I’d apologize but I wouldn’t mean it

Hiya. Take in the last newd of 2014.

Winter stir crazy rural Ontario (yes Hamilton and Burlington are rural to me) has begun to take its chilly toll so we went to bowlerama and ate a bag of polish sour candy. Winter and not drinking makes you get creative. Come spring, I’ll have loomed an area rug, made some candles, illustrated and published a colouring book for the gifted, starred in a small town theatre production (I have no idea what you call this shit I just make it up as I go along) and learned the kazoo. Goals, am I right!

No but seriously I’m going to be doing a talk in the Kawartha Lakes area about blogging/social media to the arts council there. That’s going to be a time! It’s in February, they had spring slots but I took winter cos I am insane like that. There is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than driving in the northern snow with a travel budget to talk about yourself. Maybe it will be like the sequel to Misery. But it will be like a buddy black comedy picture, Misery loves company. There is probably already a movie called that anyway.

You win some you lose some.

I am the Prince Caspian of bowling.

Was trying to ge a lipstick shot.

Bowling alleys are time machines and that guy is intense.

I wanted that bear bad.

Omg I hate winter so much it should be called whiner.

I don’t think I can handle how very white snake this look is. Will also accept Vietnam war.

Can handle how cartoonish these look.

Polish Santa and his swinging lamp.

When all else fails go stoic. It comes naturally. This is my bitch resting face ha burn it’s just a Mona Lisa. Back then that was a smile.

Pardon me if I walk around like Mick Jagger all day I am practising my rock persona. I have mapped out my outfit in my head. Not telling. Jared and I are rehearsing immediately after I hit enter. I have the tingles. What’s that feeling. Excitement? AKA pumped? Yeah. That. Already been chatting it up with some other acts on the bill I am 1000% starstruck in advance. Butterflies. flutterflies. That is the vibe. Drink-free day 4 and it’s New Year’s Eve this is a recipe for Raymdisaster.

BTW I don’t always only wear one shirt here. This is one shirt twice and someone obsessively does laundry so it’s pretty chill. I dress horribly in stoney creek because I am a jerk. I wore my thermal pants which are essentially long johns aka underwear for every errand including bowling yesterday. We see Lindsay dinner jackets often. You know what those are? Those plaid thermal work coats men wear. THIS close to wearing/getting one. It’s like a burlier version of a Canadian Tuxedo. Don’t knock it til ya try it.

I enjoyed that candy cane.

Part of my outfit tonight. Man the chick who helped me was so frosty. Eastern European women have asbergers, not one fucking little laugh or smile out of them. I bought this full price lipstick because she was so super mean! Wouldn’t even give me a deal. At least I had a gigantic box of tampons in my hand at the time you stupid bitch (this is stand-up style mateial delivery don’t be offended) hello can’t you see I am on my period here BE NICE TO MEEEEE! God it was awkward and then bf comes over and I’m like here can you hold this please and pass him the box. This lady did not pick up on any of the humour in this situation, it really irritated me.

Good but gross after awhile.

I don’t even know what I am looking at.

Have a chill NYE everyone! See you tonight. Boylord goes on at 11pm in the basement then our best friend Buck 65 is after us!!!

The party will be on the 6pm CBC news!

I will give you something else

Hi! *waves* and other emoticons.

Sometimes I feel like I am such a giant big mouth and I have all these things to say, all these thoughts to share and then become fatigued by it and the time I make to commit to, writing. It’s like I could just talk about anything, spin a yarn in detail and at length about any bullcrap here and it doesn’t really matter so much as I am typing. Woah. David Suzuki staring into the eye of an evergreen tree. Exactly.

I have put myself out there to be this next big something I hope I am not choking under the weight of my own ambitions. I have a lot of public speaking, and scarier yet, writing, in my future and I am feeling all spoken out. I’m just shaking out my fears is all.

It has been an interesting, interesting summer. Another one for the fucking books lol. Aren’t they always like pyro though? A significant summer: that has lit a fire beneath my ass! Like it?

My tagline (a new peer bosom buddy mentor of sorts has decided to grant me a to-decide/do list) or “a” tagline is this. Let me know what you think. Raymi the Minx: A flavour you want. Ruminate.

Anyway. Marketing aside. As blathering on before about not knowing what to say, it all comes from thoughts which drive you and you ride through and you’re just like riding through your life basically propelled by your own thoughts. These things spill onto social media and the like. Just riding through my life. That’s my stunted Bob Dylan-y jive and all I wanted to say. I’m being influenced by True Detective right now. I fancy myself talking gritty, curt.

By the time I am fit enough to wear these custom Hooters outfits I can’t find the orange booty shorts. I wore my blond wig and the shirt for Halloween actually.

Oh god not my best work but whatever. I’m like a wounded court jester ahaha. Like I give a damn. Sean Connery voice.

Damara has a shoe problem.

Damara I miss you xo.

My Hobbit hole. The lake is my view right out of that window. Come over and let me read my poetry to you Bahhahahahhaha. No seriously. Gahhaha. Jkjkjk.

I just whatsapped this to Stephy and said come and read my shitty poetry. hah.

After this I have to get semi-pretty for a potential wedding crashing and what not and what not my way through life.

Last time I posted a hooters pic someone believed I was working there. Half awesome half sad. Like if there was a new Half Baked starring female stoners and one of them were me, working at hooters. Yo I would f–ing watch that! See how it says raymi the minx for the billionth time on my shirt. Did you know the backstory to these uniforms I received? It is SUCH a good one. You will hear it one day.

RBG is amazing times. Going back soon.

Selfie nuts. Need more events in Btown.

I run absolutely everyday though.

Have a great night!

Play hard to forget

Hello Jabrones. Hi it’s just me here killing time and not myself. RIP R Williams.

I am actually waiting for my “literary agent” to pick up the damn phone! I am happy to inform you lot, that I have unearthed my How to be Famous on the Internet manuscript and because it sounds a wee bit dated in parts I thought I might share some of this load of crap I’ve been sitting on since I first sat down in rural Northern Ontario someplace and begun writing it. *Licks finger/turns page.

What I am going to do with my self-made how-to story novella is upgrade it with what is happening in the worlds online today, in particular, pertaining to myself of course (Raymisms and so on, essentially) and whatever the fuck else I make up about the rest. It’ll be good don’t worry. I am trying to speak as vaguely as possible before a smart person beats me to the punch this time. THEN, once I finish this Godforsaken “gateway” book I can move on to the next ones and be JK Rowling. Jkjkjjkjk Rowling.

Okay hi I’m back just had our call and now I am capital psyched. We discussed publishers. It’s a go. I was like refamiliarize yoself! Im’a be buggin’ you like hell! My agent always says, get it on paper. Which I never do. Well I do but it’s funny we are discussing books in this day and age. I’m like well, you’re still in business bro so I guess people still read books. We discussed you guys too. The “Little Raymis”. Oh it’s so exciting! Bang a gong bro! If all else fails we will just put a gigantic picture of my ass on the cover. Word.

Expect more Raymi. But maybe don’t! Because I’m not supposed to be here. The immediacey of blogging is still desirable, the feeling I get from it and the people I reach, touch with my work and inspire. Minx, perhaps. Flirt with. Talk shit to. Oh the internet is the fucking best, can I get a hell yeah and an amen? Thank you.

The internet brought me Damara, so… yeah.

The adventure continues/I got things to pretend to do so see ya. Here is one excerpt from my book.

How to be famous on the Internet. I will tell you how I did it and through that perhaps you can glean your own infamy course of action. Essentially, all the bells, whistles, and gimmicks of being an internet celebrity are merely simplistic no-brainer hallmarks of a successful businessperson. Talk a good game, be one step ahead, be smooth, motivational speaking type shit. This book is a novel under the guise of a guide. I am using talking points from my how to be famous on the internet lectures, of which I have given many, as my chapter titles. Not only will you learn how to be famous on the internet, you will also learn how to write. First you learn how to write, then you learn how to harness your writing skill for online domination. If you’re here not to learn anything other than how I do, just taking a seat along for the ride, that’s fine too.

xo R/L

ps. if you also just haven’t gotten enough, I tumbl.

Unrequit this.

Hi Raymwatch. Instead of moving forward in life, today I have decided to take it a step back or few and check out some #TBT Throwbacks because I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t care at the mo. I know that I’ve done a lot of out there stuff in my time and sometimes fail to give it the recognition it deserves due to whackloads of cyber bullying making fun of my performance art (burlesque) but now that I have been taking in some of my past exploits I am impressed, suffice it to say. That wow I did that.

Even though I blind myself in the eye in the end, emulating the scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation in the same (more or less) red bathingsuit with Hawaiian flowers thrown in to marry it all together was pretty epic…blah blah blah watch. I am kind of going through a body fitness obsession phase right now so maybe I am taken by that? Like don’t fuck it up again this time kid. My goal is totake on the world with my body and mind. But mostly body. If I could call myself Raymi the Body from now on, I would. Someone is already called “The Body” though, and she’s awesome (scary).

I made these videos all the time because I was too shy to dance out in public because no one dances in Toronto but I have this burning desire to dance and these youtube videos were how I did it. Plain as day sober. Alone. Like a hamster in its cage? Some became pretty viral too. The rest of this post will be pictures. This video is from 2008. OLD.

Okay well one more can’t hurt :).

At the end of this night, some girls dressed up in my tickle trunk costumes and one uses a picture of her in this with me in it on her dating profile. I don’t know why I love that so much? It’s ridiculous probably. That a guy on the internet who reads my blog told me about it cos he saw it there but knew I wasn’t dating. I am turning into an easter egg.

Oh and I am gonna be the next ass person too that is also one of my crazy goals. I am going to also chisel out space in my repertoire for my ultimate sights which are set to be Chelsea Handler. I’ll have to start drinking way more though. But back to ass, if you don’t believe it check my instagram I am doing daily badonks and it’s probably nsfw. Three crappy words of life: Not Allowed To. I woke up, smelled the coffee and realised I was allowed to do this. So I am doing it. Ps. this pic was in Miami, we had an awesome time.

Life as a blonde was interesting. I did not achieve my goal with it which was to be Holly Madison and after MTV Creeps I wanted to distance myself so I changed my hair and never spoke of all the awful things I wanted to say about them and went Jean Grey.

Aw Papa. I am going as Nana’s date tomorrow in your stead. We love and miss you so much. This was my brother’s 30th birthday jam that I decorated the house like a carousel for him as a surprise, he was touched. So I have turned 28 by this point. He and my ex got loaded on flavoured vodka and I depsised them ahhaha.

Then I was on another dating show and the secret is we were already dating. He curled my hair that morning of taping and actually dropped me off too. lol sorry. That’s why I was so awkward cos I was afraid of how he would act, yet he was brilliant. I was the one who got made fun of bahaha.

Christine is an awesome blogger too who is traveling the world. Too bad we didn’t meet up in Germany! Me wearing this little onesie (my niece now has) was a big deal cos I was on my way to getting skinny and it was my first tiny outfit that I felt uncomfortable in all night long wearing, but everyone gawked in a good way. I try not to dress like an idiot as much anymore but it happens. Speaking of throwback this was a throwback party.

Met a hot doctor this night and I danced with Dennis Rodman. Ft Lauderdale baby. Still get their emails and they make me sad.

We didn’t fight the whole time. you don’t fight in Paradise. But I strangled her at the airport and made her delete all my evidence. God the stories I’m gonna tell one day when I’m a shriveled up extra from the movie Cocoon.

I am glad this feature film I starred in never saw the light of day. The stills are good enough for me.

I am glad this picture of me exists. I am hokey, what can I say. It worked for Mr. Dressup.

Melucas were spinning at Salvador Darling, Clem got us a limo and we surprised them after my headlining show at tattoo. That was an epic performance too. Don’t worry. I’ll do an act someday again. #bucketlists Also note my arm pre-minx tattoo but the burn mark (jerk chicken bbq) is there, which is why I got the tattoo.

Biked over to another old pocket of my past life to gibson Showroom one night alone and saw many many many (friendly) ghosts of back then, it was a bit much. I tried to be invisible. My eyes were watering the entire time because it was late in the summer, my allergies. God what a fool haha but here is a picture that it ever happened.

I wannabe Katy Perry too.

This is one of my favourite pictures. I was feeling really conceited and pretty and in love this night and so I wanted a nice picture but NOPE. Friends weren’t having it. COOL THANKS!

I love this picture too. What’s up O’Nizz!

Team yay cray at the nxne party. Ok i have to go to more music parties again because I get to see my old friends and by old friends I mean important people who fan girl my blog and tell me stories about Woody harrelson all night. Put me on your guestlist fuck sake raymiATraymitheminx.com and I am looking at you TIFF parties.

Another NXNE party night the next night. Hi Casie! ILU

Awesome bloggers know how to work together too. Sometimes. This was one of those times! Do you wanna see the video? An old friend of mine talked to me about it last night. Small worlds always, no?

My eyes watered all day long this day too ughh.

As for Jules she went back to school in San Fran and is dating some hot hippie bro now. Righteous. Miss you babe.

Bechnique is expecting a little boy! She’s somewhere in the states? Happy for you!

Reading up on one of my cyber besties at the shoe, just a typical Tuesday night.

Being skinny and hot and depressed at Emmas.

Haha those overalls.

I got that weird virus on NYE and lost like 7lbs, when I was already really skinny to begin with. there’s a blog post about that night if you were keen.

Had some interesting outfits for around Burlingtron.

I moved back to Toronto not long after this.

There are only so many times you can go bowling. Or are there?

Which brings us to nowadays. Do you think I should keep on keeping on? Thanks much obliged for checking out TBT with me.