile a friend will admit to petty theft or Kleptomania and it is shocking, some people actually have a problem. A family friend at one point in time was an under cover store walker, he has stooories.

Yup that’s the one.

Metal detection bypass. You mean, I could have been stealing books all those years? Magazines too? Dammit. It’s ok, when I wrote reports I would invent authors/books that didn’t exist and make up the facts and bullshit statistics myself if I couldn’t find any books on it or take from a pile that I didn’t read. Sometimes my stuff was so well written I’d get, not exactly accused of, but perceived plagiarism. No, I am just a very good writer, sorry. My dad accused me once too, it’s a compliment the way I see it. 56% of euthanized pets are grateful for it. Lol.

Like, this is SO good there is no way an idiot like you could have written this. And how!

Cheers yo thanks SSS love ya Ever! Always! Forever! and kids, don’t forget…

Ta xo your pal raymi.

1234 bloor

yesterday afternoon sass and i spent two hours at vintage buy the pound (the new bloor location) and they have a blog too! fil waited in the car (playing sudoku on his blackberry and emailing whatever etc he forgot his book AND he did me this solid cos he knew it would make me less crabby for the shit show event what was going to be last nite which i will tell you about later) while we manically tried on and altered dresses – i came out with 6 dresses, a cardi and an insane psychedelic mushroom print smock type thing that if i walked into the room wearing it you would have an instant panic attack if you were baked out of your gourd. anyway, it was fun as hell and if you see something you absolutely NEED but it doesn’t fit right they will alter it on the spot for you, or you can do it yourself on one of the many sewing machines available. they also host sewing and crochet classes and on feb 7 there’s going to be a rock show down in there too, some band on sonic youth’s label not sure exactly whom and there will be booze (shh shh) i suggested to irene (resident sewing and alterations whiz all-around awesome person) to have a couple tables/baskets of clothes on deck so people can drunk shop (they plan to move everything to the back out of the way in case some sticky fingers turn up). actually when we first arrived i asked if i could take photos and gave irene my card she KNEW me from the vice letter i wrote back when i was 18 and was floored by that story i was like well at least someone is – so fucking tired of the toronto hate pool, change already. after that it was a slew of you look great in that compliments which is why 60 bones + later i am a happy gal. ok enough blabber, on with the show.

pre-alteration.

can you guess which one off this wall i bought?

one of the firsts i tried on, did not buy.

oh the fun to be had in here dressing mannequins.

ample mirrors with ROOM paired with loads of lighting unlike black market’s teeny space.

irene did some magic on it and made it tighter, i was too insecure to let her make it super tight but now wish i went for it so i might bring this baby back for a visit. also, if you’re in a hurry to have something ready they will fix it for you and deliver it to your house can you believe those little elves so nice! sass was overhauling a dress and at the last minute a zipper came off and they wanted to work on it more and then drop it off can’t believe it i’m still stunned, that generosity just doesn’t happen in the world i know.

have you narrowed down your guess yet here i did it for you…

LOVE this number, what it was before i even would have worn but now it is so famke jensen at the 2006 mtv awards show she presented with rebecca romain at i have not gotten that image of her gliding across the stage out of my borderline-obsessed mind since.

alright moving on.

a place for your dude friend to hang if ness. (there ARE guy threads too fyi).

see right over there to the right.

my yes pile.

the longer it took for sass to work on two dresses, the more shit i tried on. not complaining.

insert oblivious kathy lee gifford sweatshop joke here.

and here.

a nice little fashion guy sauntered on in to offer some voice of reason to some of my selections, he disagreed on one dress i was not feeling myself and i’m glad he did. he yessed everything else. if you try something on and it doesn’t immediately jump out at you that you look amazing then you shouldn’t buy it.

two garbage bags with new goodies arrive!

when you go “thrifting” (yes i know that term is way pretentious lame) be sure to wear leggings and a teeny tank so you don’t have to be chilly and naked if you plan on trying on a lot of stuff.

oh don’t you think i won’t be back soon. when YOU go be sure to grab one of their adorable pamphlets it has a schedule of all upcoming events. (feb 3 is valentines mittens! feb 5 is learn to crochet a valentines cupcake!)

back at sass’ the can i actually wear this out hits home.

yeah of fucking course i can just do it why not.

hahah then crazy comes to tea.

i might wear this today we’ll see, nothing says superbowl like um, this dress?

borrowing it!

which way to the barbie dream house i got lost once i passed polly pocket way.

i kind of super dig this one and will do it right. with curls and a lamb. oh man wait til you see the others.

then dreamy 18 year old 5 feet 9 inches of beauty strolled on in no big deal you know. oh man can i talk about your eye patch sam? well i guess i just did but not the “best” part about it.

to be continued…