Death by cool

I better learn how to dance with a wig on before my next show which will def see me with an even bigger wig on, piles and piles of hair I am pumped. Burlesque continues…

Ron Sparks is hilarious, I think I like his voice so much that it makes me think he is funnier than he is. He IS funny but his voice is boomy and very deep, leading, and when you hear it you are like oh, here comes a joke he’s saying something! Meanwhile he is just asking about set times.

Cutie cartoony Pastel.

Unreal body.

Yummy.

Me watching Red Zeppelin.

And losing my shit with appreciation. Look Bechnique. And a hipster. Part of Batman too. He’s gone viral eh, good work Alex and Sean Ward!

Bunny!

Maria Juana is amazing.

Cheeky gal.

Excellent, excellent.

At least 30 people have emailed me about this on youtube. Yes thanks I know I was there. Okay fine here it is lazypants. I’m at the end.

Jesus Christ! My parents are dead! Many good parts in this.

Nice splits!

Dayum I got a slammin’ bod.

Part of my first dance involves throwing a glove and I didn’t want to hit this fan up front in the face with it so I flung it to the side a bit more. I flirted a lot with that guy and his gf/companion had a great time.

All comedians hate each other.

And are one another’s biggest fans/cheerleaders and critics too. I like to cram it all together in to one giantly confusing clusterfuck. People say I have yes men and ass kissers, guy, that is so false it isn’t even possible to use me my time is very precious to me so I don’t know what the hell can be expunged except for infamy by association, free concerts and swag, good times, high fives and hugs. Trolls deserve to feel like jerks because they act as such and look at me, look at who I associate with. Characters, freaks, eccentrics and misfits. So am I too, that doesn’t make you a train wreck to live your life exactly as you want to. Collecting weirdos along the way. I choose that life over that of the un-special majority with the samesies lives watching the samesies programs (that I also watch so I’m not all that different) talking the same shit about the same everything. I wouldn’t even wear thin braided hipster headbands because everyone was doing it, or spectacles. I only wear the ones I found because hey, free specs and they help my old lady vision, are prescription and mask eyebags too. It’s dying out more now, watering down, so it’s okay to wear hipster specs ok BUT DON’T GET GREEDY WITH IT. I have all kinds of cool rules. Which btw is a key component that I apply to my life, one, being cool. Forever. It’s not about looks, it’s trailblazing originating, being of the moment, relevant and so forth. I can age yeah sure and get fat and uglier, but I will still maintain my cool, if it kills me. Death by cool. End caption. Lol.

Look at that guy, so enraptured. By the minx. Wonder when a story on my life will be made. Oh get over yourself blogs are just one big giant talking to yourself and sharing ideas you ping pong against a wall for entertainment. When you dissect things you ruin them. You are lame. In short. Stop psycho-analyzing life.

Seeing Pastel reminds me to always stretch. It’s really hard to talk to her when she’s winding her torso and gyrating the other half of her body in a rhythmic stretch, my throat goes dry and my voice gets high and I am like, are you, is that, stretching? So hot.

We did a lot of videos yesterday and I am getting a lot better with my cape. We fucked up downloaing them from his phone ugh so annoyed, actual best work yet you will never see. Which is a challenge to top it. Top yourself is one of my slogans.

Colleague says this dance was memorable.

Every time I upload a video to youtube some beast flags it. I have seen WAY raunchier things on youtube, the video in question is presently being appealed because I guess they were like uh why was this flagged? Sigh.

See my Hello Kitty lunchbox? :).

Ooh I want to hear that Taylor Swift song and photoshop myself into whimsical settings with butterflies and bubbles and other dumb shit. Just kidding I just want to hit update and take a pee.

And now bech’s photos.

Baha you’re welcome for the hugemongous shots.

Jules I am size 8 what are you? I bet you have more weird space shoes I will want to wear. These are like the strawberry swirl candies. But what do you expect from a kid still in braces lol.

I see Red’s teeny head.

Bun Bun!

Ron Ron! I’ve had to stop myself from typing Sexsmith so many times you know. I know that guy too.

Chow Mein, Bech, teach and Courtney’s skinny ankles and legs. Teach trying to figure out mystery camera.

I am like see ya dudes. I got a thing to do for a minute. brb.

I am singing the alphabet.

Duuuhoye hahaha.

That was intentional and the split second will last a lifetime now yay.

Not bad White. My arms could be stronger though.

I am looking forward to wearing those with a normal outfit, smouldering. Maybe they can be worn frontwards too.

The bow in my hair is a little bit Disney. Naughty princess. Which one, Belle?

Oh shit this is going to be good.

Perfection. The socks kill me. KILL ME THE BEST!

Phenom. Real Disney Princess Pastel for sure.

Are you convinced about these shows yet?

Come for the me, stay for the them!

I rest my case.

Ooh I just got an idea for a dance.

But on another note how would you feel about a dance to this?

It is my natural inclination to dance to grimy trash and, well I might add. I got in to night clubs underage at 16 with a fake id and this was what they played, at NRG (that place is scary) man dance offs with legit hood rat skanks, I saw a girl shove kick a guy after dancing like a whore around him it was the best she terrified me. You could dance behind silk screens once you climbed these ladders (dangerous and should be outlawed) and so of course we climbed them, drunk, on E, and danced like idiots. The hip hop room was even scarier by far, entrants beware, you will most def get a towel thrown around your neck and then you have to grind your way out of it. Fights like cray, it is a jungle. Anyway, so I know how to dance like a raunchy ghetto kind of I don’t know what. Maybe I will choreograph something to fool people in to thinking I am street and funky to this song. I’m sure they played it at the Falconer reunion. Other classics, Salt n peppa, Dre, Snoop, a little gangster’s paradise here and there and cherry bombs. We were hung as hell. Best party. Falconer what.

Ooh Red Zeppelin, hot mess. Love it. We were all concerned about her pouring honey on herself for fear of stage sticky and she neglected to be oh yeah before even that guys I’ll be dumping suds and water all over myself and the stage. Hahaha oh boy.

What a funny life, it’s fun.

Bunny and I are like, really? Look Teacher it’s me cleaning! Bahahaha.

And teaching Red Zeppelin the meaning of respect.

I can’t believe what is happening and I like it. Me and Red always do a “bit” together on stage as bonus performance art. I like that I have high-end rubbermaid dishwashing gloves on and my white billowy dress looks like a big poof sponge also for cleaning. If I smoke a bit more weed I am sure I can fantasize this entire post as a Beauty and the Beast recreation no problem.

Stressing over Bunny’s gloves. My head lost weight.

Such a temptress.

She’s got quite the groupie fan base.

I can see why.

Wuh-oh pasghettios.

Surf’s up guys!

Um this is taco night on Monday two days later nevermind that.

I know how to twirl it like a mermaid or train tracks. Ha whatever you will see and then get hypnotized.

I don’t think this one was even put on my blog I put it up everywhere else before so now it’s old news. Meh.

THE END.

Raymi the moocher

Sprinklin’ the world with love a heart sprinkles.

Dancin’ with the world…

Hi George!

Blowin’ kisses to the world. You know, just another day.

Shawn Hawaii is my homeboy. He bought me last year. Par-tay-Har-tay!

Shan you’re amazing thank you for helping me back in to my dress.

Hot times indeed.

Thank you Julio for the snaps. Okay fine I will put up the money shot one. In the future turn around while looking down. They totally wanna pop off I was twirlin’ them like cray. The girls in the bathroom loved watching me decide which pair of pasties to wear. That was a fun long party rock star night excellent!

Thank you bye bye! This one (above) makes my childhood teenage (chick) girl babysitter/family friend/mom’s friend want to convert. I don’t know how to feel about that. Superstar? I likes ta keep it NYC as much as can be. What can I say. Lots!

HAw ha Raymi the moocher yes we all get it. HARLEM RENAISSANCE. Look it up.

Back to The Rum Diary now.

Can’t recall if this is Max or Cab Calloway’s version halp!

losers lose

I don’t really get the ageist attacks. I’ve never made fun of anyone older or younger than me before like as a thing and people have been telling me since I was 19 to “grow up” or warned me that I should stop this bloggy party lifey thing and all I have to say is, you are stupid and sexist and ageist and should worry about your own age and life because what I am doing is working, it’s not broke so don’t fix it. I don’t see the number of my days on this earth as any sort of measurement for who or what I am, maybe only for when I am Or when I will or should be (a mom?). You’re an obsessive loser, and your world the more it becomes revealed to me about your only joy being me, obsessively, and you’ve offered up other obsessions too, the more I learn about you through the collection of garbage you say the more I feel bad for you. You are a creepy little woman thing. You said I threw the first stone and you were only helping and you say it like anyone even wants anything to do with you. You are playing false bravado smug. You are no one I have ever heard of before and even if you were someone I knew who hated me, I’d take it and we’d keep going it would be a gentleman’s war and both sides would be out in the open, even, not just me and not you cloaked in hiding, in fear, in anonymity shrouded in misery mystery behind a rock yelling insults over it at me AHahaha. You are not a man, you are not a woman, you are a scared entity on the internet and you know jack shit because if you knew how much of a degenerate I really was you’d be talking more shit. Your legacy and footnote in life is It’s too late for you so go down whining about others. And no I did not cast the first stone, you did, in ever contacting me to begin with offering unsolicited (and crude) advice. You showed up on MY doorstep, dumb dumb, that is how it began. I can illustrate it for you by diagram if you like: Life BEFORE YOU and Life AFTER YOU. It’s me sitting in a chair, starting NOTHING. In the BEFORE YOU Life diagram and now, PAY ATTENTION SAM SMITH, FOCUS: in the Life AFTER YOU diagram it’s ME sitting in a chair still and then a teeny little shitstained dot speck of lice shows up (representing YOU) and that’s a diagram representing WHO FUCKING STARTED IT. Got that now?

And now moving along to, “trying to help.” by giving me game tips. How in the fuck do you think you are anything close to an expert on giving game tips advice? You are a spectator in life, you are an inexperienced life liver you are the last fucking person I would ever call upon for advice. It’s cute and flattering that you think I am worthy of a trophy wife future life and that’s my only aspiration meanwhile here I am blogging my guts out for myself for eleven years and all this time I was really playing a secret game of soccer wifing. Maybe you should try to catch up to me though and become marriage material short of that, get a fucking boyfriend once you’re done being an aggro stupid bitch for five seconds and focus less on me. I don’t care if I get married you moron, I change my mind like the breeze and blow with that. You live within the confines of society. I DON’T. We already know how much of an obtuse ignorant blind and toxic insult to retarded people that you are so it’s okay that you overlooked how much of an Übermensch champ that I am and anyone needing the life tips is YOU. Change your game sport cos it’s being played without you. I can beat you at anything Sam Smith. You are asleep at the wheel. And stop saying I am 29 Oooh smooth troll move fuckface. Do you know how much life I can cram in to before 30? So much I will probably be dead by then!

I live harder and more fearlessly than any fucking thing on the planet more than anyone I know. I get attacked by crazies like you, you, are my biggest fear and I keep going despite you. Despite everyone making fun of me I get up there on that stage and I dance and in the middle of being made fun of for every fucking style or routine or dance that I dance I am planning an international artist show collaboration with magic pony for a japanese artist and I will be making the craziest harajuku costumed creation of never done before phenomena and it will happen in less than a month. You make me self doubt myself how dare you and how dare I for falling for it. What art projects will you be working on in the next month sam smith? More stalking? FUN! You should start a news letter. Ps. Kim said this to me SWOON: “Have you decided on a character yet? I can’t wait to see what you come up with. I’ve seen videos of your performances and you’re really hot :) My peers keep me in check.

You discussed coming to one of my shows? WELL COME THEN MOTHERFUCKER. COME! You are the biggest chicken shit ever. I’d type come fight me but that would come across as threatening. But anyway, you’re going to character defame me on the internet for sport? COOL LIFE. Who is the loser now?

You ruined my life for three days. That is unforgivable. The last time I dealt with crazy people in real life was a long time ago. And they had more of a reason for it. I do not forgive nor do I forget.

You are actively involving yourself in a hate campaign in someone else’s life and stepping in where you do not belong, family members aren’t even allowed to do that what makes you think you can???

Have you ever heard of the code in photography, in the wild, DO NOT FUCK WITH NATURE. Even though you want the kangaroo to escape the quicksand so the alligator doesn’t get him, you can’t help or interfere because that’s the ecosystem’s way aka NOT YOUR SHIT AND NONE-A YOUR BEESWAX. This blog is my amazon and if you get an anaconda after you bitch you fucked. Do not interfere with my life anymore, when you grab the bull by the horns you will get _____. This blog is art, it is nature, you are not the artist, the designer, you are the spectator. Go start a tumblr and make your own world and become more famous than me if you’re so fucking coooool and urbane. Until then go fuck yourself.

Not only are the popo on my side, they wanna party with me and the cougs. They got real lives too, and that’s not illegal.

And no I don’t want to be Dooce. I beat her for best diarist 2006 weblog awards AND I WON first place. Ain’t that the tooce. My gf emailed me about her break up so I wrote to her sincerely, I wish her well and I have gone through it before online and you don’t know jack shit about what that feels like and you are actively acting like the parasites famous people loathe so why should you have any self awareness right now, there is no reasoning with you demon letches and this is the last time I will bother. You have exclusively written lies about me, my past and “assumptions” or “opinions” about what I want to be and that is not Dooce. You want to be her. And every single person you slag on the internet. Haters are your biggest secret fans. You lurk the internet at all hours scoping out my blog and haunting my twitter and tumblr. Ew.

Then you try to suggest my boyfriend’s school should see my blog and get him fired? He is allowed to have a social life and I never write anything illegal because he doesn’t do anything illegal and no he doesn’t play hooky, there are exam days off, xmas break, a lot of off time. Every day he was off you can stalk his twitter (or could before forced to go private thanks to you) and see that no time was spent doodling away on twitter but that’s more than we can say for ourselves as YOU are the ones who spend work time lurking here and I have the full document to fuck your lives over too should it come it. I already know your employers too.

Guess what? Guess who became buds with the messageboard people now ahahha that’s right sweetheart, your hero did that too. We were eating pizza at the same time last night huzzah! And we eat take out because we are hedonistic lazy slobs and I can totally cook, I am a genius cook thanks for asking. ps. the messageboard regulars hate you.

Speaking of that my dad just came back with Lick’s. Yumbo in my tumbo.

Eating time begins! Have a nice Sunday dear sirs.

Where is this bubble of ignorance

So apparently we don’t live in reality but a bubble and teacher takes off in a care bear car each day floats up off in to the sky where he picks strawberry seeds out of the clouds and meanwhile everything I do is perfect (but only in my mind don’t forget!) at home where I sit on my tuffet waiting for praise and yes men and fake friends to shower me in adulation at my beck and call. Cool life! Where is this bubble of ignorance and bliss I allegedly live in, I want in.

Oh and I can’t take criticism either no no, totally can’t do that of course, because I am perfect and everything I say is right and I owe everyone my everything and I should just be a writer and stick to that and nothing else, how dare I have dreams! How dare I try to be good looking and delude myself about, wait for it, EVERYTHING!

We discovered a forum last night thirty three pages long slandering everything about me and teacher, my mom, stupid awful garbage and it’s nothing new EXCEPT it is current and ongoing, they destroy our valentine’s date, out teacher’s name and twitter. All shit I warned him about and now it is happening.

So I called the police.

They say I am a malnourished old lady they describe in detail what I look like when they see me in the supermarket and hilariously prove and justify every single paranoid thing I ever say/think/whatever, they say they live near me, they purposely get facts wrong about my past, talk a lot about how I am mentally ill and should be on meds BUT SHE DOESN’T TAKE HER MEDS that I am insane like I owe it to people to tell my every mental faculty of what is going on it was the most flattering fucked up disturbing read and blew teacher right out of his skin and now he finally understands how consuming all this shit really is. Btw I look like cocoon here because I don’t go out in the winter, I only have base on and uh, fuck off? I look flawless. You want more writing, I write novels beneath every goddamn photograph. I do it all and what do you do? Do you auction yourself for charity? I do. Have you stood on top of the CN Tower for a charity? I HAVE! I’m doing dodge ball for charity for the third time, what do you do? You bash someone obsessively on the internet lets see now hmmmm who would be the angel in this scenario and who is the devil?

Does this look like someone who gives a shit about what you think? Bonus points to my friend with the sweet tuck jump in the background.

Did I ever say I was an amazing dancer? I give a stage and am a stepping stone for all around me and if they hate me too whatever I gave them an opportunity, I GAVE, I did not ask for anything and you don’t have to like me or it (but there certainly isn’t a fucking reason to hate me period) and my dancing who cares if it sucks loser! What is your goddamn point? It’s a party stop criticizing, no one cares but you! For 33 fucking pages. The point of my burlesque jams is I like holidays because it involves costumes and themes, we all know I love to party so yeah I’ll call myself a burlesque dancer (aka youtube living room stripper) and hire other actual dancers, get sponsors to pay and cover my costs of decorations and my wings to have a production so I can have nice photos as blog content to keep this boat motor going where is the fucking mystery here it’s called being clever and enterprising and you are OBSESSED WITH IT. I do the thing and you talk about it and you admit to being bored at your job YOU TRASH ME WHILE ON THE JOB! At your stupid loser plebe un-infamous job HA! YOU ARE THE FUCKING ONE WHO SHOULD BE FIRED.

The thread I speak of as I type this is rapidly disappearing cos they are running scared now, the cops came over right away. You know what this is that you are doing? It’s more than cyber bullying. It’s hate crime. If you get busted in the uk being racist online guess what you get? 6 weeks in jail. What do you think is going to happen to you when you slander an innocent girl, her mother, her boyfriend, call her an escort, write about shit that never fucking happened after she bans you from her blog, you admit to harassing her in the forum, say you feel sorry for her, someone new comes up to defend her YOU BASH THEM. Do you agree to how bad this is making you look now, do you think you have a fucking leg to stand on? Sam Smith? Plus everyone else. And you can’t bullshit a bullshitter, don’t think I don’t know that you’re at least two people talking to yourself, tres sad. Your entire existence is comprised of obsessing over internet sensations and harassing all of them under fake internet aliases, you are nothing, you are ordinary and your life is unspecial. Your legacy is being a ghost who lashes themselves for being drawn to accessible blog stars. Sane people would have given up by now.

ANYWAY I am not going to let you get away with this so you basically have the smallest window ever to remove that entire fucking thread. The tides are changing and someone like me isn’t powerless.

When you hang out at the tickle trunk it always turns in to a costume party.

Ha Bech. Nice.

These people I have to pay to hang out with me were nice enough to pose for a few photographs and I take what I can get so I flew back in to the group shot as fast as I could before they changed their minds.

CALLING ME A BULLY! Please. You have wasted enough of my time bye bye now go get a real life it’s Friday fuck this shit! Remember now, you brought this on yourself, you cannot type LIES about people on the internet and get away with it after they block you, you email harass them and cyber gang bully them. You went passed “airing grievances” (as if that is a right???), saying disgusting things about my appearance EVERYTHING, you know what you did and it’s too late now but yes, keep going and digging that hole you’re in there is a nice file on all of this :). CRIMINAL HARASSMENT. Repeat that to yourselves, you think that you have stumbled on to some kind of loophole in talking shit “innocently” (what is innocent about it exactly???) on an open forum? Ok then you’re cool with your information being forwarded to the police for criminal harassment it seems (remember that thing I just told you to repeat to yourself in order to allow it to sink in?) alrighty then good to go.

It’s sad you thought (HOPED!) I was reading all along though and I mustn’t be cos I’d have a field day with it, sorry but maybe to you a field day is a blog post, where is the field and is it, all day too!? Stupid fucks. You fell in to my minx trap, you are passed fanaticism if what I do on my wittle-o-blog riles you up so much you must have a hater’s dance circle on a messageboard (NERDS!!!!!!!!) every night for the last 5 months. Gahahaa.

Sweat stains heeheehe. Sweater t-shirts will do that to ya.

Haggard?

Malnourished? Sorry but uh I have a stripper body all over don’t you worry about it honey.

I’m sorry your life is boring and mine isn’t but it isn’t my fault that you suck, it’s your fault. I invented a fun life and I continue to blog it and whether I always will or not shouldn’t at all concern you silly, you should worry about your stupid boring fucking selves instead! And no no no not at all do we think MTV is our meal ticket dumb dumb heads, there’s plenty more television stations interested in me right meow teehee xoxo your pal raymbo.

Dance von Valentine Vamps

Whattagwan bredren!

Haha this is like Ants or a fairytail pixar flick and I am just waking up from my miniature leaf in Tiny Town Marsh. Fuck do I ever wish that.

Like I always say WORK THE ROOM LIKE A PAGEANT.

Love the whimsical cocoon effect.

Thanks Katrina for the sweet lingerie set. Love it. Burlesque vortex beginneth ding dang ding.

My girls were a big help, I adore them so. Consider a burlesque production to be like moving. You need movers to move, you cannot do it alone. No one likes moving but it has to be done. I am very grateful to my friends and the love is returned don’t you worry BECAUSE I AM THE NICEST PERSON IN THE WORLD lol.

Don’t worry you get a shout out too Courtney! The mystery camera are close-ups because it gets zoomed in and no one knows because it’s a mystery camera DUH haha.

Ha cool. It’s like 2006 in here.

This looks like we are in a bomb shelter bunker at the end of the world THAT IS BECAUSE IT FELT EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

Drink up you will need the fuel energy I am going to have a lot of confusing demands and diva freak outs.

Bad girls go to hell ahhaha nice.

These lanterns were stupid and wouldn’t complete a full 360 degree lantern WTF!

Ron was funny and kept making brand or sponsored by slogans during his sets. “Coffeetime, it’s like Tim Hortons except someone probably died here.” Eeeeeh I howled hahaa.

Serious-lay Red Zep, dang girl.

And now thanks to Jules I have a weird shoes fetish now and am going to fire up some Spice Girls.

Swoon. Now I need sparkle socks too. Like yesterday.

Alyssa! Platinum Raymi Army OG conformist. Secret Salute/handshake coming soon.

Tiny acorn head face ahahhaa.

Ok I’ll shut up now lets watch. I didn’t mean to hit publish yet arg. So many goddamn interruptions today. No one lets me work in peace. MOM!

OOOH WEEE.

All eyes forward now.

Yummy Bunny Angora up next.

Maria Juana!

Batman now enemy competition.

Pastel xoxoxo so cute as always.

I saw a $600 version of that dress at holts during my shopping spree once.

Jamba Mamba Yeah thanks guys!

Girl meeting.

Obvs I am loving me some Choew mein.

HAHA Teacher busted.

Like the Cat cows head valentines?

It will be fun practicing in this at home. Good for videos. I don’t get to enjoy my outfits until after I perform in them and the cherry is broken.

Heeheeh.

Bunny stress face so cute still.

Love the bottoms.

Won’t you love spotting me over the summer dancing to this in the park?

The wizard is in.

So this one’s for Whitney girls I said downstairs pre-show, we learned she died just before we left the house. I told them about what happened they were all shocked. Yes it was shocking, and sad of course. The show must go on. It’s a wake up call. I know too many people who have died in the last month :(.

I am not giving up however. Fear keeps me going, motivated. Trust me a lot of people try and get me down and get in my way. It really sucks and is energy zapping. Rise above I say.

Put yourself first always and if you don’t make any effort in life you only have yourself to blame, not others, not me. You know who!

I want more sparkles and a headdress. My next costume is going to be phenom and the next show bananas and it will get international press you might want to be in town for the sixteenth JUST SAYING LOUD AND CLEAR plus the next day is st. patrick’s day so double party. OMFG THAT’S A FRIDAY AND A SATURDAY. Cray! Sorry cray I can’t quit you yet.

O_O. Picture sure do last longer.

Eye candy forever. Food is here brb. That’s part 1 for now. TV TIME!