What can I say other than I blew it this summer in terms of being an ultra prolific bloggess. Just been way to busy work training and in my spare time doing my other gigs and also when you feel the eyes of the man on yuh you kinda feel majorly paranoid about bathing suit selfies and megalomaniac twitter rants etc. I’ve also got a few client-owed blog features that makes me avoid this place like the plague BUT you guys sure don’t and it weighs heavily on my soul. When a writer isn’t writing they’re typically fighting some internal/external battle elsewhere. This channel has become a reflection of everything about me. What I say, what I don’t say. I get repulsed by people often and I feel the need to choke their means of finding shit out about me. Sometimes you feel like being silent, going dark, for many days at a time until you feel your foe can’t find or hurt you. Then so many days pass and you’re like what does it matter if I wait more days just to remind people about my favourite colour and things to do again?
A lot of soul searching in terms of mild panic lately, can I do this, or that? What should I be doing with my life because if I keep doing x, y and z, I am going to be awfully unhappy for a long time. I think we always know what’s good for us and when the temporary solution band-aid must be ripped.
For me, it’s always writing and creating but when too much time passes I start to feel dead. Over. An over-achiever going under. I haven’t put in enough of the work in this stage of the process. My agent forgot about me. As I sit down to write this blog post right now I finally feel free and released, silly. It always comes back to you. You don’t need to have complete joy in your life to write an airy-fairy blog post. You don’t need a theme always maybe just a dream and a scream. If you’re good, you will always be good at it just be patient and wait until your laptop is fixed again haha.
The colder weather helps inspire me as it affects my moods and when the moods are ignited, out comes the crap from my head. Oh the feelings they’re just everywhere.
Wahhh wahh okay I’m done lets change gears now and go through some pics, kay?
Ha ha just one more of my new glasses (thanks Julian <3). Need to utilizie the instagram embed code feature more often it's such a time saver. Other (greats) bloggers I have seen complain about how hard it is to blog now. It's not just me. We have become spoiled on the immediacey of social so much so that blogging IS actually a chore. I use to be so passionate about sitting down for a good write. Prepare my coffee and do all my rituals then sit down FOR HOURS. I am not that person anymore. I am quite hyper-active despite bitching about never getting to do "anything for myself ever!" LOL.
I met Ava at last. My brother kept telling me how she looked like me and reminded me of him and we’ve been so busy this summer I carried a secret guilt cloud about seeing her. Then my facebook feed became about babies and DO YOU WANT TO HAVE ONE SOME DAY LAUREN? Ha it’s cool it’s cool but there’s no way I coul afford one right now. Nah I don’t feel THE SURRMOUNTING PRESSURE at all. I mean I am only 33 not like I have a CLOSING WINDOW or anything. Anyway. Ava blew my mind. I cried twice about the emotions I’d feel about it while brushing my hair I can’t remember what we did the night before… the month has been a blur but I know we are always short on time and rushed and frantic we have eight million different jobs and tasks to take care of all the time it seems so as I got ready I was stressed (as usual) to get my mother’s Happy Juice cleanse in time and coordinate being on the road blah blah.
I biked to Sugar Beach and Julian met me after his sound engineer session. He is working on his next greatest hit right now it’s truly amazing (I get to sing on it). We listened to the skeleton of the track over and over again. I asked him if he knew who Gentleman Reg was when he showed up and he was like yeah!? I go he is sitting right THERE. I watched him from behind for about an hour sitting and reading in front of me and kept it a special secret treat for Julian to approach and now they’re email buddies. Reg came over to meet me we have met many times over my tenure “in the scene” in the city of Toronto but it was nice to see him still kicking around. I do not have the balls to approach notables in Toronto. We’re not supposed to acknowledge celebs here for some reason. I am proud that Julian breaks down social barriers like that, went on over and sat down with him and I took photos. I believe it can be very isolating and lonely in Toronto in this respect. I know I was hella lonely the hour or two while I waited. A few times some old man or other would say something funny to me but for the most part no one talks in Toronto. There is a lot about Toronto I hate. There is always a possibily for a shitty interaction. I keep it nice bright and cheery. When not being insanely shy. Always approachable.
Sugar Beach is a lovely place about Toronto though. Staying in the liiiight. Also the Woodbine bike path I took there through the beaches and all that crap it was mega-mysterious, exhilarating and I wanna do it again asap.
I took this to show Julian what it looked like (first timer) and he asked why we hadn’t been there all summer (it rules) I was like, uh, I thought you hated beaches? No. Not THIS beach. Okay well next time I will have a look at my crystal ball and have that known already for you haha.
I’ve lost 5lbs since this photo was taken. Like that bruise? Renovations summer house bit me I clipped a table don’t forget I am 1. an amazon crashing through life and 2. clumsy af. Also the lights weren’t on. It’s almost gone now anyway. I have no idea what the weird alien one down the middle of my thigh is though I might need to start a bruise journal again. I wore those neon shorts to be seen and the bathingsuit for the sweat. First time ever wearing a helmet (thank you Corena!) I cannot believe I made it this far biking in the city without one like a grandfathered out NHL rule. I felt like 22 Jump Street in that helmet in a good way.
I wore these nike athletic capris to cover my bruise/to look trim for Nana’s and the dainty shirt to lady it up and it worked like a charm. Thank you for the shirt mom. See how easily I just said thank you just now.
And the boys finally met it went swimmingly. Shawn laughed at how Julian and I interact together. Nana loves Julian blah blah etc.
I had a vision and a concept for this. I think it came out a little forced though ahah.
Ava is a stunning baby and her temperament is perfect.
She would not take her eyes off me which I of course loved. It’s probably because my hair is extremely yellow and it’s hard not to look at me cos you’re like WTF is that? She liked Julian too so cute I die.
No caption necessary. This shirt is the gift that keeps on giving. Backstory. It comes from Forever 21 a few years ago and I bought it in the throes of some arrested developmental delusional bliss or other and it still looks good on me. Corena gave me an “I taste as good as I look” or something like that tshirt bahahha.
Can only be busted out on special occasions. Like going to shoppers.
Was getting sick of swooping my roots over. I love Donna Dolphy so much. I had to fight her on not cutting my hair. It was a tough battle but I conquered. Just say no to scissors.
It’s a bit less brassy now too me likey. I wanna keep it multi-tonal and healthy as possible which is why I let it grow out this summer like a beach rat. If you’re confident you can make any look work but I’d like less hassle and worry about it nahmean. Donna Dolphy Yorkville Salon said I am not like those princess major upkeep girls I am low-key that’s why she’s down to work with me which reminds me I am going to start blogging for her too. Oh the list grows lol.
Wow it got dark. I got used to it and didn’t mind. lemme know if you need hair help I’ll set you up with Donna nahhmean?
Julian hung with me this day bless his heart salon visits are long af. He got to see how ugly we look during the process he kept trying to take pics ughhhh. Donna will fix his hair next.
The closest I will ever come to playing pokemon go is wearing this hat. Maybe if I stole it too eh. I look good in hats not gunna lie. Let me know if you need a list of other things I look good in.
This dresser is gone now I miss it already. Our room is truly bohemme right now.
Julian had a show somewhere in all of this mess. Hi Heather! thanks to all of you who came out, it was noted and appreciated. Booking a live music show in August is sign a deal with the stressed out af devil. it’s a month when no one is really around it’s like herding cats.
Beach date with Tash and her kid and the pugs was fun and hilarious.
I have run outta time but this has been great. Check in later with more adventures soon promise xoxo.