Stop Staring Start Caring
I’ve been watching a lot of movies the last week. Period pieces depicting women with face. I don’t know if I am just a sucker for enchantment and turmoil suffered by that of a pretty face or if I am just really good at escapism carte blanche that I see myself as being capable of doing anything in life as long as I can make a few people fall in love with me for my face or feel sorry for me because of my face. As long as there is a face there is a way.
I am also re-in love with red lipstick again and luckily had a tube of alarm red revlon (not seen here obvs) in my purse it’s amazing how just that can change your whole perspective, feelings, self esteem.
But then why do I cover up half of mine with these godawful glasses? I’ll tell you. I’ve told you. Because I feel like I am losing my face I suppose. I am presently enduring a classic 29 year old temper tantrum. No. I’m not accepting turning 30. Like at all. I am and I’m not. I think I get to waffle. It’s my job to. Also to have this very public identity crisis. GREAT TIMES!
Actually I have these pictures because I don’t really take pictures much these days. I’ve hyper-exposed myself for years. I’ve done some thinking. Being asked about it all the time and then people’s expectations of me, demands really, to know the truth at all times and the details. It’s complicated bro.
I give wooden responses, canned, like I believe it when I say it when I say it that I don’t mind living under a microscope.
I get that you want to know things and trust me, I want to tell you but I have learned that you cannot go around telling everything all the time because while being a personal blogger and building your empire based on that you can’t tell it all and you shant cos it involves more people than you and your story isn’t only your story alone you accumulate more along with you as you go. The experiences I’ve experienced in life accrue a following, a gathering of people get to watch me from a distance when I move on, waiting for me to pop or just holding on, when they might have wanted me gone but still, they’re on. Me. So then you go underground. Do I stay true to me. Do I lose myself, do I hurt people? Do I, hurt?
I must say that saying nothing has been the best decision ever made. Like, do you have any life advice for me? Haha. Judge lest ye be judged and some junk. I just would totally be more forthcoming about things if I felt, or knew rather, that it wouldn’t all blow up in my face. This is not my first rodeo after all.
And perhaps, you don’t get to know me anymore. When someone tells you unapologetically for many years their everything and half of you berate them, bully, taunt, troll, whatever about it. You lose the privilege to know. That chapter is closed.
Me and Shawn Hawaii Gangnam style!
Spaced that this was a halloween bash (glad it was! I feel so out of Halloween-spirit this year) but went as a bunny writer rep so, close enough?
I forced this photo to happen I am glad I got a copy of it. Thanks for the good times cohorts. Now I must write my next piece, they like them way in advance now cos the follow the bunnies tumblr is doing so well it’s like a big deal. I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life, have been one. Well, a blogger one. But there is just something about formal documents that make your hero choke. No more complaining. I thought it was a Wednesday today so maybe that will lend some artist-outsider insight.
See you in the next adventure.