Zero filter face. Can you show us your haggard under eyebags without a filter, lady? Pfft I doubt it. Here is another flawless picture from last week, click to enlarge it. Zero photoshop, I never do that, zero filters too. I don’t think you’ve posted a filter-less photo in three years or one w/o sunglasses.
Here’s just a whatever one. Simple and arty. Can you be calm, present in your own life and own a simple portrait of yourself proudly? Do you have to hate on absolutely everything you see someone else doing that has totally nothing to do with your stupid fucking shallow try hard life?
Wow I look SO HAGGARD. Look at those disgusting teeth and ridiculous fugly face.
Holy shit this is the grossest I have ever looked I better make a zany facial expression to fill in all my crow’s feet and wrinkles to trick you guys in to thinking I am pretty, no wait, no need to cos my face is fantastic as is.
Okay fine, here’s something wacky. Sorry it just made me look cuter from all the f’s I don’t give. As an aside, I might need to buy a bat to fight off all the dudes who want me here fur sure.
This is me exercising. Because drinking Coke zero equals exercising duh. I’m sorry that I am funnier than you, more original too and you can’t come up with jokes like that on your own. Go write about your swaggy swag now, you empty vessel. What’s your obsession with material worth btw? Things don’t make you better, nor your life. You need be happy being simple, having, wanting, and needing less.
Last night before bed I was adorabs then too. Being cute is a never ending job. When I am forty I will still be cute and my eyes will always be minxy.
Here is a picture of not trying. Try it.
Although some effort should be made to maintain physique, omg don’t forget to harp on me for that too you pathetic freak. You’re so goddamn obsessed with me you’ll write an essay about my shoelace. Can’t you find someone else to harass and jerk off to while crying already? I bet you have a hater hit list a mile long.
I made this for my bf this morning before his meetings because I have zero ambitions. That guy loves the shit out of me.
Hi guys. What’s up. Okay I don’t care. Sorry I didn’t blog yesterday. I felt like it but then I didn’t, so I didn’t even though I spent like fifty hours on the internet looking at everything. It feels kinda pointless to tweet or blog six hours hyperly-ahead of everything else like throwing coins in to a black hole cos none of y’all are up to read it assuming only people on eastern standard time read me. I think I should shift my statcounter ahead six hours so my blog traffic numbers calculate properly. I’ll just add that to the never-ending list of not crappening. Along with calling Rogers to turn off my phone. It’s been a month and I still haven’t done that yet. I have issues with responsibility big time. Especially when I am in trouble.
Today is day three no booze. There’s an alcoholic in my head throwing a red ball at a wall again and again and again, no biggie. Also, I have decided to kick w–d too so my brain should kick in to overdrive any minute now. I want to prove that I can do it. My only fear is boredom. I’ve gone through life wearing rose-tinted brain glasses to protect myself from feelings and depression and I agree now that at thirty maybe I should cut the crap. I’ve gone through a mania before which happens when you dry out after years of Jack Sparrowing it. Your intelligence comes flooding back, you think you’re a genius all of a sudden and delusions of grandeur surround you like a fog. You get more energy and require little sleep so be careful. I’ll keep you posted on all things my brain throughout this journey.
Back to domestic stuff now. We sleep on a king sized bed and lately I sweat a lot when I sleep. I don’t know what that means but I know I wake up drenched halfway through the night, go take a leak and then go back to bed on the other side of him where it is dry and freezing cold then I sweat the rest of my toxins out on that side and in the morning I look like Brunette Carrot Top. There is no point in even trying to have awesome hair here thanks to sleep sweats as well my Canadian hair straightener either doesn’t work or the adapter (both of them) don’t. I trimmed my ends last week, which are always trying to fade to platinum. I can’t wait til my Craymi mane is long and normal and perfect. Putting it up in a bun or ballerina mess suits me good and fine though and when it’s all big after drying from sweat and curly it looks nice with the volume and such. I have chilled out about my looks a ton over the last year so as much as it seems neurotic to blog every little thing, really I don’t care all that much. You only care when you’re single about these things and only diva dudes with city stress care about them too. It’s best keeping up with the Joneses by holding your own-ness.
Update: my new straightener just arrived in the mail back in biz now baby.
Sometimes being a peacock and too many accessories makes me cringe or feel the insecurity of others. I used to think it was a money thing, a very convenient way to go against the label whore herd by being a non-conformist and wearing an outfit worth less than $20 but still looking super fly. I know that it’s not about money entirely. If I gain weight (and I have) I know that an expensive outfit is not going to make me skinnier, or feel any better. I’d prefer to do the work, lose the weight, and wear a sexy cheap camisole like I’m still twenty. Although as women age we are supposed to dress it up more. All these rules.
I am skinnier than this now. This was after the medieval fair. Walking with my shitty ankle on paths and forest hills is challenging and frustrating but you gotta keep at it if you want improvement.
Yesterday morning at 8am (no judging!) my last day of fysio. He was throwing a ball to me while I balanced. Guys, if you have never torn a ligament or busted an ankle MAKE SURE YOU APPRECIATE YOUR MOBILITY cos once it’s gone it is awful. When I bend my knees, only my right knee can bend all the way. My left knee cannot because the ligament is still strained and tight I’m going to stop typing about it now before I start crying okay too late. I miss running. I would be in way better shape right now if I didn’t run in to that goddamn hole in the ocean in Aruba. I have to practice bending my knees and lunging holy crap is lunging ever impossible. Losing the ability to walk has been my greatest fear my entire life and thankfully I can walk but I can’t jog or skip or dance or run which are the best. If there is danger I can’t run. I just need to give it time and in a few months it’ll be better. Time? Who has time? NOBODY! Every time I get up to walk it’s like the injury resets again, my ankle is always stiff I better not limp forever. Complaining session over for now.
I love them. I don’t love that they are resting in a parking spot. I love their love though it’s like The Notebook and can do anything!
If we go to that festival I will be wearing these. I’m going to put them on today to start working them in. They’re a bit big, the 39s were too small. I figure your feet swell a lot from a day of drinking, walking, dancing, biking, falling and so on. I got a pair of vintage keds in a size bigger than normal one summer and they were the best. Neon is super in again and having bright feet will give me all the attention I so desire if so required. I can’t wear heels so I have to make more effort with flats.
Turkish Sunday dinner, this was baked I totally forget and not that I knew to begin with cos it was written in Turkish Dutch. We didn’t bring the camera cos the card was full. I like us-time dates, you are way more in the moment and if you really need to commemorate it just take a phone pic or two. The waiter asked why we were sitting beside each other instead of across like everyone else and bf said because I want to touch my wife and the waiter swooned how romantic. Then he heard my English and his curiosity clocked in at 100%. This is why I can get away with dressing like a potato all the time, my Canadianness is all the dress I need. We sat by the window on the second floor and watched all the other diners and made summaries for all of them and personal promises not to turn out like that couple or that one, but that one was alright because they left arm-in-arm.
Wine coloured polish. Time to get another shade. This post has no point or direction and no weed to juice it up either haha. I just had a few drags of a smoke out of boredom and a third espresso. I’ll make us lunch in a bit but I can tell neither of us are in eating moods yet. I’m going to go through some pics and plan my next post or add some to this one. Maybe troll a few people j/k. Okay brb not that it matters you’re all still asleep!
Hey Monday Mondaze, ready for a Germania high-speed Ferrari chase? Lets do lunch first.
No not this. This was a hangover choice (the most best of all) plus there is definitely not this kind of stupidity at home. I am a life sampler and this sample needs to get in my life. It neither tastes like chicken nor reggae nor spice, so anor-ing. Maybe I’ll feed the rest to the fish.
I don’t think you ever kick candy. That’s a kid thing. Ingrained. When your bf is a diabetic-in-training and addiction is custards and puddings and pastries with custards and puddings IN them, you gotta throw down your own sweet tooth credentials, nah man you’re doing it wrong. I just endured ten cavities and a couple roots on my right side seem to be exposed. I let my mouth get disgusting over the last 5 years.
I was pretty pissed off about this. We scored 2 beers off Worst (yes that is his name, I don’t know why cos he’s the best) when we left but yeah one of them obviously didn’t make it through the night.
Beer funeral is served. I bet half my skeezer readers would let this melt in a cup then drink it later on. I know cos I wanted to but “someone” was like no, glass are you crazy? I’ll drink around the glass! I protested. Like the time I said I will outrun the mosquitos in Thunder Bay when we climbed up the mountain.
Well at least they are romantic. I had a bite of one, then had two more. So good. I also became buzzed off one of his tira misu’s. Awesome.
Another award-winning outfit Lauren. This country is colder than I thought. Mom we were wrong. SO many things you nixed from my wardrobe or talked me out of packing (Smythe blazer hello!) I should have packed. He said Spring/Summer I heard ARUBA. Anyway these are AA pants and looking pretty thin haha.
I like my “new look” though. It just overtly screams COUCH and LAZY and YOU GO TO WORK DRESSED LIKE THAT ON A WEEK DAY? Bahah. No, on “work” days I wear jogging pants bro. j/k I put a nice shirt on last week to skype with Dom. COUNTS. This shirt says St. Moritz which is a rich ski person’s destination in Switzerland. Okay if I’m gonna look like a douchebag it’s gonna be a rich douchebag.
Raining again. It rains off and on a lot here so you better check an App before bike riding or taking your motorcycle. When we got to our destination it was sunny and clear. WTF Europe?
People watching boner time.
This is our regular Italian joint. His friend wasn’t working today. Too bad. They f–ed up a lot of our order ahah.
Well at least they like jazz music.
I like the interior shape of the roof.
And that place.
Even this view.
This “prosecco” was disgusting. Meh. Booze is booze.
Time for a Mom feature Little Raymis. It has been been awhile plus this w/e it’s all about yo mama! Lets check out what the dream team Tracey the Minx and Lolo got from The Drake General Store for their Mom Wow shopping date. Ten times cooler than sending flowers, these chicks love to do things (spazzes). So a shopping excursion and lunch in the city courtesy of my home away from home homies The Drake/General Store was the dopest idea. I can’t be there to do it myself this year and do the here is a construction paper card with a crappily drawn flower on it DAUGHTER OF THE YEAR custom-made. Hell I bet if I made those I could sell them for $100 each (self inflated egotism at its best). Remind me to assemble a team of interns to make homemade cards and plagiarize my name on them as my next career move project to fizzle out after 6 months.
Nice stems jeezis. Nice glasses too! I love how they copy and one-up each other constantly, we always copy each other’s “thing” it’s cute, playful, and fun. Monkey see monkey do. Life is a mirror.
I love this store. Ever since it opened. The owners are dreamy too.
I have never eaten so many eggs in my life since living here.
As a writer I have a great affinity for books, journals, note paper, whimsical stationary, collecting meticulously effortlessly designed notebooks. This makes my heart swoon.
I love this photo. Lois is my godmother. Am I a mother collector? I think I am. GAhah. All your moms are belong to us! I think it’s because my mom is like a child and I am a habitual f–up I am a never-ending fix it project based upon my totally aggressively laid back lifestyle. In other news we watched Our Idiot Brother last night fwahaha.
These I love. I want to make a terrarium. I wish I was not so lazy that I would make one. I want to be the kind of person who makes terrariums. Like David Suzuki. I think I would faint if I met him. National Treasure. His daughter seems wicked too.
Why yes. I. am.
I can only imagine how Dom dealt with them on Thursday haha she said they were very charming. I said my mom is worse than me no filter, which is the charming part D said. AWWWW.
Nice. I knew my mom would have a field day photographing in there. Bonus Mother’s Day gift for the obsessive shutterbug.
In their natural habitat, divas.
Okay ok ocray.
Oh my god I want new clothes so bad.
I want that dress. Love this picture. Florida tanned.
Canadian summers are the best though.
I would love to table dress. I like arranging things, decorating, kitschy vintage-modern, post modern eclectic, nostalgic curiosities. I am a “things” kind of person. Things are based on emotions, the need to tap in to them also if you’re a loner you like play things to fill in for people.
As a girl, how does this box of beads make you feel? She either got it as a gift for a girl or for herself and now she’s going to make me a bracelet.
This makes me feel awesome. Plus “I need it”. I need it in a cabin I don’t own yet.
I guess my mom “needed” this too. She has a lot of jewelry. I “need” some of it. Lol.
These are mystery videos because 1. I take many and I don’t know or remember what’s what to begin with and 2. I can’t preview them before uploading so I just pick at random. The files these photos come in are too hugemongous to be read by my elder laptop. They’re .wav files and HUGE in size. If the video is too risky I delete after the fact. Thrillhouse!
I was inspired by the fair and went back to my black metal roots SAAAAAAAAAATAN ARRRRRRRRRRR RAAAAH.
Whoops. Today’s about a fantastic journey to Heaven actually cos it’s Hemelvaart.
After a while there were too many “not surprised” moments to even count. Too bad Hobbit was snoresville. I gave it two tries, passed out during both times. In the theatre with my brother to be fair we were pretty inebriated and the 3D glasses were tripping me out hard like a chilled out Bilbo before Gandalf shows up.
Now his haircut looks like this.
And a little of that.
The barber said it was high fashion. Next time I am going with. It was expensive too and not “a barber” and there were pictures of it in a reputable mag so I suppose it’s a prospective hair trend forecast. The guy said there’s a bar in Amsterdam where lots of bad asses go and drink, they all have this haircut combined with long beards. Sounds Queen west to me. Sons of Anarchy style. I think on beard growth scruff days it’ll look hot.
It’s grown on me now though. We are so in love he could be covered in dog shit and I would be like “That looks incredible honey!”
That’s what’s up player haters. Damn you look good.
Did I ever look like my Nana though, that little Manchester meatball holy sensible sweater and shoes I look like their endless vacation photos, posing by a greek fountain on a cruise trip blaha. I was one of the best and most fabulously (slutty) dressed. I am a rock star everywhere we go, even when dressed like a slob. Anyone you know with a Toronto-sized ego needs to come experience it, intoxicating. Thrilling when you get a bar star hater too. Our waitress yesterday stared RIGHT AT ME every time she walked/panned the room we were like wtf? And the more she did it the more snappy things I had to say about every one of her looks once she was safely out of ear shot. Half of it is my fault because I poured on the drippy George Clooney voice once it was my turn to speak as she asked me what I wanted to drink. I was every fucker at The Thompson, “do you speak english?” in an of course you do you’ve waited for this moment for many years tone of voice. Not many people speak english here. Nothing is in english in the papes or tabloids but they have a Hollywood curiosity, adore celebs too and that washes off on you when you speak like an American.
Representing Playboy Energy drank abroad makes me feel like a porn star and burn a little crimson under the skin. Get ready for the added attention, prepare thyselves fellow divas. Toronto’s snobby street ignoring contest culture dies over the water and you’re gonna like shit a lot more. Jules said when she left tdot she noticed how much of a bubble it truly is. Toronto does think it’s the center of the universe. People are actually nicer in New York I find. And they say New Yorkers are assholes. True they are, you will get bitch slapped ten times easier in NY than Toronto but I think people in Toronto are just sick of each other and all stacked on top of one another and at the same few bars the same crowd go to, you have to keep seeing all the same faces. I just like breaks from it is all I have done everything like I am about to repeat absolutely the same things I did last summer in Toronto? Cool, island, yeah here’s the hipster beach zzz.
Aruba spoiled me. But he wants to see Toronto and what better girl to host that by. It will be fun I know, and at least it isn’t fall. My schedule is already starting to fill we just need to find a place for a few months.
The dog owner was a young chick. A goth emo hipster. What are those called now?
I guess that’s her bf carrying her purse. Daps on that. It is the eternal life challenge to con guys in to carrying your shit for you.
Guys were like F T and that’s when purses were invented and then we had to figure out how to get you guys to carry those too.
I was getting stared at like crazy standing here plus by the guy with the ewok bagpipes (you can see it in the screen shot!) and I’m like GET HERE WITH THE BEER NOW communicating telepathically then I’m stunned it’s cherry beer even though I just asked for cherry beer. I think sitting in the sun checking out don’ts on that bench fried my brains a little and how!
Loved their tunes though. Um I kind of want to be the main Maiden of all this world just saying. I so totally look like Arwen don’t even try to deny it. I have 300 photos as proof. Not that I can find them right now I just wasted 20 minutes. Okay I found one.
Hey Tyler this is the night we met and I made the ballsiest move ever and introduced myself.
Oh look me and K-OS. Long story. Not really. Lols.
Me n Brucey. Being starstruck by people who are back at you, makes your heart go mad.
Time to get ill.
Looking kinda Mortal Kombat now. I saw the tent where all that guy’s stuff is, I took a picture of this armour. Then I saw it in action.
And now he is fucking killing everyone!! Bahahaa. This guy went all Shanghai. I had no idea what I was staring at when this was all going down. The sun, the, lack of attention span, beer. It was all trippy though.
On to the next thing.
People watching from up here is good. It’s like Dawn of the dead? The smart ass from modern family pointing out zombie Burt Reynolds and so on but for me it was like oh look there’s that family from earlier. Dad looks tired. We saw German Ozzy Osbourne too, rolling a smoke. Is there a German Ozzy impersonator though? Def a Zombie Ozzy. I have pictures of him. I didn’t actually upload the second half of my fair photos yet this is just left over from part I jeez Louise.
Biggest dog ever. More like horse. It was just a baby too. It looks like the keeper at the gates of Hell, I have never seen a bigger breed of dog. It’s a Dutch something I’ll source for you later on when I post the rest of it. This guy who just stepped out of Jack and the beanstalk had to protect me from him when I got closer. Do you have a permit for that dinosaur bro?
Thanks lady. No really, I think it adds. I’m not being sarcastic. For once.
ps. some people have said there’s been probs with my contact form (intermittently) plus they can’t add me on FB cos I am too amazing I have to add you sooo here’s my e-addy just in case – raymitheminxATgmail.com – write to me for any reason under the sun. Put a dollar sign in the subject though if it’s about the good stuff lols. Or if you’re lonely and want a pen pal, listen lady or you have insomnia as I’m 6 hours ahead of you and usually awake or have your email prepared for my morning because I have 6 hour of extra time to get shit done seen! pps. picking up my new bike today.
Guten tag Canada. For realsies. I’ve been awake since 7.30am and we’ve been swimming, to my foot doctor, to “solarium” (tanning) and had a LOT of caffeine today. We are both hyper spazzes and when we don’t drink it’s like, giddy-uppa! He went and got me a new desk chair and free weights too. Oh wait before I continue..
Thanks. Maybe I shouldn’t have done all those tricep extensions before writing just now ow zzz. Plus I swam like a motherf*er today too.
Cliche Euro girl alone in room photo.
We didn’t take any photos of our walk yesterday because we are exhausticated by the camera and wanted us time. Actually no one wanted to carry it, so I called his bluff. The walk went ten times faster without documenting every fucking leaf along the way plus I was wearing flip flops and it’s all sand. I walk like a gimp. Like a pregnant bitch. Especially in sand. Halfway through I gave up on limping and forced my foot to walk in the direction of forward and I could do it but it hurts. Doctor today said it was improving but I had to stick my face down my shirt to cover my crying from the pain it endures when he manipulates my ligament.
Some of the rest of my outfit. It was so hot out yesterday. We went for another walk later on and fed the ducks and thousands of carp and the ducks scared me. There’s an aggressive fat female who walks up to us on the bridge honking and bullies the men off, I have duck phobia. It’s a perfectly logical fear to have of being pecked. Maybe we will make her in to peking duck if she blows it next time.
Bf was making a stupes face so I cropped him out because I think I look pretty for once. Except where is my reflection in the mirror!? OOOOOH Vampire.
Alright now here is where the show begins. We drove to Germany to perhaps climb to the castle and have a beer beside it but then spied a Medieval fair afoot. What’s that? WE ARE GOING TO THAT.
Ignore all the normies and just stare at the freaks. Best. We drank up in that tree house under the two top blue tent points. Looks pretty rinky dink from here come to think of it. A sign I couldn’t understand in German said climb at own risk but what is life without adventure? Actually wait that was my bf’s ad lib I’m like the lady at the flower shop writing verbatim phone messages on flower note cards or the engrish cake decorator.
Oh yeah we are so going in. This guy tried to haggle fuck with us at the end and I was like that’s really great and all if he messed with me in English, joke’s on them ahah. Happened at every tent pretty much. Plus we watch Scam City religiously so we know all the gypsy-swindling tricks.
Sunday Funday in Germany :).
I was pretty excited. Dis gun be good. I’m a total freak secret nerd too. I mean genius.
Zero successful spells cast this day. So many wizards. Tons of goths. Larpers ran the whole show.
Hey whatcha looking at?
They were speaking Elvish. Just kidding, German. Same thing. Just kidding. But no, even in English I’d be like what are these geeks all fucking talking about seriously hello??
I better get some axe throwing skills (I have friends who do it) just in case and maybe some crystals too and gummi bear juice balahaha omg I can tell this is going to take forever getting through this.
My first honeymoon weekend here we drank on the other side of that on a patio, it was so fun.
Sweet outfit Lauren.
Proper set-up here.
Bad ass player. Bf hasn’t seen role models yet. I quoted it a million times. It’s going to be so much funnier now. That’s it if I send him the trailer he’ll d/l it instantly.
Love him (king guy from the hangover) I kept asking where the king was (to no one) and lets go find him. We didn’t.
You betcha we saw larping (the battle) before we left then it was like ALRIGHT THAT’S ENOUGH.
Haha Fogel. Omg he hasn’t seen Superbad either. Am I the only person who doesn’t have a life around here? Back to Rayme Times now.
Parent time out place. The fighting happened behind them. Someone’s face was eye level with my crotch the entire time I took pictures of it. I get a little nervous in public here because I don’t understand anything I hear and people kind of talk loud sometimes to include you and you’re like is this a test? I don’t know any of their fucking answers. These moments happen when my bf takes off to buy beer or run up a building lol I dunno. I basically get a lot of social experimental opportunities. I think the neighbours think I am a snob though because I stonewall them because it’s exhausting waiting for eye contact, to be polite, then we wave, oh, is this the wave part? Like a passing boat on a lake. Stranger encounters, faux pas, rules of etiquette where there are none. The deep person’s travel doctrine.
Lets play eye spy.
I spy summer goths. I am one to talk because I wear black in the sun too and I know it is idiotic. I am just sad I didn’t wear my grunge crucifix this day and I was so close.
Some guys were holding these like they had beer inside. Ew gross/jealous.
Dreeeeeeeeamy. Beer in a wine bottle, how swoon.
My stomach is rumbling.
I did not have the attention span for that. I have videos though maybe I will have attention for those.
I went to a Medieval fair when I was in England, it was at Warwick Castle. I think I only repeated that 10 times. But it did feel great to be here by a real castle in the sun with all the goofy shit to look at. I mean historical period things. I love the past and people who think they’re pirates and weirdos in general. There’s good finds to be had too but I’m scrimpy AND saving my load for an H&M spree or a top shop something like that, something like f21. Something in Amsterdam I’m sure. It’s really hard to ignore the inner hippie at these things but luckily there are a lot of one of a kind don’ts. Like a skirt that you velcro over your pants because you don’t shave your armpits anymore I think?
We sat on this bench and heard 400 people say the exact same thing about this, but in German, Dutch, Russian and so on. Ooh, left out in the sun too long. I got him to cross its skeleton leg over the knee later on faaaaaaaaabulous.
That’s my flag, well one of them. Big-ups WALES. I bet they won the battle.
These guys watched us while we drank our beer and we watched them back. The bench was positioned kind of oddly on this hill and we took it. Best people watching tanning perch.
Lots to see.
Look at those sweet crosses. Bet they’re real. Yes at one point I did in fact quote William Wallace.
Yo chill Transylvania. I wonder how much trouble I am in once he reads all these blog posts he needs to catch up on ahaha.
Some lovely hats.
Ancient wall. I give it 1661. I just Wiki’d the town.
This is getting weird now.
My sweet stamp. Almost as shite as my tattoo.
Now I’m thirsty.
Nice cape. Okay I’ll continue my Raymedieval Review after my shower. I have a Skype appointment and I just Something about Mary’d my bangs with hair glue he got from the stupid haircut he received this morning. Have a tubular Tuesday.