blogging on broken glass

Hello Friday Mcnasties! Do you like how bloggers all try to put this amenable, approachable bullcrap on you like the second you load their blogs oh, you’re doing quirky voice today eh we’ve got a funny guy on the loose here. Well, it’s raining today so wtf else are we going to do here? I’ve uploaded a ton of pics so just be quiet and listen for once please thanks!

I don’t think I had washed my hair for a few days before hitting up our Brass Vixens shoot last Sunday and getting across town during the waterfront marathon was absolute HELL ON EARTH. Why do you have city marathons interrupting city people tryna do their city shit for!? Seriously, please go run in more acceptable places like RUNNING PATHS or FORESTS, MOUNTAINS, SHORELINES, SIDEWALKS… OMFG you cause so many domestic disputes and accidents, road rage, delays, trouble etc for everyone else when you do your stupid selfish charity runs. Just donate the money and call it a day cos donors believe y’all when you say you’ll run for the cure or whatever it is. Running doesn’t cure cancer it causes cancer. There I said it.

This was taken on Thanksgiving weekend and a Little Raymi jazzed it up for me.

This is called Lyra. It’s a combo of aerial and hoop. Circus stuff. Lyra is the hottest craze of all the alternative dance exercise on the market right now and it’s actually sort of easy if you were a monkey on the jungle gym growing up. It’s great for poses and beautiful photos. You should see how the other Vixens do it, they move like fairies made of bendy magic it blows my mind.

Will be doing more of this for sure!

Hey down in front.

Yes alright fine I like birds okay lets not make a big deal about it.

Birds and sunsets if that’s fine by you. I have a colleague who is a (raging nerd) “birder” and every time I so much as post or like anything bird-related he razzes the shit out of me for it. God forbid I like a beautiful video of swans landing in slow motion this bro will immediately invite me to go bird-watching with him and shit hahaha. It’s been 6 years. When we reach 10 I will consider it. I love nature and animals as much as the next person but I don’t exactly feel inclined to grab binoculars and sit in the cold watching something with a beak flap around. Birds are pretty straightforward in my opinion. They have wings, they fly and can crap on you. The end. Oh, I have been dive-bombed by a couple of birds before too which is terrifying lol.

Okay we get it.

We were cast in a thing together over the weekend don’t know if it’s a tv show or a movie but if you think really hard about it you could probably figure out what the production is. A classic. I’ll get sued if I say anything else.

I’ve seen a few plays here. The Elgin and Winter Garden Theatre is an historical, beautiful theatre it’s nice to go there for absolutely free and snoop around its exquisiteness.

A gas leak was afoot down the block from it so felt a little PTSD.

I love Vaudeville. *Googles what vaudeville is*.

I posted some bathroom selfies to be more covert about our location. I’ve seen other cast full-on putting location on blast on other shoots I’m talking IG stories to snapchats and major selfies. It’s harder to police that these days. On another production I did we were going to snitch on a girl as a matter of fact cos we heard she was instagramming fight scenes and integral plot points like WHAT!??! But then we saw she had like 11k followers and it was a private account we didn’t have access to. You get bored and start to go crazy on a seventeen hour shoot. That was the one where my phone went in the pool. Instant karma I guess. Shit like this always happens to me lets be honest so whatever.

In the movie business shockingly, you will meet a ton of awful (and awesome) people. Selfish divas who never made it. Actra people get treated like the sun shines out of their assholes. You recognize some of the same people the more things you do and there’s a few stand-outs I enjoy studying from afar. Like the one guy who ALWAYS LOSES HIS TEMPER and blows up at the room, yelling at us for some answer we don’t have nor are obliged to say and so no one answers him. He lost his cool at lunch time once and then later on tried to be nice to me I was like, nahh.

Another time a lady full on smashed my foot with her heel and I noticed a nice nickel-sized bruise on the top of my foot the other day from that. No one is ever paying attention either, they’re always talking over the directors or AD’s and I do not hesitate to shush the fuck out of them because it keeps us all there longer.

Acting is all about working as a team with so many weaker links. Even though I am a n00b I do not take any shit for example, a chick tried not to let us have the empty chair beside her the other day and guess how well that went over for her? When people think they can get away with rudeness ahh helllll no *removes hoop earrings*.

It’s a competitive industry too as you can imagine so you have to place yourself in a spot you anticipate they will be filming once they call action. I luck out most times by how I look and being tall and just dominating as much space as I can without being desperate. You will definitely see me (and Julian) in like 95% of the stuff we have filmed. There is only one thing I did where I didn’t care as much and happily fell back a little. Earlier shoots are like that. Sleep deprivation kills me above all else.

Whimsical! Click to enlarge.

We hung out on the beach the night before. It was chilly so we didn’t stay there long but I try to make us do it any time I can win.

A woman asked me if my glasses were real in the bathroom at one point. Yes. These are REAL glasses. She meant prescription. I said YEP. Then I had to say YES 3 more times and say they were reading glasses (but I do have perfect vision, they help me) and then put them on her face so she could tell. Another woman walked in and mean-girl dissed me by saying those glasses look GREAT on you. The first lady became embarrassed and took them off, passing them back to me I pointedly said thank you, they are $400 Christian Dior glasses and they look great on anyone. BURN. The lady was gobsmacked.

I know what she thought. I was just some poor hipster poser rocking fake frames then I came at her with KNOWLEDGE. They’re from Oakville from a client of mine called Next Optical. Bye. We were all in our black tie wear. See how competitive people are for no reason? Especially older women. It happens all the time. I am a threat I know it. Deal with it or leave. I took it as rudeness because she approached me with arms out as if she was going to take my glasses off my face from the get-go and pop them on hers just to see if she looked pretty in my glasses which she assumed were just costume accessories. Yeah, no, back off.

Please pray for my cousin. She’s not sick she just look like a Lego.

ha.

Our local variety store. These chicks love Julian cos he buys their smokes gamble tickets and coconut juice ad nauseaum.

Went to The Mandarin with his folks last week. It’s their thing. We drove all over town afterward with them hitting agencies collecting checks during rush hour traffic. It was bonkers and we can all laugh about it now.

A side-by-side of my new niece and I.

Twerk class a couple weeks ago. I gave this very shirt off my back to Tash in class cos she was dying in her 3/4 length sweater why did she wear that I dunno but I miss my shirt now oh well I have a purple one still. I prefer to be generous instead of greedy if I can help it.

My hair was ten times rattier after class. I love twerking. It’s scandalous. Isolated movements in dance are hot.

Loving my new phone and its gaudy case. The camera is better than the one on my last phone.

Working our way through Kitchen Confidential. Anthony Bourdain is the man. He has the best life and I am going to learn how to do the same by studying his book.

I already know a lot about the food industry, the booze industry and man I’ve got stories and no I ain’t saying I’m an angel. Which reminds me I have made a breakthrough with another publishing house! IT’S MY YEAR BITCH.

How many silly goals in life have you set for yourself? One of mine (or several) is to be acknowledged by my idols. Anthony Bourdain is one of them. Maybe my SEO skills will bring that ol bastard my way. Another way is to get mega-famous, yourself.

Went for sushi the other night and we had the best time we’ve ever had there. We are becoming Beaches locals now, recognized and adored. There I said it. We met a sake sommelier here too.

My second meeting with a new agency went pretty good! As in they’re sending me a contract. Everytime I try to work in fields that aren’t my true calling (like the service industry) it doesn’t pan out for very long. I am a genius lets be honest and my talents get wasted slinging cocktails lets be honest. It’s like Bill Gates working at Mconald’s like please stop. So I am glad I get to be a freak of nature in an office setting again and use my godgiven social media talents. It is personally rewarding to work as a professional in your very own field of BLOGGING that you have lived and breathed since you were seventeen. Pride comes before a fall so I will shut up now.

Big fam jam parties all Thanksgiving weekend long I am glad I can get back to periodically starving myself again and slimming out okay that’s all for now bye bye!

HOW TO BLOG AGAIN

Hey ding dongs. Sorry I suck. Sorry all blog posts begin here with saying sorry. I am Canadian I will have you know. It’s in our nature to be apologetic for no reason. We were born guilty. If we hold a door open FOR you we will even apologize at the very same moment you walk through it idk why we just do c’est la vie. I have a pile of blog posts in queue plus a to do list (as does everyone else on the planet) but I was just on the pisser lamenting how behind I feel I am so here I am now saying hi.

I am all about the non-blog post and I feel you are too. I had a passion for this shit back in the day and feel like an expert if you will. I can remember people being like, they have no time to blog or have any energy and NOW I know what they meeeeean. I was younger when I was killing it in the blog game so to speak and now I am older and older people have less energy as they go through life. I would love that pill Bradley Cooper takes in Limitless for example and become a writing speed machine again.

Okay so here is how you blog again:

1. When the moment strikes to blog, take it. Just start typing type type type like I’m doing right now.

2. When a fellow past bloggy friend emails you for an interview that showcases your opinions and skills, whatever, DO IT. I have a request such as this and am going to make time for it for once. Any opportunity to write about yourself in any vein, do it. It’s going to help open up my mind to my own process again and I am very grateful that Keira reached out.

3. Keep it simple. THIS I struggle with. I have shit all over the place and I do too much, photograph so much and it all overwhelms me. I just “can’t even” anymore. So I will work on keeping it simple.

4. Turn off email. Close social media. Turn your phone upside down and have it on silent. Clear all your “must take care of’s” bullshittery beforehand so you can focus and not feel like they’re after you.

5. Do all of your rituals. Your OCD quirks like rolling a doobie, have your coffee cup filled, water, take a pee and do some light stretching because if you just give’r and jump in there and are in the middle of a groove and halfway through a hunger pang strikes while you are blogging about RECYCLING AS A METAPHOR or whatever…don’t lose that train of thought. So have snacks nearby or eat beforehand.

6. okay fine go to the bathroom because it’s hard to write when you gotta go. Also don’t forget your SEO (google it – the new frontier).

7. Just do it. Do it rather than don’t do it and it will come back to you again. My voice has changed so much so over the years that I am tripping up over the dumbest shit like, how I speak, which is exactly how I think without a filter which is with strong, bold, confidence and standing by every single thought that comes out of my head live. Maybe some pre-prep once I get back into the swing of things will perfect this newfound blog skill upgrade of mine too, can’t hurt.

8. Make it up as you go. If you overthink it then you will never do it. It’s like cooking, you don’t know how to cook UNTIL YOU COOK. So cook. Fear is what holds us back. Fear of failure. So if we don’t try then we won’t fail. FUCK THAT. Just fail bro. It’s the first step toward success.

9. Have a point, illustrate the point. If you feel like blogging a facebook flamewar that came about from an email you received – keep it at that. I need to take my own advice here because I am queen of being all over the place and super-post mash-ups because I just have too much after days of not blogging, you see. It’s OKAY to hold off on the dedicated (to one theme) posts and keep them waiting on those, while you let the Faceboook flamewar post you posted marinate. Let it simmah babes, trust me you will be glad you simplified it later on down the road. For example, when I have to do a report for a client and mine through a long page of posts on my ello for say, the roof repair job we did, it makes me want to just lay down and die basically because I am disorganized af and so thrilled with my content accruing I sprinkle it everywhere. As long as I remember my sprinkles I am fine. Be on top of shit as much as you can and lastly…drum roll please….

10. GO WHERE THE MONEY IS

It’s 2016. We have been blogging for a long time now by this point if you’re not making any money from it, stop it or change it and if you have a “real job” as well as your blog job, put the blog job on pause to pay your bills a little bit. Your blog will always be there for you. Maintain your audience engagement so that the fires are always a little bit burning while you get tha paper IRL so that when you come back with your posts your fanbase won’t feel like jilted lovers cos they missed you and by God, treat yourself and show them what you bought cos lord knows we love to live vicariously and maybe get off a lil bit on the jealousies.

XOXO YOURS FOREVER RAYMBO

ps. listen to the adorable indie song we made!

relevant resonant

Being a big mouth while having secrets is mega fuckin hard I’m just gonna come out with that one. Having a full, eccentric life that feels to be bursting at times in every way you finally want it to is absolute insanity but this is the way it is and how I am. I am going to blog like a demon now because that is what has always centered me. My ADD is off the chain and it takes a lot to focus as well there’s always a lot of people to say ttyl to. I am tired of these side converations I think I can navigate while trying to write, to anything. NO MORE. Lauren Write needs to write so let her. Disappearing off the face of the (city) earth and from phone felt so good last week. I am doing that again this weekend while I hopefully sleep for 48 hours that I’ve sorely needed.

Sorry but I am tired of being there for people. I need to do me right now. I need to cut some of you out. Thin the herd. I have virtual check-ins with people, all kinds of handfuls of them everyday all day long and it’s starting to make me insane. The OCD and guilt to reply to every person last week, went away. It’s OKAY if you just ghost. It’s ok if you don’t reply. I am sorry if that stings some of you but I have been putting myself second for too long. I mean I like being there and I like the friendships but trying to mainain them all is driving me bonkers and maybe even made me sick. I am spread around too thinly. When all of my friends are amazing creatives doing great things I love to keep track of all of them and pitch in, take part in all of that too (FOMO) but it’s simply just too much. Don’t you agree? Do you feel like your head is barely above water sometimes managing your life schedule? I must be doing some of the wrong things. I am just tired of saying I am busy to the same select group of people over and over again and them not getting it sorry if that pisses you off but busy isn’t over until it’s over. I am busy as well as sick. I have started a new job and I am in the process of moving as well as managing another background drama do you get the picture yet? I can’t be your party girl all the fucking time. Posting a hot pic isn’t necessarily a thirst trap for you and I do not give second chances, while I am at it. If I made time for you and you bailed on that scheduled hang, I am not hanging with you again. You showed yourself once. I have no time for flakes. If anything I get to be the flake. Not you.

I basically NEED to do this post before I can finish the next one in queue which actually should take importance over this one here but like I said “I need this” ha ha. As a creative. We have our quirks and “rules” our practises and we have our rituals. One day I’d like to let some crazy bastard film my process and then you’ll all be like OMFG idiot. Hahha. I know I am charming and insane and worthwhile. Hey I like me!

Stacy, a hairstylist (top right) and friend of mine from Grateful Head salon on Dundas said some really nice things to me last night at Swan Dive that squeezed some of the bullshit perspective I have about myself out of my brain and I was like YEAH FUCK YEAH and THANK YOU! I was speechless. He thinks I’m a better marketer, seller more than I even know. Invaluable information. I will talk more about him and Grateful Head later on don’t you worry.

When you live a high octane life and you’re busy and you just can’t get out of things AND you are sick it eventually blows up in your face. I just had a sauna and steamed out some toxins and now I am ready to rock right after I pop another Dayquil. WHOOOOO!

Now here’s some fourth wall broken down I just sent everything I wrote above to a creative co-hort and here it is.

thats a real powerful blog post. So real, genuine. People will love it

Thank u
Aww
All the good head cases will come out

Good on you serious

Cos I posed questions
Also telling people to leave me alone

Let em, stirs up things
Yes
Get people talking, interested in what is going to happen to your sense of self. It tells people to take care of themselves too. Reminds them
It is great and inspirational

im tired of posting a selife then getting barraged
just watch the show and leave me the fuck alone
u are not a part of this
but its good for business u need them to love you

Yeah

tired of saying yes i am still busy
busy means busy
and busy doesnt end
(end rant)

The point is just leave me alone for a week. Two weeks. I feel like I am begging here. I mean don’t ignore me no don’t leeeeeeeeeave me. I just mean some of you in the inner circle I have more of a rapport with, stop griefing me for being MIA and not replying I just need to keep my focus. It’s nothing personal I will be back and I will go away again. That’s just who I am. This is me saying I need time and I will probably smash something if I have to repeat it to you again. Yes I have issues with rage, people who try to manipulate me emotionally and try to take advantage of my time. If you want the doctor to be in you have to make it worth her while. Someone wanted to have a business call and I charged for it, he asked why I said because this is what I do. You want me involved, you have to pay me to care. You want my insights and tastemaking, you pay for that too. For me to pause the many things I am always trying to do to stop, drop, and roll for your cause…you pay for it. Time is money. Getting my brain to concentrate requires energy I’d rather direct to things I’m already busy doing and to throw another thing on the plate is fine, but it has to be compensated.

I don’t care how snotty or self-entitled I sound. When is the last time you saw a post here? I am busy I am busy don’t you get it I am busy. When I was a 9-5 copywriter I was busy asf I never spoke of my work I kept my head down as much as I could and I seldom blogged. Go where the money is, go to that. Shut out everybody else and don’t you dare feel any guilt about it. Focus on your shit. Other people are way better at this than I ever was, living for themselves and getting their priorities straight. Me? I collect a bunch of ding dongs to occupy my (waste of) time and I am 33 years old now. I can’t balance it anymore. I love to chat yes I do but I also want to dive into my work and do better work. More work. WERK. I am building something here and I’d like to continue, to finish it. I am my priority right now, you aren’t. I’d like to be there for everybody but I can’t anymore. I don’t want to lose friends either but if you don’t understand any of this you’re not a real friend anyway. Real friends have patience and generally their own shit going on too, they get me whereas everybody else is a needy cling-on and I am not your mommy anymore.

This has been building up inside of me for a long time. Sometimes I just get irked. I can anticipate why people are talking to me, what they’re really after, and it generally doesn’t align with my own intentions or what will ever be feasible between us so stop leching out on me. I post sexy things for my brand and not to get the male gaze or whatever shit my snide detractors claim, or think. I do it for me. To empower myself. There may be a little attention-seeking there too but mostly it’s for the arts and my lifelong passion of showing my fashion, looks, my vibe, and expressing opinions of my experience. We are allowed to do what we want in our lives. I am tired of making excuses for being “a blogger” after 16 years.

I have been sick for a week so sorry for the crabby I will move on to more of the photo and caption straight-forward style approach to blogging now. I had a lovely bday lunch. Was supposed to do one thing but those plans fell through and so was able to hit The Drake with a good bro, yay.

Maybe I am recovering from my birthday still something happened to me on it like in the Santa Claus or Freaky Friday. “I’ve changed” and for the better you’ll see.

Thanks mom for all the sweet gear.

I may be an idiot but I got nice gambs.

It was brutal weather on March 31. We waited out a lightning storm and drank champagne Heather and I did and busted out the selfie stick. Heather got us tickets to Field Trip. What a little scamp I lurve her. So do all the men. HEheh.

I tried to dress it up for this special day. Two outfits. Why not. I am over my birthday now my birthday complex is gone now I’m just like in post bday apocalypse recovery mode LOL haha okay I’m shutting it.

No I am not into the occult but other people are and I want to make money off them. This Wednesday Addams is available FOR SALE make an offer.

Ahhh Fujahtive. They’ll be having their own post. It was a solid show and the crowd was pretty great too! It always is and they always are.

Mom got excellent shots as usual.

Nothing beats a crisp white dress now I’m all set for a P.Diddy white party stay tuned. Thanks Sara Duke!

Dropping mad hints everywhere no? Lol.

What do you do with this life how do you organize it what do you make of it how do you showcase it. Just get on with it I guess.

A lot of great stories from this evening. So much love.

Love it.

So many possibilities found at The Darling Mansion.

Developed a (later on in life) dreamify addiction. Unique endless ways to be creative especially if one already has an artistic eye and access to wicked sets.

Love it. Loon records.

Please hang up and try your call again this is a recording.

Aging like a fiiiine wine. I’ve heard worse and recently too haha.

I just take so many pics of things and surroundings and myself that I make these collages that’s the short of it. I like how it tells the story.

Rural fashions.

I’ve been working for Shannon Brass Vixens queen as her personal assistant this week. Timing in life is everything and so far so good I love her. We go back some years. It all just makes sense.

Looking forward to getting a tan and rocking my new locks. Or at least not being sick anymore or looking Lydia Deetz-tired.

Uncanny.

So I been busy so I gwan slow it down this w/e and kick this cold’s ass. Looking forward to my guitar lesson tomorrow.

Goodbye dark roots. I thought they were kinda cute but your next colour application is always looming.

NO cut this time just a colour. Once I wash it and have it straightened like usual I am keen to see it in all its glory. Hair obsessed. Part of my personal passion project. When I had fug hair no one was nice to me. How you look is important it shouldn’t rule your whole world all the time but it pays off when an effort is made.

I love your loo Grateful Head.

Everyone needs a little birthday sprite like this.

Just don’t touch the merchandise. Okay I think I’ve hit the wall night everybody!

Oh yeah, don’t be pissed at me. I will get back to you when I can. There is a long list of you that’s all.

Expert inside

My friend is wrapping up a class this week he’s teaching (no it’s not my bf lol) on the internet or digital whateverthefuck and naturally needed to ask an actual success story (those who can, do and those who can’t, teach classes about it at Sheridan I guess) so he emailed me last night and I was all ok remind me in the morning or it goes in to a black(berry) hole of forget. So without further ado, here is some garbage I just wrote that he will re-work in to a teachery-like offering of in the form of wisdom, Raymi style. (I know how you like to read and all).

Don’t say anything you cant take back. always think before engaging in a flamewar (in the future they will probably be illegal or have stronger repercussions for trolling) day time traffic is valuable so sacrifice your social life when you can to drive that traffic to your blog/social media/anything. Be patient, be original and funny, but dont try too hard. Learn about spin doctoring and do that like a pro. And anyone IRL who brings you down for your little projects ie blog, take no heed and keep on truckin because you will succeed. You are no one these days if you don’t have an online presence, how do you expect to get free things or get in to places? You can use a blog as a media passport in to all your cool favourite things if you work it right. Whether you buy in to celebrity or not, following the celebrity recipe for blogging (the full polished product, including you)(aka DON’T BE A SLOB HOW YOU LOOK MATTERS SO DEAL WITH IT ACCORDINGLY) you will go far. Give the people what they want, they want to be inspired, they want a leader, someone larger than life. Things don’t exist until they’re invented so get going! People don’t care anymore so you have to make them care. Just read my blog and take cues from that and call anytime.

xo your pal raymi

Prepare to get schooled

Good afternoon class, welcome to Social Media Business Studies: THE NECESSARY EVIL. Now watch me as I live tweet and make fun of several people/brands/pop culture things. This is what we call “working” and this class is scheduled during a very vital key tweeting timeframe haha kidding I didn’t tweet, or say this either.

Wow love what you’ve done with the Business Department office. I love patios! I think it makes the students lazier though always coming to mooch around on their spare/lunch instead of walking up town to get high and eat pizza. Just kidding, no bad kids in sight, our generation has been grandfathered out. Speaking of, I told Mr. Bates about the falconer reunion party we had and said everyone is loving and like gangster’s paradise, one big happy family unit still. And yes everyone we are all very well versed on the hilarious offering what is Tom’s surname, Mr. Mastur- LOL. just had to get it out of the way cos it was very educationally important to address. The element of humour is a crucial raymi the minx component.

Statement purse of the century, Fall is definitely the season for a bright bag. This girl asked if it was some designer, whats her face and I was like “?” and then told them all about Nella Bella. She flips designer purses on Kijiji. Oh what a world we live in today.

Colleague and I were given leather-bound SSS insignia post-it holders. VIPLEASE treatment! Mr. Bates was funny and pointed out the 2010 dated year haha, and before he opened them up for us we were like Ooooh, and he goes yeah sorry (cos it could have been anything inside there right, good build-up to a great let-down) haha. I will let it proudly gather dust on a desk at some point, Tom.

See Tarek, everyone adores your work. Ps. do you think Mr. Bates is a sleeper gay? Lol.

No cell phones in class. Pfft. there isn’t wifi though cos of the (paranoia) brain waves, seriously. I said that’s fine, I didn’t have wifi so they should cope without.

I remember Mr. D he’s the shop/auto teacher, he always had grease rats loitering around, car groupies? Nerds who wanted to be manly and this one slutty girl whom I used to hang out with who was irritating as hell. She hung around Ward and I aka used him for rides, sorry gal, Ward is my chauffeur. He taught me to drive standard and I invented Life happens to Raymi at his house one night in the year 2000.

Woop woop! Partay!

And then this cute blushing ginger guy showed up and we shyly said hi to one another.

And then I was blown away by my English Media teacher showing up and screamed out OH MY GOD YOU INSPIRED ME SO MUCH! (Had no idea he was still teaching) And then everyone laughed at him gahaha.

He had hair when he taught me. Mr. Bates was like I didn’t know he taught you, I still think of him as the new guy. I chuckled as I set up my crap and said that’s funny you don’t get the respect you’ve earned and time you put in until you retire here. I hope you get a nice watch.

Off to chat to one of his students. Teachers use guests as student avoiding forcefields and just being an adult period in a school-setting makes everything you do look super important and you, very busy. Teachers have it made.

Ha I see event planner down there and how does a teacher even know what that means or how to teach it? I guess just watch wedding planning shows and you will figure it out? Brand manager? See, lucky kids, none of this shit was taught to me, which is what I told them so you better take notes.

We started in this room, then moved to the computer lab, which works on a first come first serve/scheduled basis? I introduced myself and then we all had to shuffle rooms. Gave me a breather to calm my nerves a little.

HOT FOR TEACHER!

Aaand here is my rack No wifi? Lets get out of here. Didn’t use the laptop at all during my talk. They could just tune real me out and scroll away.

Much better. Wow, it’s not blocked? Amazing. oh my god that girl’s hair, gorgeous.

Ok so, I have been doing this for eleven years this November blabbity blah.. One girl said ok so when did you first start getting paid, I said three years in or so, wait a minute, you did this for years and no money? UH I had a real job and I was building my brand and preparing for wealth and working in a non-existent field. I paved the way for what is happening today. I started blogvertorials. Today if you were smart enough, thanks to me, you could start a blog and make money from it pretty much straight away but there is still a lot of work required of you. A lot of planning goes in to it, from your brand (name) to your design, content, appeal, angle, niche. Over the decade I have made many contacts and connections which over time those bonds get stronger and trust is built and then eventually you advertise for every single person you know because you are an expert in your taste-making field, whether your brand is appropriate for that client or not (many seem to think that mine isn’t, wrong, your customers read my blog) you eventually become a household name with daily relevant coveted traffic. I get 3000 UNIQUE visitors daily and advertising with me will raise your website’s rank. For example, I’ve brought a brand’s rank of over 4 million to under a million after working on a 3 month long campaign with them. Does the blog you advertise with raise your rank at all?

If you’ll note, along my sidebar, I have over 10 FIRST PLACE various blog awards that I have won through weeks of solid hardcore intense and skillful campaigning. I do not settle for second place, First is where it’s at. I even beat Dooce in 2006 for Best Diarist, and by now she’s on par with Oprah and Katie Couric.

And last night I did my first film advertisement for a brand that I am sure I’ll get more work out of, knock on wood. I said here’s one of my trade secret tip sayings, YOU’RE ONLY AS BIG AS YOUR NEXT BIG THING so even though I am coming off something “big” that I did last night, I have to move on to the next thing, which is you guys here. Then I motioned to colleague with camera. You are my next blog post. I think they got it but I felt a little amway-ish at times with my zippy liners, I’d stop halfway through a maniac spiel and go uh, I guess no one knows what I am talking about and then I had to explain what spin-doctoring was (which Mr. Bates said OOh good one and is putting on his test!)

Couldn’t find my bag of newspaper tricks from last time I spoke at SSS so I only brought my tiny blurb in The Grid about Rob Ford, my mother, Dan Aykroyd and I to pass around. I prepared a fun bag of visuals too, boutique hotel room card keys I saved, my photo of the WTC burning that I took, conference badges, ticket stubs, a stuffed doll of myself someone made. I think it was a very enjoyable presentation if I do say so myself.

Hey blond girl you were in the last class I spoke to.

Lucky to get Mr. Bates two years in a row.

We watched Bad Teacher on the weekend so this was very timely for me, as is everything because I am always ahead of the curve. #dustingshouldersoff

Ok so like after I graduated from high school and took off to NYC I had to change my game plan because this major terrorist disaster event happened and the party was over and my big plan of making it in that scene kind of died so I moved to Maine for a few months and had a radio show there instead called There’s Something about Raymi. One kid is like, what was your radio show about? I said, stupid crap, like my blog. I read weird stuff on air from the internet and talked about Canada a lot cos they’re stupid idiots and don’t know anything about us. I read the Molson Canadian beer commercial (that had just come out) that debunks every canadian stereotype, or re-inforces it, the My name is Joe and I am canadian blabbity blah. Big hit! You can blog from anywhere in the world, any scene, life is what you make it and it extends to blogging so, no excuses. Every new experience is a new opportunity in blog life to reach a new market demographic/audience.

My first book at 22. Even hate mail is valuable. (measure it in inches, -Warhol) We’ll be rolling out a Dear Raymi vol. II no doubt at some point, so watch your grammar! raymi@raymitheminx.com

I caught her laughing along with some of my jokes. Good stand-up practise too. When I passed around The Grid copy I said now, this paper didn’t have to mention my mother and I at this function but I had the exclusive on it and the saucy addition of raymi the minx and the mayor is media gold and that is somewhat linked to spin doctoring in the sense that, I knew a photo with the mayor would pay off for my blog and that it did that’s why I invited Tracey the Minx and my fairy Godmother Lois. We’ll be out on the loose tonight and tomorrow oh my. I was very insidery with these kids cos I wanted it to all make sense to them someday when they learn that blogging is a very good means of success if done right, quite a practical hands-on learning which is what I meant when I asked how a teacher could possibly teach about event planning because there is more to it than simply guest lists (I told them to kiss PR girl ass like a motherf-er) and simple black outfits, you have to spin doctor and get VIPs in there, media, you have to orchestrate a magical successful circus, it can be a nightmare. Planning my ten year ann. gig was hell and there is still a frosty scowly face bee in this industry hive toward me for some alleged rudeness besought upon her from me (which I had no intention nor recollection of), you cannot please everyone and WILL NOT. So toughen up.

This is the cookie dealer. He makes cookies at home, wraps them in cling film, and price tag stickers, sells them at school which by Mr. Bates’ confession, is illegal. Mr. Bates is one of his cookie customers. LOL! I said that’s great but what are you going to do when you graduate? Get on twitter and/or blast on FB what batch of cookies you’ll be making for tomorrow. It’s his dream to make an indoor skatepark.

Hey kids what can I say, I did it my way.

Cookies have been banned from cafeterias, all junk and unhealthy foods, but Mr. Bates said (uber-sarcastically) yeah “apparently” because they’re evil, yes. I’m taste-testing one, not bad, not overly sweet or buttery. Smart guy. Also, wouldn’t your sexist old-fashioned mentality picture the bubbly phoney popular girl to be behind this evil cookie selling?

$1 liquidated to 25 cents hey I learned about double-stickering in biz class too kid, you’re lucky I didn’t pay for this.

Ha ha how adventures in babysitting of me. A lesson in swag bags. Also on the test! No one knew what they were, Mr B was shocked. Only Toronto kids know what they are, interesting.

????? So glad I am not in high school anymore o_O?

One of my sponsorships. That blew my little fan girl raymi away. I have 7 Nella Bellas?

Interesting hair day from behind.

That kid fired up Yogurty’s website and I’m like, excuse me, is he even in this class? I gave him a card too tried to get him to pose in our group photo Ahaha. He was really funny (good work you are working very hard lol I said) and I used him (and others) at certain junctures for comedic purposes. Good group of kids these lot, it was a fun lesson session.

I played with this three hole punch A LOT even partially dismantling it at one point.

Ok lets get the hell outta here and beat the after school rush. But do we have time for a library heist first and group photos? Duh!

Success is going back to your high school and teaching them about your weird life. You can work in a box factory and be a millionaire (though unlikely) ok scrap the box factory thing, what I mean is, I am one who thinks I am always right and I need to public/motivational speak at least every other month or so to stay sharp so thanks for having me Mr. Bates! Get those kids on tumblr.com or twitter. Probably both. And funnel all that crap to Facebook while you’re at it. (especially the cookie dealing kid I got high hopes for him and the Kijiji girl too).

Good work, I am giving you all A’s. Now get that swag bag out of here we do not advertise for free.

I only dressed a little bit slutty. Guy on the left looks exactly like a friend/classmate of mine from SSS who died of Meningitis while backpacking in Spain, in a hostel (be careful when you travel, and if it’s a cold, it could be worse!)(not to make you travel paro or anything) I didn’t mention it at the time but every time I looked at his face, it hurt. He died in his sleep, was peaceful. #emo. He was 21 I think. I got one last summer party in with him that I am forever grateful for, we all went til the sun came up and I never partied like that before all the high school cast were there. Maybe I will write about it some day. Way to go Scott Monk for that rip roarin’ blast! #thosewerethedays. I lived in Oakville at the time. Actually I will write about it and stick it in Six Months in Mansions which’ll be a juicy seller.

Mr. Bates is into harajuku culture or he likes to copy how I pose in photos.

How cute. Ahh high school memories. So fun.

And now for more fun. Book heist.

Mr. Bates gave me a copy of On the Road (a little raymi that pays attention) and I was like, can we steal the copy I used from the library for my essay that’s all underlined and marked up like a crazy emotional teenager? Ok sure, class, stay here til the bell rings we “have to go”. HAhaa. I said just locked them in!

Blond girl was on our tracks, then Mr. Bates dropped out of teacher role (which is hilarious to see a teacher being real and like, when Bob Saget swears, I am so naive it’s adorable) and said some funny stuff and I go, Mr. Bates! There’s a student RIGHT THERE behind us and he goes, oh yeah, she’s great. Then made her hold his clip board while he tied his shoe and said, there should be someone here to do this for me. HAHAH! Dying. Then some of his students slip out and he’s like, they’re escaping. School is jokes, or a joke if you’re a genius like me. My brother let a neighbourhood cat in the school a couple times. That school is so chill man compared to the scary maximum security prison what was my Catholic School I transferred from.

The lockers are painted differently now.

Very teachery shoes of me, clacky. I brought other heels to change into but didn’t see the point.

Haha look dad he chose a picture of me and your mustang for his clipboard notes.

This library was a good place to duck in to if you were avoiding teachers, or brothers.

I used to write in the Vice forums in this library, until the website was blocked, and then my blog too. Yahoo chat wasn’t, I’d plan my night’s mischief at SSS before going to my part time job, where I had phone access for 4-5 hours before closing time. Pre-cellphone world smarts. I bought a Motorola brick phone to make sneaking around easier too. That’ll go in another autobiography.

Should have looked up the last time it was taken out. Probably me.

How to not steal: If paparazis are present, they may photograph your crime. Ps. I don’t steal. Once in awhile a friend will admit to petty theft or Kleptomania and it is shocking, some people actually have a problem. A family friend at one point in time was an under cover store walker, he has stooories.

Yup that’s the one.

Metal detection bypass. You mean, I could have been stealing books all those years? Magazines too? Dammit. It’s ok, when I wrote reports I would invent authors/books that didn’t exist and make up the facts and bullshit statistics myself if I couldn’t find any books on it or take from a pile that I didn’t read. Sometimes my stuff was so well written I’d get, not exactly accused of, but perceived plagiarism. No, I am just a very good writer, sorry. My dad accused me once too, it’s a compliment the way I see it. 56% of euthanized pets are grateful for it. Lol.

Like, this is SO good there is no way an idiot like you could have written this. And how!

Cheers yo thanks SSS love ya Ever! Always! Forever! and kids, don’t forget…

Ta xo your pal raymi.