No time no time! I be moving! Here I am on my 26th bday in Vancouver, was in town for the Junos and this was an awesome after party gala. Great swag bags that night! I met feist too!
This is a bday restrospective because I look like a moving witch right meow lol.
Anyway you get the point lets look at another year.
The following year I was a twiggy blond.
I packed a lot of crap for one night.
Entering the 27th club. I made it out alive lol.
Lady Gaga was huge at the time I guess haha.
Anyway that’s enough memory lame for now. Thank you for being a friend!
Here’s a picture of me and Josh Homme (went to QOTR on my 28th bday).
Had biz mezzanine to myself at sound academy.
And proof of my legendary shots moment. He gave me one of those. That dude groupie would not leave him the hell alone either so we could not have a private moment. What’s worse than chick groupies? Dude groupies. Completely useless.
My 5th (6th?) birthday was pretty off the chain too.
Hey darlings. I feel like ranting right meow. About what? Nothing in particular except for everything because everything is annoying omg right?
Please tell me you get that this blog is 25% bullshit, 25% satire, 25% Raymi Lauren’s misguided opinions, and 25% REALNESS. I just mean that when I’m being stupid it isn’t real. When I am being mean, I am being funny. Pretty much any time that you disagree with me you are disagreeing with the shadows, with quite frankly – an emotional lunatic, who sits down here and just dumps her brain out for an hour then feels COMPLETELY RAYMAZING for awhile afterward.
Here now in this court of blog, are the bonafide factual reasonsings for the aforementioned hysterics: I am moving. It is my birthday tomorrow (at midnight but who is counting). I AM ON MY PERIOD. I was on Naked News (super exposed).
Kind of normal stuff (reasons) no?
ANYWAY. This is the part of the blog where we turn it all around. When you are going through hell you just keep going. Or, you let something off your chest to feel better. Mis-direct? You just blog. On with the juice!
This weekend I wanted to disappear like usual. I am sitting in my same spot by the lake that I always sit acting like this is not really happening. The last time I might ever write anything worthwhile here and suddenly I really give a shit.
I really need new pants I do look like a hobo. Baggy on ass and hips. People hate people who complain about being skinny. I am liking how my shorts fit on me now though obviously, a bit bigger on you can make you look tinier. Not in the ass though. Ass is big right now. #squats.
Psycho soccer mom face.
I guess I kinda do lead a bit of a Morticia Addams lifestyle no, or the chick Winona Ryder played in Edward Scissorhands. Oh so emo so swoon! I DID do an ice dance for burlesque in tribute fyi btw, so.
I pour blood all over myself too. And on the crowd and Paddy Jane. #memories.
So anyway. I think I need to figure out what my purpose is in life. I am not money panic stricken, I am not “old” (kind of am) and I have blog gigs on the go. I get to write about myself, my life but I need to fill this life with more I feel. I need to focus like a Jedi on one thing, craft… something. Aside from always working on myself exhaustively in a massively shallow sense, I am thoughtful and generous in other capacities but I think I need to do a next big thing again. I know what it is. Do you? (comedy)+(get hotter) and (write more) = get Raymous.
This is how we run in the spring. In two pairs of pants, three layers beneath a winter coat. Hat mitts and scarf. But once you get going you warm up. It’s great for thinking. Each song I listen to and run speed walk dance to I am like THIS IS IT MAN this is my NEXT DANCE VIDEO SONG then I forget all about it because I am tired of my ipod list my niece wiped out my last one of and put her music on.
When I start recklessly eating I know something is up. We are both in good shape and it’s kind of bad to egg each other on like this. It’s purely from stress. I do a lot of good to counter-act the food cheating though. My body looks good in real life. It’s just camera is a whole different ball game. No one sees the difference because no one actually sees me outside of photos. My youtube videos have me looking realer and lithe I feel. I don’t even know what the hell I am trying to say right now and I don’t care this is just Raymazing girl therapy don’t forget.
Do you guys wanna know what my litmus social media test is?
If I post something and no one reacts but I KNOW I looked hot, babely, it was funny, whatever, etc etc I just blast it on ello and then a bunch of people chime in there. Yeah ello might not ever really happen but I am famous there so… someone called me a 10 in this pic. You just have to score simple stupid victories in the circles you run all over the place online to justify and warrant more postings of selfies and that is why we all do it.
It’s less a litmus test and more an obsessive compulsion, extra thing I feel obliged to do. Some people pinterest. I tumblr and ello. I enjoy the artistic outlet because it makes me feel in charge of my artistic destiny, it is a time killer in between bf time and blogging, eating, plotting, and scheming and sometimes mischief. A lot of times mischief. just jk. Which is an absolute lie because the mischief is the backbone on which blogs exist.
I am done being a headcase now I will suck on a coffee crisp to relax sorry for taking you to some scary places.
On Friday is was like Dancehall Washington though. Life in your early thirties is 25% fun and 75% recovering from the fun and being a whiner because of it and having to be a foodie instagrammer because you have no other energy for anything else oh and watching tv too which you then tweet about.
We dance partied friday, chill Saturday’d, then I did some moving yesterday. Good balance.
I showed up like this.
Hello there craptain I am here for the good times.
I got my monthly which everyone was really happy about.
I know I am getting it when I start eating like a wild animal. We were dancing with a bag of chips. One of us more than the other ha. Not me I mean. ok who cares fuck
I took down my vine art piece. Happy to redo it again this time without buckles in the canvas.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand done. Just reminding you that it’s my birthday again in case you forgot from all that stuff you just experienced. xo bye #movingstressed!
I’m proud of this one. Despite the burning my hand on that lamp blooper about 20 seconds in lol. There’s a lot of bobbing around and I think I look pretty good for my age. Dancing makes me happy and makes people smile. This video involves lots of smiling. Dancing is also a great stress reliever lemme tell ya. I also teach you how to do spiderman climbers and there’s a lot of bouncing around as previously mentioned haha.
Here’s a million pictures of me now. Does it stop? No. Does it have to? Exactly.
An hour of self absorption goes a long way!
The rest of the day will be dedicated to world peace, I swear.
Hey gang, planet Raymes here on this very wet Wedneday so lets blog through the rain pain, that’s what we do boo. Just get on the bus, Gus and lets see what Raymbo Brite has in store for you.
For instance, the best song by Broods captured on great quality video for you, posterity, and for me. Swoon. Great show. Lots of lesbos there to enjoy and good looking people in general. Did you know Broods were brother and sister?
One half of my kickboxing ring girl outfit has been finalized. The bottoms are already loosening on me (it’s a skinny week) so I might have to try and shrink them but worried they will look all worn out. People are going to be taking pictures of and with me so I must look mint.
Jules happened to be in town so after I wrapped at Naked News we went for some fish and it was fun. I had to get the dinner menu in order to get sashimi access cos I was like bruh I be not eating this rice as there was a pile of it accumulating on my plate haha. Then I could order all these other crazy dishes and hooked Jules up with them. I feel like we really won at all you can eat sushi that day.
The last time I was here my Dutch (ex) bf deleted items and photos from their ipad menu like a f__ing a-hole ahha what the hell guy we get it you’re tech personified can you maybe give it a rest?
Made us mushrooms as a side on the weekend but ate them all before we did the steaks. The (not so) secret is rosemary and red wine.
Also kicked it pilgrim style and made soup from my boiled down chicken stock. My soft boiled eggs for breakfast were not gonna be enough to sustain me so I made a garbage dump vegetable blend that was mega-enriching and tasty. I can be a food witch genius when I wanna be.
Yes I posted an instagram pic of this already. I am still trying to use the camera more often, which I am but there’s definitely a lag in showcasing it here.
After the show is always a magical time. You can process what you just experienced and relax a little while spectating all the other concert-goers level of givin’er. Actually it is quite a high and that’s why people are addicted to live music.
We stood here for the whole show. How do you feel about the slanty floor at the Danforth music hall? I was still able to dancehall music hall. I AM HILARIOUS.
Classic, ornate, Marie Antoinette approved. Bonus that couple is perving out to each other. What does that make me then? They were in my goddamn way I wanted a picture of the venue dude! Haha.
Concert lighting is everything. Once the show is over the magic is all gone.
I have videos of many more beautiful moments I’ll get around to another time but that’s all the coverage for now hope you enjoyed the effort I made for you.
I spy Kat Curtis! Kind of a surreal experience. You forget you’re naked and just do it. Yeah it takes courage for sure. You just have to get over yourself and your fear and go for it.
Positive support system is key too. Being naked does not close doors and should not. It doesn’t have to define you either. It is merely complimentary. You can still be smart, use your brain and intellect as well as be a sex symbol. I was even mistaken as a hobo at the mall, you can be all over the spectrum ahha.
Jules and I went for a walk and took some Toronto tourism shots at City Hall. She wore a pylon on her head and I took Raymazing pics of her. Blah blah Jules rules.
Volleyball scar from last summer. You can see my ankle is a bit swollen still from my Aruba disaster.
It’s my birthday in 6 days. Don’t send presents all at once now.
I love Easter because of the feeling it gives me. Like a nostalgia blast and spring fever all at once. Easter bunnies are pretty cool too. Last Easter I spent in New Orleans don’t worry I can wait til #tbt to rediscuss that runaway weekend haha.
A great store to loiter.
I’m really going to miss my hood. I miss it already. I am happy for where I’m going to but still, the lake and proximity to town. I got through the damn winter and the best time to live here is spring/summer. BOO-URNS.
Did I even get around to posting all the great supper club pics? Ah doye of course not.
I’m at Friday brain now. Felt a bit overbooked the past couple weeks, one part doing it to myself and one part scheduled. I have a lot to do on top of packing. This is how people lose their minds. I’m so stressed and doing absolutely nothing about it ooh fun! Haha.
Looking at pictures of myself is a good way to relax apparently?
Actually, not really. It kinda just gets me going again. Thinking about all the selfies and how there isn’t enough time to blog them all.
Dinner was great last night though. I miss fancy shenanigans. I apologize for using that word.. there’s just something about it that makes me feel like we are mommy bloggers.
If there is grilled octopus on the menu then I am ordering it. You do not come across it everyday. How many other creatures of the sea did we also eat? Some tuna, some snails. Obnoxiously foodie it was!
Escargots were so good. I was drunk like immediately (martinis) cos I am a lightweight these days.
Embracing my 80’s pop idol years. Will also accept spice girls.
And also, my dress. I put it on over the summer but did not even try to zip it up because no chance and oh fuck I just noticed on the label it’s actually a size zero not a two. Hi I’m Lauren, size zero. That’s me. Douchebag esquire at yer service. I remember when I was plumper and reading blogs of skinnier than me chicks and hating myself hard. I feel no need to fat shame and skinny brag although I “just did”. It’s more of a personal triumph kind of thing. If I can do it. If Khloe Kardashian can do it, we call can. You just need to tap into the willpower part of your being and reign it supreme.
Next week is go time at Naked News so everything I pass through to my stomach and exercise that I do not do I am only hurting myself. Do you like how big and psycho my ponytail is here? Excited to add more blond. Ok not excited but want to. Sitting in a salon chair takes the life out of me.
If you crave sweetness go for oranges instead of chocolate, you will thank yourself in the morning.
My tbt of the week. What I looked like at 25. I went to vintage by the pound one day and bought an insane amount of dresses and the very next day they were swarmed with little raymis and hipster toronto chicks in general inspired by my sudden desire to dress like, this. This is the closest I have ever come to wearing a wedding dress perhaps hahahha.
Alright, back to dinner and finding yourself to be extremely hilarious with your hand saxophone. We were listening to the doors as well as air keyboarding like we did not give a!
I have to get a makeup tutorial this weekend to look like Liz Hurley with smokey eyes. On camera on tv my normal loads of makeup amount are not enough at all wtf!! Halp me.
My body cannot handle whiskey sours. Too sweet and tart. I wore a tiny tight dress to ensure I did not misbehave with ordering food. Instead of getting mains we got 5 apps.
I really thought I was being hilarious adorable with this thing on and zero people cared. I like in nice restaurants how people are into their own worlds, have lives that you don’t matter in. This is the same place I had that horrible awful crazy date in over the fall. I don’t know if that date show is still in the works but the experience (story) is still on the table for sure and would require a look-a-like Raymi to play me while I narrate the date from hell. The resto still remembers the date ahha. I went to highschool with a guy who works there, it’s nice to have a sense of community and be remembered for a shitty date cool thanks everyone.
Sooooooo we broke up and then he swooped back in was kinda intimidating lets just not talk about it until I am next pissed off lol. He says there’s the bomb, then there’s the fuse (I would be the fuse) when it comes to being hot blooded (tempered) people. I am at a point in my life where I refuse to compromise on who I am as a person which I guess can be tough to handle. Men always want to dominate you. I am reasonably independent so there’s another obstacle. Plus a super fucking catch with plenty of options so good luck bruh.
We had great eats, sat in the window, my mom dropped in, they finally met she had some martinis and then liked the guy even though she knows all the complaints I have ever made about him, mom your judgment is flawed! Love my mom. I got him a nice gift too, felt very good about myself for that.
Fancy water. Always drink water. Water yourself every morning like a plant.
Fancy menus too I scored a billion bonus points last night. Had his bday been in the summer we wouldn’t have broken up because then he would have experienced the gifting of Raymbo and how over the top I can go. My card brought tears to his eyes. I was Ellen friggin Degenerous level touching last night.
Once everyone left. I can see the seat over there in the middle back under a light where I sat on that date of legend. If you go back in my archives (sept, october?) you will find pics of this place. The guy trolled me on twitter afterwards and said good luck being relevant in my thirties fwahaha hey thanks pal, no problems there! Being Canadian in your thirties and famous is like being 19 and breaking out as a star in Hollywood. All about that really long slow build but then everything seems to happen real fast and your phone does not ever cool down. Or maybe that’s tinder lol.
Was into my outfit.
Ran out of time I gotta bounce. Have a nice night!