was gonna/didn’t wanna

Hello and thanks for stopping by. I feel like if (once) I have my blog redesigned it will be easier to get back into the swing of things here. Maybe I am boring myself with all the selfies. They are kind of like, really shitty trophies. Personal vanity accomplishments. They stake a place in my timeline and when I post them I can either disassociate or I can recall, or say nothing at all.

As someone with a big mouth, I tend to err on the side of stfu more so than in the past. I used to air everyone’s dirty laundry here (mostly my own) and didn’t have a clue, or a filter. The next day during the hangover, texts and emails would come in telling me to remove this, this, and that. A picture. I was pretty greedy with this content because it was always the juiciest, best part of the story I would have to delete. Like the punchline. No fair.

Anyway, I just like reasons to excuse myself from being more assertive here, diabolical blogging, and consistency overall.

This drink is called the BECK Taxi. Lol. It’s supposed to resemble their colours.

I wonder what my cholesterol is and then I stop wondering.

Me today.

This weekend’s weather was bullshit and hilarious considering Toronto’s snowplow contracts were up and yet it was a four day assault of slush ice rain snow etc etc. Walking to lunch on Monday was Hell. Over 700 collisions over the weekend too. Suffice to say I didn’t go out once. Okay once to the supermarket for wine and beer huzzah.

ya know how I likes me emo face.

Yep ’tis I.

Can’t wait to get ripped and fit and just be able to power walk outdoors without freezing. This is why I hate fall because I know winter lasts forever and once that warm weather goes it’s GONE BRO.

Attempting to smile and be good looking here it’s almost like I am obsessed or something.

This pic makes me feel cold.

Dumb ship in our way ruined the shot. I kinda like it though.

Love my dumb-dumb dramatic poses.

Just here to inspire y’all.

woah relax.

This shirt is still the bee’s knees.

Oh hi there my sweet Marie MISSU.

Okay I think I’ve said enough for now. Just keeping tabs on you keepin’ tabs on me have an excellent one!

issa Raymbo vibe

Hey y’all hope you’re a superfan or can stomach a fuck ton of selfies. Both!

This is my David Bowie look. I posted a selfie years ago and an internet buddy responded in kind with a picture of David Bowie doing a dramatic looking off into the distance pose so every time since it comes to mind. Creative collaborators should always be looking over the fence at what the other guy is doing and taking some of that magic back with them.

I bought a new outfit and then we didn’t even go out. We made it downstairs to the bar then the mood passed. Whatever. No hangovers this weekend for it. I really like the green bomber coat I bought too, you’ll have to wait to see that didn’t take any pics of the whole ensemble.

I wish I got the skirt in a smaller size. Oh well. I got the small, I figured an xs would be ostentatious.

Feeling the black and white look.

Brown boots and black do not go I know the rule. I smash it but also I had these black heeled booties beneath my desk at work for a month, suede? I haven’t sprayed them I’m protective of them so they only made it down the road. I’m glad people didn’t dance all over them for sure they’d be toasted.

Someone bought a scale so now I know my number. I am pretty chill about my body these days as in I am fine with being juicy which is a nice and sassy way of saying I am kind of a sexy blob. Curves and all that are acceptably hot now thanks KardASSians. No really. Thank you. But I do miss my bike body and the endorphin rush that it brings and money saving cycle psycho insanity I receive. Last season I didn’t start riding my bike to work until mid-July so only got about that in shape which was pretty good but this season I’m taking my bike out way earlier than that. Let’s meet back here in September and see how much of a turbo-babe I am cool thanks.

It’s a bit big I am hoping once I start wearing it and shrink it mayhaps the sideboob will mellow yellow out. It fits fine as fuck everywhere else tho baleeee that. I got another cute one-piece to round out my collection. The Michael Kors (navy blue) one I got I don’t want it to get destroyed from over-usage and chlorine, kk.

Sometimes life is ruff.

I really like the rainbow filter. I come by the selfie honestly as I kind of started it. Facts. Anyway, filters did not exist back then and just cos I am egocentric doesn’t mean every selfie posted over the years has been stellar so now it’s a new toy to play with. Just cos women age doesn’t mean they age ugly or look ugly every day as an “aged” person. I have been told so many times what am I gonna do when I’m ugly, or lose my looks (I have one colleague/friend who has NO FILTER WHATSOFUCKINGEVER) and I’m like, “will still take selfies”. I picture myself like a quirky Yoko Ono Tori Amos weirdo sort, it’s not just about the beauty, the aged beauty but about the moment and feeling evoked therein, the outfit, the fashion… and as ugly as I may (soon to be/am now) there’s always plenty way more ugly than me. AND. Filters. As previously mentioned.

With the right attitude you really can wear whatever you want. Don’t worry. I get roasted on occasion when necessary. Luckily I am a caricature of a human, “a brand” if you will and I live in Toronto where anyone still playing this late in the game wrought with Peter Pan syndrome really can drag it out as long as they fucking want. Long story short, rock jeans like a ball gown and a ball gown like jeans and you can get away with it. Like the time I wore a bathing suit and daisy dukes at the casino. We went to check on the car where it was parked in the beaches, got in, and just drove. Won a lot of money too. Life is wild…

…basically this is to say that I slept over and all I had was the work shirt from the day before so I needed a shirt to wear lol. It was cold this day and rainy I didn’t have a cardigan or hoodie but I had the Christmas blanket hoarded at my desk which I wore like a wizard cape for a bit. It looked Raymazing.

Had a great time in a fabulous home in Oakchill last weekend with my mom. Thanks Tray! Love you love you love youuuu!

I tweeted everything while there. Marie goes, is that a bowl of diamonds? Yes. It is exactly that.

Julie said this was like looking into my future, this pic of mom and I. Well good. I’ll be a lucky woman if I get to age like me ma’am.

Next time I will make more effort in the clothing I pack. I can make it work but it’s always this thrown together garbage that if I wasn’t so fucking cool would be like who is this idiot? I am glad I bought that pink toque, it stops people in the street and they talk to me. One guy was like PINNNNNNNNNNNNNNK and I just went, “yes” then everyone around us laughed. Shit like that. There are comedians all around us. Embrace them.

Oakville is a special place to me. 1. I was born there. 2. I have hung out everywhere, know so much town gossip and history generations over it’s a nostalgic punch in the face everywhere I go. Like for instance, this used to be the Bearded Collie and when I was little I was practicing my dance moves in here with Sarah and I knocked a waitress’ tray as she went by me. It was a disaster. Then years later it was our watering hole for awhile and many, many, many other embarrassing things happened here okay not many just one that I am too embarrassed to recount for you now for some reason but trust me it was LEGENDARY. The worst. HAHAHAHAa.

swoon.

A very magical place.

It was cold af.

The champers was flowing.

Gosh this super post just keeps going.

The service was slow, they were slammed so I get it. My order was messed up too. I was chill but enjoyed my table mates complaints about it all. When she walked away after taking our complex order I said wow there is no way she going to remember that? After 3 things my brain shuts off and I have to write it all down.

I said no hash browns. I got em anyway. They are so delicious I had to eat them. We saved some for the birds. I got cold slices of tomatoes later on which I didn’t eat. I said don’t you grill these? She said no as if I was insane. Yes. Because grilled tomatoes as substitute would be impossible…if you only…had…a grill back there.

It’s so easy to fatten up on weekends. Too easy.

Fed the shit hawks and ducks.

Mom wore my cat hat. Also by the way if you need your house painted, let us know.

Whoops.

When I christened myself as Raymi I knew then what I know now that it is the BEST CUTEST NAME IN EXISTENCE AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE CALLED RAYMI.

My mom has mad fashion style.

Gotta have my pinks

Mom said we look snapped here. Snapped. Nice slang mom.

I didn’t have a bawth here. Should I have?

Corporate whimsy look.

Someone tried to say these cat filters are ugly. Um. This same person is full of shit. Cats are adorable. Illogic really irks me.

Proving a point.

David Bowie emo look. Yes I do work at work this is at the end of the day lol.

Water baby forever.

It’s the bandeau, relax.

Well, thanks for stopping by! Have an excellent Sunday.

Raymi in a b o x

As with all magazine features, there is a q&a that goes into a black hole when there’s a lack of space issue. Which delights me because now I can funnel a bunch of views to my blog and use that content for my damn self so without further ado, read on little buddy. This is what I thought about myself in July.

What’s one word that best describes your box portrait experience?

It was an empowering experience and I am really glad I braided my hair that morning plus wore those dangly earrings, it really worked out.

How did you feel afterwards?

I felt pretty pumped, proud and accomplished. A few friends expressed interest in getting naked in the box themselves. Seeing is believing so once they saw the magic that the simplicity of boxed nudes can be, it just spread from there. I don’t think they ever got around to it so now I imagine they’d be kinda pissed at themselves.

What was the reaction of your family/partner/friends?

Awesomeness and a funny facebook thread. I am renowned for my past with nudes so I am pretty sure some people were like whatever Raymi. You still get a thrill each time you undress and despite considering myself a bit of a nudist, I still get shy.

Would you pose naked outside of a box? And how do you think the box changed things?

As previously mentioned I’ve gone buff before. I think I’d pose nude again if I had full creative control, great lighting, props, setting, location, and concept. I guess that sounds control freakish but you gotta do you. I’m into outdoor nudity in places you wouldn’t expect.

What was the last thing that you did that scared you?

I hung out with Miss World Canada beauty queens for a few days subjecting myself to jealous personal comparisons and accepting the aging process. It actually wasn’t scary after all. I enjoyed momming them a bit.

What do you wish people understood more about you?

How charming and witty I actually am. More people deserve to experience me in real life and have the pleasure of my humour. A lot of people think I am crazy which I chalk up to a big misunderstanding and sexism. I am simply a self-assured go-getter whom also happens to be an unbridled genius. I’m special I know it and exploit it for personal gain. One must, no?

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

19

In what ways are you the same as your childhood self?

I have arrested development. I was thinking about this in my uber ride en route to work this morning. I’m OLD but I have no intention of aging, maturing, or ever growing up any time soon.

Thanks to HOLR Magazine and to Mike Parker

People like a story tell it.

Hello my demographic. Now that I’m midway through the process of over-analyzing what blogging is and my approach to it, I’m prepared to dip my toes in the water and you are invited along for the swim.

I’m going to keep my captions as minimal af to get through it. I’m not going to say things, explain things. I will omit. I’ve a lot going on, I have been busy and work-focused and yes it is harder to personally blog when you have a FT but because I’m a “mood based” blogger, emotional, and ultimately not phony, I can’t fake it. I get pleasure from this so if I am miserable in real life I cannot do this. I need to be inspired.

A blog is a mirror of your life. My friend, who is also a famous blogger, told me she is an emotional mute when it comes to business, referring to her blog, she just gets’er done. Which I fucking admire. I haven’t left the game I’ve just let it gather time, space, and change. The last year of my life has seen much, I can’t even.

I was just speaking to a writer, an editor, who said he loves his privacy. He is also a fan of mine. From a distance. I said by the time you write about someone they can already be gone. Well actually, here is the entire chat transcript because yolo. I’m bold. As well as my writing is the writing in bold.

Sounds nice

Yeah. I’m a morning person
I like to get up and do creative work early with a coffee
I’m a writer / editor
Editing in the afternoons

I lurked you know
I*
sorry my laptop is ancient sometimes letters i type dont make the cut
Im actually planning to write today
blog. its been ages

Hahaha, don’t worry. I totally understand phantom letters
Oh cool!
I’m a total fan
The way you capture the version of a life.
I admire your storytelling

thanks. it has been so long now that i overthink it. i usually write about normal to crazy things but in my manner i feel like people get caught up in the emotion, as they should, but i feel too exposed.
i should just do it and think less
anyway we will see how it pans out

Interesting
Exposure is a price, certainly

i just came up with my blog title
People like a story, tell it.

I couldn’t do what you do for that very reason

yeah u have to omit a lot of things

I like my privacy too much

I just want to keep my job

I can imagine

lol

HAHAHA, of course
I am just so comfortable with anonymity
I’d never want to lose it


well why the hell are you talking to me then
;)

HAHAHA
You spoke to me first!
I’m sticking to that


life moves so fast by the time u want to write about someone they can already be gone
but yeah u can own it raymi followed your breadcrumbs (he liked my picture first, fact)

Oh I’ve definitely felt that
Actually, I find it easier to write about people / experiences that are deeper in the rearview
I need the time to tell myself the story over and over again
For it to get interesting

well they always come back to me and see ive written about them
or it feels like it
carries more weight
plus everyone knows everyone in this town.
so if i hang out with someone theyre like oh i know them, then go find out everything
or im paranoid

I find time shrinks the town
I’ve been here 20 years
And I know more people than Id like now
;)

yeah
u have to like duck behind dumpsters and hydrants
to avoid

Hahahaha
Nah, I’m thoroughly uninteresting I think
And aim to keep it that way!

hmmm
something tells me youre not uninteresting

One of the team is going away for awhile to travel, see the world, all that, so the week was spent (drinking) saying goodbye. I’ll feature all the pics of the goodbye pub party soon. I love my work fam.

Creepy. The overcast sky, ew. Not to be religious but isn’t it like playing with fire to destroy a church? A couple churches burned down in my hometown before by delinquants. If one believed in God they might fear death a little more if they demolished a church?

I work in Lesbianville, I mean Leslieville, sorry, am I that guy who is still making tasteless politically incorrect jokes…actaully I kinda am. I work with younger people and live with even younger people. I’ll be like sitting with them in the livingroom and their friends after work in my corporate clothes and it’s just pure jokes. I feel like I have lived many lives and it’s a thrill to live another one again and basically be Peter Pan forever. SOMEONE has to tell these kids what’s up. It keeps me young.

Kelly Bundy outfit day at work. I am going to go get some new office duds and by “new” I mean I’m going to Value Village and targeting fugly (adorable) eurotrash patterned, crazy loud sweaters to pop my collar through. I like to dorkify myself. What is wrong with me? An old friend of mine, when worked in an office, used to rock hilarious dress shirts and vest combinations… it commands respect and is a delight to the eyes. I just want to look like Frida fucking Kahlo goes to the circus.

Who else feels like they have to stay super busy or they’re going to explode? I think that is a good way to be, creatively ADD, to live a life like a painting, feverishly consuming one experience after another. We are like animals. Each night the sun goes down it comes up again and we rise to take on another thing to conquer, victory to achieve, level to rise. We always have to do better and build our little empires like ants who don’t know the apocalypse is coming.

If you maintain the ability to be enchanted by life then you will be alright.

I’ve decided to come out from under my rock and do things that I want to do again. See my friends. Be more social. Make new friends. New friends is where it’s at I am addicted to people. As much as I need my alone time. Anyway enough about me.

I loved the mural that use to be here I featured it on Raymi Toronto before check it out!

I have been told that what is wrong with me is my pleasure diet is too high but how much are you supposed to listen to what others say about you specifically that of old bastards. We all choose how we live our lives right? I indulge and then I like, starve. I don’t mind suffering as I am conditioned to it but I know that it makes the sweet all the sweeter.

Now that is one well done sausage.

How prophetic although I doubt they meant about the february heat wave we experienced last week.

Spotted in Yorkville. Someone’s Valentine’s Day was lit.

Greatest place ever. Authentic. I am all about escapes. I’m a culture sponge.

Beauty.

There’s a pub near work that has a donair on the menu cos they’re all Nova Scotians. Sick find bro. Although this meat isn’t legit thinly sliced and more of a “meatloaf” and it’s always a joy to watch the chef with his huge (un-netted) beard make it I mean, it’s a giant beard, long and scraggly and out of control but I am too shy to say anything. I will just calmly wait to find hair in my donair.

I am not one for desserts but this one I allow because I am a doormat. It’s a banana peanut butter pie and the bananas are still bananas it’s bananas. This is from my new locale that I am taking a time off from because I don’t like to be that girl although people always remember me. I need to start wearing disguises?

This day I treated myself to a pizza sub it was amazing. I think I saved a quarter to eat back at the office. Genius move. The owners of this particular location are insanely friendly, community-minded and sweet – it’s shocking!

They have cheap champagne here too I will have to bring Heather.

Plus this magical band. I call them, “Santa has an identity outside of Christmas”.

The t-shirt guys downstairs had this up on the wall. Love them. Getting shirts made soon and hoodies.

As you can see I am keeping busy. I went to a talk. About Mindfulness. Start-up Mindfulness. It was interesting and insightful. I really wish I had more time and energy to go into detail over all the facets in my life, what do you guys actually want to hear about though?

I love it. I wish it wasn’t hung above the preggo drinking warning ad though.

Hackernest. I go to events quite often these days. Maybe I will see you at one? Luckily I thrive in social awkwardity but I’m also great at taking the floor and control. People thought Lee and I were running the photobooth largely because we took control.

Pizza + booze + smart people = giddy-uppa.

East Side Mario’s really likes their Italian icons yeah. I love the glamour too.

My fifteenth birthday, my awful haircut (why did we do that?), my first serious boyfriend and a Boston cream cake. I will not say cream pie here aghhhh lol. I remember watching all of my crew walk on passed my dance studio that day, my birthday, was also the day of my jazz exam! I was so bitter. I passed with honours of course but still, I wanted to be a tomboy with my bros and walk home from highschool. I think we went to a movie. There was no booze or pot. Lame. Falconer whaaaaaaaaaat.

Do you like how I jammed my hoodie under my hat. It was cold. I hate the cold.

This was the day Trump came into power, a Friday. We had the inaugeration on. Pretty surreal. Tess brought in gold sparkles to add to our vodka. I love Tess.

I’d tell you why I seldom smile in photos but that would take all the fun out of it.

I want more designer shirts. Hook it up if you got it.

Blouses, belts, pants, dresses. Fix me! Benefit from my network.

We need to keep those who are also self-indulgent close to us. There is a kinship. We need to breathe life into the creative dust bag in the vacuum and sometimes likewise we need to have our breaths taken away.

How is that for a look. Rhetorical. In fact don’t say anything mean to me here ever.

I now own two of these ikea boudoir things. The price is right! My other one is in Burlington. Hi Burlington fam!

You know I love my collages.

It’s a ghost town on the weekends in this hood. CATWALK.

Went to a hipster place on Ossington and my date and I were accosted with hipster rudeness it was hilarious. Sorry but manners go a lot further than blatant snottiness. And no it’s not just us. The cloak of Toronto smug is a palpable routine for most in the service industry. So over it. I keep threatening to write a book about Toronto.

La Carnita is boss.

This speaks to me. A lot of funny shit went down here.

An interesting fashion day.

That’s my girl. We decided that we are best friends. Hopefully that will make my other friends battle it out and all like me more and call me to hang out bahhaa.

Hi.

Oh hi again.

Oh jesus hi again.

The nut does not fall far from the tree. Hi mom.

Bonjour.

That time I’m on a tv show that’s about to air as a Royal. Check ya later guys this has been great!

ttyl for now xo Raymbo.

highly woke

Hi friends, Happy Saturdaze.

Just checking in to say how are ya.

As I was making coffee this morning I got to thinking, watching the coffee grounds swirl around the sink and after checking on my laundry cycle I thought about something someone said to me once, how I was a “temptress”.

I stuck that in my bonnet for a rainy day. Today. Then I came up with a joke about it, as one does when they’re forced to look at themselves. So, I’m writing a new book called the art of temptation: something I used to know how to do.

That’s the joke.

Anyway, when it comes to marketing, one of the major important steps in the advertising process, is to tempt. Or, to tantalize (delight) then convert into leads.

Bet you weren’t expecting this Mad Men shit foisted on you on a Saturday!

How do I change or evolve? How do I eclipse myself now that I can’t be as brazen and not saying that I cannot. I just mean. How many selfies does it take, because it doesn’t.

I’m going to start making Facebook Live videos once I get proper lighting. Then, I will read to you. Why? So you can hear my voice. Then. I will make singing videos, or audio recordings too because that’s how arrogant I am about my singing ability.

I will also lose some weight by lifting some weights once in awhile. And by dieting. LAME.

When you’re good to yourself and take care of your looks you feel more confident instead of masquerading in a costume day in and out.

We had “book club” twice this week. The second night being last night. A Fridate. Success. We drink through it because the subject matter calls for it plus, we’re like reading here man. I feel like Oprah’s Book Club had wine in it. I am able to keep Julian listening for chapters at a time. It helps with our acting and Rule of The Bone is an easy read.

My friend Sarah (of Radmad infamy. Killer Karaoke parties in the beaches, where I now live, epic gal) bought a painting of mine where I emulated one of the femur bones from the cover of Rule of the Bone THAT is how hardcore passionate I am about this fucking book!

I first picked it up from SSS High and the first page had the word weed on it and I was sold dude.

I see that Banks has a love affair portraying young protagonists. Except for in The Darling, that one is about apes in the congo and all the Civil war bullshit going on there it’s majorly exciting you need to read it.

I like the run-on sentences and affecting different style accents throughout. Sometimes I read aloud as myself, as a hick, a Canadian, or super white trash-like. I will probably read the first chapter on Facebook Live. I can’t always be a keyboard warrior. Sometimes the man behind the curtain needs to step out and throw down.

Yeah she did!

We spent the weekend at my Nana’s. I got to see my Uncle Jim one last time. He died two days ago.

It’s a sentimental time of year. Okay sorry for getting somber.

I see a death almost every day on Facebook, we are all in this together.

I came across this recently. That’s my pops. Miss that guy!!

Okay. It’s shower time soon but I guess I’ll finish this off on a better note, hey?

We are hitting the country today so keep your eyes peeled for some scenic bullcrap coming your way.

It's not just all pho and games.

A video posted by Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) on

I am really feeling boomerang right now as well. I need a tan though.

Homemade pho.

A photo posted by Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) on

Made pho was good.

Something I saw today @toysrus.

A photo posted by Raymi Lauren (@raymitheminx) on

And like this dog I gtg stare into the abyss now ttyl xo.

your pal raymi

Update:

“I think of ya every time i get dolled up”

Yikes I feel sorry for her!

Lol peace.

20 Questions with Raymi the Minx

Keira Anne interviewed me for her blogger series thing. Below is one of the questions she asked and my verbose reply. You can read more on her weblog.

Blogging can ebb and flow for a lot of people. Where do you see your blog in 2021?

Oh my God no idea. In five years I will be 38 and pretty upset if I am in the poorhouse, STILL haven’t made it, etc., etc. I hope raymitheminx.com in five years will be a tribute to the biography of my life. The book that I have been struggling to write my entire life. It’s not that I want a biography, I just want to write and I want to delight people with my style how I used to be able to like, endearing things about walks in the park and rocks that look like little friends in their own world down there where it is safe from the toxicity of people like us. I am really into imagination and have always brought that element into my blogging and storytelling so in 2021 I will be like JK Rowling but with more tattoos.

Read more NOW here: 20 Questions with Raymi the Minx

omfg I am blogging

Hello mes amis. Whatever ha ha.

It’s hard to blog when you live in the beach. Have wicked ADD. Are busy af. Summer. OMG shiny things. A baby pug. L-i-v-i-n’ and sum such things but here we are now again so I will try to stuff something awesome down your throats. Truth be told I am not a massive narcissist I don’t feel the inclination to scream off a soapbox everyday my goddamn thoughts and espouse my opinions rantily. Blogging was always a powerful thing to me and the more you do it the more you get out of it. It also fatigues you just as much. Behind scenes I am a massive proponent of blogging to everyone surrounding me and I hugely encourage them to show show show! But me I don’t show or write shit as we all very well know lately. I have no reason to be clammed up rn at all I am just busy doing me. I am working on projects. I don’t need a ribbon for all of my things as in I don’t need to status update every time I floss. I don’t crave validation. I do feel bad about not writing as much (at all) and I throw it on the to do list. So here is a bloody blog post then ARRRRR I am 33 years old and going to talk about myself on a blog that I started 16 years ago.

We have been loving it here man. Beach time rules. I am a burnout at heart a born wild child free spirit hippie waste of space dickhead yeah yeah I know who I am. I see me. So the east end is perfect for that. However it is bittersweet every moment I cherish because this is just a sublet til September. I am always stressed out about shit anyway so what else is new what does it matter. Enjoy your life while you live it. It makes you less ugly if you don’t worry. Don’t get me started ugh.

New places and spaces inspire and take over your psyche. I was watching Season 2 of Bloodline on a Netflix bender that is set in the Florida Keys during hot day after hot day happily in front of a fan on the floor out here in the dead end of the east end. It does feel remote out here a little. The beach is incredible, glorious. New restaurants and bars to piss everybody off at yay!

We had the place to ourselves for a couple of weeks too that was fun and boy how June has just flown by. Enjoy every moment. Enjoying every moment. A psycho mantra in my head as I comb the streets the park the boardwalk lol.

No. Am not narcissistic. Just proud of looking pretty sometimes with minimal effort and it was kind of a skinny moment? Don’t worry I got progressively fatter throughout the day. I do things like that now. ENJOYING MYSELF EATING MAYONAISE FRENCH FRIES ciders panzerottis… just sharing facts and wrapping up the details of my life with you.

This phase of my life involves teenage regression. The pizza pockets lifestyle. Making up for many years’ lost time of not being a beach urchin. Now I know why beach bums seem like their brains are always blasted out walking barefoot in dopey hippie looks and dreadlocks. I am romanticizing like 1 person I saw once in Ft Lauderdale fwahah but anyway it’s because you hear the sound of seagulls and instantly melt into nostalgia McDonald’s dipped soft ice cream cones wet bathing suits stringy hair and freckles time slows and things that really mattered incessantly stop mattering. I feel like I have been living on the run for months it has been a long ass winter and the beach is a nice place to settle if you’re a weirdo like me. or like to walk around like a space cadet and you need some time to figure out your life.

Julian gave me this heart button the first time after we hung out. He threw it in my bag along with other trinkets and junk. We are the same like that. We like things and stuff. Creatives. Hyperly creative and excitable. He inspires me to try and be better.

I was sitting down the other day exactly where I am sitting right now. I was about to blog my face off. Then this dingaling turned up. Then he was placed in a nice home yesterday and now I can finally start getting some shit done today lol. There’s another pug puppy here but I am doing better at ignoring him. Keeps trying to friend me and shit but I am not having it so many dogs have gone through my life lately I can no longer handle it emotionally.

We totally bonded *sniffle*.

We had to move this kept knocking it.

Sigh.

Cutest of the litter in my opinion and I did not know personalities could differ so much or even be a thing so soon. I really loved this little guy lets never talk about it again.

This is my favourite house in the day. One of. I never saw it at night before. Astounding.

Always art jamming it whever the mood strikes too. Going to paint starry night mural out back.

I’ve taken over social for Happy Juice Co. That stuff is gold mang.

Taking Brass Vixens classes as my schedule allows it’s great fun. Excited for a twerk class next!

We went to see Kiefer Sutherland at The Horseshoe last Monday. Took my Mom. Went to the after party. Ordered drinks on his tab. Killer night lol I say no more.

My mom got a lot of rad shots and managed to get up dead center I knew she would. I did NOT like the audience they were horrifically rude and snappy some people very protective of their personal space my mom got bullied too. I forget that as a couple you operate as a unit. You are simply, two people. So when you’re alone it’s easier to deek through the crowd alone. Harder as two. I cannot deal with rude jerks which is what we had to do and made it halfway through the crowd before a woman blocked us from going further meanwhile a guy is screaming in Julian’s face and that is when I LOST IT. It was hot af too. Just way too much after a long day at the beach with my mom.

Another one for the books as usual.

We all had our moment with him too.

Kiefer liked my mom more than me. I am fine with that.

I took the country band thing seriously and wore plaid. I should have dressed like a slonky. My bad. SO I didn’t even try to butter him up I was like hey. Bahah. We got him shots of whiskey which he didn’t drink so we drank them. Maybe he was scared of us. I literally don’t care.

Played some gigantic birdies badminton the morning after.

We got better as we played.

:).

Kinda feel like playing now.

Rebecca came by with Bowie for a night that was a great time! I have many more pics to share later on everyone is talking to me in the kitchen right now it’s hard to focus.

We went to Le Baratin for dinner last week. Divine! Going on a diet tomorrow for frig sakes.

Oh lord yum yums.

I like fancying up sometimes.

I made a throwback collage.

Alright ttyl dinner time I’ll save Donna Dolphy’s post for next one xo.

relevant resonant

Being a big mouth while having secrets is mega fuckin hard I’m just gonna come out with that one. Having a full, eccentric life that feels to be bursting at times in every way you finally want it to is absolute insanity but this is the way it is and how I am. I am going to blog like a demon now because that is what has always centered me. My ADD is off the chain and it takes a lot to focus as well there’s always a lot of people to say ttyl to. I am tired of these side converations I think I can navigate while trying to write, to anything. NO MORE. Lauren Write needs to write so let her. Disappearing off the face of the (city) earth and from phone felt so good last week. I am doing that again this weekend while I hopefully sleep for 48 hours that I’ve sorely needed.

Sorry but I am tired of being there for people. I need to do me right now. I need to cut some of you out. Thin the herd. I have virtual check-ins with people, all kinds of handfuls of them everyday all day long and it’s starting to make me insane. The OCD and guilt to reply to every person last week, went away. It’s OKAY if you just ghost. It’s ok if you don’t reply. I am sorry if that stings some of you but I have been putting myself second for too long. I mean I like being there and I like the friendships but trying to mainain them all is driving me bonkers and maybe even made me sick. I am spread around too thinly. When all of my friends are amazing creatives doing great things I love to keep track of all of them and pitch in, take part in all of that too (FOMO) but it’s simply just too much. Don’t you agree? Do you feel like your head is barely above water sometimes managing your life schedule? I must be doing some of the wrong things. I am just tired of saying I am busy to the same select group of people over and over again and them not getting it sorry if that pisses you off but busy isn’t over until it’s over. I am busy as well as sick. I have started a new job and I am in the process of moving as well as managing another background drama do you get the picture yet? I can’t be your party girl all the fucking time. Posting a hot pic isn’t necessarily a thirst trap for you and I do not give second chances, while I am at it. If I made time for you and you bailed on that scheduled hang, I am not hanging with you again. You showed yourself once. I have no time for flakes. If anything I get to be the flake. Not you.

I basically NEED to do this post before I can finish the next one in queue which actually should take importance over this one here but like I said “I need this” ha ha. As a creative. We have our quirks and “rules” our practises and we have our rituals. One day I’d like to let some crazy bastard film my process and then you’ll all be like OMFG idiot. Hahha. I know I am charming and insane and worthwhile. Hey I like me!

Stacy, a hairstylist (top right) and friend of mine from Grateful Head salon on Dundas said some really nice things to me last night at Swan Dive that squeezed some of the bullshit perspective I have about myself out of my brain and I was like YEAH FUCK YEAH and THANK YOU! I was speechless. He thinks I’m a better marketer, seller more than I even know. Invaluable information. I will talk more about him and Grateful Head later on don’t you worry.

When you live a high octane life and you’re busy and you just can’t get out of things AND you are sick it eventually blows up in your face. I just had a sauna and steamed out some toxins and now I am ready to rock right after I pop another Dayquil. WHOOOOO!

Now here’s some fourth wall broken down I just sent everything I wrote above to a creative co-hort and here it is.

thats a real powerful blog post. So real, genuine. People will love it

Thank u
Aww
All the good head cases will come out

Good on you serious

Cos I posed questions
Also telling people to leave me alone

Let em, stirs up things
Yes
Get people talking, interested in what is going to happen to your sense of self. It tells people to take care of themselves too. Reminds them
It is great and inspirational

im tired of posting a selife then getting barraged
just watch the show and leave me the fuck alone
u are not a part of this
but its good for business u need them to love you

Yeah

tired of saying yes i am still busy
busy means busy
and busy doesnt end
(end rant)

The point is just leave me alone for a week. Two weeks. I feel like I am begging here. I mean don’t ignore me no don’t leeeeeeeeeave me. I just mean some of you in the inner circle I have more of a rapport with, stop griefing me for being MIA and not replying I just need to keep my focus. It’s nothing personal I will be back and I will go away again. That’s just who I am. This is me saying I need time and I will probably smash something if I have to repeat it to you again. Yes I have issues with rage, people who try to manipulate me emotionally and try to take advantage of my time. If you want the doctor to be in you have to make it worth her while. Someone wanted to have a business call and I charged for it, he asked why I said because this is what I do. You want me involved, you have to pay me to care. You want my insights and tastemaking, you pay for that too. For me to pause the many things I am always trying to do to stop, drop, and roll for your cause…you pay for it. Time is money. Getting my brain to concentrate requires energy I’d rather direct to things I’m already busy doing and to throw another thing on the plate is fine, but it has to be compensated.

I don’t care how snotty or self-entitled I sound. When is the last time you saw a post here? I am busy I am busy don’t you get it I am busy. When I was a 9-5 copywriter I was busy asf I never spoke of my work I kept my head down as much as I could and I seldom blogged. Go where the money is, go to that. Shut out everybody else and don’t you dare feel any guilt about it. Focus on your shit. Other people are way better at this than I ever was, living for themselves and getting their priorities straight. Me? I collect a bunch of ding dongs to occupy my (waste of) time and I am 33 years old now. I can’t balance it anymore. I love to chat yes I do but I also want to dive into my work and do better work. More work. WERK. I am building something here and I’d like to continue, to finish it. I am my priority right now, you aren’t. I’d like to be there for everybody but I can’t anymore. I don’t want to lose friends either but if you don’t understand any of this you’re not a real friend anyway. Real friends have patience and generally their own shit going on too, they get me whereas everybody else is a needy cling-on and I am not your mommy anymore.

This has been building up inside of me for a long time. Sometimes I just get irked. I can anticipate why people are talking to me, what they’re really after, and it generally doesn’t align with my own intentions or what will ever be feasible between us so stop leching out on me. I post sexy things for my brand and not to get the male gaze or whatever shit my snide detractors claim, or think. I do it for me. To empower myself. There may be a little attention-seeking there too but mostly it’s for the arts and my lifelong passion of showing my fashion, looks, my vibe, and expressing opinions of my experience. We are allowed to do what we want in our lives. I am tired of making excuses for being “a blogger” after 16 years.

I have been sick for a week so sorry for the crabby I will move on to more of the photo and caption straight-forward style approach to blogging now. I had a lovely bday lunch. Was supposed to do one thing but those plans fell through and so was able to hit The Drake with a good bro, yay.

Maybe I am recovering from my birthday still something happened to me on it like in the Santa Claus or Freaky Friday. “I’ve changed” and for the better you’ll see.

Thanks mom for all the sweet gear.

I may be an idiot but I got nice gambs.

It was brutal weather on March 31. We waited out a lightning storm and drank champagne Heather and I did and busted out the selfie stick. Heather got us tickets to Field Trip. What a little scamp I lurve her. So do all the men. HEheh.

I tried to dress it up for this special day. Two outfits. Why not. I am over my birthday now my birthday complex is gone now I’m just like in post bday apocalypse recovery mode LOL haha okay I’m shutting it.

No I am not into the occult but other people are and I want to make money off them. This Wednesday Addams is available FOR SALE make an offer.

Ahhh Fujahtive. They’ll be having their own post. It was a solid show and the crowd was pretty great too! It always is and they always are.

Mom got excellent shots as usual.

Nothing beats a crisp white dress now I’m all set for a P.Diddy white party stay tuned. Thanks Sara Duke!

Dropping mad hints everywhere no? Lol.

What do you do with this life how do you organize it what do you make of it how do you showcase it. Just get on with it I guess.

A lot of great stories from this evening. So much love.

Love it.

So many possibilities found at The Darling Mansion.

Developed a (later on in life) dreamify addiction. Unique endless ways to be creative especially if one already has an artistic eye and access to wicked sets.

Love it. Loon records.

Please hang up and try your call again this is a recording.

Aging like a fiiiine wine. I’ve heard worse and recently too haha.

I just take so many pics of things and surroundings and myself that I make these collages that’s the short of it. I like how it tells the story.

Rural fashions.

I’ve been working for Shannon Brass Vixens queen as her personal assistant this week. Timing in life is everything and so far so good I love her. We go back some years. It all just makes sense.

Looking forward to getting a tan and rocking my new locks. Or at least not being sick anymore or looking Lydia Deetz-tired.

Uncanny.

So I been busy so I gwan slow it down this w/e and kick this cold’s ass. Looking forward to my guitar lesson tomorrow.

Goodbye dark roots. I thought they were kinda cute but your next colour application is always looming.

NO cut this time just a colour. Once I wash it and have it straightened like usual I am keen to see it in all its glory. Hair obsessed. Part of my personal passion project. When I had fug hair no one was nice to me. How you look is important it shouldn’t rule your whole world all the time but it pays off when an effort is made.

I love your loo Grateful Head.

Everyone needs a little birthday sprite like this.

Just don’t touch the merchandise. Okay I think I’ve hit the wall night everybody!

Oh yeah, don’t be pissed at me. I will get back to you when I can. There is a long list of you that’s all.