he got tussled with pretty aggressively. i was shocked.

pictures of this awesome shit show nite to come but for now an actual review. lucas thinks she was talking about us being the only ones dancing off to the side there. likely. possible. one funny thing post show they had their little hey good show pow wow right beside me and i accidentally was included in it, just in the close proximity taking up space in their inner circle sense. bit my lip super hard not to say anything stupid. wait i think i clapped one on the shoulder and said great set or something hahaha like i’m some big shot music guy with a ponytail and brick phone earring and a gold tooth.

it’s because of last nite that i am staying in solo caged bird tonite.

we started out innocently enough at cafe taste. ugh i’ll just tell ya later xo.

ah man i have the worst blemish on my chin. moving zit.

woke up this morning afternoon to discover this classic beauty. hmm maybe i can drape myself all over it for some pictures sometime. score. but then…

WHAT THE FUCK.

just looking at them made me feel crazy by osmosis.

awesome.

melodie explained there’s a crackhead woman who is like their watcher. a man in the area tried to get rid of them but she lost it on him so he gave up.

half of them look to be pregs. meh, what can you do? BLOG ABOUT IT.

caught up on some glorious sleep. putting organization on hold for one more day. i had an armoire/desk that my dad fell in love with and wanted to keep. it wouldn’t fit in here anyway. i’m going to have to get some sort of wall mounted shelf storage i dunno whats. there’s a teeny closet in the office beside my room and various nooks and crannies throughout the house. today i’ll sort through some crap, jam as much as i can into my two dressers (the blue guy was here when i arrived i’ll likely paint it) then leave the rest til i acquire some bins. i guess those huge tupperware flat numbers will be pretty good for under the bed. we’re going to put the livingroom’s shag rug in here too so it’s 1979 again. the room is far bigger than how i’ve been photographing it.

very old school. the toilet is in its own room, they’re called water closets. the bath/sink is in a separate room beside it. guess i won’t be washing my hands much haha.

disarray. there is no fucking way i’m showing the pile of crap i have stacked immediately below the frame of this picture. the pillow in the foreground everyone seems to own is not mine.

melodie has placed many adorable adorables throughout, quite urbanely homely.

lots goin’ on. loving it.

i do not own one record. my eyes glaze over when britt talks about vinyl.

this mug made me feel very comforted. i looove the disney christmas carol (i also played scrooge in a play in grade 6) because i am a child.

i need to buy a scale. no one i know has one, all the places i’ve been couch surfing lately. i know i’m below 120 now, not my fault just a stress-effect. i might even be 115. i weighed myself at my dad’s with my shoes pants belt jacket on and i was 119 but his scale is ikea and those swedes like to fuck with us. in summation, WHO CARES.

cat watch out! you guys are so gay.

i would really love to know which bag contains my toiletries.

i receive umpteens of handfuls and handfuls of the most `tarded comments on the daily via youtube. i let `em by, have no time fighting with the dumbest people ever only interested in circular arguments. the type of people who think the world is flat and taco bell is good for you.

lets begin:

I saw some of your other vids. didn’t realize you were so hot. So I guess good job on that? Just sayin’

-owenmatt: you’re a weirdo.

uh ok guess he`s backpeddling out of some stupid comment he left previously on a different video where my hotness was somehow mysteriously obscured. i get a lot of these WOW YOU`RE INSANE KILL YOURSELF then OH MY GOD U R TEH HOT PM ME. pfft.

here`s another:

aye baby girl! damn!!!! its been a long time since i had one dance for me acting herself! go girl!!!! CLICK P.S. is that Salvester in the back?

another:

I have no problem with your interpretive dance

and:

give me your number

and:

no seriouly,…..shes shit

more:

This chick is an attention whore. Who really thinks to themselves “You know, I bet people would really like to watch me dance to Modest Mouse. I think I’ll record it.” ? Seriously? 1STAR

(the video has been viewed 12,914 times)

and:

I def take back what I said about u in the q-lazerus vid… U seem like a really cool girl *sorry*

yeah the goodbye horses video definitely takes the crazy pie for all mental comments go check for yourself if you`re bored.

38,148 views and people talk to me like i am still dancing IN that video like i haven`t moved on with my life since june 2008. GUYS IM DRINKING A PINA COLADA AND PARTYING ON A LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOON GIVE IT A REST.

ohh cool i`ve now lost the ability to make the AT sign happen so there goes 80% of why i`m on this fucking thing right now to begin with hahaha.

oh wait more big news i just figured out brackets again look <<<<<<>>>>>>> WIN GOLD (it would be nice if i could now figure out how to make quotation marks happen what is this the most foreignest of laptops everÉÉÉ THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE QUESTION MARKS AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGH)

КРАСАВЧЕГ СПАСИБО…

cool story russian spam.

update i have discovered this thing called num lock therefore we’re back in business also i am a num lock.

postsecret came early this weekend you guys…

you are really funny and i like you and i bet you have good bar stories A+.

hey guy, nobody likes a drop-in, do yourself (and her!) a favour and call ahead first. trust me on this, you’re a teeny bit scary.

clichéééééééé! oh my little cougy horn-dog, this is why we marry for love not wealth, come on now.

and those secrets would be what? where are they? and why do stupid ones like these make it to the internet? thanks for wasting my time, seriously. do we all have magic eight balls here or something? look, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, spit-it-the-fuck-out or don’t even bother. based on your purple marker and the tourist postcard you purchased on that trip your parents forced you to come with, your secrets suck anyway. next.

WAIT WHAT!? are you a detective? ok i am fingering the dark here (ew) and gathering you’re amidst a divorce and your wife and/or husband (vise versa whatever) is compiling shit against you, one of you blew it and now you’re screwed. this is why you don’t talk it out in people’s cars haven’t you seen 20/20? GOD!

aw pookie, assuming these people are your stupid relatives at thanksgiving/xmas/hanukkah whatever, don’t talk to them, they are phantoms in your life you cannot and will not ever be able to rely on so just ignore them completely, they will never take the time to get to know you personally and honestly do not give a fuck about you. let your mom deal with them. as for senior year, find a couple burn-outs and just couch surf with ‘em til it’s over.

hey can i play too! kidding. um i guess this is a “healthy” midlife crisis thing to engage in, at least you’re not banging 20 year olds and buying dinky little sports cars and wearing scarfs. phewf.

ok so, i had this big burn prepared that the foundation of was centered around how what the FUCK is an epidemiologist? but then i looked it up yeah yeah i get it but great another boring cliché. what do we learn from this? that we can’t really trust anybody’s bullshit ever? wow that’s comforting, thank you mister epidemiologist (stupidest word ever) for sharing your harsh burden (no really i mean it) you’re like the shrink who pops pills and has a nervous breakdown, or the vegetarian who collects taxidermied animals for their funky apartment. point being, get out of my face liar. congratulations on quitting though, do you want a medal? i quit a year and a half ago you don’t see me bragging my life off about it now do you?

OH PUH-LEASE! do you know how many people say this you pile of bullshit posing waste of ridiculous space? spare me. we both know you barely ever had a habit and even when you did you were a fat fuck anyway, i could eat five slices of pizza after a few rails, and infinity beers, does that sound like a feasible diet plan to you? in summation, stop embarrassing yourself at your stupid hipster parties by repeating this line (ha pun) because no one is buying it and you are only highlighting the fact that you have weight insecurities as well as acceptance desperation and people are tired of hearing it. no amount of complaining about losing weight will make you lose it it just makes you annoying. it took awhile for the light bulb to go off in my head about that one. ps. coke is a joke! repeat that one kids.

pssst, you have yellow fever. stop thinking creepy thoughts about your co-worker before you end up fired. buy some asian porn and shut up already.

oh look another drama queen, how exciting! no, you became a junky because you couldn’t find anything else to do with your mundane existence and you figured it would only be a temporary thing but now it has ballooned into an intervention-like proportion which gets you off cos you’re an attention-seeking whore and you always have been it’s always been about you. YOU’RE KILLING YOUR MOTHER YOU BITCH WISE UP EVERYONE IS SICK OF YOU AND YOUR MANIPULATIVE ME ME ME SHIT you are a drain, one huge vacuous selfish self-indulgent asshole and you’re not sorry. get over yourself heroin chic, now before it isn’t cute any longer and you look like amy winehouse and if you’re so fucking smart and enlightened why didn’t you have the forethought to know heroin was a big one to mess around with? look at you now genius. stop using your addiction to get attention you fucking suck.

good, keep it that way. chicks get burned on that one all the time. your husband probably has a secret account too, such is life. man, isn’t humanity fucking great?

can someone please tell me what the hell this person is selling cos i just wasted ten minutes scrutinizing those boxes and i got nothing.

FINALLY a smart person i am giving you a standing-O right now. this is like how some dudes read chick magazines cos HELLO all the answers are right there, it’s like a map to our brain and heart AND IT COMES OUT EVERY MONTH IN VARIOUS PERSONALLY-SUITED STYLES FOR $3.95 YOU STUPID MORONS GET IT TOGETHER ALREADY FUCK! hurry up before the mag business dies out once and for all.

aw, i’ve never ever heard that one before. you truly are the definition of unique and the total embodiment of a surefire trail blazer there, sally. colour me on the edge of my seat!

ok you just solved your own problem here person but let me guess, you’re still reading these stupid things anyway aren’t you? ugh snooooooooooze PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND LIVE YOUR LIFE you have one chance only stop screwing around!

CONGRATULATIONS THE MOST WINNINGEST WINNER YET! the cheese truly does stand alone in the end don’t it, farmer? that’s it, snap out of it loner, i haven’t any words left here people there’s only so much i can help. i feel like neo in the matrix (sequel?) when that chick gets shot and he gives her his health to remove the bullet but then it drains him to near death, that’s how a postsecret slaying leaves me, i have to go take some vitamins now or i will perish.

BYE!

hey guise, tomorrow i am going to write down all the names for the draw from the comments of THIS post so time is tickin’ to get your name in there for your chance to get a raymi + phil onesie. oh and the FIRST name i draw gets first choice, make sense no? unless you got something better.

so the thing on my shoulder is a keyloid (sp?) cyst pretty much, i have to go back for a biopsy, then they will laser the fuck out of it on seperate occasions. what do i want gigantic embarrassing red thing or cool scar. i’m goin’ for cool scar. i’m writing on my old laptop from my dad’s it’s sooooooooo sloooooow i have a pile of emails to go through and it’s way irritating having to do it in slow motion. i thought ok i ‘ll just have myself a little break from the ole internet today but like some stupid metaphor i can’t even think of right now it pulled me in. i killed some time in the biodome mall reading my book on a plush couch while a blonde clone of several other blonde clones talked incessantly on a cellphone right beside my head. i bought a new hat with the remainder of my gift card, i look like one or all of the seven dwarves in it. there’s a ridiculous new shoe store the size of the old supermarket in this mall, like an outlet for every insane name brand fashion foot apparel you could ever think of um is there spell check on this thing or am i just on a roll cos i see no red underline squiggly things.

ok back to business, dooce is gaining on me, don’t let her!

love you guys.

thanks for all the voting and support and well wishes, such pals.

did i say we went to sketch comedy at the riv last nite? i put my name to be part of the game show but it wasn’t drawn, i won an uncie herb simspons doll for having a gap between my teeth though then i looked in the mirror and realised it’s practically closed now. my mom’s did that too.

ok bye for real now

HI, WELCOME TO THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE (AND ESPECIALLY THE INTERNET) HAVE WE MET? and while on the subject of grammar, i think “people WHO can’t spell” sounds more correct. ah, burn.

dramatically change your appearance then or move on, actually, just move on, but not before an enormous blow-out confrontation fight that you will then email me about and i can post on my blog. does he make clothing suggestions too? red flag lady! you’ve seen the signs now act.

you’re fuckin’ sick dude, and pathetic. i hope your wife finds out, and she will, and your daughter (assuming you have one cos the perviest guys are always ALWAYS fathers to daughters, it’s like the best irony and just desserts ever) has inherited this gene of yours, fantasize about THAT pussy you pig.

sigh, insert did you keep a receipt joke here. moreover, D-I-V-O-R-C-E or go on oprah and cry on tv about it. no, just leave him the selfish twat.

yeah sorry there peaches but the bullshit detector’s goin’ bananas over here you (alleged) little slut. come up with an original line to divulge your bad girl attention-seeking secret next time and maybe i will give a care and way to go all out on the postcard design too. YAWN. you couldn’t even bother to draw a lightning bolt or a broken heart or a dollar sign why, hurts too much?

OOOOOOoooooh look, someone put down their erotic gas station fiction for a second to declare something totally revolutionary WOAH my brain just did a 360 i can’t wait for the next card about HOT FIREMEN and SVELTE LIFEGUARDS and PROFESSORS BY DAY INDIANA JONES BY NIGHT babes where have i been all this time guys? what’s that you say, water is WET!? GET OUT!

ok that sounds fun actually save for the unnecessary dress judging line, you got greedy. the wedding on the stairs is spectacle enough as is you didn’t have to go full throttle bitchy and ho ho look at this, you spelled roommate incorrectly (snicker) and i’m guessing neither of you are married and you follow-up saturday’s depression activity watching 27 dresses and inhaling whip cream, no?

jesus fuck who are these people? you do not even deserve a baby step OCD kid gloves lesson here just pick your nose alone FOREVER and get out of my face.

why cos you’re ugly? heinous? a hyper-demanding high maintenance controlling emotionally-inept philandering piece of shit? do you want to be alone? no? yes? are you gloating? i can’t feel sympathetic for you cos i get the sense you are being half-arrogant about this yet are also crying out, but you’re a dude, and dudes are stubborn, so you won’t change or do anything to make an effort in the personal life department so whatever, no one’s to blame but you, and your father.

OH, BLOW ME.

dear: person who stumbled upon the simplest job ever who puts up 20 postcards on his blog ONCE A WEEK, yes, take a break you are so burdened, so totally burdened by these ridiculous postcards you don’t have to lift a fucking finger for they just keep rollin’ on in all you have to do is close yours eyes and randomly select 20 and then scan them, crushingly tiring i know, i know, there there, take a load off, you work so hard. pffffffft.

you are a nice person, a truly nice human, i love you.

um, then stop having it with dudes cos you’re probably a lesbian.

nerd, next year you should include an elaborate instructions/rules sheet, yeah? specifically stating that they must display your tacky creation until it is caked in dust and stale to all fuck and rendered inedible because THAT is what christmas is all about right? unless they were your loser stoner roommates, then that’s hilarious to me *sorry hahahaha. why did you capitalize ATE? what were they supposed to do marvel at its crapitude for days on end? get over yourself martha.

*not sorry.

ugh. ughhhhh. UNGH. can i meet this abomination of a woman and slap her for you? why are moms such giant fucking clichés? you need to SHUT HER DOWN NOW next time she says something negative you have to snap back, don’t even tell her it hurts, just zing her back, cut her off, point out HER flaws, remark upon them loudly and as frequently as she makes digs at you, SOMETHING, compare whatever shitty thing she says about you to something she herself has failed upon then proclaim wow mom, what a role model you are! thank you! thank you for granting me the sufficient skills necessary enough to go out into this world and achieve and better myself with, how selfless of you mom! my, what-a-martyr! your projectile insecurity doesn’t get me down at all, in no way does it hinder or obstacle me you fucking cow.

errrrrr, meme here anybody? do you know that that bullshit claim is uttered every time a rubik’s cube is revealed? you’re just the first tool to go all the way with it. do me a favour, make the L-sign with your hand and stare in a mirror for an hour.

BYE.

but first check out natalie’s place!

thanks matt two months late much…

what am i dancing to here fucking bandstand?

i flipped it so you could see the important face first.

election nite.

nuit blanche was ten years ago dude.

crabbily reading a mag at steph’s bday party, i felt fat that nite.

fil chugged my sangria this morning cos he “thought” it was juice. yeah right fil.