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Blogger’s gonna blog.

Good day internet and happy Wednesday to you! Do you like my Jamie Lee Curtis in A Fish called Wanda glasses and specific fashion reference, you betcha!

While we’re at it, notice how she got typecast in every single movie she’s in to look like this:

No matter what the era, you know she’s wearing an 80’s thong hiked way up at some point in that flick. I think it’s to make up for her shitty hairstyle. Why would you ruin a slammin’ bod with a teeny haircut like that I just don’t know. No offense short hair girls but it’s obvs I play for team long hair (you can pull on it all you want) to each their own, K-K-K-Ken!

Many years later in True Lies I rest my case. She did it also in 1983 in Trading Places and showed her boobs check it out. Should I feel sleazy peddling this to you cos I don’t. Okay that is enough about Jamie Lee Curtis (my spirit animal) for today!

Here I am being annoying as shit at Canadian Tire. I owed some handy man store patronage cos I got to do some girly shopping. My vision for this bow photo was to jump in the pile of them and act like I was being sucked in but someone didn’t have anymore patience. Now, while I know I push my luck with selfies and picture posing I’m also adamantly protective of my role as this navel gazing blogging weirdo. It’s what I do. Period. If someone can’t take two seconds out of their busy schedule to take my picture then it’s simply not gonna work out. I used to buckle under men’s moods in the past and let them NOT photograph me. Well, never again even if it causes WWIII.

I am 31. I am too old to be told. If crotchety men can be set in their ways well daggnabbit so am I. Not all men are dickbags about it however, some are delighted or will ask me before I ask if I want my picture taken beside whatever ridiculous thing we encounter.

Someone said men are the preferred second class citizens now thanks to all the woman help we get with rape crisis centers or whatever (which exist BECAUSE OF BEING RAPED BY MEN IDIOT!) and my response was yeah and it’s about fucking time so get used to it. Man whiners make me sick. Like, I hear man whining and I turn into a very not nice person so man up. I must be pmsing.

The source. Another boring man store. Yeah yeah kinda rich for me to be saying man boring this or that but it’s a joke, I know women buy tech shit too, chill. I just call bullshit on both genders how about that. I’m like a misogynist feminist. I called Canadian Tire a boring man store because: 1. boring 2. men go there 3. it’s a store. How much more transparency do you need here? I can send flash cards if necessary.

That’s what up my nose looks like. You can also see the ghost of an old lip piercing. There are cheaper knock-offs of my winter coat all over town I bought it last year. It wasn’t cheap either. You know when you see someone wearing a similar coat to yours you like, hide in the bushes and study every stitch, seam and pocket on that thing while scowling like Maggie Simpson’s baby nemesis at it and whoever you’re with or were talking to is like, hello, Lauren, uh, what are you doing?

I always want to order the fun thing but I always order this instead. The fun was made up afterward when my friend texted that he hoped I didn’t use the bathroom cos the owner was busted filming in the bathrooms here last year and I totally did use the bathroom, cool great. We only ate here cos the White Oak diner is donestown now :(. I get grilled tomaotes in lieu of homefries cos I know I’m going to be stealing some of those bad boys anyway, win win win. Re: bathroom filming, lets say he was only caught last year that means he had been filming for years! What a perv.

After band I was fomgry. We went for Afghani food and it was inhaled.

Everyone asks if we have boned like I’m a sex machine who can’t control themselves it’s starting to piss me off. It makes us laugh though. People project their own desires on to you, their guilty dirty consciences because they essentially are saying in the same situation they would be shagging for sure. Bloggers are fantasy life dolls people try to manipulate their own minds about. Don’t think I didn’t study you back. Fuck speaking of study I better go over my notes before the OCAD thing today I almost forgot from being so wrapped up in myself. Mom is almost here, we have to get rolling on photos for my blogiversary party flyer and I guess something cool for this Friday. Do you think if my blog had a dick I would suck it do not answer that.

Bengal kitten head!!! Her name is Meep because she meeps a lot. She followed me upstairs while I finished putting my war paint on and it was truly adorbs. I was like really? All this attention for me?

Chain smile.

In the summer I run nearly naked that’s why I am scowling here. People who don’t know anything about running who try to provide winter running grief relief and say isn’t it better to run when it’s cold because you get hot? Um no! You have to wear infinity leayers when it’s cold. When it’s hot you run out in practically nothing. Way more enjoyable and comfortable that way when you start gushing sweat. When you actually run, you can talk to me about it. (Ok I will stop being mean for the next little while now).

Me the night I dyed my hair I don’t know why I was being so prog rock though.

Thai tea.

When an establishment gives you a free martini cos they suck so hard I will take it. They were super sweethearts however. I told them don’t bother dimming up the lights I like sitting in the dark. I enjoy giving unnecessary extra info to strangers. one time I told a waitress I needed to sit facing a certain way so I could stare at all the people walking through this hallway and asked her if it got a lot of foot traffic and she loved that so fucking much she was like AND I HOPE A LOT OF PEOPLE WALK BY FOR YOU then we were best friends for the duration of my stay at TGIFridays in Niagara Falls the end.

Kingsley is great I want to make a video of him walking around he looks prehistoric long and scary but is actually a humongous suckhole and now we are in love and I am the favoured one he follows me around everywhere you have no idea how good that is for my ego ahhhhhhhhhhh. He’s nestling with my bag cos he doesn’t want me to leave and is visibly upset if I don’t bring an overnight bag with me, he sleeps with anything mine it’s a great 180 from stress puking all the time I think.

BYE FOR NOW! To be continued…

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