Time for a Mom feature Little Raymis. It has been been awhile plus this w/e it’s all about yo mama! Lets check out what the dream team Tracey the Minx and Lolo got from The Drake General Store for their Mom Wow shopping date. Ten times cooler than sending flowers, these chicks love to do things (spazzes). So a shopping excursion and lunch in the city courtesy of my home away from home homies The Drake/General Store was the dopest idea. I can’t be there to do it myself this year and do the here is a construction paper card with a crappily drawn flower on it DAUGHTER OF THE YEAR custom-made. Hell I bet if I made those I could sell them for $100 each (self inflated egotism at its best). Remind me to assemble a team of interns to make homemade cards and plagiarize my name on them as my next career move project to fizzle out after 6 months.
Nice stems jeezis. Nice glasses too! I love how they copy and one-up each other constantly, we always copy each other’s “thing” it’s cute, playful, and fun. Monkey see monkey do. Life is a mirror.
I love this store. Ever since it opened. The owners are dreamy too.
I have never eaten so many eggs in my life since living here.
As a writer I have a great affinity for books, journals, note paper, whimsical stationary, collecting meticulously effortlessly designed notebooks. This makes my heart swoon.
I love this photo. Lois is my godmother. Am I a mother collector? I think I am. GAhah. All your moms are belong to us! I think it’s because my mom is like a child and I am a habitual f–up I am a never-ending fix it project based upon my totally aggressively laid back lifestyle. In other news we watched Our Idiot Brother last night fwahaha.
These I love. I want to make a terrarium. I wish I was not so lazy that I would make one. I want to be the kind of person who makes terrariums. Like David Suzuki. I think I would faint if I met him. National Treasure. His daughter seems wicked too.
Why yes. I. am.
I can only imagine how Dom dealt with them on Thursday haha she said they were very charming. I said my mom is worse than me no filter, which is the charming part D said. AWWWW.
Nice. I knew my mom would have a field day photographing in there. Bonus Mother’s Day gift for the obsessive shutterbug.
In their natural habitat, divas.
Okay ok ocray.
Oh my god I want new clothes so bad.
I want that dress. Love this picture. Florida tanned.
Canadian summers are the best though.
I would love to table dress. I like arranging things, decorating, kitschy vintage-modern, post modern eclectic, nostalgic curiosities. I am a “things” kind of person. Things are based on emotions, the need to tap in to them also if you’re a loner you like play things to fill in for people.
As a girl, how does this box of beads make you feel? She either got it as a gift for a girl or for herself and now she’s going to make me a bracelet.
This makes me feel awesome. Plus “I need it”. I need it in a cabin I don’t own yet.
I guess my mom “needed” this too. She has a lot of jewelry. I “need” some of it. Lol.
These are mystery videos because 1. I take many and I don’t know or remember what’s what to begin with and 2. I can’t preview them before uploading so I just pick at random. The files these photos come in are too hugemongous to be read by my elder laptop. They’re .wav files and HUGE in size. If the video is too risky I delete after the fact. Thrillhouse!
I was inspired by the fair and went back to my black metal roots SAAAAAAAAAATAN ARRRRRRRRRRR RAAAAH.
Whoops. Today’s about a fantastic journey to Heaven actually cos it’s Hemelvaart.
After a while there were too many “not surprised” moments to even count. Too bad Hobbit was snoresville. I gave it two tries, passed out during both times. In the theatre with my brother to be fair we were pretty inebriated and the 3D glasses were tripping me out hard like a chilled out Bilbo before Gandalf shows up.
Now his haircut looks like this.
And a little of that.
The barber said it was high fashion. Next time I am going with. It was expensive too and not “a barber” and there were pictures of it in a reputable mag so I suppose it’s a prospective hair trend forecast. The guy said there’s a bar in Amsterdam where lots of bad asses go and drink, they all have this haircut combined with long beards. Sounds Queen west to me. Sons of Anarchy style. I think on beard growth scruff days it’ll look hot.
It’s grown on me now though. We are so in love he could be covered in dog shit and I would be like “That looks incredible honey!”
That’s what’s up player haters. Damn you look good.
Did I ever look like my Nana though, that little Manchester meatball holy sensible sweater and shoes I look like their endless vacation photos, posing by a greek fountain on a cruise trip blaha. I was one of the best and most fabulously (slutty) dressed. I am a rock star everywhere we go, even when dressed like a slob. Anyone you know with a Toronto-sized ego needs to come experience it, intoxicating. Thrilling when you get a bar star hater too. Our waitress yesterday stared RIGHT AT ME every time she walked/panned the room we were like wtf? And the more she did it the more snappy things I had to say about every one of her looks once she was safely out of ear shot. Half of it is my fault because I poured on the drippy George Clooney voice once it was my turn to speak as she asked me what I wanted to drink. I was every fucker at The Thompson, “do you speak english?” in an of course you do you’ve waited for this moment for many years tone of voice. Not many people speak english here. Nothing is in english in the papes or tabloids but they have a Hollywood curiosity, adore celebs too and that washes off on you when you speak like an American.
Representing Playboy Energy drank abroad makes me feel like a porn star and burn a little crimson under the skin. Get ready for the added attention, prepare thyselves fellow divas. Toronto’s snobby street ignoring contest culture dies over the water and you’re gonna like shit a lot more. Jules said when she left tdot she noticed how much of a bubble it truly is. Toronto does think it’s the center of the universe. People are actually nicer in New York I find. And they say New Yorkers are assholes. True they are, you will get bitch slapped ten times easier in NY than Toronto but I think people in Toronto are just sick of each other and all stacked on top of one another and at the same few bars the same crowd go to, you have to keep seeing all the same faces. I just like breaks from it is all I have done everything like I am about to repeat absolutely the same things I did last summer in Toronto? Cool, island, yeah here’s the hipster beach zzz.
Aruba spoiled me. But he wants to see Toronto and what better girl to host that by. It will be fun I know, and at least it isn’t fall. My schedule is already starting to fill we just need to find a place for a few months.
The dog owner was a young chick. A goth emo hipster. What are those called now?
I guess that’s her bf carrying her purse. Daps on that. It is the eternal life challenge to con guys in to carrying your shit for you.
Guys were like F T and that’s when purses were invented and then we had to figure out how to get you guys to carry those too.
I was getting stared at like crazy standing here plus by the guy with the ewok bagpipes (you can see it in the screen shot!) and I’m like GET HERE WITH THE BEER NOW communicating telepathically then I’m stunned it’s cherry beer even though I just asked for cherry beer. I think sitting in the sun checking out don’ts on that bench fried my brains a little and how!
Loved their tunes though. Um I kind of want to be the main Maiden of all this world just saying. I so totally look like Arwen don’t even try to deny it. I have 300 photos as proof. Not that I can find them right now I just wasted 20 minutes. Okay I found one.
Hey Tyler this is the night we met and I made the ballsiest move ever and introduced myself.
Oh look me and K-OS. Long story. Not really. Lols.
Me n Brucey. Being starstruck by people who are back at you, makes your heart go mad.
Time to get ill.
Looking kinda Mortal Kombat now. I saw the tent where all that guy’s stuff is, I took a picture of this armour. Then I saw it in action.
And now he is fucking killing everyone!! Bahahaa. This guy went all Shanghai. I had no idea what I was staring at when this was all going down. The sun, the, lack of attention span, beer. It was all trippy though.
On to the next thing.
People watching from up here is good. It’s like Dawn of the dead? The smart ass from modern family pointing out zombie Burt Reynolds and so on but for me it was like oh look there’s that family from earlier. Dad looks tired. We saw German Ozzy Osbourne too, rolling a smoke. Is there a German Ozzy impersonator though? Def a Zombie Ozzy. I have pictures of him. I didn’t actually upload the second half of my fair photos yet this is just left over from part I jeez Louise.
Biggest dog ever. More like horse. It was just a baby too. It looks like the keeper at the gates of Hell, I have never seen a bigger breed of dog. It’s a Dutch something I’ll source for you later on when I post the rest of it. This guy who just stepped out of Jack and the beanstalk had to protect me from him when I got closer. Do you have a permit for that dinosaur bro?
Thanks lady. No really, I think it adds. I’m not being sarcastic. For once.
ps. some people have said there’s been probs with my contact form (intermittently) plus they can’t add me on FB cos I am too amazing I have to add you sooo here’s my e-addy just in case – raymitheminxATgmail.com – write to me for any reason under the sun. Put a dollar sign in the subject though if it’s about the good stuff lols. Or if you’re lonely and want a pen pal, listen lady or you have insomnia as I’m 6 hours ahead of you and usually awake or have your email prepared for my morning because I have 6 hour of extra time to get shit done seen! pps. picking up my new bike today.
Guten tag Canada. For realsies. I’ve been awake since 7.30am and we’ve been swimming, to my foot doctor, to “solarium” (tanning) and had a LOT of caffeine today. We are both hyper spazzes and when we don’t drink it’s like, giddy-uppa! He went and got me a new desk chair and free weights too. Oh wait before I continue..
Thanks. Maybe I shouldn’t have done all those tricep extensions before writing just now ow zzz. Plus I swam like a motherf*er today too.
Cliche Euro girl alone in room photo.
We didn’t take any photos of our walk yesterday because we are exhausticated by the camera and wanted us time. Actually no one wanted to carry it, so I called his bluff. The walk went ten times faster without documenting every fucking leaf along the way plus I was wearing flip flops and it’s all sand. I walk like a gimp. Like a pregnant bitch. Especially in sand. Halfway through I gave up on limping and forced my foot to walk in the direction of forward and I could do it but it hurts. Doctor today said it was improving but I had to stick my face down my shirt to cover my crying from the pain it endures when he manipulates my ligament.
Some of the rest of my outfit. It was so hot out yesterday. We went for another walk later on and fed the ducks and thousands of carp and the ducks scared me. There’s an aggressive fat female who walks up to us on the bridge honking and bullies the men off, I have duck phobia. It’s a perfectly logical fear to have of being pecked. Maybe we will make her in to peking duck if she blows it next time.
Bf was making a stupes face so I cropped him out because I think I look pretty for once. Except where is my reflection in the mirror!? OOOOOH Vampire.
Alright now here is where the show begins. We drove to Germany to perhaps climb to the castle and have a beer beside it but then spied a Medieval fair afoot. What’s that? WE ARE GOING TO THAT.
Ignore all the normies and just stare at the freaks. Best. We drank up in that tree house under the two top blue tent points. Looks pretty rinky dink from here come to think of it. A sign I couldn’t understand in German said climb at own risk but what is life without adventure? Actually wait that was my bf’s ad lib I’m like the lady at the flower shop writing verbatim phone messages on flower note cards or the engrish cake decorator.
Oh yeah we are so going in. This guy tried to haggle fuck with us at the end and I was like that’s really great and all if he messed with me in English, joke’s on them ahah. Happened at every tent pretty much. Plus we watch Scam City religiously so we know all the gypsy-swindling tricks.
Sunday Funday in Germany .
I was pretty excited. Dis gun be good. I’m a total freak secret nerd too. I mean genius.
Zero successful spells cast this day. So many wizards. Tons of goths. Larpers ran the whole show.
Hey whatcha looking at?
They were speaking Elvish. Just kidding, German. Same thing. Just kidding. But no, even in English I’d be like what are these geeks all fucking talking about seriously hello??
I better get some axe throwing skills (I have friends who do it) just in case and maybe some crystals too and gummi bear juice balahaha omg I can tell this is going to take forever getting through this.
My first honeymoon weekend here we drank on the other side of that on a patio, it was so fun.
Sweet outfit Lauren.
Proper set-up here.
Bad ass player. Bf hasn’t seen role models yet. I quoted it a million times. It’s going to be so much funnier now. That’s it if I send him the trailer he’ll d/l it instantly.
Love him (king guy from the hangover) I kept asking where the king was (to no one) and lets go find him. We didn’t.
You betcha we saw larping (the battle) before we left then it was like ALRIGHT THAT’S ENOUGH.
Haha Fogel. Omg he hasn’t seen Superbad either. Am I the only person who doesn’t have a life around here? Back to Rayme Times now.
Parent time out place. The fighting happened behind them. Someone’s face was eye level with my crotch the entire time I took pictures of it. I get a little nervous in public here because I don’t understand anything I hear and people kind of talk loud sometimes to include you and you’re like is this a test? I don’t know any of their fucking answers. These moments happen when my bf takes off to buy beer or run up a building lol I dunno. I basically get a lot of social experimental opportunities. I think the neighbours think I am a snob though because I stonewall them because it’s exhausting waiting for eye contact, to be polite, then we wave, oh, is this the wave part? Like a passing boat on a lake. Stranger encounters, faux pas, rules of etiquette where there are none. The deep person’s travel doctrine.
Lets play eye spy.
I spy summer goths. I am one to talk because I wear black in the sun too and I know it is idiotic. I am just sad I didn’t wear my grunge crucifix this day and I was so close.
Some guys were holding these like they had beer inside. Ew gross/jealous.
Dreeeeeeeeamy. Beer in a wine bottle, how swoon.
My stomach is rumbling.
I did not have the attention span for that. I have videos though maybe I will have attention for those.
I went to a Medieval fair when I was in England, it was at Warwick Castle. I think I only repeated that 10 times. But it did feel great to be here by a real castle in the sun with all the goofy shit to look at. I mean historical period things. I love the past and people who think they’re pirates and weirdos in general. There’s good finds to be had too but I’m scrimpy AND saving my load for an H&M spree or a top shop something like that, something like f21. Something in Amsterdam I’m sure. It’s really hard to ignore the inner hippie at these things but luckily there are a lot of one of a kind don’ts. Like a skirt that you velcro over your pants because you don’t shave your armpits anymore I think?
We sat on this bench and heard 400 people say the exact same thing about this, but in German, Dutch, Russian and so on. Ooh, left out in the sun too long. I got him to cross its skeleton leg over the knee later on faaaaaaaaabulous.
That’s my flag, well one of them. Big-ups WALES. I bet they won the battle.
These guys watched us while we drank our beer and we watched them back. The bench was positioned kind of oddly on this hill and we took it. Best people watching tanning perch.
Lots to see.
Look at those sweet crosses. Bet they’re real. Yes at one point I did in fact quote William Wallace.
Yo chill Transylvania. I wonder how much trouble I am in once he reads all these blog posts he needs to catch up on ahaha.
Some lovely hats.
Ancient wall. I give it 1661. I just Wiki’d the town.
This is getting weird now.
My sweet stamp. Almost as shite as my tattoo.
Now I’m thirsty.
Nice cape. Okay I’ll continue my Raymedieval Review after my shower. I have a Skype appointment and I just Something about Mary’d my bangs with hair glue he got from the stupid haircut he received this morning. Have a tubular Tuesday.
Hi everyone who is not me, happy Monday. Better make it snappy cos it’s hot out and it might not last plus it’s almost lunch. I’m still not 100% and I think this thing has traveled in to my lungs now, phlegmtastical. Update: went for a nice walk and now I am back.
Stay tuned for this cray day! Each day is a fantastical mystery adventure. So much to do.
We were curious about this tent for a few days before Queen’s Day then were like oh right, duhh.
You think at the top it says drop?
This is vodka.
Cuuute. Sister said my blog is inspired, wants to paint me. Can’t take it back now! Actually we should have a paint jam.
Super goofy ahha.
Handicap friendly. I heard another conspiracy theory from the father! There’s an empty unit in this building from when they housed prisoners off-site, you can’t reach it from the elevator. Love it. Scarylicious. They’re gone now.
Lets go for a drink. Or a ton.
Boobs O_O. They had an it’s your fault not our fault look away disclaimer. Very cheeky country.
Night club hot. If asked to classify one of my kinds of hot, NIGHTCLUB HOT is one of my hots. I also represent a strong BEER GOGGLES HOT front as well as OLD MAN HOT. Have you got an hour? It’s funny or cosmic that I come up with these dumb sayings, raymisms, then bf’s sis and I got to gossiping or, “bonding” and she was going through pictures from this night and making fun of herself and I’m like yeah sames I’m nightclub hot. Then we laughed for five minutes ahah omg I can’t stop thinking about the sour face of that woman who gave me stink eye for a full fucking hour straight! The more drunk I became the more I mouthed off about it until finally I gave her the longest eye contact mean girl smile back and we stared at each other for five minutes, she must have been Latvian I dunno (hi Anja!!) but she def came from the cougar bar from across the way. There’s a name for it they all make fun of but it’s kind of a compliment when someone makes you their enemy all night long meanwhile everyone else is blowing and hugging you. I got nicknamed Moose (Canadian) and had to explain why that particular Canadian mammal was not a complimentary thing to call a woman and now it looks even worse when typed haha.
I actually liked this place a lot. It’s a restaurant earlier in the day, evening. You can watch the boomers lining up across the path and they ALL eventually turn up at the dance club you’re at, endless action and entertainment. Good DJ too. I was dressed like a mom, no one cared. Next time I will dress less homely. We went for a drive, then we went to the city, then were like lets call sister she’s like ughh more notice please next time ok I’m getting ready now lol then we walked into the square and bob’s your uncle disco time. My outfit and have a good time audacity with 25 years jr get-up is precisely why I got stink eye all night long. She didn’t find Mr. Right at the cougar bar so she went across the street to scowl at everything. I danced even more ridiculous, my bf was dipping me it was the best funnest time ever. I wanted to pinch myself.
BF knows the dj.
This is what you call a better pour on the personality outfit cos you ain’t got shit. Guys I love a challenge. Pretty and plain girls are a threat oh no she didn’t just apply chapstick!
Here’s the rest of the shit I uploaded days ago. I’ve been sick. Afflicted by some exotic dutch flu. Feels like dying. Didn’t drink for days and my Kerouac complex was going overdrive why are all my organs feeling as if punched out, whatever. Finally on the mend today but still pretty weak. They don’t have cold meds here, like nyquil day time jacked with speed pills. I know right. Going in to every conversation speaking english is spiked with anxiety because you know they are not going to comprehend what you said but are going to act like they did and you have a staring contest Mexican stand off. Then I just keep talking and pretend I know they know what I mean, I Kim Kardashian it and it works.
Classic. Maybe I got sick this day?
Getting a prosecco addiction here. Bottles are like 3 euro. It’s in every restaurant. Very light.
The sun finally came out. This was after the flower center, there’s so much to see in Holland and tiny little historical towns everywhere. I don’t name places or things cos I like to be preparanoid.
There are a lot of geezers in Holland, not many young people he said. People stopped having kids and the boomer generation is hanging on tight, we are the youngest people almost everywhere. Mom there’s a cougar bar for you and Lois in this one town you’d love.
Monkey see monkey do, he wanted an irish coffee. There was a spanish coffee, an italian coffee. Every alcoholic country got represented on that menu.
You would look better.
If you were wearing a hat. This country is mad for its sweets. Good thing my sugar tooth has vanished.
Top of the church looks like that.
I look like Howard Hughes. I had 5 blankets stacked and wrapped around my legs.
I stopped smoking mom. It was disgusting while it lasted.
This picture is TMI! Looks kinda ballin?
I have a picture of the plaque/the artist if anyone wants to know/cares.
Excuse me are you art?
Time to get bread. Bread Pitt.
I brought 6 pairs of black pants, sorry you have to keep staring at them. It’s shorts weather tomorrow. Right now I’m wearing a maxi dress.
I also don’t care. Minimal slob has always been my thing. I just wear all his hoodies. He’s like you look like me. People are drawn to things that look similar to them. Ha narcissists.
You mean they were watching the whole time!?
Now I just need to take a picture of some tulips and clogs.
Today is a holiday. Holiday Sunday. Liberation day. Thursday is another holiday. Everyone goes bike riding that day, I get mine Wednesday. May is the month of holidays here he said there are no other holidays after this month ahha.
Flower for his mom then of course we had to pick out the best pot for it, so many choices.
Scene change. I woke up sick this morning, on the cusp of it. I think?
Okay now I get what’s going on here in this park – there’s gonna be weird at every juncture.
Sweet. Pass the E.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh what is this Notting Hill?
I bet it looks ridonkulous today. We’re going out a little later after lunch.
I feel like I need equestrian boots here.
I should make this my FB profile photo, the club one is too dark. I still have to post that night before it gets lost in the Holland vortex.
Tons of fish, if we go today bringing bread or crackers.
These guys were pretty gangster. Didn’t give two S’s about us. Seen.
Ugh now what. I was on my period Lol. We went in to the park bickering about something then attempted to speed walk away from each other. It was funny. Lover’s quarrels at this point are cute. We are both Aries.
Someone googled is raymi pregnant? Yes I love to booze and drink while pregnant I mean, I’m in Europe after all.
That’s the orig, I am too pale. My hair is crap because I didn’t wash it. I’m giving myself a haircut later. I am keeping it as bohemianly real as is possible. Authentic experience. Oh my god wait til I blog about the schnitzel place in Germany last night, talk about authentic experience the guy is like okay I lit the pot to start our dinner an hour after we arrive hey guy I was hungry an hour ago when I first got here nah no take your time. If that happened in Toronto, hmm, well I think someone would have the sense to know to shut up about it but a regular person would walk straight out. I also enjoyed how he gave his hand out to me like a big fat sultan.
Yay they found their friend.
Holy! oh this reminds me I watched The Playboys on telly during the height of my fever but I didn’t finish it how does it end? Ah crap the cover of the dvd just gave it away.
Hello in there?
This reminds me of that Spice Girls video. Oh, what the hell?
Maybe this guy got me sick. Not that we made out or anything but I’m pretty sure he drunk spat in my mouth a lot. Ew hahahaha.
When we were going through these I was like oh man there’s something on my shirt, looked down, and it’s still f-ing there ahaha loser.
We exploded my head lei in the air in front of a table of guys, spontaneous Shakespearean art happening, they applauded. Sister bowed and curtseyed. Okay plenty of drunk magnificent moments it’s time to go. PS. Look I found a Shakespearean Insulter! Thou errant half-faced pumpion!Thou call’st thyself a hotter name than any is in hell. Thou art the rudeliest welcome to this world. Sick burns bro.
Your time will come too Klimt.
Good bye dead ends. Maybe I’ll do a Selma Blair thing, a long bob. No. Crazy girls cut their hair short.
On the other hand I was very conceited about my eyebrows yesterday, I gave them a shaping. Alright that’s all for now. I have some house wifery stuff to do.