I be bloggin

Omg like hi so like, yes, I have not been a good blogger for many, many months and now allow me to explain myself if you’d be so kind.

Recently I have been accused, gently reminded that, I don’t really blog any more. By multiple people.

Do you know how often I hashtag blogger in my Instagram pictures? EVERY TIME.

Here is what I am: a smug writer. A writer who doesn’t write but if you track me through twitter (you should) and Facebook (I mean what is wrong with you?) then you know I AM hella active online. I just fucking OD’d on blogging like 100% toxicity coupled by my perverse level of possessiveness over my privacy these days namely all the mundane things I have coloured the tapestry of my life for you guys with.

Everything seems so significant when stories and experiences pile up between journal-sharing them so it becomes overwhelming.

You can read between lines but also I shouldn’t care what you think and I really don’t it’s just that when I think period this all fucks up, goes to shit.

I made a monologue in my head this morning as I got ready for work about what I would say here then I didn’t have time to blog, no biggie, what’s another day, another afternoon, or week at this point?

I went out with Christine last night and this is someone who is my peer and writes, hustles, sells articles, keeps going and going for it, wrote a book, we even had the same agent and I just sat there, looked at her, listened, listened to her talk to my friend Ken about all her achievements and I felt, not dull not a cliche numbness just an opaque sense of dread because I was one of the writers she glossed over about who *might be better writers* but don’t hustle (her words not mine not insulting her so calm yourselves meow) and I think it was the last straw to finally turn the other cheek and update my blog. I mean SEO purposes aside, I take great pleasure in this. It has helped me in so many ways to talk about myself like crazy for fucking ever and so many people just GET IT so why am I choking the source?

Well, I gave Christine a billion excuses each one stupider than the last, just kidding, all valid but not real reasons.

I need to be happy.

I require a muse.

Too many people are watching me.

I’m tired.

My brain is swiss cheese.

I’m lazy.

I lack motivation.

And then, more darker reasons…

but anyway SEE I said it and I’m still standing so on with it. I pay for this frigging thing so I may as well exercise it and by golly might even REVAMP RTM so we can all give a fuck again and I’ll stop throwing my talent in the garbage and make hay while the sun shines you feeling me now?

The super post is what drains me. I need to learn to do the short and sweet blog posts so I’m not holding my breath typing like a damn monkey for hours, photo, caption, blathering caption, run-on sentence divulging every thought, feeling, opinion, food I ate, hoodrat thing I did, and so on so forth although everyone loves it. Sometimes, less really is more.

And, I still have the plan to make a podcast so you can get more of a sense of how crazily talented, sharp, and funny I am IRL I feel it translates a lot quicker than the written word which I do love it’s just my dream to combine the two okay? Okay.

I have to grab my laundry now and throw it in the dryer but this has been great thanks for listening ttyl xo your pal raymi always and forever!